~ ~ Chris ~~

In an attempt to keep busy, I found myself outside in the garage tidying up.

Picking up a wrench. "Why do I have one of these again?" I muttered to myself because honestly, I couldn't wrench my way out of a paper-bag and then I stupidly dropped it to land on my foot. "Ow! Shit." That goddamn hurt I hissed bending down to pick up.

Why was this a good idea again?

Oh yeah, because this was one of the few places Beth hadn't frequented. There were no reminders of her in here.

Opening a toolbox I threw the offending item inside.

Thank God I was going back to work next week, my sabbatical was over and I was heading back to full-time hours. Which was a good thing because I was going crazy being here...without her.

Exhaling a hard sigh, I missed her, like an ache that just wouldn't shift.

I'd like to say she fixed me.

That her hands and her heart had pieced me back together.

But I hadn't let her.

And even if I could go back two weeks, and tell myself to agree to whatever she damned well wanted, I still wouldn't have listened.

Was that stupidity or stubbornness?

Probably both.

But now my head had gone there, everything else just flooded back in, unrestricted and uncensored. My smile came freely as I tortured myself with all the little things I missed. Simple things—like hanging out. Her sassy comebacks, and humour, and how easy it was to talk to her... The way she would relax next to me, whether it be watching a movie together, even those awful true-story daytime movies or cooking dinner.

All of it had been comfortable and natural.

And those blue eyes and flawless skin and pert nose. And that freckle and her gorgeous bottom lip that she often caught me staring at.

Everything was easy with Beth.

The way her smile felt on me...

My smile dropped.

I wouldn't feel that again.

Someone else would be on the receiving end of her smile and I clenched my teeth so hard my jaw ached as realisation hit and anger rose unexpectedly. I was angry because at that moment, I was resentful of any and all of her future relationships. Sick to my stomach of the man who got the chance to spend his life with her.

I had no right to feel anything and wasn't that what I wanted her for?

Tilting my head back I scratched my hand across my prickly jaw.

Can't have it both ways, asshole.

Looking down I reminded myself that I was out here to keep busy and to not think about Beth.

Yeah. Good luck with that.

Divine intervention took pity on me and my cell vibrated on the countertop. Seeing a familiar name flash up on the screen my heart rate picked up and heat rose on my skin.

Shit. Cal.

Perhaps I'd been too hasty to think it was divine and my hand hovered. I'd done pretty well avoiding his calls, but I couldn't keep ignoring him. Picking it up I swiped the screen and closed my eyes, holding the phone to my ear. "Hey."

"About time. I was starting to think you were avoiding me."

"Yeah, sorry, been busy with one thing and another. What can I do for you?"

He huffed and grumbled and I immediately went on high alert. Something was wrong.

The line went quiet and I got more nervous with the silence stretching out between us, but I didn't want to be the first to speak as every day I woke up thinking today would be the day that everyone found out about what I'd done.

"Need a favour," he finally said. "April thinks you might be the best person."

I relaxed, albeit slightly. "Everything okay?"

"That I guess depends on your definition of okay."

What the hell did that mean? And my mind instantly went to Beth. Was she alright?

I'd had zero contact with her. She'd not even responded when I sent her pictures of Nix and she'd sent Beck to pick up all her stuff and that had been awkward at best. He was still pissed at me and rightly so. It also didn't help that Mia had answered the door straight after getting out of the shower, wrapped only in a towel. I hadn't heard him knocking because me and Nix were out back in the pool.

I attempted to explain who Mia was, but the icy glare he shot my way could have frozen hell over—twice.

Add that to the pile of messed-up relationships.

"You're gonna have to give me more than that, Cal."

"You remember that asshole who assaulted Beth," he sneered, "Thompson?"

Who could forget him? "Yeah."

"He's dead."

Oh. That was the last thing I expected him to say.

"Someone beat him to death."

Again, unexpected. "How's Beth taken the news—is she okay?"

"That's what I'm calling about. She seemed to take it in her stride, but the bastard left a confession behind, we think it was beaten out of him."

That should have upset me, being in the business of healing people, but I couldn't find it in me to care. He'd hurt Beth and I remembered how scared and shaken up she'd been when she'd turned up at my house in the middle of the night.

"He admitted he was going to rape her that night and she wasn't the only one. Turns out there was a reason the family couldn't hold onto nannies for long."

He didn't need to spell it out for me. Motherfucker... And I gripped my phone tightly in my hand to the point it became painful.

"Anyway, Beth's not said much since she found out. She's quiet. Too quiet. And April is worried about her and we're hoping seeing as you've always been closer to her that you might come over tomorrow, for dinner and talk to her, and fetch Nix too."

Oh shit. I was the last person she would want to see or talk to.

"Can I tell April you're coming?"

Scraping a hand across my forehead I let out a hard sigh. "Tomorrow might not work for me?"

"Friday?"

He wasn't going to let this go. "Let me get back to you."

"Okay, well, I'd better get back to work, call me, yeah?"

"Sure, yeah."

What the hell was I supposed to do now? Cal had left me little option but to call Beth.

Here goes...

It went to voicemail. No surprise there.

Ending the call, I tried again.

Nothing.

Third time lucky?

I expected the same and was ready to leave a message when her voice came over the line.

God, her voice. I'd missed that too. "Hey, it's me," I said with my heart leaping into my throat.

She didn't reply. Had she heard me? I could hear music in the background, so maybe she hadn't. "Beth?"

Some muffled sounds, voices maybe? And then she spoke. "Just give me a second." I waited and then the music quietened and stopped altogether. "Sorry, I couldn't hear you back there." Her voice was a little short, but at least she was speaking to me.

"Have I caught you at a bad time?"

"It's my day off and I'm visiting Lana, she works in a bar, remember?"

I did. Lana was 'dancing' also known as stripping for money while men watched with interest, no doubt drooling and fantasising about her at the same time. She'd told me Lana had said she could easily get Beth a job there if she wanted.

I swallowed. Hard. Was Beth thinking about doing that? Letting men see her... dance.

My skin prickled.

And now I sounded fucking jealous. Great.

Getting to the point. "Cal rang me, he's worried about you, he told me about that scumbag, Thompson."

"Oh," she paused. "He told you."

"Yeah. He's asked me to come over, tomorrow, for dinner. I think he's hoping you might talk to me."

The line went quiet.

"Look, I don't want to make you uncomfortable, Beth. Do you want me to make an excuse?"

I hoped she would say no. That she wanted to see me. Hell, now I'd heard her voice again, I wanted to see her.

She was still quiet and I could almost picture her nibbling on her plump bottom lip the way she did when she was thinking and something warm ran under my skin and I blurted out, "I miss you."

"Chris... don't."

I should have kept my mouth shut, but it was true all the same.

"I'll talk to Cal. You don't need to trouble yourself coming over. I'm fine."

And then without a goodbye, she ended the call.

Just like that. Gone.

Fuck. I guess I deserved that.

"Hey, Chris," came from behind me.

I looked over my shoulder and having left the garage door up, I spotted Adam and Riley with Gracie heading toward me. Adam held out some car keys and dropped them into my hand.

Adam had bought Riley a new car and I offered to buy Riley's old one for Mia. I couldn't in good conscience let her continue riding around in hers. That, and there was no way I would let Nix ride in that car.

I would give it to her later, an early birthday gift.

"Thanks, You want the cash now?"

He shook his head. "I know you're good for it. No rush."

Riley, never one to waste a second airing her thoughts, said, "You still lost in the land of thick-headedness and dumbest decisions?"

I couldn't help but chuckle at her bluntness. "Oh, you know me. Forever wandering in the maze of my own stupidity," I replied with a self-deprecating grin.

Riley Jo cocked an eyebrow, her eyes dancing with mischief. "Well, bless your lonely heart. Must be mighty uncomfortable walkin' around with your head up your ass all the time."

Nothing that came out of Riley Jo's mouth was sugarcoated. Her sharp tongue might offend most but I knew she only meant well... mostly.

My gaze swung to Adam, who gratefully stepped in to save me. "Sweetheart, didn't you say something about wanting to cuddle Nix?"

"He's in the kitchen with Mia, they're baking."

"I did." She pouted good-naturedly. "At least one man in this house never disappoints me." She kissed Adam on the cheek asking him. "Talk some sense into him." And then gave me one last parting shot. "Excuses are like backsides, Chris. Everybody's got one and they all stink."

Waiting till she rounded the corner, I said. "Get it over with. Say your piece." I walked over to the small refrigerator. "You want a beer?"

Adam pulled out a lawn chair and sat himself down. "Nah, I'm good."

I grabbed a beer and sat opposite on a stool and waited.

Three.

Two.

One... "What are you doing, Chris?"

Was that rhetorical?

"You look like shit, man," he went on, not trying to mask the concern in his voice. "Last time I saw you like this was back in college."

I remembered... Jamie and Claire.

"Well, thanks for that glowing endorsement, friend." And with a smirk, and a wink I raised my beer in mock appreciation. "But I'm doing great."

Adam's expression was pained, knowing full well that I was using humour to deflect from talking about feelings for Beth.

"I don't think I ever said thank you for what you did for me," he murmured, his features both harsh and loose with something akin to nostalgia.

Huh?

"You talked some sense into me and it's only fair I return the favour," he added, his tone more serious now.

Oh, yeah. Riley Jo. I liked to think I helped convince him to go after her. Follow her to New York and talk her into giving him a second chance.

"Fight for her, Chris. Tell her you're sorry. Ask for a second chance. Beg if you have to."

I took a sip of my beer, "You know I love and appreciate you and Riley and your concerns for me, but our situations are very different," I replied, a hint of resignation in my tone. "So you just better get used to the miserable and bitter Chris look. It's the latest fashion trend I hear."

Adam chuckled, shaking his head. "Well, you're certainly rocking it," he remarked with a wry smile. "But let's call it what it really is—bullshit!"

I leaned forward and spread my legs a little wider, resting my forearms on my thighs and dangled the beer bottle from my fingers. Dropping my head. "It doesn't matter anyway. I just spoke with her. It's too late."

"What?" He sat up. "You asked her to come back?"

Lifting my head, our eyes met. "No. I told her I missed her."

A frown dug its way into his eyebrows. "So you never asked for another chance?"

"Nope."

"Well, how can you say it's too late then?"

"I hurt her, Adam. The only thing she wanted from me was to shout out that I loved her. Tell everyone. But I fucked it up and let her down. I couldn't give her what she wanted. She called me a coward and she was right."

"Well then." His frown deepened. "Give her what she wants." His tone shifted to one of frustration. "Tell the world you love her." He mirrored my posture, resting his elbows on his knees. "Look, I nearly let the best thing in my life slip through my fingers and I'm not in any way some love expert. Riley told me I was as clueless as a goldfish in a bowl, floundering around and hoping for the best. So yeah, I get it. But don't waste this chance."

He made it sound so easy.

Adam held up a hand to stop me from cutting in. "And before you say it, yeah, it's gonna shock the hell out of your family, they might even be pissed for a while, but they'll come around. They're your family, Chris."

He leaned back and let out a breath whilst I thought about what he'd said.

"And Chris."

I waited.

"There isn't anything wrong with wanting to be happy."

~ ~ ~

Pushing my plate away I listened to Mia ask Nix, "You finished, little guy?" My son had more food on his face and hands than in his belly.

I laughed and collected up our plates and moved them next to the sink as Mia wiped over Nix's little hands and face. "There. Now I can see your handsome little face."

Mia flashed a grin over Nix's head as he stretched out his arms reaching out for her, he wanted out of the high chair. "Ah. Ah. We're not done yet. I got a surprise for you." Then she asked me. "I got him this new ice-cream. Can he have some?"

"Sure." It couldn't do any harm.

"Good and I made pie for us."

Oh, God. Don't get me wrong, I liked Mia and she was great with Nix, but her baking, well, that was tough to swallow. Literally.

I scraped off our plates. "Mia, you don't have to bake every day."

"I do. It's my way of thanking you."

"Well, you've been here for over two weeks now. Trust me, you've thanked me enough."

"Chris, are you trying to tell me you hate my baking, huh?"

Hate was a strong word. "I don't hate your baking." Could I call it a biohazard? "I just don't have a sweet tooth."  Loading the dishwasher she moved to the refrigerator opening the door and dipping inside.  

Shutting the door on the dishwasher she came back to the table and a quick bob of her head in response. "Mmhmm. Okay." She held out her latest culinary surprise. "Well, I made you apple slab pie, just try it. I promise this one ain't too sweet!"

I walked back to the table, staring at the object on the plate looked nothing like any apple slab pie I'd ever seen. For starters, it seemed... wet. And yet, it looked overcooked.

She pushed the dish in my direction. Oh boy, I wasn't getting out of this. But then I remembered.

"Oh, I've got a surprise too."

Her face lit up. "What? For me?"

"Yep." I lifted Nix out of his high-chair. "C'mon buddy, let's show her, huh."

Mia followed us. "Where we goin?"

"You'll see." Opening the front door I stepped outside and Mia came to stand beside me. "There." I flicked my chin up.

She looked around. "There what? What am I looking at?"

I fished the keys out of my pocket and dangled them in front of her. "The blue sedan. It's yours."

"What!?" she screeched as I dropped the keys into her hand. "You got me a car!"

"Yeah, consider it an early birthday gift."

"I... Oh my god. You got me a car?" she repeated. "Chris, that's—I can't accept this."

She tried to hand me back the keys but I swatted her hand aside. "The words I think you're looking for are thank you, Chris."

"No. Ah-ah. No." She shook her head. "I gotta pay you for it. This ain't right. You shouldn't be spending money on me." She glanced around almost spooked. "How's this gonna look, people might think..." She blew out a noisy breath.

People might think what? "Look, I got it for a steal. It was Riley's car and Adam sold it to me for a fraction of the cost."

She stared at me for a second, a stiff grin on her face while her eyes flashed with uncertainty. "Chris, if you're expecting... y'know, something to happen between us." Her cheeks flushed pink. "Then I'm sorry, but I don't like you that way..."

What!?

"I ain't looking for no sugar-daddy," she finished. "I ain't gonna sleep with you, Chris."

"Wait, sugar daddy? Where on earth did you get the idea I wanted to sleep with you?" I was taken aback, and then I couldn't help but burst out laughing. "Don't worry, Mia. I'm not interested in being anyone's daddy, except Nix's."

Mia's expression shifted, her brow furrowing in confusion. Had I said something wrong? "Not that you're not attractive or anything, but—" I hesitated, finally admitting something I hadn't said aloud before. "If you must know, I'm in love with someone."

Her head snapped back, brows knitting together in shock. "What? You are?"

"Yeah. Is that so hard to believe?"

She offered a playful expression that appeared completely forced. "Just that Kim said you were a player. Never the same woman twice." Shrugging. "And you like 'em young."

I winced. Did everyone see me that way? "People change Mia."

"Oh, yeah, I guess... So who is this mystery woman? I mean it is a woman, right?"

"What!?" Pfft. "Of course, it's a woman. It's Beth."

Her eyes rounded. "Beth, Beth the nanny? Or ex-nanny?"

Nodding. "That's the one."

She opened her mouth to ask more questions but I cut in. "Keep the car, Mia. And it will make me feel better knowing that Nix is being driven around in a reliable—" Not a death-trap "—Car when I head back to work next week."

She nodded slowly. "Okay. If you're sure?"

"I'm sure."

This time her smile was genuine.

"Hey, Dr Chambers..." I looked up to see Aaron, my neighbour heading our way. Mia looked over her shoulder and Aaron smiled at her. "Hey, Mia. You ready?"

Her head flipped back around with her cheeks even pinker. "Aaron invited me to the movies."

I smiled. "Go. I got Nix. Have a good time."

She stepped up and raised onto her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to my cheek. "Thank you for the car, Chris. It's the nicest thing anyone has done for me." She kissed Nix and reminded me. "Don't forget 'bout pie!"

Ugh.  Me and Nix waved them off and we made our way back inside the house. "C'mon Buddy let's get you that ice-cream and then you can watch me suffer through pie."