~ ~ Chris ~ ~

I struggled through three mouthfuls of Mia's pie before nearly gagging. She had insisted it wasn't sweet, but my teeth were practically begging for a dentist appointment. But it was fun watching Nix with his dessert, this kid could put a smile on anyone's face.

And he kept me busy and smiling until I settled him down for the night. Now I was sat, alone, by myself, with a bottle of jack for company.

It was quiet. Too quiet

I shut my eyelids and rubbed my tired eyes with my thumb and middle finger.  I used to enjoy my own company, but now it felt suffocating. I reached for my cell phone on the table, hoping for a distraction, but there were no messages.

God, I was pathetic.

What did I expect, a message from Beth? Tossing my phone. That ship had sailed, and I was the asshole left on the dock.

Too late, asshole.

Or was it? What if there was a slim chance she would hear me out?

The talk with Adam fresh in my head, and the impulse to go after her began to take hold. It stirred something up inside me, prompting me to leap from my seat, slam my glass down, and pace the room as if I had just been rudely awakened.

And the more I paced the clearer it became.   It came down to choices.   And so far I'd chosen to stay stagnant, safe.   A spectator in my own life watching it pass by.  I thought I was part of it, living it to the fullest—but it wasn't until someone crashed landed into my life, turned it upside down and split open my world that I could see it for what it was.

Nix's arrival had been the catalyst, bringing Beth and me together.  Surely that had to be fate, right?

But I'd been too stupid, afraid. A fucking coward... too stuck in the past; unable to fight for what was right in front of me.

Question was now. What was I going to do about it?

And then there was time—an ever-decreasing commodity, slipping through my fingers like sand in an hourglass.

If I didn't act now, I would lose her, completely, if not already.

Now I'd accepted there was no other choice for me the image of her took up all the space in my head... so perfect, so pretty that it hurt.  And I needed to do it now. Tell her now.  And I was halfway to the front door when I had to abandon that idea.

Idiot...

Mia was out and I couldn't leave Nix. 

Turning back, I walked back to the chair and sat my ass down, it was then I thought I heard Beth whisper in my ear. "You've made me wait far too long, Chris."

I had, but it wasn't going to stop me from trying and I grabbed my phone and scrolled through my contacts and hit the one I wanted. The call connected. "Hey, it's me."

A yawn came from the other end of the line. "Oh, hey, I didn't expect to hear back from you today," said my brother.

"I need to talk to you about something, are you around tomorrow?"

"Everything okay Chris?"

"It will be." Or maybe it won't.

"Yeah, I'm around."

"Does ten work for you?"

"Yeah. Ten's good." He yawned again.

~ ~

Tomorrow took forever to come around. Sleep had eluded me like a slippery eel and at three am I'd buried my face in the pillow, willing it to come and grant me some reprieve from my thoughts—the turmoil inside my head at Cal's reaction to what I was about to drop on him. 

At four am I'd given up and dragged my weary butt out of bed and headed straight into the shower.

But now, here I was sitting in front of my brother's home tapping on the steering wheel and staring out the windscreen. Only Cal's car was sat out front which meant he was alone. Good.

Can't just sit here, asshole.

Unclipping my belt, I pulled on the door release with my heart beating with uncertainty.

Was this the right decision?

Doubts came thick and fast.

Maybe I should have spoken to Beth first.

I hesitated, my hand lingering on the door, before finally stepping out onto the pavement and with a determined push to close the door, I started walking up the path. I hadn't even knocked on the door when it opened and Cal greeted me looking like he'd not long got out of the shower, his hair was still wet.

"On your own?" He peered over my head. "No Nix?"

"He's with Mia."

"Ah. How's it going with her?"

"Good. Nix likes her."

He ushered me inside saying, "I still don't understand why Beth didn't want the job any longer.  Care to enlighten me because no one tells me shit around here?" 

I didn't answer as he would figure it out soon enough and instead asked a question of my own. "New car?" 

"Oh, yeah." I followed him into the kitchen and he offered me a seat at the kitchen table as he grabbed a mug from the drainer. "Coffee—it's a fresh pot?" 

Shaking my head. "I'm good. Thanks."

He came and sat at the table and reached for the sugar bowl, spooning in two heap fulls and stirred whilst he chatted about his new car.  Lifting his mug, one of his thick eyebrows slowly rose. "So what's on your mind, Chris?"

I cleared my throat and met his gaze. "It's about Beth." 

Should I just blurt it out?  

"Okay... let's hear it."

I took a deep breath, steeling myself for what was to come. "It's about my relationship with her." 

Cal lowered his mug his thick brows now nudging together. "Your relationship?" His expression was curious but in no way accusing.

My heart skipped over a few beats before I pushed out the words that would change everything. "I... I have feelings for her." Saying the words out loud didn't lift any of the burden. In fact, it bore down on my shoulders with the insufferable weight of iron.

My brother's demeanour shifted and his tone became guarded. "Feelings? What do you mean? What kind of feelings?"

Here goes. "The kind you're most likely not going to like."  Or hate me for.

The room became quiet. Still. And then Cal's expression darkened and I slowly nodded in answer to his silent question.

His jaw ticked before he said sternly. "Please tell me you're joking, Chris. That you don't mean what I think you mean."

Shit, this was harder than I thought it would be as the air tightened in my throat. "No, I'm serious Cal. I've been struggling with it for a while now."

Cal's eyes narrowed, his disbelief turning to anger. "You've got to be kidding me." 

I gulped and hooked a finger into the collar of my shirt, which seemed suddenly too tight around my neck, although it wasn't. "I know it's gonna seem crazy to you but it's complicated, Cal, and I can't help how I feel. I'm done hiding how I feel."

Both of his hands balled into fists as his chest rose and fell and his nostrils flared like a bull ready to charge and I was the red flag.

"No." He shook his head. "It's not happening. I'm telling you right now. Whatever feelings you think you have, get rid of them. Right. Fucking. Now. You hear me, Chris?"

"I can't do that, Cal. I can't un-love her."

"Love!" He beat his left fist on the table. "Are you listening to yourself? She's family. You watched her grow up from being a kid." His face now turned an angry shade of red.  "A kid!" he repeated.  "She calls you uncle for Christ's sake."

Bristling, I slanted my head sideways the words growled deep inside my chest but still managed to taste acidic on my tongue.  "It's not like we are blood-related, Cal." It was the only comeback I had in my arsenal.

He was on the cusp of tipping into full-blown anger.  "I don't give a fuck. We're still a family. Me and April have raised her and Beck like our own." He paused and something filled his eyes as something occurred to him "Is this why she's come back home? Something already happened between the two of you, and that's why she's been unhappy, different since she got back?"

It crushed me she was unhappy—sad.  That was all on me.

"She's upset with me. I wanted to keep our relationship secret." His expression changed to one of disgust as I kept talking. "Beth wanted to tell you and April."

He raised a hand and pointed toward the door. "Get out. Get the fuck out of my house, Chris, before I do something we both regret."

Raising my palms.  "I'll leave, but you have to know... although I'm not even sure if I have any kind of relationship to salvage with Beth but I'm going to try."

"You're stupid and crazy if you think I'll sit by and watch that happen."

He was serious. Just like when we were kids, it was Cal who would kick mine and Jamie's ass's when we got out of line.  

But we weren't kids any longer. So I tried to explain. "I'm sorry if it upsets you. It wasn't—" He cut me off.

"Upsets me?" Cal cocked his head, intently searching my face. "Even if she wasn't family, Chris, you're too old for her. Certainly not good enough. Hell, she's still a kid. Barely started living!" He shook his head. "Nothing changes does it—you've always been like this, selfish. All about you."

"I love her, Cal. And she's not a kid. She's a grown woman. A woman I'm in love with and I'm sorry—"

"You don't have a clue what love is." He cut me off again. "You've never loved anyone apart from yourself, Chris."

My head backed up. Jarring pain tightened across my chest. "That's not true and you know it."

"Oh yeah," he sneered. "Poor Chris. Claire chose Jamie and it took you how long, years, to even start talking to him again? And now suddenly you sit there telling me you love Beth?" He paused pulling his head back. "I trusted you with her. I thought she'd be safe with you... after that asshole..." I tried to cut in but he stopped me dead. "You're no better than him. You know that right?"

Cal's reaction had been worse than I'd imagined, but I shouldn't have been shocked by it. 

And there was no way he would come around today—maybe not ever, and I felt a surge of frustration rise inside me along with stubborn determination. "You can think what you like about me but I won't let you dictate who I can or can't love," I warned him. "I also know it might be too late to win her back, but I'm not giving her up without a fight."

Pushing out my chair I stood up to leave, a knot of tension twisting in my gut, uncertainty gnawing at the future of my relationship with my family. 

A cold gleam lit up his eyes. "You go through with this and we're done, Chris. Finished. You won't be welcome in my home again."

It was fair to assume the rest of my family would feel this way too.  But I couldn't back down now. I had made up my mind, and I needed to see it through. Consequences be damned.

He didn't move as I started walking away but then I heard the drag of his chair on the floor and Cal's hand gripped my shoulder with surprising force, yanking me around to face him. I stumbled a step, righting my balance as he shoved me into the kitchen door-jam, his voice low and forbidding as he spoke.

"Chris, I'm not going to let you do this?" He spat, eyes burning with an intensity I had never seen before. 

I ground my teeth together as we faced off, neither one of us yielding. "You can't stop me, Cal." His hand gripped my shirt, fisting the material as he tugged me closer and then slammed me again into the door-jam again, almost winding me this time. 

"Hit me. Do your worst. It won't change a thing."

Cal's grip tightened, his jaw clenched with frustration. "This is a mistake, Chris. The family will never—"

"I know, Cal," I interrupted, my voice steady despite my stomach now sitting in my throat trying to escape. "But I can't ignore how I feel. I'm going to tell her. And if she tells me she doesn't want me, asks me to stay away, then I will. I will respect her decision."

Cal's stance was rigid and filled with finality. "I'll never give my blessing, Chris."

I nodded. "I know and I'm sorry. Hurting you. Hurting the family isn't my intention."

"What in the tarnation is goin' on in here?"

Both our heads twisted at the sound of April's voice as it broke the tense atmosphere like a ray of sunshine breaking through rain clouds. "Looks like I got back just in time to referee as you boys are lookin' ready to get into a throw-down."  

Her eyes flicked between us waiting for one of us to say something before she said with a sigh. "Well, is one of you gonna say something?"

Cal's grip on me loosened slightly. "April, stay out of this," he warned, his voice stern and commanding.

April rolled her eyes, unfazed by her husband's sharp words. "Oh, calm down, papa-bear and for heaven's sake, set the man free." Her eyes narrowed on Cal but her tone was light and playful as she lifted the bags she held in her hands. "And can a woman get some help around here, huh?"

Cal muttered out a curse letting go of my shirt but still glowered at me as April handed him her bags.

"I've got more in the car," Hiking a thumb over her shoulder. "C'mon, Chris, come help me."

Cal loosened a groan but turned toward the kitchen and I straightened my shirt and trailed after April. Outside the humidity clung to me like a wet blanket. April stopped at the back end of her car eyeing the sky.

"Looks like we got a real doozy of a storm headin' our way, Chris."

I squinted up at the clouds, their angry swirls reflecting my unsettled mood.

"Feels like we're about to be caught in the middle of a Southern showdown with Mother Nature."  She pulled out a grocery bag. "Looks like you've gotten yourself into a mess again, darlin'," she teased, her eyes twinkling as she handed a bag to me. "Let me guess. You realised what a mistake it was letting Beth go and now you've just confessed to Cal that you love her." She shrugged, with, "Am I right?"

It was one of those mic-drop moments.

Happy, she grinned, rocking on her heels looking pleased with herself. 

"Keep your mouth hangin' open like that, Chris, and I guarantee flies and birds will hide out from the storm in there."

Did she know everything?  And I couldn't figure out why she wasn't giving me hell about it.

April dipped into her car again and pulled out another bag, passing it over. "That's the last one." she hustled, flapping hurry-up hands at me shooing me back inside the house. 

In a daze and yeah, with my mouth still hanging open I did as she asked and found Cal leaning up against the kitchen counter his fingers gripping it tightly. I put the bags onto the table and stepped back.

April walked in behind me and positioned herself squarely between Cal and me, she sighed, popping a hand on her hip. "Alright, let's all take a seat and have a mature conversation 'bout this."

"I'm beyond talking." Cal snapped, his frustration about to spill over. "And when you find out what's going on, you'll understand why."

"Sweetheart." She dropped her hand from her hip, softening her tone. "I already know what you're 'bout to say."

Cal's expression twisted into one of disbelief. "You've got to be kidding me," he ground out between gritted teeth. Visibly seething he pushed away from the countertop, running a hand agitatedly through his hair. "Am I seriously the last one to find out?" he demanded, his voice tight with anger.

April's response was hesitant, her shoulders hugged her ears. "Well..."

Cal looked on the brink of exploding, tossing up an infuriated hand. "Un-fucking-believable."

April approached him, placing a comforting hand on his chest. "Don't be angry, Cal. I know this is a lot to take in."

It was his turn to blink. His mouth slackened.  "A lot to take in, April?" He puffed out his chest. "Waking up to find the house on fire is a lot to take in. Hearing about the death of a friend is a lot to take in. This." He jabbed a finger in my direction. "This is wrong and sick." He shut his eyes and breathed in deeply before opening them. "Tell me you're not okay with this."

She lifted her hand to cup her cheek. "Sweetheart, it's not our decision."

April half turned to me. "She's workin' at the diner. Why don't you get off before the weather turns bad." She gave me a heartening smile. "It's the same one she used to work at. Remember it?"

I knew the one.

"I can't believe you're encouraging this. It's a huge mistake," said Cal as April turned back to him.

"Maybe," she conceded. "But it's a mistake they have to make."

I looked at Cal hoping for some sign that he might forgive me in time. I hated leaving it like this but I was done letting fear or doubt hold me back any longer. I would follow my heart, no matter where it led me.

With a nod of thanks to April, grateful for her support I headed out, my mind racing with thoughts of finding Beth and hoping she would at least hear me out... beg her if I had to.

I had barely been driving ten minutes when it started—the heavens cracked open blurring the world outside into a watery haze as I navigated the empty road.

Slowing my speed, thunder rumbled above me.

"Great..." I muttered squinting through the downpour, trying to make out the road signs as the rain hammered down with increasing ferocity. Suddenly, the sound of an engine and screeching tyres caught my attention, and I glanced in the rearview mirror just in time to see a black truck bearing down on me at an alarming speed.

Before I could react, the truck slammed into the back of my car with bone-jarring force, sending me careening off the road.

"Shit..." I tried to keep control as I headed down an embankment, the impact was like a thunderbolt, rattling my bones. My head couldn't keep up as I was thrown forward, the belt tightening across my chest making me wheeze as the car came to a crashing halt into a tree and the airbag exploded in my face.

I blinked a few times and flinched when my car window was smashed in.  A spray of glass and then something hard hit me in the side of the head and the last thing I heard was the clamour of the storm fading into a distant hum as unconsciousness claimed me, leaving me at the mercy of the storm and the wreckage of my car.