//A/N: A little poem to help clear my head with what I'm going through recently and to help me get somethings off my chest. I did cry a bit when writing this because this my way for saying that i need help to try and better myself

November 13...I was born,name coming from the bible,but I don't feel holy. Wanting me to be saint when I'm not all because I'm seen as a devil, a bastard child born from too much pride. Beaten by a person i never really knew,telling me she would watch me while all you worked. No one heard the cries I yelled for help,putting on fake smiles telling me I was lying,but the mental scars tell another story. Mom and Dad,always gone from home,working to dusk,while I waited eyes shut crying out Mommy and Daddy. Arguments breaking out....people saying love each other never really wanted to talk...while the corner was filled with me crying out my mental scars. Showered me with toys and love,but what I really wanted was my dad to be a real dad and play with me and my mom to not over work because I was the reason she lost an education. Friends telling they love,but then being ashamed of me. Lies like daggers piercing my skin,poisoning my sense of trust and my sense confidence. Making my brain turn a switch saying to fake being happy to muffle out all the painful thoughts I had.

Suicidal thoughts running like a train,i feel like there's no escape except for the noose. 2009,the noose wrapped around my neck,after they told me grandpa had left. The rope tighten as the world went dark as the man I valued most lost the fight to disease while I yelled please don't leave,don't give up your fight,but he didn't hear his grandson crying as he left to seek eternal peace. They told me things would get better to avoid another tragedy,but all that was falsified made up of lies. Being beaten by those I saw as my peers as other would watched,not wanting to interfere to help the kid who felt all alone. Insults,the poison in my brain telling me I would never get out from where I am. My head hurting...as people around me told me I was valuable...my grades said so,called me pal and pretended not to know me the next day. Looking at me as a joke. Taking that pain and worked hard to make positivey,only for the pain thoughts to return as anxiety ate away at me like a lion eating away at it's prey.

Told I would be at fault if the state would take me and my brothers away, cause i said hey doc,I'm not okay in my brain cause of depressed thoughts. Told I was a disappointment when I talk to my friends and would be myself...called the one that was odd not going to be anything.... Breaking down in front of class as others saw the boy who joked be in pain. All of them saying even Peter Parker cries. You told me you would love me for being bi,was that just a lie to stop all the cries. Saying that I'm confused,but you don't really know me...pretending that your perfect,faking imagery to appease,lies you say to hide what you really feel. To say we are all happy wearing fake smiles hiding the pain,saying you are depressed,but I don't see you crying for help. So tell me..are lying to get me to feel worse or you upset that I'm not what you expected me to be.

All I can say is....

I'm not you

-Admin Signing Off