~ ~ Beth ~ ~

As I went about my work at the diner, Chris's words, I miss you,  looped inside my head like one of those annoying jingles and it didn't matter how hard I tried to shake them, they wouldn't budge.

Why did he have to tell me that?

Sure, I missed him too. He's what my heart wants—needs and I'm sure if they carved my chest open right now they would find a stupid, dopey heart tattooed with... belongs to Chris.

But want and need are sometimes not the best things for us, because I knew all too well that life and love don't always go hand in hand. My mama had been living proof of that.

And I had no intention of embarking on a journey paved with heartbreak and humiliation.

So my unrelenting heart would just have to get over it already.

With a weighted sigh, I swept the cloth over the table. Working at the diner was proving tougher than I remembered; I could chase around after twenty kids and still not feel as exhausted as I did right now. My legs felt heavier than a sack of potatoes, but glancing up at the clock, I found a little happiness in the fact that I only had an hour left.

"Hey, tiny."

Me? I stopped what I was doing and looked up. 

The voice came from the rowdy bunch of guys at the far end of the diner, their raucous laughter drowning out the few other diners still eating.

"Yeah, you," the shaggy brown-haired guy called out.

I hadn't taken their order because they were sitting at one of Judy's tables. But she was on a break, so I was stuck manning her.  Straightening up, I retrieved my pad and pen from my apron and approached their table. "What can I get for you gentlemen?" I ignored the way their eyes raked over me, making me feel like the last biscuit in the basket.

"How about you join me this Friday? Let me take you out," the brown-haired guy offered. "Show you a good time."

In his dreams.  

"That's a kind offer, but I'll have to decline. Now, can I get you something?" I asked, keeping my tone professional but friendly and clarified just in case I hadn't been clear enough. "From the menu."

"Awe c'mon, tiny, at least give me your number?"

He wasn't getting it.  "Sorry, it's still a no." 

His friends erupted into laughter as if my rejection was the funniest thing they'd heard all day.

"You've gone broken his heart, sugar," one of his buddies teased.

The guy I turned down dramatically clutched his chest as if I'd wounded him. His performance was Oscar-worthy.

Shaking my head, I poised my pen over the pad. "If you're thinking 'bout pie, then you won't go wrong with the Apple. Best damn Apple pie 'round these parts."

"Well, you've convinced me." He winked. "Oh, and a refill."

My eyes ran over all their faces. "Do y'all want the same?"

The same guy answered for them all. "Yeah, my boys here will have the same."

I nodded as I scribbled it down but then one of 'em had the gall to reach out and grab my behind, his touch sending a shiver of disgust down my spine. Quick as a whip, I swatted his hand away, fixing him with a steely glare. "You touch me like that again, and you'll be picking your teeth up off the floor," I warned.

I wouldn't take kindly to any man touching me again inappropriately.

Before the guy could respond, or things took a turn for the worst, Ryan, the short-order cook, sidled up beside me. "She's not kidding, buddy," he chimed in. "You lay another hand on her, and you'll have to answer to me too."

I shot Ryan a grateful smile. I'd known Ryan since high school but he wasn't the scrawny kid who used to have a crush on me; he'd filled out in all the right places. Like me, he'd left our little town for a while to live with his girlfriend in the city, but Lana told me he returned just a few weeks prior to me coming back home and was working here while he got back on his feet. Lana said his ex had cleared him out of everything he had in the bank.

How could someone be that cruel? Ryan was one of the good guys.

"C'mon," huffed the ringleader, "Let's get outta here." They all started to rise from their seats. "Food tastes like shit anyways," said another, pushing past Ryan, who didn't budge an inch.

I watched them leave and then remembered they hadn't paid their bill. Oh, shit. My shoulders slumped. I hated to think of my boss out of pocket, especially when he'd been good to me.

"Hey, you okay?" asked Ryan. "They didn't hurt you?"

I nodded. "I'm okay... thanks, by the way, for stepping in."

"Anytime, but you don't look okay. What's the matter?"

With a sigh. "They left without settling up."

Ryan shrugged, adding, "Don't worry 'bout it. Jack will understand."

But I did worry about it, and I would tell Jack when I saw him next and if he wanted to dock my pay, then so be it.

"I better get back," he hiked a thumb over his shoulder. "Before Frank starts complaining." Frank kept the place running when Blah wasn't around, and helped out with food prep.

Thankfully, the last hour flew by and as I was grabbing my coat and saying my goodbyes when Ryan shouted over to Frank. "Gonna take five."

"Sure," Frank answered without looking up, waving him off.

"C'mon, I'll walk you to your truck," he said, grabbing the door and letting me go first.

Outside the air sure smelled fresher but it always did after a heavy downpour. "Thanks for earlier again, Ryan."

He nodded but was seemingly lost in his own thoughts and as I unlocked my truck and opened the door his hand reached over me and stopped it from opening fully.

"Beth I was thinking," he started and I flipped my head over my shoulder.

"Thinking what?"

"If you wanted to go out sometime. With me?"

Slowly turning my lips parted. I wasn't sure how to respond and I hesitated watching Ryan's cheeks flush before he quickly clarified, "Just as friends, Beth. I ain't lookin' for anything serious."

Ryan shifted his weight between his feet, looking uncharacteristically nervous, as I struggled to find the right response. "I wanted to ask sooner, but, with...y'know..." he trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"I'm not following, y'know what?"

"Look. You haven't seemed yourself since starting back at the diner," he remarked, his concern genuine. "You ain't smilin' the way you used to."

"How did I use to smile?"

"You always wore a smile brighter than anything clothes you had on."

His observation caught me off guard as my face flushed hot. "Oh," I cupped my cheeks. "Has everyone noticed?" Feeling exposed now.

"What? No." He shook his head. "You've been messed 'around and I know what having a bruised heart looks like."

My eyes went comically round. How did he find out?

Ryan winced, realising his bluntness might have crossed a line. "Shit. I didn't mean it to come out like that. I'm not good at this," he apologised, his cheeks now matching mine in colour. "I'm not prying, honestly. I told Lana about my ex and what happened and she mentioned—"

Managing to muster a reassuring smile. "It's okay, Ryan," I said, holding up a hand to signal understanding. "Lana has a way of oversharing." Wasn't there was some unwritten best friend code against airing out all your heartbreak laundry.

Ryan nodded sheepishly. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

He stepped back and that spurred me into action. "Wait." I grabbed his upper arm. "It was just a surprise you askin' me. And you're right. It would be nice to hang out, as friends."

He'd made it clear that he didn't want anything more, right?

Do you believe that?

And I don't know why I suddenly felt guilty, I mean me and Chris weren't together anymore, and any friendships or dates for that matter shouldn't matter. I was a free woman.

But why then did the idea of puttin' myself out there again make my heart ache like a dog without a bone?

Stupid heart.  "We could do something this weekend if you like?"

At my offer, his face morphed into something spectacular. Why had I never noticed how handsome he was?

"Great. Decide what you wanna do and I'll make it happen," he said eagerly.

"You might regret making that offer."

"Nah." And his smile grew. "I doubt that."

~ ~

Shutting the front door, ready for a hot shower, I kicked off my pumps and tossed my keys onto the hook. "I'm home!" I hollered out.

"In here, sweetheart," April's voice called back.

As I shed my jacket and hung it up, I made my way to the kitchen, but my steps slowed as soon as I entered. Something was off. The atmosphere was as heavy as a cast-iron skillet.

They were both seated at the table, and Cal had a bottle of whisky out, wearing a serious expression that could curdle cream. "What's wrong? Has something happened?" I blurted out.

They exchanged a significant glance before Cal's eyes regarded me with something much, much deeper than usual. And now, I watched those eyes flash with devastation before growing cold. "Where's Chris?" he practically snarled at me.

"Cal, sweetheart," April warned, shooting him a look that I knew all too well.

I blinked pulling my head back a little. "I'm guessin' at home, why?"

April tilted her head, concern etched on her face. "What? He hasn't been with you?"

"No, I haven't seen him. Why would you think he'd be with me?"

April looked at Cal and then back at me. "Are you sayin' you haven't seen him at all today?"

"No," my tone hitched. "I'm telling you I haven't seen him."

Was I missing something crucial here?

Cal's tone was sharp as he spoke. "He came by today to tell me all about  you and him—your relationship."

Oh shit.

I swallowed thickly flexing my hands nervously by my sides, as Cals's eyes dropped from mine like he couldn't bear to look at me. It had my heart plummeting like a stone in a wishing well.

It was clear he was angry and disappointed. Did he hate me now?

"I was gonna tell you, but then it was over, and I didn't see no good coming out of you knowing," I explained, my voice airing on the side of regret.

"Do you think he's alright?" April cut in, her worry evident. "He looked determined when he left here. Set on seeing Beth?"

My forehead bunched in confusion. "Why he was coming to see me?"

I heard Cal muttering a string of curses before he answered. "Most likely changed his mind." He shook his head, his lips twisted up into a snarl. "I'm not surprised..."

"Changed his mind?" I echoed, feeling utterly lost in the conversation. "'Bout what?"

"Sweetheart," April started keeping her tone soft. "Chris told Cal he was in love with you."

My heart seized at her words like it had hit a sudden red light. Chris had confessed his love for me to Cal?

But then, just as quickly, it was as if someone had thrown a bucket of cold water on it, waking it up from its stunned stupor. My heart started pounding again, like a racehorse eager to get back on track.

April reached for her phone. "I'm gonna call him."

"Don't bother," Cal scoffed.

Ignoring him, April dialled Chris's number, and looking up her eyes snagged on mine. "He's not picking up," she said. "Voicemail."

"Chickenshit." Cal's jaw set tight and his nostrils flared. "Just like him. Drop a bomb and then leave everyone else dealing with the fallout," he muttered bitterly and my heart sank at the truth in his words, grounding me, like I'd fallen from a great height to land with a thud.

"I hope this shows you just how unreliable he is, Beth, and I'm praying to Christ you aren't considering..." Cal's sentence trailed off.

"Cal, we already talked about this." April reached out to place her hand over his. "Whatever Beth and Chris decide about their future, if they even have a future, we would take a back seat. Beth is a grown woman who can decide for herself."

Cal made a disgusted noise at the back of his throat but reluctantly admitted. "April's right, but I won't hold my tongue and say I'm happy about it. It's not right."

I shrugged like his words didn't bother me. "Like you said, Chris most likely changed his mind."

And yet... and yet—

They hurt just as much, like rubbing salt in an open wound.

Blinking back tears I focused on April who was pressing her phone to her ear again trying to call Chris. Her shoulder slumped when it obviously went to voicemail again.

~ ~

I'd barely caught a lick of sleep and now just past five in the morning I was waiting here until I heard the soft click of the front door.

Finally... Cal had left for work.

Yeah, I was avoiding him by hiding out in my room because I didn't want to see that look on his face again. Last night had been bad enough.

But now he'd left, I could get up because even though I wasn't due at the diner until midday I couldn't lie here staring up at the ceiling any longer, so bleary-eyed and restless I peeled back the covers and slipped from my bed and headed downstairs.

Whilst waiting for the pot of coffee I picked up my phone to see if there were any messages.

None.

Chris hadn't tried to call me, not that I was expecting him to. Liar.

I wasn't on my own with my thoughts for long when I heard the shuffling of feet.

"My, did someone wet the bed this morning?" April, bright and breezy wandered in but her attempt at humour faltered when she noticed my subdued demeanour. "You alright, Beth?"

Honestly, I wasn't sure, but I hummed out a response and added a smile for good measure.

Her eyebrow cocked. "Why do I think you're lying to me?"

What could I say? That I'd let myself dream that Chris and I might have a future after confessing his love for me to his brother? To then what? Change his mind?

Before I got a chance to explain the shrill ring of April's phone cut me off.

"I'm betting that's Cal, telling me he forgot something. Yesterday he went off without taking his lunch. I had to call by the station with it."

She grabbed her phone and glanced at the caller ID, her playful expression dropped. "Unrecognized number," she muttered, swiping to answer. "Hello?"

I shifted my stance uneasily at the mention of Adam's name.

"No," said April, "He left here before lunch to go see Beth, but she said she never saw him."

It had to be about Chris and I tried to listen to the person on the other end of the phone but I couldn't make out what they were saying.

"Hmhmm." Nodding her head. "I'm gonna do it right now," she said. "Yeah, I'll call you straight back when I know something. Promise."

"April, What's goin' on?" I asked, as soon as the call ended. She wouldn't make eye contact just muttered 'Give me a second' and put the phone to her ear again.

"Cal. Adam just called telling me Chris didn't make it home yesterday," she blurted out, barely hiding her panic now. "What if..." she paused. "We had that bad storm, what if something happened to him? An accident?"

Her frantic tone only fuelled my escalating worry.

"Ah-huh, yeah, yeah. Okay." She ended the call and turned to me with a forced attempt at calm. "Now, let's not worry until we have something to worry about, okay?"

Her words offered little comfort as the reality of the situation sank in.

Chris was missing.

And a storm surge of feelings battered me from all sides and I swore my heart stopped again.