EPILOGUE

[PART 2]

Vivaan lost his balance and almost tripped, falling on the chair as he gripped the table for support. A seemingly complicated case that turned into a bittersweet love story had taken a wild turn now, scaring the living daylights out of him.

He could feel a sudden urge to puke but numbed it down by washing this throat with some orange juice. "What the actual fuck?" He muttered under his breath at the sudden turn of events.

"Are you okay?" Doctor Martin asked, the concern evident in his voice. A nod was enough for him to continue. "Do you know about the various effects of marijuana?"

Vivaan spoke this time, trying to get a better hold of himself. He remembered learning this for his midterms recently. "Feelings of panic, anxiety, hallucinations, increased heart rate, trouble concentrating, decreased ability to perform tasks that require coordination, disinterest in completing tasks- Wait!" He could see what was coming next.

"To a layman, Diego slept on the beach for those hours, but to people like you and me he wasn't asleep, he was in a slumber of imagination. He was wide awake, but dreaming; hallucinating. I'll tell you what would have happened then." Doctor Martin pulled out the notebook from Diego's bag. "Subconsciously, he would have taken a book and started writing it, penning down the words he expected to read. Because his brain knew once all this would end, he would need tangible proof, a memento to hold onto his past without the harsh feelings."

"Could be. But how did he manage it?" Vivaan was still not convinced fully.

The doctor knit his eyebrows together and flipped the pages of the book. "You answered yourself in your previous statement... Trouble concentrating and decreased ability to perform tasks that require coordination. What do you think about his handwriting, child?"

After every page, the handwriting had turned out to be sloppier and it was almost unreadable by the time they reached the last page.

"No, wait." Doctor Martin asked the intern to splash some water into his eyes and he quietly obliged; he was sleep deprived anyway. "Vivaan, you're almost as good as crying right now, just like Diego was when he saw this part of the book. Go ahead and read what's written on the last page."

He squinted his eyes and tried to blink them, rub them to be able to make out the sloppy words on the page but he still couldn't read most of it. "Darn it, I can't." Vivaan sighed and gave up. "How the hell did Diego read it?"

"He could, only because he wrote it. While he thought about what she would write, given a chance to." He shut the book and took out a magnifying glass out of the drawer. "Still don't believe me?" He looked into the glass. "You will now. Do you remember who wrote the name on the cover page?"

"Diego did." Vivaan remembered the patient saying he wrote Lyra Sparks on the cover so that she'd take the book without hesitation.

"Good. Now, I'll teach you something we're taught in psychology and graphology. Everyone has a different way of writing, though the font or script are usually the same. This is called understanding the pressure points."

Vivaan simply nodded and looked through the glass.

Doctor Martin struggled to simplify his years of experience into something Vivaan could understand quickly. His face was paler by the minute and he was worried for this intern. "I mean, I know how to write a lowercase 'r' in about 50 ways but don't you find it strange that the 'r' chosen by Diego on the cover page is the exact 'r' Lyra had to use throughout the notebook entries?"

"Freak!" Vivaan yelled when he saw it. "It's the same!"

"Yup." Doctor Martin said, popping the p. "Diego — rather, his brain — knew he would read this book possibly over and over again. So it made up some gibberish reasoning of her, an underage teenager, being drunk while she wrote this — which justifies the sloppy font to him. But just between us, do you know why the font is so unreadable?"

"Due to overdose of marijuana? His brain released so much marijuana that he couldn't concentrate on what he was writing anymore?" Vivaan theorised and recollected. "He also mentioned the last moments being a blur where he wasn't able to comprehend what was happening anymore. He was clearly irritated, but it wasn't due to lack of sleep." His eyes met the doctor's. "It was because of the marijuana! The same drug that made him faint before he was brought to the hospital." A shocked hand flew over his mouth.

"See, I told you, you're smart!" Doctor Martin smiled and picked up Diego's phone to find a contact number when a running tab caught his eye. Vivaan was still wondering about the loose ends in this story — like the way a voice explained everything about life and death to Diego once time paused. He couldn't help but feel as if he had heard of this before way too many items though he couldn't point a finger at it. Yet.

His gaze flew to the browser open on Diego's phone, clearly displaying his search history.

[Alt Text:

showing recent searches:

ways to die quickly

popular mahabharata sc...

mahabharata

lucks a grid

lock shut gigs

NCS mood playlist creato...

secret santa website reso...]

Completely ignoring the fact that his sister's website was on this list, he celebrated for having found the last, missing piece of this puzzle. "Mahabharata!" He shrieked. "Just like we usually dream about the last thing we think before falling asleep, Diego was probably reading about this particular scene before he hallucinated on the beach. So naturally, it would blend into the story he imagined as well." It all made sense now.

"I'm still lost." Doctor Martin admitted, lacking the cultural relevance. Vivaan smiled, knowing he got the chance to take the lead this time.

"Diego's recent search history is filled with Mahabharata for some weird reason, not sure why. But he also searched for popular scenes from this epic and the most popular one has to be that one particular event that took place in Kurukshetra. Any guesses?"

"Not really." Doctor Martin scratched the back of his head and Vivaan enjoyed the high he was feeling right now; he loved how the tables had turned.

"The scene where Arjuna is reluctant and fearful of killing his own relatives in the war and whose query about life, death and the soul is solved by Lord Krishna, who was also his charioteer. To elaborate, Krishna, the reincarnation of Lord Vishnu paused time and explained to Arjuna about the human body, soul, God and karma. And this entire scene that took place on the battleground, Kurukshetra, is what we call the Bhagavad Gita."

"Oh I've heard of this before." He admitted and slowly digested this new information. "So that was the exact scene Diego's mind replayed, making little alterations based on Diego's interpretations about the entire thing? Since that was the last thing he was surfing about before Lyra jumped to death. Sounds quite plausible, to be honest."

"It does." Vivaan nodded. "But I still don't understand why all this. I mean, if he already knew all of this about the soul and energy and life and death before he hallucinated on the beach, why the need to imagine going back in time at all? Wasn't it kind of unnecessary, I mean- you get me?"

Doctor Martin was about to pour himself another cup of tea when the exhaustion got to him again but Vivaan sternly stopped him. "Thanks." For the first time in five hours, Doctor Martin had given Vivaan a genuine smile. He felt so happy inside, more proud, just as he would when he would show his certificates to his father and see his chest puffed with pride.

Vivaan's mind was still stuck on this patient's case though. "I still don't get it. There are so many loose ends. Like why did he make Lyra's mom the antagonist in his story?"

"All your questions are very valid, Vivaan." Doctor Martin sighed loudly and took a seat across from him. "You might want to sit down for this one."

Vivaan did as told and watched Doctor Martin struggle to piece the words together in his head, clicking the pen furiously.

"Okay so, let me present it this way. Diego was hell bent on ending his life once Lyra did. Not by himself but he was compelling every force of nature to take him away, which only made his body react in response. His fight instinct had given up and since he was working solely on his flight instinct, his brain somehow figured he needed something solid, something complex yet simple enough to live. He needed reasons, he needed answers. But most importantly, he needed to feel loved."

"Right." Vivaan nodded in understanding. "So his mind projected the scenes that Diego would have wanted to see instead? The ones he never got to live. The lack of which created this gaping hole in his heart and caused him physical pain?"

"Precisely." Doctor Martin clicked the pen and randomly scribbled on a piece of paper. "Just like maladaptive daydream is a coping mechanism, Diego's headspace was filled with tons of unfulfilled dreams and possibilities. So the best way to make him appreciate and value his life would be to make those happen. Since there was no way for them to happen in real life, his mind did this."

"But-"

"Let me finish. About this Bhagavad Gita scene, using the same logic, this patient's brain consoled and convinced him that Lyra hadn't left him entirely and she'd come back to him one day, in some form. So he could live, only if he'd spend his entire life just waiting for the impossible."

"Oh." Vivaan took a moment to think. "That is true, to be fair. If you notice, most of this back in time journey was actually about Diego, less about Lyra."

"How so?" The senior lifted his glasses.

"You remember how his brain indirectly kept prompting him towards the realisation that he, himself, was suicidal?" Vivaan referred to the way Diego slowly accepted that he was blindfolded by his own dark thoughts and needed to see the daylight too. "He needed to save himself first in order to save Lyra. Wasn't this just a twisted way of his brain to convince him to live?"

"Wow, I'm impressed." Doctor Martin smirked at the intern's observation. He was definitely going to have a very successful career if he would be this invested in all his cases.

"I still didn't get the mom thing though. Why was she the villain as per him?"

"There was one thing that struck me as odd. You remember once he mentioned Lyra was adopted? A few scenes later, he said Lyra's mom hated her because birthing her changed her body and took her out of the modelling career. That's another inconsistency I guess. Makes no sense."

Vivaan's jaw dropped. "Oh yes."

"My theory is... This could've been because mother's love was forbidden for him and he might have envied her mother's love for her. It's like his mind was doing the "the grapes are sour" bit there, again, to feel good about his own life that he wanted to give up on." There was no doubt that each wrinkle on this man's face was proof of his experience. The way he could answer all the questions so easily and figure out this case in the first place made Vivaan hold immense appreciation and respect for this man.

He took a moment to process his chaotic thoughts and was stunned, out of words when he realised what Doctor Martin was implying all along. That this notebook and all of what happened when Diego went back in time was not Lyra's headspace at all. It was his. Diego's.

Because he was the one who wanted to die. He was the one writing his own suicide note, just through Lyra's perspective, picturing himself in her shoes since he was in denial about his traumas since the very beginning. It all made absolute sense yet knocked away his last brain cells at the same time.

It slowly dawned on him why no medicines affected Diego when he was first admitted in the hospital. It was because his body had given up its will to live but the brain still kept trying to bring him back. It was a struggle; his body was as good as dead but his mind was alive, which made it appear like he was hibernating while he was fighting the toughest battle between holding on and giving up on the inside.

"I have one more question." He was a little hesitant when the doctor gestured to him to keep talking. "Why the Narco test? Why the unlocking of this phone? None of this is a part of the hospital's procedure. What's the motive behind-"

Doctor Martin raised his brow, offended. "You think we have ulterior motives behind this? I've told you before, this Narco test was done without the court's permission because we didn't need his statement for any case. This was just to bring his heartbeat back to a normal pace. As you saw, when he replayed all of this in his head, it helped him and restored his lost will to live. About the phone, the hospital didn't have any clue who he was. No contacts." He shrugged and explained how the technicians who cracked his password had already called Diego's father to pick him up once the discharge papers were made.

He shook his head in disappointment and the student was now ashamed of doubting the institute that would play a huge role in shaping his career. More so, he regretted ruining the bond he had built with his senior.

At the moment, he terribly missed the girl who would always put sense into him when he was behaving so silly. Where the hell are you when I need you the most, Angeline? But before he could feel sad for himself, he freaked out imagining her reaction. She would find out sooner or later about what happened and she was going to be inconsolable. Shit, he badly needed his phone.

He saw the doctor eyeing the patient and asked out loud. "Sir, when Diego wakes up, will you tell him about this? About the truth, I mean?"

"Obviously yes." The doctor snapped. "We are not supposed to hide anything from our patients."

"But his brain convinced him that this whole going back in time would be his secret and if we-" He froze when he heard a faint sound.

The patient's voice reached their ears. "Where am I?"

"Diego?" Doctor Martin rushed to his side and checked his pulse, watching him smile at nothing in particular as he hummed in response. He was probably still a bit drowsy. "How are you feeling now?"

"Thirsty." Came back a parched reply. "Hungry."

"Thought so." The THC was behind this and Doctor Martin helped him sit, giving him a glass of water and some light food.

"My throat hurts." Obviously it would. He was speaking for about three hours at a stretch, Vivaan thought. "How did I end up here, by the way?"

Vivaan was still looking at Diego as if he saw the Holy Grail, which is why Doctor Martin answered again. "You passed out."

"Oh. Okay." He closed his eyes and opened them quickly. "D- Doctor, where's my bag? I need something- urgently." Diego's face turned pale.

"Here." Vivaan handed him the bag and took a step back, patting himself on the back mentally for having put everything in his bag again, just the way it was supposed to be.

Diego hastily checked his bag for a certain thing and smiled when he found it safe inside. He hugged the notebook and looked at the doctors from the corner of his eye. Thinking they wouldn't understand anything about what he was doing, he picked up a pen and did his work.

Lyra's confessions were in a normal notebook and he could mistakenly carry it to school anyday. So in the place below Lyra's name where the subject had to be written — left blank until now — without a second thought Diego wrote:

'The Suicide Note'

Just as he was about to shove the book inside, another thought struck him. What if someday someone stumbled across it and the subject would make them curious? What if they'd think this was soon going to be Diego's suicide note since he was carrying it? This would tempt them to pry into his head and read it.

He had to make a mark, do something to differentiate it but protect Lyra and his secret at the same time. Hastily, he nearly scribbled the previously added text and changed the subject to:

'Headspace'

He smiled in peace, knowing this would now feel like his attempt at writing a fictional story. And no one would want to see it now.

"Diego, we need to tell you something." Doctor Martin spoke.

Vivaan shook his head, trying to convince the doctor to lie to him. He joined his hands and begged silently but the psycho psychiatrist spoke anyway. "You're really weak. You need to take care of yourself, child. Your dad has come to pick you up but you need to promise me that you'll take care of yourself." He gave Diego one of the sweetest smiles he could muster.

"I promise." Diego spoke with a hoarse voice and slowly made his way out of the room with Vivaan's help, smiling at him in vague familiarity.

Once the discharge formalities were done and the two men who had witnessed one of the greatest real life dramas were alone, the younger one mocked. "So why didn't you tell him?"

"I figured... When his brain could construct something to elaborate just to make sure he lives after all the traumas he's endured, I'm just an inferior human who has no right to mess things up. The first love, the first kiss is special to any man, however pathetic it may be. So when Diego got a chance to imagine his firsts — that never happened in reality — the way he wanted, who am I to tarnish those beautiful memories with the ugly colours of bitter truth? Wouldn't that just defeat the whole purpose?"

Little did he know that he already lost Vivaan at the mention of first kiss. He kept on playing the possibility of his first in his mind, while Doctor Martin — with every cell in his body — regretted his first.

To change the awkwardness in the atmosphere, Doctor Martin joked. "And I am not the right one to tell him. Maybe someone, someday... You know?" He grinned.

"Yup." Vivaan agreed.

No matter how stressful the day had turned out to be, Vivaan was grateful to be in this hospital room with Doctor Martin, possibly experiencing one of the most interesting cases of his life. The doctor reciprocated, thanking fate for the company of this intern who pieced together the second half of this story with the cultural context.

If only they could know this wasn't a mere coincidence. None of this was a play of fate, rather of a certain someone hell-bent on covering up their tracks. The Narco test, the search history, the witnesses to Diego's love story... There was a reason Doctor Martin, Vivaan and Diego had ended up in the same room today. Little did they know they were just pawns, playing their destined roles in a very twisted game.

As Doctor Martin was about to leave, not knowing if he would ever see him again, Vivaan caught him by the wrist and his eyes were pleading for an answer. "What now?" The doctor asked, irritated.

"One last question, I swear." He swallowed once before asking. "If all of this was just Diego's imagination, then what is the actual reason for Lyra's suicide?"

The doctor sighed in defeat. Finally this intern had succeeded in asking one question that the senior wasn't able to answer. "Nobody knows. It got buried with her."

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THE END

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Really <3

[End of Headspace. Book 1 of 3 in the Head & Heart Series.]

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Author's Note - Hello, everybody! Time to say something about the chapter, now. I'm genuinely excited to hear your thoughts! Go! I would like to thank all of you, from the bottom of my heart for taking your time out to read this book. All of you, including my silent readers, mean the world to me <3

Update: As I rewrite this chapter now, I've found a way to add a little tribute to our old as well as new story title here. Kudos if you noticed that *_*

Btw it was very intentional for this story to have 18 chapters. Brownie points to anyone who guesses why.

[P.S. The facts of deadline sound and presence of marijuana in mother's milk are well-established but this entire phenomenon in this book of the brain releasing the same to repair itself is pure fiction. I make no claims about the happening of such an event. A series of scientific logics are joined together to make the logic behind the time travel theory.]

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Random Question - Okay, so, now that the main story has ended... What would you want the end to be? If I give you a chance to make your own ending for this book, what would it be?

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Don't forget to Read, Vote, Comment, Share, Follow and Add this Book to Your Reading Lists if you liked this story <3

P.S. If you share anything on social media about this story, please don't forget to use the hashtag #HeadspaceWattpad and tag me there so I can see it *_*

Hope to meet you in the sequel soon.

A few more fun chapters coming up ahead with some small surprises I've made for you. Hope you like them <3