"Aye, he caused this spectacle, lettin' himself go in front of the entire room!" Ann laughs, peeling vegetables. I giggle giddily, gaping to MacCallan who's on the other side of the table, along with Mildred.

"He must have died of embarrassment!"

"On the contrary! He was too damn gone to realize it and sat down, reeking and sodden for the rest of the night."

MacCallan grimaces with amusement, watching me as I sip ale. These past days without the constant worry of Symon have been unreal. I've woken up each day more and more flushed, more desperate to find Callan.

We're careful not to be seen alone together, only doing that at night when everyone's asleep as to not stir up gossip. I can't help feeling giddy when he's around though. I feel alive. Even more alive than I felt before I was sent here.

"I feel for the poor lads that had to endure that," he says, standing. I feel my heart leap but I force myself to turn away.

"I've got some- work to do in the study... Good day, ladies."

Rubbing my neck awkwardly, I smile, nodding. His eyes linger on mine momentarily before he turns, disappearing into the hallway.

"He's a handsome lad, isn't he?" Mildred states, humming. Ann nods.

"Aye, ye don't find men who take care of themselves like that. He's certainly handsome. What do you think, Gillian?"

I look from the hallway to them, swallowing. "Um, I think he's good-looking, yes."

"The laird occupies your only thoughts though, am I right? That's a fine man."

I press my lips together, looking down.

"I dinna mean to offend, dearie."

"Oh! You didn't... No, talk away."

"You've been brighter lately... hasn't she, Mildred? You're practically glowing."

"Aye."

I shrug, standing. "I'm just happy."

"I'm glad to hear it. Ye were starting to scare me at first. Too pale."

I roll my eyes and set down my mug, starting for the opposite door. I enter the unusually sunny day and hurry for the other entrance of the castle, smiling at whoever I pass by, unable to help it.

I'm back into the dark castle and before MacCallan's study, knocking softly before I know it. He opens it almost immediately, grunting when someone enters the hallway.

I react fast. "I was seeing if you had anything for burning in your throat... I don't know what it's called..." I murmur, watching the woman with bedding pass, not even noticing us speaking. When she turns the corner, he pulls me in quickly, shutting the door and our mouths are one.

I feel my back against the wall as he takes down my hair with fumbling fingers. His tongue, tastes of ale, intoxicating me within moments. I moan as his hand travels lower, over the curve of my hip, pulling my body closer by the fabric of my dress.

"I haven't felt skin as soft as yours in all my life," he murmurs, kissing my jawline. I feel my eyes roll into my skull as he nibbles along my throat.

"Kiss me, again," I utter desperately and he nods.

"Dear lord, aye, I will," he acquiesces, taking my mouth with force. We're desperate and breathless, unable to remain quiet any longer. The intensity has only grown in the passing days. It's getting harder not to touch each other, especially since we have no idea when our last time being together, kissing like this, will be.

His hand moves along my laces until they're against my breasts, pressing into the skin. I let out a sigh, having never gotten this far with him. And he pulls away now, as he did then, turning as if I'd burned him.

"Christ. I'm defiling ye like a madman."

"I-I like your touch," I whisper, swallowing with difficulty.

"Aye, and I like yours. But, we cannae. I can kiss ye but I cannae go further than that. 'Tis a matter of honor. Honor that I'm presently already throwin' to the wind. The man laid his hands on ye- he isn't deserving of you or- or your love."

I nod, understanding that I can't go against that, even as much as I'd wish to. Honor is everything in Scotland, especially the highlands. I press my hands to my cheeks, trying to straighten myself up as he watches, his eyes dark, heated, wanting.

Opening the door, I escape the suffocating area of his study.

...

"It's been five days, Gilly," he whispers, at our tree. "It's said he's returning in the morn."

I turn, tears already in my eyes. The bright full moon shines down on us and everything around us, illuminating the world in this darkness. "I can't even think of it!"

He looks away from me and down at the ground. "Neither can I... but we have to. We need to speak, say the things we havenae been able to say."

He steps closer, grabbing my arms that are crossed over my chest, protecting my vital organ to survive. "Look at me, Gillian."

"I can't."

"Ye must!"

He grabs my face, forcing me to look into his eyes. It hurts, it hurts enough to make the tears fall from my eyes onto my cheeks.

"You're the handsomest woman I'll ever know. I'd like to take your beauty in while I can... Have you be mine even if just for this night."

"I am yours. I always will be."

He smiles. It's small and full of relief and worry and sadness. I feel like my face has the same expression. I reach back behind his head, having to stand slightly on my tiptoes to reach the ribbon holding his hair back.

I pull on it and his hair comes down over his shoulders, stunning me. I blink in shock, surprised someone this beautiful actually exists and that he's staring at me this way right now.

"You're-" I shake my head, at a loss for words. He smiles, bending his head down to press against mine.

"You are too."

...

Wearing black to match my mood, I walk along with Ann towards the main hall, where Symon awaits. She glances over at me, but I refuse to raise my head from the ground.

Today may be the last day I ever see MacCallan. It's a dark, melancholy kind of day. She stops to speak with someone, arranging white heather into a vase but I keep walking, ready to get this over with.

I step into the room, stopping in my tracks when Symon stands, smiling wide. My heart has stopped. MacCallan stands from the bench across from him, sucking in a breath. My feet clumsily move forward as I struggle to remain calm.

Dear god, does he know?

I make it to the table, resisting grimacing when Symon settles his hand onto my back, rubbing. "I missed ye more than I thought I would. Ye look bonny in that gown, Gilly."

I look down as MacCallan turns away from us, saying, "Is that all ye needed?"

"No, I willnae take no for an answer! Gillian, tell the Mackenzie that he's needed here."

"What?"

"Tell him! He's the best surgeon in Scotland, the best healer. We need him here, do we not?"

I stare at him, realizing he's told Symon he's leaving. He must have heard news about the marriage. I look down to conceal the tears in my eyes and nod.

"Yes... we do."

"See? Sir, I've already told ye I'd double your pay to keep ye here! Dinna insult me!" Symon chuckles incredulously.

"I'm not meaning to. I just really need to see my relatives. It's been years... I have to go."

Symon sighs beside me. "Well, what about when you've spent some time with them? Will ye consider coming back?"

I look up and MacCallan nods, awkwardly. "Aye, possibly. We'll see if I'm needed there."

"Aye, well, I cannae see a way to change your mind... Will ye at least stay for the wedding? It's tomorrow, after all."

I let out a noise of shock and Symon looks down, grasping me. "Are ye alright?"

I cough, masking the noise, nodding. I feel like I'm choking on my own fear. "Yes, I'm fine... I'm fine. We're getting married tomorrow?"

He nods. "Aye. I've already made arrangements."

"... Oh."

"I must go pack, Lachlan," MacCallan states, firmly. Symon nods, dismissing him. I don't even have time to watch him go- Symon pulls me into an embrace and begins to explain his trip. I stare at the wall, head rested on his shoulder, eyes wide as saucers.