Brantley's POV:

Some people might consider having one of the VIP booths to yourself as lucky and on any other day, I might have thought the same. But not today. Because being alone with just Mama, Kolby, Hannah, and all the kids in the booth gave me nowhere to hide to sort out the thoughts running though my head. I will give mama credit though. She seemed to notice that I wasn't in the mood to talk about what was going on right now. Had given me space to stew even if it meant that my foul mood was putting a damper on the excitement of the game.

But if I knew mama, my time of sitting in silence and trying to convince myself that I had done the right thing when it came to Dani and walking away, was coming to an end. Mama wasn't going to let me stew all night. She wasn't going to let me stay in a bad mood. She was going to force me to talk it out. I can already hear her now telling me that a life worth living is one worth taking chances. And sit wouldn't be the first time that she had told me that.

*****

2014

"Brantley Keith, I raised you as a boy who wasn't scared to take chance. Lord knows that adventurous streak you had when you were a teenager gave me every single gray hair I have on my head. So, tell me why, now that you have the one that got away back in your life, you are dragging your feet when it comes to finally giving that girl your last name." Said Mama as her and I sat on the swing on the front porch.

Holding the ring that belonged to my grandma, something that Mama had said would always go to me since I was the first born to pass on to my future wife, I thought about what she was saying. I knew I was dragging my feet with proposing to Amber. Mama was right about that. But how the hell did I tell her that I was scared of Amber tossing the ring back at me like she had done a few years back when I wouldn't quit the booze and the pills? How did I tell her that I was scared that he ring was cursed when it came to Amber and me without hurting her feelings?

"Kod is closer to proposing than I am mama. He should have the ring." I said, trying to give her the ring back.

"And I told you that this ring was to go to my first born, whether he was the first or the last to get married. I'm not changing my mind, son." Said Mama.

"Mama" I signed. "I think Amber would want something bigger." I knew it was a lie. Amber wasn't the flashy type. She didn't care if the diamond in the I used to propose was the size of a granule of sugar or if it could be seen from the moon. In fact, she would actually prefer the smaller diamond simply because of the meaning behind it and the history we had with it. She would see the ring as a reflection of just how far she and I have come in the past to get to where we are today. That reason alone was the only reason I wasn't flat out demanding that mama take the ring back. Well, that and hurting mama's feelings.

"You're as full of shit as a Christmas turkey if you believe that." Said Mama. "Now tell me, what's the real reason that you don't want to propose with that ring."

"Because of out history with it." I said in a rush. "Amber tossed it at my head when we spilt up last time. Remember? What if the thing is cursed?"

"You deserved to have it thrown at your head back then and you know it. Honestly, I'm surprised the only thing she tossed at you was that ring. Heaven knows you deserved so much more." Said Mama.

"And here I was thinking you loved me." I said with a fake chuckle, trying to add some levity to the conversation.

"I do, son. You know that. But that love I have for you is also the reason that I know that you will regret not using this ring to propose to her." sand Mama.

"And what if she takes one look at it and says no?" I asked, leaning forward on the swing making it creak and I placed my head in my hands.

"Brantley Keith, life is about taking chances, about not knowing what the outcome is going to be. Look at the chance you took on doing what you love. The career you have today wasn't offered to you on a silver platter. You took chances to get where you are today. Some of those chances led you down a dark path. But it was that willingness to take chances that led you to becoming a better man, a man that deserves to have everything he's ever wanted. And for you, Amber is just that. Do you want to look back on your life one day and regret not taking a chance or do you want to look back and say that you are glad that you took that chance. Because let me tell you son, a life worth living is one worth taking chances. The only chances that we regret are the ones that we don't take."

"You're right." I said with a smile.

"I know I am. And you will do good to remember that in the future." She said as she draped an arm over my shoulder and pulled me in for a hug. "Mama's always know best. One day you will learn to never question that."

*****

The flashback was still lingering in my mind when Mama sat down in the seat beside me. For a while, she did say anything. The two of us sat there watching the kids as they leaned against the glass wall looking out over the field watching the game excitedly. Kolby was doing his best to see how many of the free hotdogs he could cram into his house while Hannah fussed at him about looking like a pig eating slop.

"What's got the gears turning in your mind, baby." Said Mama after a while. "Wouldn't have anything to do with the woman that you were photographed with last night would it?"

"Don't all my problems always come down to a woman?" I said with a sigh, sitting back in my chair.

"Tell me what's going on?" said Mama.

"How long is a man supposed to grieve his wife before he moves on?" I said, hating that I was even uttering the words.

"Well," said mama with a sigh. "That all depends on timing. Sometimes, people never find someone else that they feel a spark with like they did with whomever they lost. All I can tell you baby boy is that when the time is right, you will know it. You wont question what you feel. You'll just act on it."

"I just feel like I'm breaking by vow to Amber to love and to cherish her." I said.

"And like I told you last night, Amber wouldn't want you to send the rest of your life pining away for her. She would want you to be happy. She would want you to live a life worth living." Said Mama.

"I know that. I just cant shake the feeling that if I move on, I'm letting her down. Even thinking about being with another woman makes me feel like I'm cheating on her." I said.

"But..." promted Mama, knowing that there was more.

"But I cant shake the attraction I feel for Dani. I literally know nothing about her other than that's he's in town for this game. I don't know her last name. I don't know what she does for a living. I know nothing. And yet, I still want to spend time with her." I said.

"So why are you sitting up here with all of us and not with her?" said Mama.

"I already told you. I feel like I'm betraying Amber." I said. "Plus, there are two tiny humans who depend on me to make adult decisions and make sure that they always come first."

"let me tell you something about those little humans as you called them. They are resilient but right now, they just see that daddy isn't acting like daddy. They know that their mama is in heaven but they don't completely understand what that means. As they get older, they will understand it because you will be there to tell them all about their mama. But at the same time, they want you to be happy." Said mama.

"I am happy. I have them." I said.

"They make you happy but you are not happy." Said Mama. "Do you know Barrett asked me this morning over breakfast if you were ever going to be the happy daddy that liked to play matchbox cars with him ever again?"

"He said that?" I asked.

"Yes." Said Mama. "They just want the daddy they had before Amber passed away."

"And what if I cant find that man anymore? What if I can't be that man anymore?" I said.

"You will be. All its going to take is one person to make you feel alive again and the man that you truly are will reemerge. Something tells me that he isn't buried so far deep inside of you that you cant find him again." Said Mama.

Sitting there, I let all mama's word replay in my mind. It broke my heart that Barrett and Braylin missed the dad that I used to be to them. And knowing that Barrett was talking to Mama about it made it even worse. I'd though that I was doing good by them, faking being happy enough for them that didn't see how much I was hurting. I never wanted them to know just how hard it was for me to get out of be some days. I never wanted them to know how it pained me to look at them on the really bad days because they reminded me so much of their mama. But most of all, I never wanted them to feel like that I didn't love them or that they weren't enough to make me happy. Because heaven knows, if it wasn't for the two of them, I don't know what would have happened to me when I lost their mama.

"She's here at the game." I said after a while.

"Who is?" asked Mama.

"The girl from last night. I saw her earlier. Drug her in a closet to talk to her but all I could think about was kissing her. Which I did." I said.

"Brantley Keith!" whisper-yelled Mama, her tone telling me how much she disapproved of my actions.

"Nothing happened Mama. I stopped it before it got to that point." I said.

"Good. I raised you better than that boy." Said Mama.

"I know." I said.

"Well, don't leave me hanging. Tell me what happened." Said Mama.

"I freaked out over my feelings about Amber. Told her as much and then left." I said.

"Not to sound like a shrink or anything, but how did that make you feel?" said Mama.

"Every bone in my body told me to turn around and go back. To tell her that I wanted to get to know her because for the first time in a long time, I felt something with her that I haven't felt since before Amber was diagnosed with cancer." I said. "But instead of doing as my body wanted me to do, I did what my heart was telling me to do and walked away. Now, I'm not sure if that was the right choice because I might have just screwed things up."

"You wont know if their messed up or not unless you talk to her." said Mama.

"I know." I signed. "I just don't know how to do that."

"Just do what feels right." Said Mama. "I'm sure she's a fan of your music so I'm sure she knows a little about the past year of your life and the hell you have been through. Just be honest with her. Tell her that she is the first person that you have wanted to get to know since all of this happened. Tell her about the love you had for Amber. You would be surprised how much talking about the good times you shared with someone will make you feel better."

"And if she don't want to hear about Amber and me?" I asked.

"Then she's not the one that you were meant to find happiness with." Said Mama, matter-a-factly. "Because the woman that you are meant to find after all the tragedies you have been through wont mind that you are still in love with your wife."

"But how do I know if she is the person that I'm meant to find?" I asked.

"You won't. That goes back to that whole taking chances thing I was talking about." Said mama, standing from her chair. She was about to walk away when she turned back to me. "I've told you before son. A life worth living is one that's worth taking chances. Remember how things worked out the last time I told you that? Seems I was right."

"You were." I said with a smile, thinking back to the flashback I'd just had.

"And I am with this one too. You'll see." Said Mama with a wink.