Chapter 38: Thinking
The next morning, Mariana was stood in front of the mirror. She was buttoning up her shirt but her fingers kept slipping. Her back was crooked and her breathing was heavier. It felt like she had gotten a few minutes of sleep once again.
"Come on..." Mariana grumble as she tried fitting the button in. But her fingers failed her once again as the button just escaped when her eyes briefly closed. She strained to keep them open, but it was hard.
"Mariana," Micah said as he came into the bathroom. He stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Why don't you take a day off? Every day your getting more and more exhausted."
"It's okay, I'm fine," Mariana said and got out her mascara. She focused on the mirror and thickened her eyelashes. She brushed it out slowly but ended up poking herself in the eye.
The mascara brush went flying out of her fingers and toppling into the sink. She yawned and picked up to try again.
"Mariana, I really think you should rest. You can't go to work like this."
"I'm fine," she mumbled but continuously rubbed her eyes to try and wake herself up. Her body felt weak and her muscles ached so she leaned on the edge of the sink to steady herself.
Her arms wobbled like jelly and she yawned again. It prolonged more than the others but she splashed water on her face to keep herself awake.
"Mariana come on, stay at home, I—"
"Just leave me alone!" She exclaimed and pushed him away. She clutched her hair, pushed it into her ears to block out any noise while leaning over the sink. She started breathing in slowly and deeply, rocking herself as the door quietly closed behind her.
Her eyes accidentally glanced down to the floor, where she saw Elisa's potty chair. She clenched her teeth with internal pain and squeezed her eyes shut to stop herself from crying. But they found a way as they seeped through, making her weep silently.
I've already failed as a mother. I don't want to fail at my job too...
Her body slumped dropped on the floor like ice cream. The only support was her arm barely hanging onto the sink. She whined out the pain that was trapped in her chest. Her distressing thoughts bite her in the back of her mind like a snake. That she was a failure at everything, that she will never find her kids.
I wish you were here Mom. I need you right now...
She gazed up at the sky with her eyes that were torn with tears. The moon was faintly still visible but sparkled like a precious gem. Before she knew it, the sounds of racing waters were swimming in her ears, as her mind was transported onto the bridge of Ponte Vecchio. The sun melted down the milky horizon. A mixture of pink and purple swirled around like a hurricane in the sky, she in the middle with her parents.
She eagerly jumped her little legs to get a better view of the Arno River. There was a little boat slowly sailing along the crystalized waters that distorted the rippling colors above.
Mariana jumped too high and flopped over the edge like a seal. Her white dress rode up her legs, and she blew raspberries at the sea and kicked her feisty feet. She giggled wildly until her dad picked her up.
"Careful my darling, don't want you falling over," he said.
"Oh." Mariana pouted and looked below. She tried breaking free, but her dad held her tight, which made her whine.
Her mother smiled and tickled under her cheek, making her wiggle away in her father's arms. Robert chuckled and bounced her in the air while his head gazed towards the sky.
"Look Mariana, the moon is starting to come out." He traced his finger along the skyline till they saw the moon on the corner.
"Oh yeah! I can see it!" She squealed and reached out like she wanted to put it into her hand.
"You like the moon my piccolina?" Isabella said and wiped a stain off her daughter's cheek.
"Sì!"
"Aw, that's sweet. Did you know that no matter where you are on earth, the moon will always stay in the same place. So if me, you, or your father were ever apart, just look up at the moon and we'll all be connected through that."
"Really Mamma?"
"Yes my piccolina." (little one).
"That's so cool..." Mariana said and stared at the moon in wonder.
She continued looking at the moon while clutching her necklace tightly. Even though it was morning and almost gone, it was a gentle but painful reminder back to that distant day. A struggling smile wiggled on her lips. She loved that memory but it brought a painful ache in her chest, knowing she can't have that moment again with her parents.
She wiped her nose and then stood up to the mirror at her desolated reflection. Her eye bags swollen and she looked paler as ever.
I can't give up on this... I can't, not yet.
She wiped away the rest of her tears, and used concealer for any dark patches on her face. After her crying sesh, she sent Crystal a text, asking if she would be free in the week, and went downstairs to make three cups of coffee. An extra one for Micah, and the two were for her.
She took them to the living room where Micah was at, eating some waffles and watching TV. She laid them on the table and took the two mugs. He stared down at the amount of coffee she made. His eyes blinked with concern but he didn't say anything.
Mariana picked them up and started drinking while having a pillow for support. She swayed her legs and Rio started pouncing at them.
"Mariana," Micah said.
"Hm?"
"If you want to go to work so badly, then I'm dropping you because I'm uncomfortable with you driving while like this."
"Okay." She said quietly and nodded. She drank her coffee and took some waffles that were waiting patiently on the plate.
"By the way, that coffee is for you." She pointed out.
"Thanks Mari." He took his portion and drank it along with the waffles.
When they were done, Mariana got into his car and then he started driving.
They drove along the street and Mariana stared at the window. She kept her legs together and tucked her hand in them for comfort. Now she was in a calmer setting, with the gentle roar of the engine in the background, she could now think straight. But all her mind wandered on was the sad situation they were in with their kids still missing, and it felt like she was losing her mind.
Don't worry Mariana, just think positive, and you'll be alright.
She kept saying this to herself while massaging the stress out of her temples. It helped a little and she continued until they reached her workplace.
"Good luck Mariana, and call me when you finish so I can pick you up," Micah said and unlocked the door.
She opened it and dropped her bag outside. But before leaving, she pulled him into a hug by his collar and kissed him sweetly.
"Hey, thanks for always looking out for me." She smiled when she pulled away. "Sorry for yelling earlier, I'm just really stressed right now."
"I know Mariana, don't worry." He cuddled her and rubbed her back. "I just don't want you to be too stressed and then you make yourself sick."
"Don't worry I won't," she said and kissed his cheek. "I would keep you updated if anything goes wrong." She left a print of reassurance in the color of red. She waved as she exited the car and got her bag. Taking a look at the building in front of her, she took a deep breath and started walking towards it.
After dropping Mariana off, he went to work himself and afterward, went to help his mother with something. He went inside the mansion and was hanging up stuff with Aidan in the living room.
"Hey Micah," Aidan said.
"What?"
"I brought some presents for my granddaughter and son when you find them. Do you want to take them?"
"Um... sure," Micah said. He was quite surprised at the news and admittedly, there was a spark of curiosity as what Aidan could've got.
Aidan stopped what he was doing and went into another room, leaving Micah standing there waiting awkwardly. It only took a few seconds, and he was back with some boxes. He settled them on the floor and brought out a doll's house, a stuffed unicorn and bear that had eyes circled with glitter. There were also two bags, one with ponies and the other dinosaurs.
"Wow..." Micah said. He really wasn't expecting this, but he appreciated the gesture.
"I was just passing a toy store and saw these things displayed so I went in and got them," Aidan said as he stacked each one next to another. "Except the dinosaurs one, that used to be mine but I want your son to have it."
He smiled proudly as he looked down at the items when Micah sat opposite him.
"I still can't believe your a father now. I feel like I've missed such an important part of your life." Aidan sighed.
I know, I really don't care.
"I really want to have a relationship with you and my grandkids." Aidan looked up hopefully at Micah's cold-set face.
"You look like you still won't let me meet them after this investigation is done."
Micah shrugged with a smirk and didn't feel like responding. However, Aidan waited for a few any reply, but he didn't get any and his face fell in disappointment.
He cleared his throat and looked away. "A—Anyway, before you start complaining I also got something for you," Aidan said and gave an unopened box to Micah. It was wrapped with a red ribbon which intrigued him.
"Thanks..." Micah said, with suspicion slithering in his voice. He slowly took the present from Aidan and opened it. He was confused when he saw a small steel box that was currently closed with some buttons at the front.
"Its a Belgian waffle maker that you can also make pancakes with. I don't really know what you make, but I thought it would be nice to use for breakfast," Aidan said and opened it up. Micah's eyes lit up when he saw the four slots for four waffles and the pancake plates.
"It's also non-stick and small, so you can even take it with you on vacation."
"Really?" He looked up in disbelief.
Aidan nodded, and Micah took it away from him and placed it on his side.
"Why are you suddenly interested?" Micah questioned and trapped him with eye contact. "You didn't want anything to do with this before, so why now?"
"Well I almost lost you because of this. I know I haven't been that supportive but I want to change that. I can see that you really love this, and I feel bad for never giving you a chance."
"You had all the time I was living with you..." Micah muttered with a glare. "I wanted to speak with you then, but you kept pushing me away as if it didn't matter." At this point, he no longer felt anger, just bitterness, because he had learned not to care anymore of what Aidan thought of him. But now here he was, wanting to reverse everything.
"I know I did and I'm sorry for that," Aidan admitted, "but I'm willing to listen now. I don't want to fall out with any of my kids."
"I don't know." Micah said while getting up. "It's just hard to trust you now. I have no idea if your gonna go back on your words once I let you in."
He started gathering all the things under his legs. "Thanks for the gifts," he said, gazing down at everything, including the waffle maker which he was made him smile a bit.
"I understand but I promise that I won't," Aidan said, and looked down awkwardly.
"Hm, we'll see," Micah said and some help in putting the toys in his car. He got in and went to pick up Mariana.
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