Our first two months together had been perfect.

There were only a few days that passed after I returned home from New York to the amazing welcome home surprise from TJ when I received that phone call. TJ and I were making breakfast - well, I was more of the one making breakfast, attempting to convince her that my stove and oven weren't evil. I poured the batter into the heated pan as she stood next to me, slicing strawberries into quarters and placing them into a bowl.

I answered my cell phone, pressing it in between my shoulder and ear, as I checked the pancake to see if it was ready to flip. Jeff had asked me if I was prepared for the news he had to share, to which I replied yes. I stepped back for the stove, signalling to TJ to watch over my perfectly circular pancake. Letting that burn to a crisp would have been a travesty.

As Jeff relaid the news, I almost couldn't believe my ears. In fact, I asked him to repeat it a number of times before it finally sank in. TJ looked over at me and asked if I was alright as I hung up the phone. Her eyes went as wide as mine once I told her. She abandoned her post, tossing her arms around my neck and telling me how happy she was for me.

I felt proud, extremely proud at that moment. The proudest I had ever been in my career.

The pancake burnt to a crisp during our distracted celebration - but I could not care.

I had a number one album.

Another surprise followed near the end of that week when I came home to find Ma and Rory in the living room. The giggling six-year-old tumbled her way towards me as Ma sat next to TJ on the couch. TJ had flown them out to celebrate my accomplishment, as my schedule provided little time or opportunity for me to fly home. She conversed with my mother as if they had known each other for years - turns out, they spoke quite regularly on the phone - and hung out with Rory, her adoring little fan.

God - she really was perfect. And I truly was the luckiest bastard alive.

The following weeks were nothing short of amazing as our relationship continued to develop. At times, we found our schedules busy, often conflicting with one another. However, whenever we had time, even if it was just for an hour, we spent it together. There were even nights where she gave up on a night out to stay in with me.

I continued my sessions with Doctor Khan, ensuring I met with her at least three times a week.

"You seem happy, Carter."

"I am. I never believed in that first sight crap before but... We've been together for a month and I can't picture my future with anyone else."

Doctor Khan mentioned that she was proud of my progress and how this was the fastest I had made a turnaround. It definitely was, I had to agree with her on that.

"I believe the next question you have to ask yourself is whether or not you trust her."

"I do."

Just because TJ had come back into my life and the two of us were now together, it didn't mean everything had been magically resolved.

"Have you ever told her about London?"

"No."

If anything, our bump - or, multiple bumps in the road - to get where we were now was a wake-up call. A frightening wake-up call, but a wake-up call nonetheless.

"Have you thought about telling her?"

"I'm scared," I replied honestly. "What if she looks at me differently?"

Rose-coloured glasses had tinted my view for the past few months. I wasn't as okay as I pretended to be. If my breakdown hadn't happened when it had, it was terrifying to think about when it could have resulted. Or, how much worse it could have been.

It was nearing the six-week mark that I began to worry that I was turning into a mad man. It was as simple as a glance in her direction, watching her wrinkle her nose as she was in deep thought, or her smile as she listened intently to whatever story I was telling her, that I knew I was falling in love with her. I was always careful about dropping that four-letter word - even if the context had nothing to do with us - terrified it might send her running for the hills. It was my own insecurity that I discussed at length with Doctor Kahn.

My fears were put to rest when she looked at me one night while we were in bed and said, "I've never let myself feel completely comfortable with someone else before... because I've always worried that once I do, it will all be taken away from me." Her hand reached forward and she looped her ring finger around my chain that housed the matching piece of jewelry. "But, I never feel that way with you. You make me feel safe and it's only been a couple of months. Is that crazy?"

And that's when I realized my feelings weren't so crazy after all. Because two months into our relationship, we were both a little mad.

And that's how I knew everything in our relationship truly was perfect.

"Hey, sorry I came over as soon as I saw your text. What's wrong?"

TJ sat on her bed, fidgeting with her hands in her lap. "I'm late."

"Late for what?"

"My period."

"Oh." I sat down. It took a while for what she had said to fully click in my head. "Oh." I cleared my throat, feeling my shoulders tense. "Did you take a test?"

She shook her head. "Gwen is getting me one."

"Okay, well, I'm sure it will be fine. I mean, we're pretty careful, right?"

"We're careful in the sense of I take my pill every day and we've both gotten checked," she chewed on her bottom lip. "We didn't use a condom when you came back from New York or a few weeks ago when we did it on the dining room table to make up for that night. I was ovulating then - I did the math." TJ groaned, banging the back of her head against the headboard. "God - I feel like a fucking public service announcement. Hey everyone! Don't have sex without a condom or you'll end up pregnant and fat and your life will be over!" She banged her head again. "I missed my period last month and now I'm late. I was feeling sick and looked it up online and everything said it means I'm-"

"TJ," I said softly, "Breathe, baby. You're gonna get yourself into a frenzy if you don't let yourself have some oxygen." I waited until she took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she let out a dramatic puff of air, before continuing. "Have you missed your period before?"

"Sometimes if I'm stressed or something, I do," she shrugged. "But I've never worried about getting pregnant before. On the rare occasion, when we actually had sex, I never trusted Brandon to come near me without wrapping his thing up first."

I cleared my throat, feeling my shoulders tense at the mention of his name.

"We don't have an open relationship, right?"

"What?"

"Sorry," she looked down at her hands, which were now resting against my thigh. "I just realized we never explicitly had that conversation."

"If you're alright with it, I'd prefer things only be between you and me."

"Well, you, me, and," she pointed to her stomach. "Whatever this thing is." She forced out a quiet laugh but the gloss over her eyes exposed how she truly felt as her bottom lip trembled. "I'm scared."

I kicked my shoes off and made my way to the other side of the bed, taking the spot next to her. I wrapped my arm over her shoulders and pulled her close, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "It's going to be okay."

"What if it's not? What if I'm fucking pregnant? Then what?"

"Then we figure it out."

She rested her head against my chest. "You say that like it's simple. I'm putting out an album with the boys soon and you're planning your tour. At what point are we supposed to stop and put all of that on hold to raise a kid?"

TJ had a point. Obviously, it wasn't as simple as I had stated. But, nothing would benefit this situation if both of us were freaking out. While she was letting her emotions be evident, I was trying to keep mine in. I had no idea what we would do if she was actually pregnant. One thing I knew for sure was that she would never have to worry about going through this alone.

"Do you even want a kid?" she asked.

"Sure, one-"

"Right now?" she cried, lifting her head from my chest to meet my eyes.

"No, not right now," I replied calmly. "But in the future, yeah. I think I would like to be a dad."

She chewed her bottom lip. "What if I don't want..." she paused. "What if I don't want to be pregnant?"

"Then we go to the doctor and figure out the options."

"You wouldn't be mad at me?"

I wasn't sure what I would feel if that was the decision; it was too far out of reach at the moment to know. But mad was not the word that I would ever pick.

"I'm not the one that would have to go through all of that for nine months."

TJ laid back down on the bed, resting her head on the pillow next to mine. "I'd be a shit parent anyway."

"That's not true."

"Yes, it is. Look who I had as mine. I don't want to be responsible for ruining a kid's life and having it end up like me."

"I think you'd make a great mom," I said, earning an eye-roll in response to my comment. "I'm serious. And that kid would be lucky to be like you. Be as caring as you," I gently her forehead, "And as funny," I kissed down her nose, "And...creative," kiss, "Talented..." kiss, "Thoughtful..." kiss. "And if our kid got those big green eyes of yours, they will be the cutest thing, hands down."

She scoffed. "We would have a terrible kid."

"What makes you say that?"

"It would get away with everything and be a little tasmanian devil - I'm sure of it. Plus, I bet you would spoil the hell out of the thing."

"Of course, I would." I brushed a strand of hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. "And so would Silas, Pat, Wes, and Aidan. The four best uncles a kid could have. Plus Uncle Hank, my parents - shit, Ma would go crazy over another grandkid."

TJ gasped and placed her hand on her stomach. "I felt something kick."

"As in... you think a baby inside you kicked?"

She nodded her head, her eyes running wild as she lifted her shirt and placed her hands back onto her flattened stomach.

"I don't think that's possible." In fact, I knew it wasn't possible given the twenty-week kicking mark was a fact ingrained in my memory from Rory. That kid was trying to kick her way out of her mother's stomach the first chance she got.

TJ narrowed her eyes. "I felt what I felt!" she said with a defensive tone as she continued to move her hands around her stomach as if searching for the next kick. "Here," she grabbed hold of my hand, placing it below hers. She paused, then abruptly said, "There! Did you feel that?"

I cleared my throat. "Uh," I hesitated briefly before deciding it was best to not lie to her in this situation and answered honestly, "No. Sorry." I noticed her sad, yet slightly angry expression at my response. Moving my body down on the bed, I positioned myself to be eye-level with her stomach. "Hey, CJ," I whispered. "Could you kick again for me?"

"CJ?" she repeated with a raised brow.

"Yeah, I thought we could call it CJ if it's a boy. You know, for Carter Junior. Or, TJ-squared, you know, for Tyler-Jane-Junior."

"You want to call our child TJJ."

"Sure. It would be cool!"

She scoffed. "You're an idiot. I hope it kicks you in the face while you're down there."

I chuckled and placed a kiss on her stomach. "Hey, little guy," I whispered against her skin, "Your mom is going to need you to listen up. Word of advice, she doesn't put up with any shit so when you come into this world, do us both a favour and listen to her, okay?"

TJ rolled her eyes and gently swatted my arm with the back of her hand.

"And whether you're actually in there now..." I continued on, "Or a year from now... or five years from now... you are going to grow up with two parents that love you very much and will do anything and everything to protect you." My eyes peered up at her. "It might get hard at times. You might think you want to stop or give up. But you have a huge family behind you, ready to love and care for you. You'll never be alone - I mean, with five uncles, an adorable cousin, and two crazed grandparents I don't think you'll ever get the chance to be, little one." 

I went on a ramble of all the places I wanted to take him or her - how much fun their first birthday and Christmas could be, and how proud they'd be seeing their mom performing on stage. Feeling myself get carried away, I cleared my throat and looked up at TJ. A tear rolled down her cheek and she quickly brushed it away.

I pulled her shirt back down and sat up, reaching my hands forward to cup her face. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, sorry. I'm just... hormonal, I guess," she said softly. "D-do you really think we could do this?"

"There's a lot we'd have to figure out, but I know we can. First, we need to get the test out of the way. We can deal with the other stuff after."

She nodded, looping her finger around the chain that hung from my neck. "We can put CJ on the list but I'm not naming our kid Tee-Jay-Jay, or whatever the fuck you said."

"It would be the letter T and the J would be to the power of two, but fine. We'll give our kid a lame name."

A knock on the door pulled her attention.

"It's just me!" Gwen's voice said from the other side.

TJ quickly wiped under her eyes and sniffled her nose. "Come in!"

Gwent entered, closed the door behind her, and made her way over to where she sat. She caught sight of the saddened expression on her friend's face but didn't ask any questions. "Okay, I got you a few," she said, rummaging through her purse and pulling out a plastic bag that had a large logo of the drug store on the front. "The pharmacist recommended all of these. She said I didn't actually have to buy all of them but I thought it was best to get them all." Gwen pulled out five boxes from the bag, stacking them one on top of the other.

"Should I use all of them now?"

"Might as well. See if you can pee on all of them at once - then you'll only have to sit and wait once for the results," Gwen said. "I'll get it set up for you."

I wasn't sure what Gwen exactly had to set up, but as she picked up the boxes and headed into the bathroom, I assumed she was using it as an excuse to give us a private moment.

"You okay?"

TJ nodded, taking in a deep breath. "Scared," she mumbled, her eyes falling down to her lap. "I'm really scared."

"We're in this together. You and me, Ty."

Her eyes lit up - for what reason, I wasn't sure. But I didn't need an explanation for her to not look so sad.

"Our lives could really change in a few minutes."

I took her hand in mine, giving it a gentle squeeze. "It could. But we won't know until you take that test. Or, take those five tests."

She smiled at my weak attempt at humour. Gwen opened the door and asked TJ if she was ready, to which she replied with a short nod. As she disappeared into the bathroom, I sat on the edge of the bed taking my feet anxiously onto the ground. I heard the toilet flush and the water run. My heart was beating a mile a minute as she emerged from the bathroom and made her way over.

"Gwen is watching the timer," she said, sitting down next to me.

TJ took my hand in hers and remained quiet for the next few minutes, nervously chewing on her bottom lip.

Fuck - now I was beginning to freak out.

In a few minutes, we would find out if we were having a kid. A kid. One of those little things that would run around, demand to be fed, cry, and require constant attention. I would have to postpone the tour or cancel it altogether - I couldn't be on the road while she was pregnant. I'm sure Jeff would be pissed. And I couldn't imagine all the people who would lose their jobs over it. Some of them probably had families of their own, with little children that they needed to feed.

I needed fresh air - but I didn't want to alarm her by leaving her side. I was supposed to be the calm one right now. She couldn't know that on the inside, I was freaking the fuck out.

Right as I thought my panicked state was about to become evident, Gwen appeared in the doorway.

"Negative! They're all negative!"

I let out a breath, rubbing my sweaty palms along my thighs. Thank god. We could have a kid together one day. But knowing that day was not now, was a relief. A huge fucking relief. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, pulled her close and pressed a kiss to her temple.

"I thought you'd be more excited," Gwen said.

"I am." TJ shrugged her shoulders, forcing a smile. "Just took a second to sink in." She looked over at me and added, "Guess we dodged a bullet there."

I nodded in agreement. Yet I couldn't help but notice...

TJ looked disappointed. 

ok but a lil TARTER baby would be cute. 

omg - a little TATER TOT