You're spending Christmas with us!

TJ raised a brow. "Are you sure about that?"

Rory nodded her head.

"But, how am I supposed to come for Christmas when I don't know what you want?"

Rory's eyes widened. "I'll go get my list!" She got out of her chair and scurried out of the room.

"So..." TJ turned her attention towards me. "Did she just outsmart you?"

"Uh, yeah. Kinda," I said, tapping my fingers against the table. "I was going to ask if you wanted to come but I just thought I'd wait a day or two until everything settled a bit."

"Does your mom know?"

"She told Aidan this morning that she wanted me to ask you. You don't have to say anything right now. I understand if you want to think about it, or-"

"I'd love to come."

"You would?"

TJ picked up her empty bowl and walked to the sink. "Of course. I mean, aside from the fact that I love Seattle and spending time with your family, who else would I spend the holidays with?" Stepping in front of the calendar that was taped on the wall, she looked over her shoulder and asked, "When were you flying out?"

"The twenty-second. And then I have a show the next night, which they're going to come and watch."

TJ picked up a pen, wrote something down and circled the date. Getting up from my spot, I walked over to where she was and stood behind her. Leaning over her shoulder, I read her note "travel day!" with a doodle of an airplane beside it.

Taking the pen, I added something to the date of the twenty-fifth.

"TJ and Carter's first Christmas," she read out loud.

Placing two fingers under her chin, I turned her head to the side. "I wouldn't want it any other way," I said, capturing her lips in a kiss.

"Ewww!" A little voice squealed from behind.

"Oh god," TJ said, looking at Rory. "How many pages is that list?"

She looked down at the stack in her hand. "Um... ten?"

"This is going to be one expensive Christmas."

16 DAYS UNTIL SEATTLE

"I can't do this!"

"Baby, listen to me-"

"No!" she yelled. "You listen to me. I. Can't. Do. This."

"TJ?"

"What!"

"Breathe. In through your nose... out through your mouth. Come on now."

She closed her eyes and followed my instruction, taking a deep breath in, and releasing with a dramatic huff.

"Better?"

She nodded. "Better. Sorry."

"It's okay. How about we try it once and if you want to stop, we will. Does that sound okay?"

"Yeah, sure," TJ tapped her fingers against the wheel. "Let's just get this over with."

I placed my hand on hers. "Is your foot on the brake?"

"Yes."

"Okay, let's move into drive," I guided her hand on the gear shift. "And when you're ready, ease your foot off the brake and onto the gas."

Both her hands gripped the wheel. "Ease my foot off the brake and onto the gas," she mumbled. "Okay-"

The car was suddenly lunged forward.

"What did I do?" she yelled.

"It's okay, baby," I said to her calmly. "You just pressed down a bit too hard on the gas. Do you want to try again?"

"Can't we just have sex in the back seat or something?"

"TJ..."

"I know, I know. I didn't think it would work asking for the fourth time either." TJ released a deep breath and looked forward with a determined look. "Okay. Let's do it."

"Just ease onto the gas pedal."

The car slowly moved forward. "I'm doing it!"

"Good job," I told her, holding onto the wheel with a light touch to help her keep the car moving in a straight line. "Let's go until the street light up there."

TJ nodded, her knuckles turning white as she kept a strong grip on the wheel. As we reached the mark I set, TJ shifted her foot off of the gas and onto the brake pedal, slowed to a perfect stop, and shifted the gear into park. "I did it! Right?" She wiped her hands against her thighs. "Oh my god. That's such a rush!"

"You did so well. I'm so proud of you, baby!"

TJ unclasped her seatbelt and leaned over, pressing her lips against mine. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being patient with me when I got frustrated," she kissed my neck, "And for bringing me to this empty parking lot," kiss, "And for teaching," kiss, "me how to," kiss, "drive."

"You don't have to thank me," I said, feeling her place kisses along my jaw. "But I can't say I don't enjoy the way you go about it."

TJ smiled against my skin. "If you enjoy that, then I think you're really going to enjoy the other things I have planned," she said, sliding her hand up the inside of my thigh. "But first," her touch disappeared as she leaned back and fastened her seatbelt, "I want to try driving again."

14 DAYS UNTIL SEATTLE

I didn't know what else I could do besides hold her tight until the tears stopped. 

Not having a clue of what was needed to make everything alright for her, made me feel pathetic; like I was failing at providing her care and support.

This had been the worst I had ever seen her. Cutting her food into tiny pieces and spending the meal pushing it around the plate. Excusing herself from the table mid-way through. Saying she had just eaten and was full whenever I came home and asked if she was hungry. I tried to distract her away from the mirror whenever I saw that look in her eye - the one that scanned over her body, looking for any invisible imperfection to torture herself over.

Keeping Doctor Khan's advice in the back of my mind, I never forced her to eat or tried to guilt-trip her into doing so; I was always mindful with my words.

But it was times like this where I wish I knew what to say or do to make everything better for her. She always knew how to support me. And yet, sometimes I felt like I barely knew where to start for her.

TJ pulled her head off of my chest. "I'm sorry," her breath hitched as she wiped her eyes, "I know you have better shit to do than deal with me."

"You're the only thing that matters right now," I told her, trucking the fallen strands of her hair behind her ear. "I don't need to be anywhere else but here."

Her eyes fell to her lap as her hands pulled on the ends of her sweater.

"I wish when you looked in the mirror, you could see what I do - the beautiful person you are," I placed a kiss on her forehead, "Inside and out."

13 DAYS UNTIL SEATTLE

"I asked Doctor Khan to refer me to someone today." TJ tapped the rim of her glass, looking down at her full plate. "I don't want to keep pretending that I'm fine - that the way she made me look at food is normal."

"I'm proud of you."

"I haven't even had a meeting yet."

"But, you've already taken a big first step, TJ. Most people don't ask for help to begin with."

10 DAYS UNTIL SEATTLE

"What are you working on?"

"Christmas gifts." TJ tapped her pen against the pad of paper. "What would Aidan want?"

"Probably something for the auto shop. Or, I'll get him some tickets to a game. He can go with my Dad."

"Should I get them both a jersey then?"

I collapsed down on the couch beside her. "That would be nice." Leaning over I read the items on her list. "A new mixer and baking items for Ma... jersey and tickets for Aidan and Dad... and Rory wants... she wants all of that?"

"I just wrote down the items from her list that she said weren't for Santa. And were actually real."

"She wants a new doll, a dollhouse for the doll, pretty dresses, glow-up sneakers, a bunch of books, colouring stuff..." I continued to name the items, and finally made it to the last one, "And a puppy."

"Yeah, she made that last one very clear."

"That's up to Aidan, not me. Besides, all kids want a puppy."

TJ turned her head to the side. "Puppies are cute. Can you blame her?"

"Is this your way of telling me you want a puppy?"

"Well, I have the time in the world to train and look after it right now," she said with a laugh. "That was sarcasm. Don't get any ideas, Young."

"Alright, no puppy. Yet."

TJ rolled her eyes. However, she didn't argue it - that had to count for something. The last thing she had to worry about was me springing a puppy on her all of a sudden. I knew that would have to be something we needed to discuss. But I wouldn't mind getting a dog in the near future. And by the sounds of things, neither did she.

"Did you like the house?"

"It was alright. Wasn't the perfect fit." I looked down at the pamphlet the real estate agent had given me. "The perfect one will show up eventually."

"We don't have to move."

"I know we don't have to." Placing my hand on her thigh, I added, "I think it would be good for us. Fresh start. Find a house further outside of the city. A bit more land so we can have more space away from our neighbours. It'll be our place to run away to. Without the running away bit." I kissed the side of her head. "Now, back to the list..."

"What should we get Rory?"

"Let's just go with all of it."

"Are you sure?"

"We can put some of them as being from my brother or Ma and Dad," I said. "The kid deserves it. Besides, it'll make her happy."

8 DAYS UNTIL SEATTLE

"What the hell is all of this?" I asked, looking at the endless amount of clothes that now took up my living room. "I asked you to get her some warm clothes. Not buy the entire fucking store!"

Nadine rolled her eyes. "Have you ever heard of options? Some people like wearing clothing other than the same shirt and pants every day."

"Please don't overwhelm her," I whispered under my breath.

"I won't. The minute she wants to stop, it will stop," she said. "Besides, the stuff on those racks is for you. Now, sit back and let me do my job."

TJ entered the room in a pair of black fitted trousers and a tight long sleeve top, and stood in front of the mirror. Nadine helped her slip on a brown leather trench coat and stepped back to admire her work.

"How do you feel?"

"I like it," she said, turning to the side. "I really like it."

"Well good because I also pulled the coat in black," Nadine took the item off the rack and held it up.

"Do I need the same thing in two colours?"

"Of course! Carter agrees," Nadine turned her head, "Don't you?"

I shot my friend a quick glare and met TJ's glance in the mirror. "You should get both. It looks good on you."

"We need to fill your closet back up after I so kindly disposed of all your out of fashion items." Nadine proudly added the jacket to the clothing rack labelled APPROVED. "Now, come on, we've got a lot to get through."

3 DAYS UNTIL SEATTLE

"Are you sure about this?"

"I don't know what else you expect me to do," TJ said. "It's not like I can go back and pretend that everything is okay - like what he did doesn't fucking hurt me anymore."

"I know, TJ. It's just-"

"Do you realize how painful it is to know that he doesn't care?" she asked. "Doing that is one thing. But having no remorse is another. You can tell me he's sorry all you want, but he hasn't called or spoken to me at all since."

Hank let out a sigh of defeat. "I wish I could shake that kid back into reality."

"And I wish I could let it go. But I'm tired of giving people who show they don't give a shit chance after chance." She gently squeezed my hand. "Maybe I'll follow that cliche and come back in the New Year with a brand new perspective on things. However, right now, I know what I want and I'm not changing my mind."

The man in front of us, although appearing disappointed by the end result, nodded his head in agreement. "Then that's what we'll go forward with. It will be announced at the end of the week and we'll revisit things in the near year." Hank stood from his spot. "No matter what you decide or what happens in the future, whether it's with them or on your own, you've always got me in your corner, kid. Don't forget that."

TJ got up from the couch and pulled him in for a hug. "Thank you."

I don't think Hank realized how important those words to TJ were - hearing someone say they were on her side held great weight these days.

"Now, go enjoy your trip. I expect plenty of pictures when you come back!"

1 DAY UNTIL SEATTLE

"You know you could have accepted more of the clothing Nadine brought for you, right? That's what I pay her the big bucks for."

TJ folded her new pair of pants and placed them in her suitcase. "I don't need ten pairs of the same coloured jeans," she said. "I got one pair of pants, two jackets, and some boots - I can put together a lot of outfits with that. Besides, I don't need you spending any more money on me right now."

"Money's not an issue," I reminded her for what felt like the hundredth time. "If I can't spend it on you, what else will I do with it?"

"Spend it on yourself," she said, folding another item. "Or, I don't know, your family. You know, the kind people we're about to go stay with for two weeks?"

"How could I possibly forget about them? We have to bring two extra suitcases just for all their gifts."

"Speaking of suitcases, did you finish packing?"

I nodded. "Yup, got it all done already."

"Well, aren't you speedy. Someone's excited to get home."

"Just wanted to get it all out of the way," I lied.

Truth be told, I needed to make sure all my items were packed away without her seeing them. I had triple-checked my list to ensure I did not miss a single thing. The last thing I needed was her opening it and ruining her surprise.

And that was all because hidden away in my suitcase, strategically placed under clothes and toiletries, was a small velvet box. 

The type of box that was gifted with a life changing question. 

ha. dang carter. what u got in that box?