There was this way that Carter used to look at Alex, he couldn't really put it into exact words, but sometimes they would be hanging out or on a date, and Alex would meet Carter's gaze and he would see that he had already been looking at him, and the way that he would look at him was like the way that a child looks at a superhero, all admiration and wonder. There was something about that look that made Alex's heart swell every time he saw it, and he had thought he would never see it again.

That was the way that Carter was looking at him now, and it wasn't even Alex in his human form, it was of his wolf. Alex had never allowed himself to even dream of being accepted for who he was as a werewolf, and to see the trust in Carter's face and the acceptance, it was something he definitely wasn't planning on seeing. He had figured that he would stay as his wolf for only a few moments, just to make sure that Carter saw him, and then change back into himself. He expected Carter to probably be upset with him, but he planned on just explaining as much as he could.

Carter's reaction shocked Alex, so he didn't change right away, he stayed as his wolf, watching Carter curiously.

Carter didn't even look a tinge scared as he reached out with two, hesitant fingers and gently rubbed them over his paw soothingly. It reminded Alex of when he and Carter used to hold hands and Carter would rub his thumb in circles over the back of his hand. 

"Alex?" Carter whispered, and that was Alex's cue. He transformed back into his human form and looked up at Carter.

"Do you believe me now?" he asked.

Carter nodded, taking a deep breath.

Alex reached over to the couch and put back on his clothing, and after he pulled his shirt over his head he noticed that Carter was just looking down at the ground.

"I know that it's a lot to take in all at once," Alex told him softly, his hand moved out on its own accord with the intention to rest on Carter's arm supportively but he caught himself before it got too far, he wasn't sure how Carter felt about him right now, and physical contact may be a bad move.

Carter brought his gaze up to Alex, and Alex could only describe the emotion in his features as a mixture of curiosity and something that resembled only slight worry.

"I want you to tell me everything," Carter said in a tone that told Alex that he wasn't going to take no for an answer, "no more excuses Alex, I want the whole truth."

"Okay." Alex nodded, sitting down on the couch and patting the spot next to him. Carter sat down with only slight hesitation, and angled his body so that he and Alex were facing each other.

Alex had no idea where to begin, he had never done this before, he had never told a living soul about what he was, he had never told anyone what happened in Italy and he never thought that he would have to. He was about to break down every single brick of the walls he had built to protect himself, to protect himself from rejection from those he loves, and to protect those he loves from him.

Carter suddenly slipped his hand in between Alex's own and squeezed tight. Alex turned surprised and confused eyes towards Carter, but all he got in return was total trust and acceptance in the gaze of his ex-boyfriend. Carter knew who he was, but he accepted him, he wasn't kicking him out on the street, he wasn't accusing him of being a monster, he was holding his hand, something so simple that portrayed so much.

Those walls had taken months to build up, it had taken all of his strength to keep them there, and yet they all came crumbling down with that one action.

"It started in Italy," Alex said, and the moment the first words left his mouth he felt a small weight lift off his shoulders. He had been lying and keeping secrets and pretending around Carter for so long and it was such a relief to him to actually explain why, and to tell the truth. "I had been with my father for a few weeks when his internet went down, and I wanted to video call you, but I couldn't so I left in the middle of the night to go find an internet café. I got lost and ran into some bad people, and those people ended up being a wolf pack, who turned me."

"Turned you?"

"Into a werewolf, with a bite," Alex told him, pulling at the edge of his shirt to draw his focus to the mark on his neck.

"Then what happened?" Carter asked with wide eyes.

Alex took a steadying breath. "I was with them for the rest of my time there, I told my dad that I was going home to America and he didn't care, but I went and lived at the pack house. They were good to me there, most of them, but they thought they were kings, above humanity and all that, and so when they got bored some of them would just turn into their wolves and run free and if it ended in blood, well, they didn't exactly care."

"They killed people?" Carter clarified with a worried expression. "Why?"

Alex shook his head slightly in disgust for what he saw while he was at the pack house. "There was no real reason, they just didn't care much for humans and if one got in their way they would hurt them."

"Is that why you left?"

Alex shook his head and flashes of the night before he came back home came to his head, the people he hurt, the guilt he felt. "I hurt someone Carter," he admitted in a guilt ridden voice.

"What happened?" Carter asked, squeezing Alex's hand gently.

"You can't control when you turn at the start," he explained, shaking his head at himself. He still believed that he could have prevented it.

Carter brought Alex's attention back to him. "What happened?"

Alex ripped his hand from Carter's. "I got angry at another pack member and I turned and ran off, okay?" He had raised his voice now, not really angry with Carter for asking but more at himself. "I ran into the town in the middle of the night and I was so angry and...and.." Alex hadn't realised that he had been crying until that moment and he wiped a hand over his eyes.

"Alex, sit down," Carter told him gently, and Alex took a deep breath before doing it.

"I'm sorry, I just.."

Carter placed a supportive hand on Alex's thigh. "Keep going," he told him.

"I, I ended up in the back of an alley and I have great hearing when I'm in my wolf form, and I remember hearing a scream and I didn't even know what it was but I ran towards it, and in another alley I found a man who had a woman by the neck," Carter gasped and Alex bit his lip before he kept going, "I don't remember it all, I just remember screaming at myself to stop but I couldn't, I put that man in a coma, he almost died, and that woman, she must have been so scared. I could have killed him, and I knew that it could happen again, so I went to the Alpha that night, covered in blood, and I told him I was leaving."

Alex looked down at his hands, remembering the blood that covered them, the sounds of the woman's screaming as his claws ripped into the man's skin. He remembered the feeling of satisfaction in the moments after the man stopped twitching and just lay motionless on the street. He knew that he should have stopped, that he shouldn't have allowed himself to even leave the pack house that night in such a state. Guilt flooded his body.

"Alex, I'm proud of you, for leaving the pack, you did the right thing," Carter told him and Alex shook his head angrily.

"That is all you have to say? I am a monster Carter, a monster, I could have killed someone, I have the ability to hurt everyone around me. I can't always control it, I am a danger to everyone!" he hissed out, so angry at himself. Alex couldn't accept that Carter would just forgive him for all that he had done wrong. A part of himself, buried deep, would have been somewhat pleased if Carter had rejected him, he deserved it, didn't he? Well, he thought he did.

Alex was glad that it was just past midnight, as he knew that his anger would have gotten much more out of control if the effects of the full moon were still in full swing. Just another example of how dangerous he was. He imagined if the full moon had been in effect, would he have gotten angier? Would he have lashed out at Carter?

"Alex look at me," Alex met his gaze hesitantly, a conflict going on inside of his mind. Alex's eyes locked with Carters and his ex-boyfriends next words almost caused Alex's heart to stop beating in his chest. "You saved that woman's life and that man, he probably deserved much more than a temporary coma. What happened wasn't your choice, it was an accident, and you are so much more than one mistake. I understand now what has been going on with you, and don't you remember when Jake hit me in the park, you were going to change weren't you?"

Alex nodded.

"You didn't though, because you controlled it, you are a good person Alex, you aren't a monster." He said the word monster like it was the most preposterous thing he had ever heard of. "You are different now, but you don't have to be like the others, and you have already shown that by leaving the pack."

Alex could only nod. He had never thought of it that way, he had always just seen the bad in himself, but Carter showed him that maybe there was some good in there too. The guilt subsided slightly with every word that left Carter's mouth.

"Do you really not think I'm a monster?" Alex asked softly, showing a whole other side to his already vulnerable self.

"Oh Alex," Carter brought his hand up to Alex's face and gently wiped his thumb over the stray tears streaming down his cheek, "this is why you've been acting the way you have with me and your family, you're afraid of hurting them, or of them finding out and pushing you away, so you've been pushing them away first."

Alex looked down. "It's safer that way."

Carter used the hand that was already on Alex's cheek to lift his head back up so that he was looking at him. "You can control it now, you aren't as much of a danger as you think you are. You're only hurting them now Alex."

Alex pulled away from his hand, shaking his head. "I've destroyed my last chance, there's nothing I can do now."

Carter leant forward on the couch. "What do you mean?"

"Archer and Cole are in my pack, they are here to bring me back to Italy."

By the look on Carter's face it seemed to Alex that he had just gotten the last piece of the puzzle and everything made sense now. "Oh, so Archer lied to me this whole time, and that's why you tried to stop me from being friends with him and Cole. Archer was going to turn me with a bite, wasn't he?" Carter asked with a betrayed look.

"Yeah," Alex nodded, "in his defence, he didn't mean to do it, it was the full moons influence and making out under it sure wasn't helping," he said sarcastically. "Things like that don't always trigger the urge to bite, but if a werewolf hasn't turned in a while, well, then they can get frustrated, and that can lead to irrational urges. Archer used to turn every day back in Italy, so he just isn't used to barely turning at all, that's probably what caused it. Making out must have triggered it."

"You saw that, did you?" Carter asked awkwardly.

"Yeah, and I saw him tackle you off the car and I knew what was going to happen so I stopped him," Alex explained.

"So they are just taking you back to Italy? Why?" Carter asked in a hurt voice. "Did Archer date me to get you to agree or something?"

"Something like that. In a few days I have to go with them back to the pack house," he told Carter.

It was silent for a few minutes, neither of them knew how to respond to that.

Carter was the one who broke the silence. "You broke up with me to protect me, didn't you?"

A flashback of when he broke up with Carter pushed itself to the forefront of Alex's brain and he internally cringed at what he had done. It had broken his heart to do that, but at the time, it seemed like the best thing for everyone, and the only way to ensure that Carter would stay safe.

"I did what I did because I loved you, and I couldn't risk hurting you," he admitted, showing his heart to Carter. He didn't expect Carter to forgive him for what he had done but he did want him to know his reasons. He wanted Carter to know the whole truth. There was no room for half-truths now.

Carter's voice turned soft and hopeful. "Do you still?"

"What?" Alex asked, looking deep into Carter's ocean blue eyes.

"Do you still love me?" Carter asked, and his voice small and vulnerable.

Perhaps it would have been better to lie, to just say that he didn't love him anymore, that the space and everything he had been through had weakened his feelings for him and that he truly had fallen out of love with him, but that would have been the biggest lie that he had ever told, so again, for what felt like the millionth time that night, Alex told the truth, and it had never felt better. "I love you with everything I am."

Carter is the one who leant forward, bringing a hand up to rest on the back of Alex's neck, not pulling or putting too much pressure, just gently holding him there. Alex leant forward, pressing his lips to Carters softly.

The kiss was chaste, all lips and no tongue, but it's sweet and nice, and gives Alex a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach that felt strangely like being loved. It was like a warm cup of hot chocolate on a winter's night, it felt like home, and he felt safer and more secure in those few moments than he had since the last time he had held Carter in his arms.  

Alex reached out and wrapped an arm around Carter's waist bringing him closer. Carter lifted one of his hands up and rested it gently over Alex's heart. Alex wondered if Carter could feel the wild beat of his heart under his gentle hand.

The kiss ended slowly and they ended up just resting their heads against each other, looking deeply into each other's eyes. A part of Alex was trying to tell him that this was a bad idea. He was leaving in a week and this couldn't end well for either of them, but a bigger part of his brain was just absorbed in Carter. He loved him, and having him back in his arms was all that he cared about.

"I won't lose you again," Carter whispered, "I won't let you go."

The words warmed and broke Alex's heart all in one, and there was nothing he could say so he thread his hand up into Carter's hair and gently pressed their lips together. Carter jumped into the kiss, touching any exposed skin and slipping his tongue into Alex's mouth.

After a few moments Alex pulled away, hearing the sound of a car pulling into the driveway, "Your moms home, I have to leave."

"Oh," Carter sighed, the disappointment clear on his face.

Alex pressed a gentle kiss to Carter's cheek. "I'll see you at school tomorrow and we can talk."

Carter bit at his lip, and Alex noticed suddenly that he looked like he was about to cry. "We can talk, but we aren't getting back together, are we?" Carter practically choked out and Alex could almost hear the sound of Carter's heart breaking in his chest all over again as he realised that he was leaving in less than a week. A felt a fresh wave of guilt hit him.

Alex spoke softly, staring into Carter's eyes. "I love you Carter, don't forget that, what you said tonight, it's changed everything so thank-you."

Carter looked less like he was going to burst out in tears but the disappointment was still prominent in his features. "We aren't getting back together, are we?" he asked sadly, looking like the epitome of vulnerability, looking at Alex with wide, ocean blue eyes.  

Alex didn't answer him, saying it out loud would hurt too much, so he just got off the couch and walked towards the window, knowing he couldn't leave out the front with Carter's mom just outside the door. He jumped out the window and didn't look back, he would face Carter again tomorrow, right now he just needed to get home and give him some space to think through the mass of information he had found out that evening.

Sorry for the wait for this chapter, I hope you enjoyed it! Let me know what you thought of it in the comments.