I'm so happy I get to fall in love with you.

Those words rang in my head every time I looked at her. She never alluded to it again, but I didn't have to hear her say she loved me to know. It was in the little things she did that I knew in my heart to be true. The way she checked in on me throughout the day, ensured I took the breaks I needed but never asked for when I felt overworked, and checked that my appointments with Doctor Khan were always scheduled. I saw it in her eyes when she played with the ring that hung from the chain around my neck, when I brought her breakfast in bed, had the gardener put together a fresh bouquet of her favourite flowers, and when I checked that her appointments with Doctor Khan were always scheduled.

Saying that word - committing to love - wasn't something I wanted her to feel rushed into. Just like how I didn't want to overwhelm her by saying it to her first.

TJ had enough to deal with right now.

The moment to say it could wait as long as it needed to.

"Is that the last one?"

"Yup," I said, placing the cardboard box down on the ground. "Are you alright?"

"I think so." Her eyes scanned all the boxes. "I don't know how I feel about having to share a bed with a stinky boy now though."

I chuckled under my breath at her remark. "Rory would be happy her nickname is catching on."

"Are you sure you don't mind me taking up space in your house?"

Walking behind her, I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her back towards my chest. "Our house," I corrected, placing a kiss on her neck. "And, to answer your question, I don't mind at all. It's always better when you're here."

"Yeah, but this is, like, me being here forever."

"I think forever has a nice ring to it."

That glimmer in her eyes was visible as she turned her head to the side, and I noticed her cheeks flush with red. "I do too." She leaned closer, brushing her lips against mine and whispered, "You're gonna get so laid tonight."

Maybe there was some type of honeymoon bliss clouding my view on reality, but the first couple of weeks we spent officially living together were more amazing than I could have ever imagined.

"You know you don't need to keep living out of your duffel bag anymore, right?" I asked, entering our bedroom.

TJ rolled her eyes. "Everything I need is in here! Besides, we still haven't sorted out the closet situation so I don't know where to put things."

"Well, you said you wanted to go through all those boxes and see what you wanted to keep first."

"I know, I know," she said, adding a dramatic sigh, "It's just... a lot to go through. Would you be okay if I invited Gwen over to help me?"

I sat down on the bed, beside her bag. "You don't have to ask permission to invite someone over to our house, baby."

"I was asking because, you know, she's dating Pat... and I know, even though you don't say it, I know you're also still mad about what happened."

Mad was an understatement but I did my best to not have my true feelings to show. It was more complex than the way it usually went when someone leaked something private. Did I feel like some of my boundaries were crossed? Yes. But did he owe me any type of loyalty? No. However, he owed that to her.

And a betrayal to TJ was a betrayal to me.

"If you want to have Gwen over, I think that's a great idea."

TJ showed a small, heartbreaking smile. "Gwen and Pat are the only ones that have reached out to me." She played with the collar of my shirt. "It's sad that things are going to end this way."

"You don't know that. Did you talk to Hank?"

She nodded. "When you were out he called. He said he's not going to pressure me to do anything or make a decision but suggested that I take another week or two to myself so I can think things over."

"Well, maybe during that time something will change."

"Maybe," her voice was a mere whisper. "I've just lost all my trust in Silas. I think about everything that got out to the press and can't help but wonder if it was him." She paused, looked to the side and let out a shaky breath. "I think he might have been the one that leaked the shit about my dad."

"Really?"

"I don't know for sure, obviously. But it makes sense."

I ran my hand up and down her thigh. "If you want to know for sure, Jeff might have someone who could help."

To both of our surprise, Jeff had been quite accepting of the fact that TJ had moved in, even voluntarily using words like "what a nice step" and saying he was "happy" for us. If the past few months hadn't happened as they did, I would have been suspicious of his reaction. However, I believed he began to see in TJ what I did all along - how caring and supportive she was throughout and continued to be.

"Maybe I'll give him a call." TJ rested her hands on my shoulders. "Wouldn't it just be nice if we could run away from all of this?"

"I think about it all the time," I confessed.

"You do?"

"I can't tell you how many times I've been close to packing a bag and leaving this life behind."

Her fingers gently played with the ends of my hair. "What stops you?"

"I remind myself how lucky I am to have this life and end up feeling like an asshole for ever complaining."

"Well, if you ever get that little voice in your head to shut up, I'll pack my things and go with you." She turned her attention to her bag and pulled out a small stack of photos. "On a brighter note, look at what I found."

"Are these from New York?"

TJ positioned herself in my lap. "New York, date nights, random photos we took when there was one picture left so we could get them developed," she said, flipping through the photos. "Aw, these are from Seattle."

An image of me and Rory cuddling on the couch appeared in her hands. "When did you take that?"

"Last time we were there," she said, "You two looked so cute I couldn't help myself. Look, you even have the same little button noses."

I hope our kid gets his cute little button nose.

"Carter? Are you alright?" her voice asked. "You zoned out there for a second."

"Uh, yeah, sorry. I was just thinking about," what you said to me while you were blackout drunk, "where we should put these."

"I'm sure we could find a nice photo album to put them in."

I slid her off my lap. "Hold that thought," I said before swiftly leaving the bedroom. Rummaging through every drawer and cabinet, I returned once I found what I was looking for. "Give me the photos."

"I don't believe I heard a please."

"Please, give me the photos."

She handed them forward. "We need to work on your manners, Mr. Young."

Focused on my task, I flipped through the stack of images until I found the one I was looking for; a photo Ma had snapped of the two of us back in Seattle. With the use of my roll of tape - which took searching through ten places to find - I secured it to the middle of the blank wall in front of us. "There." I stepped back to view my work of the single photo on the wall. "This is where they can go."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Unless you don't like this spot."

"No, I do like this spot," her cheeks flushed with colour, "I really do."

I held up the stack. "Then let's get to work."

A handful of shows were planned to start the tour before the end of the year. And when I wasn't scheduled to perform or promote, I found time in the studio to write and record. Inspiration had been knocking on my door for the past few weeks - it wasn't a surprise to me that the timing correlated to when TJ had moved in.

There were no signs to prove my reasoning, but I began to grow worried over TJ. I feared that she was getting bored or felt unfulfilled - that following me around to the studio and rehearsals wasn't something she enjoyed doing. And yet, there she was, at every session and practice, with a smile on her face.

The lights illuminated the stage. A roar of applause filled the stadium and each step towards the microphone caused the knot in my stomach to tighten even more. The first show was always the hardest for me. After all these years, I thought it would be easier. But the pressure always found its way to creep back in.

Except this time was different than every other. And that was all thanks to one pink-haired beauty standing off to the side.

The moment my eyes laid upon her, all the anxiety that had consumed me began to disappear. For the first time in my career, I enjoyed the opening number to the first show on tour. My eyes kept looking to the side, a goofy smile appearing every time I caught sight of her. Dressed in one of my sweaters that practically swallowed her whole, she kept her hood up and trusty hat on the entire time, which helped keep her invisible to anyone nearby. With the addition of Big Mike standing next, he acted like a large wall blocking her from view. I most likely wasn't making things any easier by my continued glances her way - but I didn't care. She was impossible to ignore in all the best ways.

"Thank you, New York!" I yelled to the crowd as the lights dimmed.

Exiting the stage, Jeff was the first one at my side. "That was excellent! Where did you get all that energy from? The fans loved it!" he said with a large grin, turning towards his phone. "Your numbers online are insane... Trending in three different places... clips going viral already..." He continued to list the data off to me as if I were the one who cared.

I understood why he found it exciting and important, but that wasn't why I wrote or performed - I only needed to hear that the fans were happy. That was all that mattered. Well, the fans and the person who waited for me in the dressing room.

TJ got up from the couch and made her way towards me, throwing her arms around my neck. "You did so well tonight."

"I couldn't take my eyes off you."

She pulled her head back. "I know. I kept trying to signal to you that you needed to look at the crowd more."

Noticing the gloss over her eyes, I asked. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm just..." her voice trailed off as a smile found its way onto her lips. "I'm just so proud of you."

"You are?"

"Of course I am!" Her hands ran down the front of my shirt as her fingers toyed with one of the buttons. "You looked so happy up there performing. It was nice to see you enjoy yourself."

Jeff cleared his throat. "Sorry to interrupt but Carter, we should get a move on with the fans waiting for you. I promise to make sure you're done within the hour."

"Oh, a promise," TJ teased in a whisper.

I dropped my voice for only her ears to hear. "I should go before he revokes it." Leaning forward, I pressed my lips to hers for a quick kiss. "I'll see you back at the hotel."

"Within the hour."

"We can only hope."

To my surprise, my words rang true. Jeff had kept his word and ensured I was walking towards my hotel room by the time promised. I said goodbye to Big Mike as I swiped the card key and pushed open the door.

Opening my mouth to call out her name, I was immediately silenced by the sight before my eyes. Candles were lit on the small dining room table. Rose petals were scattered across the floor, creating a path towards the two double doors that led to the bedroom. I followed with interest, and a bit of confusion - I was almost positive I had not set anything up for tonight.

All the questions I had running through my mind were answered the moment I opened the double doors. Standing at the end of the bed with her arms behind her back, wearing only the tiniest scraps of lace I had ever seen, was a pink-haired angel.

"Welcome home."

"What on earth could I have possibly done to earn a surprise like this?"

She stepped forward. "Well, besides putting on an amazing show tonight, you, Carter Young, are now officially three months sober."

"I should get sober more often."

"If you keep being a good boy, just imagine how I'll surprise you at six months."

I looped my finger under the waistband of her underwear, feeling the material of the thin lace. Tugging the thin strand, I released and watched as it snapped back against her skin. "I'm amazed you set all of this up for me. You are quite the romancer, Miss Roberts."

"I learned from the best."

"More!" TJ cried out in a whine.

"I'm trying, baby," I grunted.

"More, Carter! More!" she yelled. "So close! Yes! That's it!"

I tightened my grip on her waist. "How's that?"

"A little more! More-"

"Any more and I might break you, baby."

"Yes! Yes! I-" she released a muffled sound as she stretched her arm out further. "I got it!"

Slowly, I lowered her back towards the ground. "Was that really necessary?"

She held up the small wooden reindeer. "You said your mom gave this to you, so yes, it was really necessary."

"I think I pulled something."

"Well, then the next time she gives you something, don't stuff it away on the top shelf in the closet. Problem solved." TJ looked down at her outfit. "Oh god. Is my dress wrinkled? I think it is. I need to change-"

Gently grabbing hold of her chin, I tilted her head up. "Baby, you look beautiful. Alright? You don't need to change again," I said calmly, "You've successfully scoured the house and pulled out every decoration Ma has ever sent me. The table you set looks great and the food smells amazing. Everything is going to be okay."

"Everything is going to be okay," she repeated in a whisper, nodding along. Her eyes widened at the sound of the doorbell. "Oh god! They're here!"

"I'll get the door. You just keep-"

"Breathing."

"I was going to say keep calm, but yes, keep breathing." I couldn't help but smile at the serious look she had on her face as she looked down at the decoration in her hands.

I knew there was more on her mind than worrying about her dress being wrinkled. Comments here and there had been made during the weeks leading up to tonight regarding those who wouldn't be attending. It was hard to see her upset, but she covered it up well. I did my best to keep my own nerves at bay, not wanting to alarm her. The first round of guests to arrive would be fine - my family adored her. It was the second round that had my insides doing backflips.

"Uncle Carter!" A little voice squealed with joy.

"She's been bouncing off the walls since we got in the car! I don't know what's gotten into her!" Aidan exclaimed with a tired huff as he stepped inside.

I looked down at Rory. "It's because you're excited to see your favourite Uncle, isn't it?"

With Pebbles the Moo-Moo clutched in her hand, she nodded her head and erupted into a fit of giggles.

Ma pushed Dad's wheelchair from behind as they both exchanged a quick greeting.

"Hi Ma," I planted a kiss on her cheek. "Dad, was the flight okay?"

"Of course!" he looked up with a furrowed brow. "I have trouble staying upright, not sitting down."

"Simon!" Ma hissed. "What he meant to say was the flight was lovely and thank you for paying for it."

"I meant what I said!"

As the family made their way further into the house, dropping their bags off in the hall, I gave Ma a gentle reminder to go easy on the moving-in talk. The woman screamed with joy when I informed her of our current living arrangements. TJ knew I had told her. In fact, it was her idea. But with the current stress she appeared to be under, the last thing I wanted was for Ma's meant well excitement to make her more overwhelmed.

Rory's eyes lit up and she took off running. "Auntie TJ!" she squealed with elation.

Aidan and I exchanged a fearful look. "That's brand new," he was quick to say, raising his hands in defence. "I've never heard her say that before. I promise."

Shit. Rory probably heard we had moved in together. What if she thought that meant we got married? Shit, shit, shit! What if the kid said something about wanting TJ and me to have a baby girl as she did with me in the car? Or, what if she was only being a smart ass and testing the waters to see if she could get away with calling her such a thing? I wouldn't be surprised if her bright mind had thought of that trick.

While Aidan and I panicked off to the side, TJ appeared unphased by the nickname as she scooped the girl up in her arms and listened to the babbling about all the new nicknames for Pebbles the Moo-Moo.

"Sometimes, I call her Peeb," Rory explained, holding up the cow. "Or, Peeba, or Peebalot, or-"

"Do you want me to say something to her?" Aidan asked in a hushed voice.

"No," I whispered back. "Well, maybe if she says it again. I don't want her to be confused. But I also don't know if she's trying to outsmart us."

"At least you don't have to live with her all the time. I'm constantly worried that a six-year-old is twenty steps ahead of me."

"I wonder where the hell she got her smarts from."

Aidan tapped against his forehead. "I always knew I had a bunch of untapped potentials up here. I guess I just passed it down to my brainiac kid."

"Can you even spell brainiac?"

"B-R-A-I-N-F-U." He held up his middle finger.

"Oh, my goddess!" Ma gushed. "You put out the reindeer I got you! I thought I would never see it again!"

TJ listened to Ma explain the story of how her friend Barbara got divorced, took up woodworking, and how she swore it reinvented the woman into a brand her person. Everyone in the neighbourhood had ended up with a carved decoration - or ten - by now. I always appreciated that Ma had thought to send me one - bringing a piece of home to my other home, as she said - but I never had it out because I never had a reason to decorate. It was hard to see the enjoyment of the holidays when I usually spent it alone. Or working. Or both.

"Can't believe they lost last night!" TJ said, speaking with my Dad, "The referees were terrible."

"I know. Absolute dog shit! We will never make it to the playoffs now."

Ah - so that's why he was in a bad mood.

Rory, now back on the ground, ran up to her father. "Papa said dog shit!"

Aidan turned his head to the side. "Did you miss this chaos?"

"Honestly, a bit, yeah."

"Aidan, can you help your father with the television?" Ma asked as she entered the kitchen, sending my brother off for his task. "He'll relax soon. You know how he gets with flying."

"He's like that when he leaves the house for too long. It's alright, Ma. Once dinner starts, I know he'll go back to normal."

"Speaking of dinner, it smells amazing. I hope you two didn't tire yourselves out with everything."

I helped Rory into one of the bar stools. "This was all TJ's doing. I was just the helper."

TJ waved off the comment. "It was nothing, really."

It was.

The sound of the doorbell sparked different reactions. Aidan seemed to not hear it. Rory didn't care as her attention was focused on Pebbles. Ma was busy watching Rory. TJ turned her head up with curiosity. And anxiety spread through my body like wildfire.

"I'll be right back," I announced, swiftly turning and heading in the direction of the front door.

My hands were sweating as I reached for the handle. There were little to no words exchanged as they entered the house aside from a quick hi, as there was nothing more to say aside from that. As the two of us entered the room, heads turned in confusion at the person they had never met before.

All except for TJ, who had a smile of glee spread across her lips.

"Holy shit! Mom!" TJ ran forward and threw her arms around her mother. "I can't believe you're here! How did this-" She pulled back and looked between her mother and me. "But you said-" she cut herself off. "Did you-"

"Carter called and told me how important tonight was for you," Kathy smoothed out her daughter's hair. "And he helped me realize that I should come."

Well, at least that wasn't a complete lie.

There was a quick round of hello's as TJ proudly introduced her mother to everyone. She seemed happy. At least, I hope she was. I hoped I didn't read the signs wrong for the past few weeks and completely fuck up the entire night.

TJ grabbed hold of my arm, pulling me back as everyone settled down at the table. "Thank you," she whispered. "I don't know what you said or did to get her here, and I don't care. I can't believe she's actually here."

"As long as you're happy, I'm happy."

She leaned forward, sealing her approval with a kiss.

"Ew! Yucky!" a tiny voice yelled.

TJ looked down at the child. "You know, Rory, one day you are going to like someone and want to kiss them too."

"No! Never!" she protested. "Kissing is yucky! It's germ-y!"

TJ smiled as she walked with her over to the table. "It is, isn't it?"

Dinner appeared to be going off without a hitch. Easy conversation flowed as everyone dug into their meals. Rory insisted that Pebbles needed their own plate to eat as they were part of the family too, which TJ was happy to get without a question. It was hard to imagine she had said not too long ago that I would be the one to spoil our kids when she got a plate of leafy greens for a toy. I loved seeing this side of her. We would definitely both spoil our child - god, I just hoped it wouldn't grow up to be a monster.

Aside from the internal contemplation of whether we would raise a brat, dinner was going along better than imagined. However, there was a slight problem of Kathy not giving a shit the entire time. That caused me to stab my pasta angrily with my fork. No matter what TJ said to the woman, she responded with the same forced smile, hidden eye roll, and uttering a bland "that's nice."

It seemed as if Ma had caught onto the same thing I did. I could see her tense every time TJ waited for her mother's response; the way her glare pressed harder into the woman as if to dare her to reply to her daughter with anything else.

TJ, on the other hand, barely seemed to notice. Or at least, not bring any attention towards the fact that her own mother appeared to despise being here.

Dinner finished and everyone flooded TJ with compliments over the meal - aside from one, of course. Rory was now in her father's lap, falling asleep, which I was reminded of every second by TJ as she pointed out every cute little face or snore the kid made.

"I almost forgot! Look what I found!" Ma reached for her purse and pulled out two magazines. One was a cover I had done, while the other was of TJ.

"I haven't even seen this yet," TJ said as she flipped through the pages.

"I'm sure you can keep that one," my brother commented, "Ma has plenty. She practically buys out the entire stock every time she sees them in store."

Ma swatted Aidan's arm with the back of her hand. "I'm a proud mother. I shouldn't feel ashamed of that." She pointed to an image on the page TJ was looking at. "You look stunning in this photo! You should frame that one."

TJ's cheeks flushed at the compliment and she mumbled what sounded like a thank you. "Did you see this?" she asked her mother, reaching over to show her the magazine.

Kathy looked down for a brief moment and replied with an unconvincing, "Nice."

TJ glanced at her ringing cell phone. "Sorry, I have to take this," she announced, excusing herself from the table and hurrying out of the room for some privacy.

Sensing Ma was about to take this opportunity to lay into Kathy, I blurted out, "Ma, do you mind helping me clear the dishes?"

The woman gave me an annoyed look but obliged. Collecting all the plates, we headed to the kitchen and began to work in silence. Ma kept looking back at the dining room table as if to keep watch on the woman. At least from here, we would be able to see if she left at any point.

"Okay, I have to ask," Ma said. "Is there something I'm missing?"

"With what?"

Her voice dropped to a whisper. "TJ's mother. Is that just how she acts or does she not want to be here?"

Apparently, that's how she is when hired.

"Carter Young," her tone sent a chill down my spine, just like it used to when I was a kid, "Please tell me you did not do what I think you did."

"Don't give me that look. I know it was wrong, okay?" I sighed, rubbing a hand over my face. "Right before everything with her brother blew up, she was telling me about how much she wanted her mom here but that she wasn't coming. And over the past few weeks, she kept bringing it up. So, I knew I had to do something. And, clearly, desperation was my only option."

"Was it a lot?"

"A decent amount. I told her I'd give her half before and the rest after."

"Well, you better tell her to improve her acting performance out there if she wants to earn the rest." Ma turned back to the sink. "I can't believe you had to pay her mother to show up for a family dinner."

"You did what?"

...yikes !

happy Friday (?)