Kirk had felt like when he saw that paper fall, he felt his whole world shatter, his heart pounded into dust. Just then and there, at that moment, he knew what he wanted. Kirk didn't stop himself this time, he just ran to his room, not bothering to lock the door, tears clouding his vision. He stumbled around the room before he found a pen and paper, there he would write his last words.. 

To whoever this may concern,

I'm James T. Kirk, and I have decided that I'm going to end my life tonight. I'm sorry that I decided to end my life so soon, but crew please understand, this isn't about you. I just felt that I had done a terrible job leading you through this journey, I feel like I need to get myself away from all of you so you can find a new person that will lead you better than I do. And to Spock, I know that you don't love me back, but I do love you, and if that means nothing then... We'll always be friends.

Dropping the pen to the ground, he turned to face his bed, not wanting to read for any mistakes, he didn't have the time. Kirk slammed his body on the ground to scan under his bed, there he found it. The rope. 

It had started to worry Spock when he saw Kirk hadn't left the room, he walked over to the room when suddenly the door flung open, revealing an out of breath, crying, and scared Kirk. "Captain? What happened?" Kirk pushed past Spock, Spock had noticed the line of redness around his throat but didn't want to question, knowing that he wouldn't get an answer out of him. 

Kirk returned to his seat, he was ashamed of himself. He had promised himself that he would end himself and yet, when he felt that chair fall and his breathing was constricted, he got scared. He was able to loosen it enough to let him slide through and land on the ground, he felt like tonight wasn't his time to go.