saw your fiancee in the Walmart
round the curb of where we used to
share a flat. today i cannot write.
i won't look at the words. all i see
is ink spots across the page; tainting, staining, contaminating the blank beauty of the paper. just like you did to me
you know; leave me open, blotch me when i show you my deepest secrets to
write down a beautiful story.
i wish i could erase.
i hate my thoughts.
it was like i saw myself in a mirror
forced to face a reality
i never asked to be a part of.

when i said i wanted to dance around aimlessly to a song made in soul you said
i should stop the beat and learn to move;
artlessness was never your forte?
simply rules you enforced.
like an evil jailor guarding my impulse,
living to serve under your strategies.

but sometimes i sing a little
then a little louder
turn your rigidity to frenzy
one day i'll dance so loud singing
cracking your floors your ambitions
breaking through the barriers you set
one day you'll sip your tea
thinking she'd have stated with you without contempt
if you'd let her dance a little

so i kept myself from introducing myself to your fiancee, watched her from a distance
told my reflection in the mirror
how much i despise you
but my happiness would dissipate when i
would see you and her walking hand in hand
pull her in flush for a quick peck on her red lips
i'd paint myself with a faux smile
lie to me again
i never said a word about wanting to be your first call
or hearing an i do
wanting to be the last portrait
in the museum of your failed romance
i know i said i was happy for you
but then you know
i never realize who i love
until i couldn't love them anymore.

~d.s.
2:04 PM