🥀

The air in the psychiatrist's office was still, heavy, and far too quiet for Shu Kurenai's liking. He sat uncomfortably on the edge of the couch, his hands clenched tightly together in his lap. The faint ticking of a clock on the wall seemed deafening, each tick drilling deeper into his skull. He hated to be here, he doesn't want to be here in the first place.

Valt's words echoed in his mind, as stubborn like him as ever. "You can't keep carrying this alone, Shu. Please. You need help. Nobody is judging you for trying." He had resisted, argued, even avoided Valt for days. But his best friend had seen through every excuse, then of course, the magic work and here he is now.

The psychiatrist, a woman with soft features and a voice as steady as a calm tide, waited patiently. She didn't rush him, didn't force him to speak. But the silence, that unbearable silence, eventually pushed Shu to break it.

(Urgggh. Why this things keep happening to him!?)

"Pardon my rudeness but I don't think this will help," he admitted. He refused to meet her gaze, his eyes fixed on the floor. He doesn't like looking at other people eyes, afraid of what he'll see. "Talking won't change what I've done. My sins are unforgivable and engraved in a stone "

(He doesn't deserve to be forgiven)

(Doesn't deserve to given chances)

(And to LIVE)

"And what have you done, Shu?" the psychiatrist asked gently, despite sounding blunt, it has no trace of judgement, only a ounce of understanding shining through.

(He hate when people are trying to understand him when he can't even understand himself)

(Why won't people just leave him to rot?)

Shu's fists tightened, his knuckles turning white, just remembering those times is like a dagger stabbing his heart. "I let him take over. I let Red Eye... I became a ruthless monster. I hurt people without hesitation-Valt, my friends-just to win, to prove my worth. That's all that matters."

There was a long pause, and Shu could feel her studying him, analyzing the weight behind his words because that was her job. When she finally spoke, her tone was calm but unyielding. "Do you believe Red Eye was born from hate? From some dark, evil part of yourself?"

"Yes," Shu spat, his voice trembling with barely suppressed anger, there's no point of denying his dirty secrets. "He's everything I hate about myself. He's my failure, my weakness, my-"

"Your protector," the psychiatrist interrupted, her words slicing through his tirade like a blade.

Shu froze, his breath hitching, not understanding what she meant. "What?"

(The fvck she's talking about?)

"Red Eye wasn't born from hate, Shu," she explained, leaning forward slightly. "He was born from fear, from pain. Your mind created him to shield you from the weight you were carrying. The expectations, the failures, the pressure-it was too much. Red Eye wasn't an enemy. He was your mind's way of keeping you safe from danger. "

"Safe?" Shu's voice cracked, his disbelief palpable, how ridiculous. "He wasn't safe. He destroyed everything. He ruined my life. He hurt everyone."

"And yet," she said gently, with those soft eyes that his friends give him when they forgave him, "you're here now. Alive. Still fighting. Do you think you could have survived without him? Do you think a part of you-any part-wanted to hurt the people you love?"

Shu's hands loosened slightly, his mind reeling. He wanted to argue, to reject her words, but something in her tone, her unwavering calmness, made it impossible. So he slumped on the edge of the couch, his hands gripping their knees so tightly their knuckles had turned white. His breaths came in sharp, uneven gasps, chest heaving with the effort to pull in air, but surprisingly still managed to look compose.

(He's good at pretending to be fine)

(Even when he's dying inside)

"Red Eye isn't the villain you've made him out to be," she continued. "He's a part of you, Shu, no matter how much you denied him. A part that was terrified, desperate, and doing what he thought was best to protect you. You don't have to like him, but hating him and yourself won't help you heal."

Shu's head fell into his hands, his body trembling. He didn't notice the single tear that fall at edges of his lashes, and one finally broke free, tracing a slow path down their cheek.

"H-how can I not hate him? How can I not hate myself for everything I've done? How can I forgive myself?"

(She's right. Red Eye might be a part of me and we're both a damn mess. Red Eye was born from a cruel world that doesn't want him. He become twisted... but can I make difference?)

(Is redemption possible?)

"Because healing doesn't come from hatred," she said softly, as if understanding the messy thoughts he had. "It comes from understanding. From acceptance. The moment you choose peace in your heart. You don't have to forgive yourself overnight, but you have to take the first step. You have to let go of this idea that Red Eye is separate from you. He's not. He's you. And you're more than your worst moments. And you are more than enough by doing that. "

More tears burned at the corners of Shu's eyes, and he pressed his palms harder against his face as if that could stop them from falling. The wall he had built around his heart, the one fortified by guilt and shame, desperately trying to retain, was cracking, crumbling under the weight of her words.

"I d-don't k-know if I can do it," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "I don't know if I can ever forgive or love myself."

"You don't have to know right now," she replied, her voice steady and reassuring, like gentle mother telling their kids good night, "It's going to take time. It's going to hurt. But you're here, Shu. That's the first step. And every step after this will be worth it, even if it feels impossible right now. Because I know even though give up at yourself, you're doing this for those people who believe in you"

The room was quiet again, but this time, the silence didn't feel as suffocating. Shu lifted his head, his tear-streaked face meeting her patient gaze. For the first time in what felt like forever, there was a glimmer of something he hadn't felt in years-a faint, fragile hope.

(No. That hope was already there in the first place. Valt already show it to him)

(He's just afraid to reach out for it)

It wasn't enough to erase the guilt his past or silence the self-loathing chain in his heart, but it was a start. A small, baby step toward something better. Toward acceptance. Toward peace.

For himself. For Red Eye. For the boy who had been lost but was not beyond saving.

RED EYE IS PART OF SHU

🥀

Shu needs a fvcking therapy. Period.