Xiao Fang had thought of Wang Yi an awful lot.

That night when Yi ran out the door, Xiao Fang hadn't seen the man since. But after all those days, the taste of Yi's tongue — frosting sugar and pumpkin cake and rice wine — still lingered in his mouth. The touch of Yi's rough fingers pulling him in close still stung around his waist, and the sight of fiery desire in Yi's eyes still ate at his memories.

Although it bothered him greatly knowing Yi had been avoiding him, he clung to no bitterness.

Xiao Fang was no stranger to all the denial — and confusion and frustration he experienced many years ago when he realized he favored a strong touch of a man instead of a gentle touch of a woman. Neither was he a stranger to the questions that followed. Undoubtedly, Yi must have been going through the same thing — the same questions Xiao Fang had only himself to answer, as a frightened little boy during his teenage years. And though he made those decisions by himself — to accept himself as he was, it was no easy task. It would not be an easy task for Yi either. So whatever the outcome may be, he would respect Yi's final decision.

Even if he did not want to, he had to — he just had to.

++++++++++

As March was approaching, the wind traveled down from the mountains at a frightful pace, making the pine trees outside dance all day despite the scorching sun, and though the military base could withstand much harsher weather, the window sills were weak things, rattling all days and all nights, making sleep difficult for the soldiers. The yellow dandelions came out, too, blossoming near the fence. In the forest. By the dirt track. They were everywhere as far as the eye could see, adding colors upon colors to the already colorful land. It was a truly wondering feeling to have witnessed it all in person instead of ogling at it in an art gallery. Or books, paintings, or postcards.

Truly wonderful indeed.

In quick strides, Xiao Fang's long legs wander across the right-wing barracks.

He had been searching for the Yi all morning. It seemed, despite all the days he had given Yi time to think things through — to accept or deny the sort of man he truly was, Yi was not done avoiding him.

Now, Xiao Fang'S bits of patience was as thin as a thread. So he figured ‌they needed to talk because his heart could no longer take yI's avoidance.

While speckles of dust swirled in the air, burning his eyes shut one too many times, it did not stir his movements, as his shoulders were straight as a rod, disregarding all the curious gaze from passing soldiers, probably wondering what he might've been up to.

After the escape stunt, he pulled some weeks back, it was a wonder none of the communist soldiers protested when yI allowed him to roam about the base freely during the day. If yI had not kissed him that night, Xiao Fang, too, would have been wondering why yI would allow such a thing.

Wasn't Yi afraid he would try to run away again? Scale the fence or walk out of the front gate unnoticed? Perhaps Yi put too much trust in him?

Whatever triggered Yi to let his guard down, it was certainly a foolish decision coming from a wise young man like Yi.

Then again, Xiao Fang did not see the need to complain.

Though he still spent his nights locked up in the prison cell, the soldiers gave him plenty of food. Morning, midday, and night; he ate until his stomach doubled, and he showered more often and had his hair trimmed down. Plus, he no longer had to suffer another day working in the field, scraping the ground in the damn heat.

Yi had given him, a prisoner, more freedom than he deserved at this point.

Eventually, Xiao Fang's head snapped left when he heard a gunshot ring through the base, followed by another, then another. It sounded too on point to be of any concern, so he figured the noise must've been coming from the shooting range a stone throw down his left.

Though the soldiers used the grounds there to practice their shooting skills. Xiao Fang had often seen them. Sometimes they hid there to drink alcohol. Sometimes they play games.

Fortunately, the base wasn't some maze where he could get lost, so he continued walking along the dirt pathway, following the noise.

He was startled to find Yi there, a pistol curled around his fingers, firing shots at a makeshift cardboard-cutout target board, unaware of Xiao Fang's intrusion.

Yi had such broad shoulders — strong shoulders, and a powerful, almost deadly stance. Full of sculpted, lean muscle, and a charming face, he was truly a magnificent man to marvel at.

Xiao Fang breathed in the sight until he had his fill before walking up from behind Yi.

"Yi?" he spoke softly, a radiant smile forming on his lips while his heart gave a little jump at the sight of Yi.

Yi's breath hitched, spinning around as quickly as lightning.

"Xiao Fang ?" His eyes widened, seemingly in awe the moment his eyes connected with Xiao Fang's. "What... What are you doing here?" He took a step closer, crowding Xiao Fang's space until they were face-to-face, only inches separating them.

"I've been searching all over for you," Xiao Fang answered, a childish pout unintentionally forming on his lips. "Are you... You've been avoiding me."

Yi took a quick glance around before snatching Xiao Fang's wrist in a tender pull. "I know. I... I'm sorry," he said, rubbing circular motions to the edges of Xiao Fang's wrist with his cold, almost clammy thumb. "I didn't mean to. After I finish here, I was going to look for you... Xiao Fang?"

Xiao Fang looked down at the hold Yi had on his wrist. Suddenly his legs felt infuriatingly weak, so he let out a shuddering sigh. "It's alright Yi," he said, fighting hard to keep his voice straight. "I understand."

Truly, he did.

None of this was Yi's fault.

"Are you angry with me?" Yi asked, almost as if thinking out loud.

"What?" Xiao Fang gasped, looking to meet Yi's questioning eyes once more — his own eyes doubling. "No — no, I'm not angry at you — why would I be? I understand why you've been avoiding me. Just didn't think you'd take this long. I wanted to talk to you. I think we have plenty to talk about, don't you think so too?"

Yi swallowed, nodding. "I do," he answered in a deep, husky tone.

"Yi, look, about that night..." Xiao Fang scratched at the back of his neck. "If I did something that made you uncomfortable, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause you any discomfort. I was just —"

"I don't understand, Xiao Fang."

Seemingly in deep distress, Yi sighed, letting go of Xiao Fang's wrist before turning his attention back to the pistol he had in his other hand.

As Yi emptied the bullets, stuffing them inside his front pocket, Xiao Fang eyed him as he did this, not sure what he should say, or how he should go about saying it.

"What don't you understand?" he settled on asking.

"I think — everything is confusing." Yi let out an exhausted sigh, focusing back on Xiao Fang's face before stuffing the pistol back into his leather belt. "My thoughts are all over the place, and I don't know what to think. I don't know, Fang-ge. I don't know."

Yi had a ghost of a smile on his face. It bothered Xiao Fang to the core seeing him second-guessing. Confused? In denial or accepting?

To be honest, Xiao Fang didn't really know what was going through Yi's head, but he so badly wanted to.

"Yi, I can help you figure things out," Xiao Fang muttered, cautious of his words. "If that's what you want."

"We kissed, Xiao Fang," Wang Fang added a little too loudly. If anyone were to hear — "On the lips. It's not something people do — especially two men. Do you have any idea how wrong this is?"

Xiao Fang looked down, wishing the ground could cave in and swallow him whole. "I know," he said, chewing on his lower lip. "I know it's wrong."

"Then why did you kiss me?" Yi hissed, crossing his arms, and stuck his nose in the air demandingly. "Do you like men, Xiao Fang?"

"If I told you ‌that I do like men?" Xiao Fang turned his head to meet Yi's burning gaze. "What if I told you I like men more than I like women? What if I told you ‌it's not just any man, but you? What would you say?"

"I..." Yi opened his mouth, before closing it again, seemingly thinking things through as if wondering: What was there to say? "As in, like me. As in, intimately?"

"...Yes," Xiao Fang answered flatly.

"Why?" Yi asked, his tone was authoritative with a mix of curiosity, and he didn't show any resentment or disgust.

Xiao Fang wrinkled up his nose before sighing, wanting to his offense.

He had unknowingly put his heart out there — in times when he should've kept it hidden away — only for Yi, an enemy, to snatch it from him. So why would Yi question his intentions? Had he not been clear enough? Had he not literally put his life on the line when he took the risk of kissing Yi that night? What more could Yi possibly want!?

He damn well knew the young commander wasn't an oblivious man.

"Because I like you, okay?" Xiao Fang bit his lower lip. His palms were sweaty and his throat felt dry. He really didn't know how to confess his feelings. "I think I might even be in love with you — I don't know. But I enjoy spending time with you. The way you laugh and the way you smell make me happy. I think about you in my dreams — when I'm awake. I'm always thinking of you. You make me feel at home — and I like your touches. Unlike other people, you listen when I talk. You don't judge me — you do little things for me that make me smile and take care of me when you shouldn't have to. I know I was wrong. I shouldn't have kissed you. I shouldn't have pushed myself on you that night —"

"You didn't push yourself on me, Fang-ge," Yi interrupted, frowning deeply despite the utter softness shining in his eyes.

Xiao Fang's heart was in his throat, he was sure of it.

Although, he wasn't sure if it might've been because of the hot, flaring tension radiating off of Yi. Or if it was because he simply didn't know where this conversation was leading. If it was leading anywhere at all.

"What if you're confused because of me?" Xiao Fang asked. "You're already questioning yourself because of what I have done. Look, I would understand if you never want to see my face again. I just came here to say I'm sorry. And... To thank you for not outing me. Or killing me. Or being disgusted in me. I'm sorry."

"Stop saying sorry," Yi bit out, clearly frustrated.

"But I've wronged you, Yi."

"Enough, Xiao Fang. I kissed you back, didn't I?"

"I know, but it's not that simple —"

"Then listen." In one quick movement, Yi snatched the doctor's wrist again, placing it against his heart before his soft eyes met Xiao Fang's. "Listen to my heartbeat."

For a split second, Xiao Fang did not understand, until he did.

So he did not fret, nor spoke of nothing. Instead, he listened to Yi's heart thundering against his chest as though he must've run five hundred miles. It felt calm in a brutal sense, almost like the ocean waves hammering against the seashore.

"I like you too, Xiao Fang," Yi finally spoke, breaking the silence. "I think I might even be in love with you — I don't know either."

As if snapping out of a trance, Xiao Fang's eyes snap to Yi's face. "What?"

"I kissed you back, didn't I?" Yi said, a smile in his eyes.

It was true that Yi had kissed him back. However, Xiao Fang had gone through his fair share of suitors in his earlier years, and most of these men only wanted to experiment with what it felt like to be with another man. Afterward, they would go back to their woman, pretending nothing ever happened.

Xiao Fang took a long glance at the pine trees dancing outside, trying to mentally dissolve the invisible knot in his stomach. "I'm no woman, Yi."

"I know you're not, Fang-ge. I don't expect you to be a woman."

The silence stretched between them.

"Does this mean you like men?" Xiao Fang finally asked, removing his hand.

"I don't know what I like," Yi answered truthfully. "Before that night I think about you — all the time you're in my head. All the time, Xiao Fang. So, maybe I do like men. For a long time, I liked you. I just didn't know it at the time. I didn't think a man can like another man. But now I know that's not true because I like you."

"Are you sure?"

Yi sighed. "Whenever I think of home, I think of you. Whenever I look in your eyes, I see the same warmth — the same gentleness of my mother. I am sure.

"Does this mean — do you want to be with me, Yi?"

"...Do you want to be with me?"

Xiao Fang rolled his eyes. "I asked first."

"I had a long time to think about what I want," Yi muttered. "I thought about it. Over, and over, and over again. I thought of not being with you — avoiding you. Both of those thoughts made me uncomfortable. It made my insides twist thinking of never speaking to you again."

Xiao Fang lifted an eyebrow. "...So —"

"The answer is yes, Xiao Fang. I... I want to be with you."

"...I want to be with you too, Yi."

"Good," Yi nodded. "What should we do now?"

Xiao Fang wrinkled his forehead. "I..." He didn't think this far. "I don't know."

Yi's gaze thoughtfully drifted over Xiao Fang. "Should we kiss?"

"Huh?"

"Isn't that what couples do?"

"Yes, but —"

"Then we should do that... Kiss me, will you?"

"Yi, not out in the open," Xiao Fang sighed and dragged a palm over his face.

Yi had just found out he liked men— or just Xiao Fang — and the first thing he asked for was a kiss? How shameless. He couldn't possibly be the same frightful man Xiao Fang met months ago, could he? Definitely not!

"You shouldn't even be asking me this," Xiao Fang said in disbelief. "We need to take things slow, and then — hmm-hmm?"

Xiao Fang didn't have a chance to register what was happening before Yi's lips closed over his, kissing him in the same delightful passion — the same hungry lust that he had given Xiao Fang that night — with all tongue and teeth and spit, very enjoyable.

"Wang Yi —" Xiao Fang struggled to breathe. What was happening? Fighting the urge to resist, but melting against Yi's sinful touch, nonetheless. "Not in the open — hmm —"

"Doctor, forgive me." Yi pulled apart merely an inch, breathless and laughing — a burst of beautiful, bright laughter that made Xiao Fang's heart thunder at a maddening pace — made his stomach tighten and made his cheeks flush bright pink. "I wanted to know what your lips would taste like for a second time because the first time... I... I wasn't too sure."

Breathless, Xiao Fang wrinkled his forehead. "What did it taste like?"

Yi thought for a second. "Euphoria, I think," he concluded before he pressed their bodies up against each other in a heated embrace before kissing Xiao Fang again. Much hungrier than a ravenous lion.

Xiao Fang sighed, his body slackened, melting like butter in the younger man's touch.

If any saw — surely, they'd meet their maker.

++++++++++

That afternoon, Xiao Fang stayed alongside Yi in the shooting range; their legs crossed, sitting next to each other. Not too close, but not too far either. Together they talk of all things, yet nothing of great value, nothing to put any strain on their hearts or aches in their heads. They talk of the weather, the war, the changing seasons, and the songbirds Yi bickered about that had been bothering him through his window every morning for the past week.

It was a calming experience; one with no worry, rather relaxing — the feeling of freedom.

Eventually, an hour drifted by. The hour felt short — it must've been the short hour of his life, but as much as Xiao Fang wanted to stay longer by Yi's side, it wasn't the best of decisions because wandering eyes were everywhere, even if they weren't exactly looking. So, with great difficulty, he bid his goodbye, hoping to see Yi come morning — or tonight in the prison cell to pay him a visit before bedtime.

++++++++++

Back in the prison cell, Xiao Fang lay on his back. Eyes closed, he crossed his arms under his head to cushion him from the icy concrete floor, smiling the whole time.

To think, never in his wildest dreams had he imagined that he would ever find a man to share his thoughts, his laughter, his love — long walks and holding hands and warm hugs. He had always imagined a life spent alone, growing sunflowers by his window. Reading tattered romance novels until midnight. Taking long, lonesome walks along Chongqing streets. However, Yi — this man, this man with a frozen stare, a frightful aura, and a childish laugh and hands that caused both death and art — made a part of Xiao Fang's broken heart blossom with joy, and he had a smile on his face throughout the time he spent in Yi's company as proof, and afterward too.

He never wanted this blissful feeling to end.

Yet, a part of him — the logical part stressed ‌nothing last forever.

Nothing.

Nothing good, at least.

But, if a time came — if whatever he shared with Yi had to end in a terrible way, at least he would have all these memories to cherish.

"I had a feeling there's something off about you."

Xiao Fang's eyes flew open wide, gasping. Immediately twirling to his right, he lurched off the floor. Bile rose in his throat the moment his eyes came in contact with Zichen.

"Who would've known that you're not just a filthy Chiang Kai-Shek (Leader of the Republic of China from 1928 - 1949) supporter," the soldier said, his fingers curling around the cell bars while he bore daggers at Xiao Fang with a wicked smile on his face. "But you're also a filthy man-loving dog. It seems like the commander is no better. What... Did you seduce him to get your way? Did he fuck you, or was it the other way around?"

His face paled; Xiao Fang's heart thundered in his chest, suffocating him.

How did Zichen find out about them? Had he not been cautious enough? The soldier must've been spying on them — it was the only logical explanation. But why?

Xiao Fang gritted his teeth before taking slow steps toward Zichen until they stood facing each other.

If there wasn't a barrier separating them, only the fiery pits of hell could've guessed the vile thoughts stirring in his core.

"What are you talking about?"

Zichen laughed. "Don't play foolish with me. I saw you two tongue fucking in the shooting range. Even animals don't stoop so low, nasty dogs."

Although he should have been used to it by now, the insult ignite rage in Xiao Fang.

"Whatever is happening between me and Yi is none of your concern," Xiao Fang gritted, his palms clenching until his knuckles turned white as a sheet.

"Oh, so it's Yi now?" Zichen mocked, forcing a chuckle. "Xiao Fang, you fool. Aren't you afraid that I'll out the two of you to the others? What do you think everyone will say? You think they'll welcome a couple of nasty dogs like you two with open arms, and give you their blessings?"

No, Xiao Fang did not expect such a warm welcome. Surely they would throw stones and shout names, call them an abomination, put bullets between their eyes, and scatter their corpses in the forest for the wild animals to feast on.

If Zichen were to tell anyone, it wouldn't go down well.

Xiao Fang didn't bother too much about himself. He had no family, no friends. The only person he could call a friend — a brother, even — must've been dead.

Surely, he had nothing to lose.

On the other hand, Yi would lose face, become a laughing stock, and bring shame to his father — and he would blame Xiao Fang for all of his misfortunes.

Still, he couldn't go down on his knees — he wasn't a coward. Xiao Fang swallowed the knot from his throat before adding."You can try, but who do you think they'll believe? You; a nobody. Or Commander Wang; a somebody. Besides, you have no proof of us doing anything."

In a quick motion, Zichen stretched an arm past the cell bars and grab Xiao Fang by the collar, anger clouding his face. "Bold are we? So now you have a mouth to speak? You disrespectful little shit. I'll put you in your —"

"Let go of my arm if you know what's good for you," Xiao Fang bit back from the shadows of the stifling prison walls.

His shoulders were straight, his nose flared red; he was not afraid of this man.

Zichen stared at him in dismay before saying. "Of course — of course. We don't want your little man-friend over there to get all jealous, now do we? Disgusting —" he let go of Xiao Fang's shirt. "Both of you."

Xiao Fang huffed a breath. "You think I'm scared of you?" he questioned in a dark tone. "You touch me one more time. I'll kill you myself."

Taken aback by Xiao Fang's boldness, steam must've risen through Zichen's nose – he'd definitely never expected Xiao Fang to act the way he acted.

"You'll learn your place soon, faggot," Zichen said, pointing a finger in Xiao Fang's direction before he turned around, and left. "The commander can't save you forever, just know that? I reckon he can't save himself either when I'm done with him."

When the soldier left, slamming the door behind him, a shuddering breath escaped Xiao Fang's lips.

Xiao Fang wasn't a selfish man. However, he hadn't been happy in a long long time. Clearly if told Yi about this seemingly harmless — he tried fooling himself into believing — encounter, no good would come of it. If he kept his mouth shut — never to speak of this, what could go wrong? Xiao Fang might not be a selfish man, but a selfish decision once in a while would not hurt anyone, right? Exactly.

++++++++++

When Xiao Fang slept that night, he dreamt he had doomed them all.