A/N (WARNING AND MESSAGE OF LOVE): this used to be the cringey chapter called waterfall. and guys, this is a suicide chapter. Pls guys, don't kill yourself. Don't do it, not now, not ever. There is someone in this world who loves you and if you kill yourself, you leave them brokenhearted. Treat yourself with love because that's the only way to be treated. Don't hide your feelings, it'll only make the pain worse. Talk to someone. And if no one's willing to listen, find someone who is. You have to find someone who is willing to spend a moment to listen to you because they can be the key to love. Let somebody hug you and tell you that you mean something, because you do.

And if there's really no one who will listen, I will :)

But ANYWAYS, pls enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Fuck you."

That's what you muttered underneath your breath as you walked away from Kageyama, who was staring at your back as his arm slung around some girl's shoulder.

Well, he's a ex now. He hates you now.

Just like everyone else.

Forget him. Forget them. Forget everyone.

"Hey, Y/N. Are you okay?" You looked up at the towering person above you. Blonde hair, glasses, headphones around his neck.

Yep. The one and only, Tsukishima Kei.

"Kei." You looked away from him.

Are you okay?

Were you ever? No.

Life has always been tough, but now that you're in high school? More than ever.

Relationship issues, school life, and even home life. Kageyama was supposed to be there for you no matter where you went--but he never was. And he never will.

Who could forget the annoying brats who also beat you up when you walk down the sidewalk and of course the dumb gossipers who think they know everything?

Home was no safe haven either. The crushing weight of always being told you're a disappointment in and out of school is enough to take every ounce of strength from you. Not to mention, the physical touch at home is far from gentle.

But nobody has to know that.

Nobody gets to know these things.

Because it's your problems, not theirs.

So you just smile. Smile and show no pain. Get the key and lock every emotion inside. No one gets to know that it isn't alright.

"Yeah. I'm okay."

Tsukishima narrowed his eyes at you, as if he could see the truth. As if he knew it all. But his face softened, probably knowing that it wasn't his place to bring it up. "Okay. Want me to walk you home?"

"Actually... can I... stay over your place tonight?" You asked. He blinked before nodding.

"Okay. That works."

The last place you want to be is at home. You got a 77 on your test today. Once your mom sees it, it's over for you. You touched your cheek as if you could already feel the hard punch to the face she'll give you.

She has strict rules for you and you break one of them, you get a punishment.

A beating.

And getting anything below 100 on your grades--yeah, that's a definite beating.

"Hey, Y/N?"

"Yeah?" You looked up at the one person you can call your friend. This cold-hearted guy had such a soft spot for you and you really appreciate it. He and Yamaguchi are the only ones you can really rely on when you're hurting.

"What's with the marks on your wrist?" He asked, looking down at your arm. You lifted it up to see cut marks all around your wrist and up to your elbow.

"Cut marks."

"From where?"

"My cat scratched me up really bad yesterday."

Lies.

You did that.

You were sick of it. You were done with life one day.

In an attempt to let some stress out, you took a knife and cut up your arm, letting it bleed and leave scars. You didn't care about the pain and compared to your mental pain, this was nothing.

But of course, Tsukishima didn't know that.

It's just another secret that'll be forever hidden.

"Oh. You guys should really send that thing back to the pound." He said with a frown, making you smile.

"Yeah."

~~~

Yep. Right in the face.

Your mom had just gave you a strong punch to the face. Her fist was like a brick as it smashed against your cheek. Her diamond ring had cut your skin like a knife. The burning in your cheek stayed as you just sat on the floor, against the wall in the corner.

You just sat there, silently. No tears. Not anymore.

You don't cry. Not anymore.

You've ran out of tears.

So you just sat there, letting the sting burn. The blood flowed down the side of your face. Your back stung as your body kept the feeling of when she threw you against the wall.

No movement. No sound. No light.

It was almost as if you were lifeless already.

That's what you wanted to be though. You wanted to be lifeless.

And it seemed as if the world wanted the same thing.

"Y/N? Ah- Y/N!" You glanced up as you saw your dad in front of you. You're only decent adult. He tried. He tried his best. "Again?" You nodded, not wanting to speak. He sighed. "Come on. Let's clean you up."

You wanted to say your dad was great.

He was kind. He didn't hit you. He didn't slam you against the wall. He didn't make you feel like shit everyday. He would put a bandaid on your cheek. He would give you an ice-pack. He wasn't anything like your mother.

You wanted to say your dad was great.

But that wouldn't be true.

He knew. He knew that this was happening to you--his own child. He knew from since it started. He used to watch it. He used to watch you cry in pain when your emotions were still there. He would sit there, and watch that evil woman pound on you.

He USED to watch. Now when he knows it's going to happen, he goes. He retreats. Just go for a drive. Just leave his child here just to not see the pain.

He won't stop it and he won't try.

Is this messed up? Pretty much. Is this something you could hate him for? Definitely.

Do you resent him though? No.

Why? Because at least he's there.

You'd rather have someone there with you than be alone.

~~~

Tonight is the night.

It's over for you now.

You're being freed now.

You breathed in and out--the last deep breath you'll have.

You've left him something. Something for your blonde boy.

You took one step into the street, seeing a white light come your way.

You looked at your hands, and then at the glowing white light.

Please... let this be quick.

Every moment on this earth... is a moment of pain.

~~~

"Tsuki...? Tsuki, wait!"

Tsukishima stood up, his hair blocking his eyes as he walked out the classroom. Everyone in the classroom watched as the boy stood up and left, without permission, without a word.

He just heard it. He didn't even hear it from you.

You idiot.

You had stepped in the road last night. And you let it happen.

You let that truck hit you.

You let the world end for you.

It was all you.

Tsukishima's palms formed a tight fist as his fingernails dug into his skin.

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

Why? Why didn't he say anything when he had the chance?

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

Why? Why did he not tell you that you were good enough?

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

Why? Why didn't he do something to make your heart beat better?

Dammit. Just damm-

"Huh?"

The beanpole stopped in his tracks as his eyes trailed to a piece of paper falling out of his backpack. He bent down and picked it up off the floor. He flipped it over and his breath stunted as he recognized the handwriting.

Y/N.

This was yours.

You to him.

He quickly found some dark shaded place to read it, wondering what was in it.

He opened it up, curious.

Dear Kei,

Yeah. It's me. Y/N. But you probably already knew that. So you see, if you're reading this, I'm probably already gone.

You had planned this?

Yeah, I planned this.

How did you-

I don't have to explain everything to you because I have a slight feeling you already know. My life has been really fucked up. I'll spare you the intense details because if I write this all, my hand will start hurting and I hate when that happens.

Lazy even when dead...

And I'm not lazy, I just like saving energy.

...Whatever.

I've been abused by my mother for as long as I remember. Home is a prison because I get treated like a prisoner. My heart has been broken so many times that I just couldn't feel anymore. If you hadn't noticed, the teachers don't really like me, and I doubt they'll even blink when they hear that their student has left the earth.

That explains why someone had to bring up your death since the teacher was completely ignoring it.

Pain was something that was with me everywhere, every moment, everyday. My mentality was so broken and bruised that all I could think of was pain. Everything hurt and my happiness was gone. I hated it all. I hated home. I hated school. I hated everything. Except one thing.

He would bet it was food.

Okay, food is one of them, I'll admit.

See?

But that's not the main thing that would cheer me up. It was you.

Him? His eyebrow raised and his eyes widened.

Don't act so shocked.

He rolled his eyes.

Don't roll your eyes either.

Okay, it's getting creepy how accurate these guesses are.

Yeah, I know I'm psychic. But in all seriousness, you were the light in my life. As cringey as it sounds, it's true. Whenever I just felt like dying, you would always somehow appear and make the world seem brighter. You would always find some way to bring some joy in my heart, even though I was positive it was all gone. You always knew how to make me feel like I was really a person in need of love like everyone else.

But... you were gone now, so was it all not enough?

And don't you dare even think that all your efforts weren't enough. Even if I am choosing to end it all for me, I already know that if I can die remembering you, that's all the happiness I need. So I only have to tell you one thing.

He took a deep shaky breath, putting his hand through his hair.

Thank you. Thank you for being with me when no one else was. Thank you for being my backbone when I felt like I was broken. Thank you for standing by me when it all came down like a storm. Thank you for putting so much love and faith into me. I really, really do feel like that's the only thing that matters.

You... you were really making his heart hurt.

And I know this will hurt you. And I'm sorry, but I want you to know.

Stop.

You are always in my heart.

Stop it.

You are the only reason I hung on this long.

Stop it right now.

You are the person that everyone needs.

Stop it, please...

You are the person I love.

No...

I love you, Tsukishima Kei. I really do. So please. Please don't forget me. Until we meet again.

-Y/N

Teardrops fell on the paper and he gripped his hair hard as he trembled. His heart felt like it had just been shattered. He's body felt numb and his fingers felt loose. He dropped the paper on the grass and moved both of his hands through his blonde locks. Tears trailed down his face as he sucked on his teeth.

This paper... it's where all your thoughts were poured into. It's where all your emotions were locked in. It's where the love was hidden.

He'll never get a chance.

He'll never get a chance to tell you it back.

He'll never get to tell you... He'll never get to tell you 'I love you' back.

It's not fair.

It's not fair at all.