i pass you by in the school hallway
we never see eye to eye but everytime
i say it to myself, it sounds like
a huge lie. i have been told to want less
not every lover comes in with lofty promises
and we aren't even on the same page
couldn't even shake hands on the
vague concept of friendship
that doesn't mean much to me
because here i am constantly wanting more
inspite of being in light of the fact
that your promises shall be fleeting,
my expectations, lasting.
yet i have never asked for such words
no vows no proposals no pristine souls
everytime you lose your patience with
my personality, i feel unworthy
of everything i am.
if you want a rose, you know she'll sting
if you know a sea, know depths have horrors

in three years i'll say it was all so lovely
knowing you could be a boon or a bane
looking you in the eye but never enough
lips clasped close when i think i'll say a single word
a single letter to fathom the friendship
a single syllable to hear you say something back
it would have been lovely to reminisce
on how lovely you were
to have known you to have waited on you
anxious nights, fights that weren't about us
hurting each other than a little more than you'd know
you'll become a cherished page in my
coming of age tale titled remember when
i'm no anne of the green gables

one night i'll wistfully read the stains you left behind
comprehend the chaos you left
embrace the sides of you i'd fallen in love with
admire the regrets i'd forever encase close to my heart
in a few infinities you will be an unseen scar
hidden under the expensive tattoo i got
it hurt less than you
a story that i'd like to tell after two glasses of wine
a film that i realise was too inane to make me cry.

there's a priceless antique
in our hoarded coarse garage
i'll discover it in a few years
until then, let me have my spite

stranger there's so much to say but i can't even greet you 'hey'
keep passing me in the hallway again like
you didn't just know me. keep avoiding
my eyes. make me scared.
pretend you never knew.
all you need to know is that
you never knew much at all
knowing was never your forte
until then
keep passing me in the hallway
sit by my side and let the world slip
i know you're in my city
walking around.
hope you don't stay too long,
pleasure doesn't.

~d.s.
11:12 PM