Warnings - self hate, attempt suicide, abuse, death
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I reached the edge just as someone came behind stopping short behind me. I peered over the edge wondering if it would hurt to jump off it.

"Do you think it would hurt?" I asked them unknowing who it was

"What?" He asked

"The fall, do you think if I jump it will hurt when I hit the ground?" I asked not facing them

"Trinity don't you dare jump" he said coming closer

I turned around pointed my wand noticing it was Matteo.

"Don't come closer or I will do it" I snapped

Draco, pansy, Theo, blaze even Tom came to his side.

"Trinity" Pansy said tears running down her cheeks

"All I've ever wanted in life was to be happy and Merlin knows I'll never have that, never get that feeling and especially without archer Merlin knows going home isn't an option, maybe if I just jump you'll forget just as everyone else" I said stepping closer to the edge they rushed forward reaching out

"I'm not suicidal if that's what you think, doesn't everyone have a thought of dying here and there, of course but all I want to be is free, is death the only option, the only way to be free, I do so much for everyone and here I stand losing it all in the split second that you can't even blink" I said

"Trinity don't move" Draco said

"As if, Draco you and Theo even blaze and pansy all left my side and for what, the mark on your arms that you try and hide yet I know their there, I know what it is everyone does and yet you can't remember my own legacy, the one my parents expect from me" I hissed

I pulled my sleeve up to reveal the mark they also carried, they gasped and eyes fell to their feet.

"Dragged in there literally, dragged to him to get the mark, parents beat me that night after I got it, said I was pathetic and ungrateful for what they've done for me, the money, the power, the fame and here I am doing their bidding and can't get a fucking break, you pushed me away and for what to protect me that's rubbish and bloody stupid too" I snapped

And just as I was going to fall Matteo rushed grabbing me just in time. I hit his chest over and over as he held me close to him as I cried.

"Let me go, why'd you stop me?, why why Matteo" I snapped

"Because I care" he said softly and paused

"As badly as I hate it, as badly I don't want to I can't help but care" he said softly

And the secret was out, our relationship wasn't a hated one it was that of building love. He pulled me close and helped me fall asleep that night. And when I was to go home i dreaded it but it was forced upon me.
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Arguing every damn night, my fault archer died is what they tell me, how they see me now. It was my delightful I will say that but they didn't really lay a hand on me this time. As time went along and fifth year approached faster than ever and soon I was back on the familiar train station platform. Boarding the train with my friends was one of the good things that I got to fade out of. After my incident when archer died after the trial I decided to keep tutoring riddle. As much as I didn't like him or so I'd keep telling myself. He always seemed to be there right around the corner and that's how this mess came about. I knew things after last year would be different very different. Me and Matteo lettered one another over summer every few days. Didn't want to make things complicated but he was acting well he was changing.

I couldn't help but feel as though things were going to be good between us, but I've underestimated the power of persuasion. The misguiding signs and the manipulation the toxicity that came alone with the person that is Matteo riddle. Because as we got closer things got more timely and more heated between us. We met up four times during the summer and couldn't bare to keep our hands off each other. It was toxic I know, but he had meetings with my parents and work his father of course. Although we pleased each other and kissed or made out never once did we fully have sex. He told me he wanted me to wait, wait for what that I didn't know but if I knew then what I was going to know, then maybe I wouldn't have done what I did.

And doing it for a love that was fake, a so called love that I thought was real. Thought someone cared and turned out to all be a fucking lie. Because now that me and Matteo were back at our secret meet ups. The sexual tension between us outside of that room horrible. And as the first welcoming party came alone for the new year I dressed in a nice cute outfit with pansy, Daphne as well. Then headed to the common room where the music was blasting and the people were dancing, some already drunk too. The smell of weed filled my nose and I headed straight for it where it was held was by Theo.

"Can I have some?" I asked

"Sure here" he said and passed the bunt

I took a deep breath and exhaled right into Theo's face causing him to chuckle. I smirked and walked towards the drink table taking four shots. Then filled my cup with some fireball instead of my usual cup of vodka this time. I knew better than to accompany Matteo in this environment with people all over. But I couldn't help but want to tease him then again no one here was worthy of it. Although when a random person came to flirt I just went with whatever it was.