Trigger Warning: death threats, car crash :)

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Four Years Ago

Too much color. They seriously gave me a fucking C because I used too much color-?! Clenching my fingers around the straps of my bag, I counted the lines of long tiles as I stepped over them. Tall, gray skyscrapers loomed at me, encapsulating thousands of people in the concrete jungle named Miami. And it seemed like the lack of colors had seeped into people's brains now too. Great.

"How was school, bud?"

I didn't care to look up at my dad, who'd insisted on walking me home every day for god knows how long now. "Shitty," I mumbled with a shrug, trying to shake away the stupid grins of those jerks who wouldn't stop following me around. Not that I gave a shit, but they were just so annoying.

My dad cleared his throat and hummed, hands stuffed in the pockets of his black jacket, another shade of gray that melted in perfectly with the buzzing street. "Sorry to hear that," he spoke, remaining quiet when I didn't reply. A few moments passed. "My uhm— G.A. meeting went well today. Coach said I've made great progress."

A lump formed in my throat. I tried to swallow it away, but this weird feeling in my chest wouldn't let me. It felt tight, as though some sort of snake had wrapped itself around my lungs. "That's good," I croaked out, keeping my head down as we approached the crosswalk.

He sighed one of those short, I'm-tired-of-your-bullshit sighs. "Robbie I'm trying. I really am."

Like the spark of a lighter, anger ignited in my stomach. Tensing my jaw, I rolled my eyes. "Maybe don't." Trying what, exactly? It wasn't like anything he could try would bring mom back. People were always trying. Trying to help me, trying to talk to me, trying this and trying that. Worked out great now, didn't it?

My dad's run-down sneakers stopped on a white stripe. He was probably looking at me with the same condescending eyes the goddamn counselor always did, a glance filled with useless sympathy. "I know you're mad, kid. But it's been a year, you know. It's not gonna get better if you keep acting like this."

I scoffed. It's not gonna get better regardless of how I act. "I don't—

"—Hey Robbie! Look to your left!"

On reflex, I snapped my head up at that all-too-familiar nasal voice, anxiously scanning the hundreds of people surrounding me until I saw him, standing on the sidewalk with one of his buddies and a big smirk on his face. He laughed, raising a hand and wriggling his fingers as a wave. "Told you you should'a killed yourself when you had the chance." Pointing to the side, he mouthed, "Look," with a smug smile I wanted to wipe off his fucking face.

Wh— Before I could even finish my thought, my heart leaped into my throat when I followed his gaze to see a purple car —which I recognized damn well— speeding toward me at the speed of fucking light. One of his friends popped his head out the window, laughing manically. I froze.

Everything became one big fucking blur. In a flash, my dad leaped at me with wide eyes. "ROBBIE!" His sharp voice rang around my head like the school bell when you know you're screwed for an upcoming test but god, so much louder.

His rough hands gripped my shoulders, shoving me away until black blotches began blocking my vision as my spine collided with the concrete and nauseating pain shot through me. "DAD!" I cried out, choked up with tears that burned through the scraped skin on my face before melting in with the warm asphalt. As if someone had thrown all the world's weight onto my body, I couldn't fucking move. I couldn't save him.

Crying out helplessly, I lay there paralyzed and watched my dad's eyes roll back as the car's magenta hood slammed into him, hurling his body several feet away. The ear-piercing screech of braking tires tore through me right when he hit the asphalt with a heart-shattering groan, followed by gasps and yelling I couldn't keep up with.

"You weren't supposed to actually hit him, are you fucking mental?!"

"Someone call an ambulance!"

"No way that he just almost killed his dad."

Darkness overtook my vision, slowly consuming the rest of me until everything became numb. This is my fault.

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