How long has it been since I went out and my own? 3 years? 4? Maybe 5? It was all too hazy to me. My routine life has truly striped me of my entitled freedom. So much so that I even forgot those happy days, when I use to laugh without a care.

I sighed in relief.

Finally a breath of fresh air to breathe in. Finally a brief moment of happiness. For the past week I foolishly believed so. I momentarily enjoyed the attractions of the resort. It seemed like I was regaining my lost freedom. It seemed like the past was nothing but a simple nightmare that I could easily recover from.

However, I soon began to realize that the thought would only ever be brief. I couldn't forget those menacing chains of hurtful words that tightly clung unto me. How could I be so stupid? No matter what I do, his words would forever haunt me. It felt like a curse. Those chains of hurtful words that slowly crept behind me, scorned my every enjoyment.

Why? Why Now when i just wanted to be happy? Why now when I finally had the courage to leave behind everything. My excitement no longer stayed the same.

Not even my peaceful dreams can remain the same. "You Stupid Bitch!" his words roared at me every time I shut my eye. "You worthless whore!" he screamed as his voice grew more and more hazardous as I slumber each night.

I thought maybe if I left and went my separate way, the horrid memories would just disappear. I was wrong. I could never truly escape him, especially when I'm lonely. I've got no family nor do i have got no friends. The harsh truth dawned on me, that no matter where i run loneliness will always stay. So what really was the difference between then and now? The question brooded me deeply.

I released my hands from a nail grinding cuff, spread my fingers out as wide as paper fans and stared at them deeply. "Am I truly free?" few words escaped my lips, till it once again shut itself. The once again cold sensation filled my surroundings. But why? The cushion was comfy and soft. It felt comfortable and was all but cold, yet that chilling sensation lingered on. Once again the cruel world showed me my desperate attempt of happiness. My false hope could never cover up my loneliness.

My once full peach lips morphed. It was no longer recognizable as my fierce teeth dug and pierce my lips. Now all that dwell was an inflated damaged lip. The pain was the only way to hold back those swelling tears. I promised myself that this time I wouldn't cry, that this time I would be optimistic and happy.

"But" My nose scrunched as I sniffed the fresh air. "It's hard to forget" My voice was barely audible as my tears drowned out the sound of my wavering voice.

I thought I wouldn't cry, but I guess I truly am Weak.

It took a while for the tears to die down. Despite my weak state, I had one thought in mind. One that would deprive me of my lonely reality. One that may put me in a fleeting moment of happiness even if it pains me later. That thought was to find a friend.

Maybe this friend would ease the burning pain?