CARTER

My nail dug into the label on the bottle, picking away at the sticker to provide some sort of distraction. Showing up, evident from TJ's reaction, was clearly the wrong thing to do. In my defence, I never imagined her smile to vanish as quickly as it had when she saw me standing in the dressing room after their show. I wasn't expecting her to show some display of public affection. But, I also wasn't expecting her to ask "what the fuck are you doing here" with such a disgusted look on her face.

While I stood pathetically at the bar alone, she stood on the opposite side of the room, next to Patrick and who I assumed was Gwen. TJ was right. Even from this far away, I could tell Pat was hopefully in love with the girl. I took a swing from my beer. It wasn't the beverage I typically went for, but I happily accepted the first drink that was handed to me.

Finish my drink, say a quick goodbye to whoever I spot first, and then get the fuck out. That was my plan.

TJ's lack of interest in my arrival was confusing, especially with how we ended our last call. However, learning why she acted that way was not something I was expecting to discover tonight - if ever - given the way things were currently going. Especially when she appeared to be purposefully staying as far away from me as possible. I wasn't sure she had even looked my way since entering the bar.

Looking over towards TJ's direction, I was surprised to not see her standing there anymore. My thoughts of where she might have been were quickly interrupted by none other than Weston, who joined my side.

"Where's Silas?"

"Bathroom," I responded, keeping my eyes on my bottle.

"So, did you really just happen to be here in Seattle?"

I glanced over at Weston, trying to gauge if his question was a friendly attempt at starting mindless chatter or something more. However, as always, there was nothing I could read off his stoic expression.

"Yup," I said, raising the bottle to my lips to take a long sip.

Weston waved over the bartender and ordered his drink. "Regretting that now?"

I raised a brow at his question. "What?"

"Stopping by. Are you regretting that now?"

"Why would you say that?"

As the bartender returned with his drink, Weston dug through his pocket and pulled out a few dollar bills. I had returned to picking at the label on my beer bottle when I heard him say, "Trust me, she's a hard one to figure out." He paused to take a sip of his drink. "She's probably still pissed at you for your disappearing act."

"You think?" I asked, hoping the surprise in my voice wasn't as evident to him as it sounded.

"Well, yeah. It's not like you've seen each other since right?"

"Right," I murmured.

Weston took a step closer and dropped the volume of his voice. "I know what you did wasn't intentional - I know you didn't mean to hurt her. But, if you ever do hurt her, know that you'll have a lot more than TJ yelling at you to deal with." He roughly clasped his hand against my back. In one quick motion, Weston grabbed his drink from the bar and disappeared into the crowd.

Facing a threat from Weston was not what I had expected to come out of tonight. I wasn't left alone to ponder my thoughts for long as Patrick made his way over to where I stood.

"Hey, man!" Patrick greeted, sporting a goofy smile. "Have you guys met yet?" He gestured to the female standing next to him. "Carter, Gwen. Gwen, Carter."

"Nice to meet you."

Gwen stood silently, only responding with a nod of acknowledgement and a tight-lipped smile.

"It's so cool that you stopped by! Were you just passing through?"

I cleared my throat. "Yeah, uh," I gave him a nonchalant shrug, before I continued, "Was here in the city and heard you guys were playing."

"Oh, awesome!" He flashed a large grin. "How long are you here for?"

"Just a couple of days."

"What a coincidence," Gwen pipped in.

Patrick nodded. "Totally!" He said, oblivious to the lingering insinuation behind her words.

I, on the other hand, did catch it. Specifically, the look she gave me. One that let me know she was onto me.

"So, you're doing styling and makeup, right?" I asked, hoping to steer the conversation in a different direction.

"Yeah," she said, raising a brow. "Who told you that?"

"Silas."

Gwen, giving me a hint of a smirk, turned her attention towards Pat who had now begun a crazy tale from earlier in the night. I noticed how she looked at him, clinging to his every word. Laughing along when he did, even if it wasn't all that funny. It was obvious she liked him just as much as he liked her; she was just better at hiding it. Gwen's only weakness was letting it show when she thought others weren't paying attention. Funnily enough, there was someone else who - I hoped - was exactly the same way.

The conversation was interrupted as TJ walked over, dressed in a short black skirt and a white tank top which was cropped to show off her bare midriff. She appeared, once again, to do everything she could to avoid making eye contact as she said, "I'm going, Pat."

"What! Why? We just got here!"

She shrugged. "I'm tired."

Patrick rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, quickly looking at Gwen before back at TJ. "Alright. Well, uh, I guess I can walk you home."

"You don't need to do that, Pat."

"But, Hank said-"

"The motel is right down the street. I am more than capable of walking there myself."

"I can walk you," I offered. "I don't mind."

"I'll be fine," she snapped, keeping her eyes on Patrick.

Gwen cleared her throat and took a step forward. "TJ, can I talk to you for a second?"

Before TJ had the chance to respond, Gwen grabbed hold of her arm and pulled her out of earshot.

"Sorry about TJ," Patrick said, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. "Don't take it personally. She's been off with all of us the past few days. Something about not sleeping or something," he shrugged nonchalantly. Past few days? "But, thanks for offering to walk her back."

"No problem."

I glanced towards where the two girls stood. Gwen appeared to be the one doing all the talking while TJ was - shit - looking right at me. Her gaze held mine for a brief moment before turning her attention back to her friend.

"Gwen seems nice."

"What? Gwen? Oh, uh," Patrick immediately became flustered with his words, "Yeah, she is nice. Really nice."

"Are you guys together?"

His face flushed red. "What? Me and Gwen? No." Patrick paused with wide eyes. "Why? Did you want to ask her out?"

I raised an amused brow. "No."

"Oh, good."

Taking the final sip of my beer, I placed the empty bottle on the bar as Gwen returned, pulling a reluctant TJ behind her.

For only the second time tonight, TJ's eyes met mine. "I'd like to go now."

Gwen rolled her eyes. "I think TJ meant to ask if you could still walk her home."

"Of course."

"Great," TJ mumbled before turning to her friend and Patrick to give them a quick goodbye.

Without another word, she began to push through the sea of people and walked towards the exit. I hurried behind, doing my best to catch up and not lose sight of her in the crowd of the other patrons. I made my way to her side as we stepped outside and into the chilly night air. Looking to my side, I noticed her rub her hands up and down her bare arms.

"Here," I said, shrugging off my jacket. "Take it."

"I'm fine."

"You're cold-"

"I said I'm fine!" she snapped.

"Would you stop being fucking difficult for once and take my jacket!"

TJ abruptly stopped and turned slightly towards me, appearing just as surprised as I was at hearing the frustration in my tone. Normally, it was something I did best to not show. However, now was not one of those times. She reached forward, took the jacket from my hand and slipped it on. As expected, she silently continued on her route back to the motel.

Releasing a defeated breath, I followed behind. It was clear she didn't want to talk to me, but I didn't care. I needed some type of explanation from her about what was going on between us and this walk back was my only opportunity.

"You guys did really well tonight."

Silence.

"Did you play some new songs?"

No response.

"Are you really not going to talk to me?"

"I'm really not."

"Come on TJ!" I threw my hands up in frustration, "I came all this way –"

TJ turned around to face me. "Don't pull that shit with me. I didn't ask you to come!"

"I know you didn't ask I just thought –"

"Thought what?" She yelled, "Thought that because I drunk called you a few times that it meant it was okay to randomly show up?"

"Are you seriously this mad and upset over the fact that I wanted to come to see you?"

She blinked. "No..." her voice was suddenly much softer, "That's not it."

"Then what is it? Please enlighten me because I don't understand this fucking game you're playing," I spat. "You called me almost every night last week and said you missed me. Then when I show up, you ignore me and are pissed off. Tell me what the fuck I'm missing out on here, TJ."

TJ stayed silent, averting her eyes from mine as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Are you still mad about Utah?"

"What?"

"Utah," I repeated. "When Jeff had me go away for a week. Weston brought it up at the bar."

"Oh, yeah... guess I am," she mumbled, looking to the side.

I followed her gaze, noticing a couple exit their car, laughing as they walked hand-in-hand towards one of the doors. At least there would be one happy couple here tonight.

"Let's go inside before someone sees us."

I followed TJ towards the door of her motel room, noticing the shakiness in her hand as she placed the key into the lock. With an aggressive shove, TJ was able to open the door and lead us inside. She quickly went to her suitcase, which was laid out open on the floor, and grabbed something I was unable to see. Without a look in my direction, she walked past me and went straight towards the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

Glancing around the room, I took in the space she was calling home for the night. There were two unmade double beds, separated by a small wooden nightstand. The room was painted in an unflattering shade of light brown and appeared to be peeling off the walls. A picture of an unidentifiable field was hung up, clearly done so with the intention of covering an apparent stain from what I hoped was caused by water damage. Although it had been quite some time since I had stayed in a place like this myself, I couldn't help but miss it. Those were the days where success didn't matter; where everyone was only in it for the fun and passion of music.

I began to wonder if TJ had barricaded herself in the bathroom with the hope I would give up and leave. If that was in fact her plan, I would hate to give her that satisfaction. Itching for a smoke, I headed out the back and took a seat on the step.

Lighting up caused an instant sense of relief and the smoke coursed its way through my lungs. Flicking the excess ash onto the ground, I listened to the surrounding noise. By the sounds of distant chatter, I could understand why Hank didn't want TJ walking home alone. Although she seemed more than capable of putting up a fight, it was clear that those around wouldn't be taken down by her words and pressing glares.

The door creaked open and the sound of footsteps approached. I turned my head to the side as TJ sat down beside me. She looked over, sporting a softer expression than the one she previously had not too long ago. Her hand reached forward, taking my cigarette.

I watched as she brought it to her lips and inhaled a long drag.

"I thought you didn't like smoking?"

A faint smile appeared as she tilted her head up, releasing the smoke. "Desperate times." She handed me back the cancer stick. "Does Jeff know you're here?"

"Not exactly. Why?"

TJ shrugged her shoulders. "Just wondering," she mumbled. There was another pause of silence before I heard her ask, "Did you really come out all this way just to see me?"

"Would you think it was lame if I said yes?"

"No," she said softly. "It's nice."

"Nice?"

She turned her head to the side, her eyes meeting mine. "Yeah... nice."

I raised the cigarette to my lips. "I'll take that," I said before inhaling.

"I'm not mad about Utah," she said, focused on the bland view in front of us. "I'm confused, I guess."

"What are you confused about?"

She scoffed. "A lot of things. For starters, how you're such a nice guy."

Remaining quiet, I took a final drag and rubbed the cigarette into the cement to extinguish the dull flame. I pondered what she said as I released the smoke. TJ appeared stuck on the word "nice" tonight - I couldn't tell if it was intentional or just a coincidence.

"Why do you bother wasting your time on someone like me? Seriously," she turned her body towards mine, "I've been fucking horrible to you all night and yet you still offer to walk me home. Why?" Before I could open my mouth to speak, she continued, "You never get mad unless you get pushed - unless I push you there - but you're sitting outside with me acting like the parking lot didn't just happen. Why haven't you-"

"TJ, breathe."

"What?"

"Breathe," I repeated.

Closing her eyes, I watched as she slowly inhaled before letting the air release in a long, shaking breath.

"Why haven't you given up on me yet?"

"Do you want me to?"

Her teeth sunk into her bottom lip as she slowly shook her head.

"Then why would you ask me that?"

"I just thought it would make everything easier."

"Where's the fun in that?" I teased. "Alright, fine. You want to know the truth?" I paused, collecting my thoughts for a brief moment. "You drive me crazy - really fucking crazy - sometimes. But I know you are worth it."

"How do you-"

I placed my finger against her lips to silence her. "Just listen, okay?" My eyes flickered to where my finger rested, distracted by the slight pull of her bottom lip. I cleared my throat to regain my focus and shake the distracting thoughts away. "You are smart... and funny... and really, really fucking talented. From the moment we met, you put me right in my place. You didn't shy away from telling me exactly what you were thinking and because of that, I have an album that I'm proud of."

Her eyes remained focused on mine as her hands rested against my thigh. I noticed a glint she had as if she was hanging onto every word I said.

"Out of everything I could say about you, I think the biggest reason is right here," I said, gently tapping against her chest.

"My boobs?"

"I - what?" I asked, letting out a laugh at her genuine confusion. "No, not that. I mean, don't get me wrong - they are great. But that's not what I meant." Shaking the thought from my head, I attempted what I had originally intended to say, once again, "The biggest reason is your heart. You care so much about those boys and you never expect anything in return." Noticing her expression of disbelief, I added, "You do!"

TJ shook her head. "It's not like they wouldn't do the same thing for me."

"Maybe," I said with a shrug. "That doesn't take away from what you do. How you listen to Pat talk about Gwen every second and give him advice... When you knew Weston was in a bad mood last week, and so you made him his favourite meal and the two of you wrote songs and watched a movie... Or, when you were worried about Silas's parents not being able to pay the bill for the month and made sure you sent them enough to help cover it."

"You remember me telling you all of that?"

"Well, yeah, you told me on the phone when-"

My words were cut off by TJ pressing her lips against mine. I assumed she would quickly pull away, signalling that she regretted her impulse decision. Deepening the kiss, her hand, which rested innocently against my thigh only minutes ago, began to move further up. It wasn't long before she pulled back, allowing both of us to catch our breath. The wind had picked up, blowing some of her hair in front of her face. I raised my hand to brush the loose strands behind her ear.

"Can we start over?" she whispered. "... I know it's a lot to ask... but we only have tonight together... I don't want to waste it."

That kiss left me in such an intoxicated state I wasn't sure if I had heard everything she had just said. Quite frankly, I still wasn't one-hundred percent sure where her anger had even stemmed from. However, if TJ was willing to let it all go, so was I. If a new rule between us was no surprise visits, then so be it. Having her close again was all I cared about.

Gently grasping her chin, I guided her lips back towards mine. This kiss was much softer than the one before; as if we had both instantly relaxed knowing that our night was starting over.

As our lips parted once again, I noticed her shiver. My jacket was apparently no match for the increasingly cold night air. "Let's get you inside," I said, standing and taking her hand in mine. Closing the door behind us, I noticed there wasn't an increase of warmth compared to outside. But, what else could you expect from a place that covered up an unavoidable stain due to water damage on the wall with a picture frame.

"Here," TJ said, removing my jacket and handing it forward. "Don't want you to forget this."

"Right. I should be heading out since it's late and..." I glanced down at my phone to catch the time, "Not even midnight."

"You could stay," she said softly, "If you wanted to. You don't have to. Like you said, it's late so I understand."

I stepped forward, noticing her hands fidgeting - something I had observed her do whenever she seemed nervous. "I'd like to stay."

"Oh, good," she sounded surprised with her answer. "Uh, we could watch something?"

I looked towards the large, glaringly evident outdated television that sat on the dresser. I was surprised the large box had not yet broken the surface that it sat upon. The two of us sat down on her bed, acting as if we were two teenagers being left alone for the first time and unsure of how to interact with one another.

Flipping through the channels, I realized the odds of finding anything to watch other than infomercials or a random news channel were becoming increasingly slim.

"Carter."

"What?" I asked, keeping my eyes on the screen. "Did I miss something?"

"No."

She placed her hand on the inside of my thigh, instantly pulling my focus. I was apparently playing the role of the clueless, oblivious boy quite well. Just as it was outside, her body was turned in my direction. TJ leaned in, pressing her lips against mine. She may have not had a way with words tonight, but she definitely did with making the first move.

There was no true intention behind her words to watch something - and I definitely wasn't disappointed.

boobs.

i think we all know where the next chapter is going :)

also life update: in addition to blackpink, im now also obsessed with itzy and everglow

that is all.