Heyo Peeps! This story of mine have been stuck in my head for a while now so I decided why not write another story? But then after the post I realize how lazy I was and started to think whether I should omit it or not. In the end I did it! I posted the book! This sort of idea was inspired by the many books I've read and the toxic relationship joker and harleyquinn has. So I mixed it up and BAAAM! (ps: love momoland) made this piece of literature.

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Lying helpless on my bed the same delicately painted ceiling had me in awe at its beautiful rose pattern design. The rays of light shining at the ceiling that peaked through the white blinds helped to bring out its glamour. The roses brought out a bitter-sweet memory that always put a smile on my face. Those times were indeed the prime of my teenage years, where falling in love was easy. Just a few captivating and unforgettable words then you're hooked.

It was regrettable meeting my arranged partner but it was even worse when I fell in love just after a few meetings. I was foolish but young, the trait comes with the age. His iconic features were always there but it wasn't as developed as it was now and a few old habits of his faded, may be that came with the age as well.

He changed I know he did but I didn't know is to what extent he changed. We were never really close but what we had was a positive perspective of each other. It was a good starting point for an arranged marriage but things turned south and I couldn't figure out how. Either way, I still remembered our first meeting. It wasn't romantic but it appeased me some way or another. It was also around the time where my downfall began.

Suddenly my parents died in a car crash, most of their belongings taken by my ungrateful uncle, my education faltered and the marriage arrangement even after my parents' death was still intact. My so called friends ditched me. So what do I have left? Stupid memories of my husband that I wished I could forget, Money that my parents left behind just enough to live an exquisite life and my cowardly behaviour that remained with me even after the many grief over the years. So why not end the marriage? Because I still wished for a happy marriage with the man I fell for. Is it wrong to blindly get attached to a man even after the pain he put me through?

He was trying to be thoughtful in bringing me a bouquet of rose at my parent's funeral and at that moment when I really needed my friends the most he said a few simple words to me and I instantly fell for him. "Be strong and always smile. I'm sure your parents would want that from you." Tears fell spontaneously and I cried my sorrows away as he stood there beside me patting my back.

As a simple girl I loved flowers but after meeting him, I became infatuated with them especially roses. They grew into my favourite flower and I metamorphosed my room into a rose filled garden. Often times I bought rose patterned clothes as well. The colours varied but that's what intrigued me. The colours made me consider the comparison between it and his personality because I wanted to discover and learn them all. Am I just that of an idiot to depend upon one man for love when they're several men out there who I can depend upon? I don't want to answer that question. Because every time I look at myself I start to believe his words and see nothing but a brainless whore. Thoughts about how no men desired me filled my head and couldn't escape it. I couldn't even love myself.

Why am I still here? I ask myself the same question daily yet I've already answered the question.

It is because I AM WEAK.

I AM DESPERATE.

I AM BRAINLESS.

I AM SELFISH.

I AM WORTHLESS.

I AM SELF CENTERED.

I AM GREEDY

Because, I AM A COWARD.