Chapter Two:

I had only been at school for five minutes before Alex caught up to me. I try to avoid him as much as I can in the mornings, because it’s the only real time I have away from him. He had his schedule arranged, so he had all his classes with me- except for one, which was weight training. I was super grateful when it came to fourth period every day. That was the only class I didn’t share with my abuser.

First period didn’t start for another twenty five minutes, because my bus was a few minutes early today. That just gave Alex more time to torment me. His friends would be there, too, although they didn’t know what he really did to me. They just thought that I was his whore, willing to bend over at any time. He had the whole school fooled. He was helplessly in love with me, and I was the whore- mean, verbally abusive towards him, and a cheater.

That’s what everyone thought because he was their king and he told them that. So, basically, almost everyone in the school- except for Kim- hated me. Kim was my best friend, my only real friend.

She never believed a word that came from Alex’s mouth. I loved her for that; she was the only person in the world that truly cared for me.  She doesn’t know what Alex does to me, but I think she has an idea, since I always have slightly visible bruises and busted lips, the occasional black eye in sight.

The rest of the school was convinced that I harmed myself for attention. Would anyone in their right mind do that, or are these people stupid?

I was kind of freaked that Kim never asked once about my bruises, or home life. She didn’t even seem concerned. Kim was hard to read. She always seemed happy-go-lucky, hyper, and nice- but she had serious and depressing moments too. When you think that she is thinking one thing, she’s not. Her mind is somewhere else completely.

It’s crazy and weird, but she’s literally all I have and I wouldn’t change her even if I had the chance. She wouldn’t be Kim if she weren’t... Kim. It’s odd, but I’m content with this girl who seems to not care that much.

“What’s on your mind?” His question was simple. A common couple might ask this out of curiosity. I almost laughed at that, as if. We were not the common couple. He knew this, but it was his game and I would play it however he wanted.

“Why should I tell you?” I really didn’t like the idea of him being in my mind. What was up with that, people wanting to know what their lover was thinking of? Not every person (or any person- for that matter) has the ability to read minds, so what makes them so special?

He slid his arm around my waist in what seemed like a loving gesture to anyone on the outside looking in, but really? He was just gripping my bruised body way too hard. He sighed as if the answer should be obvious. Then, he leaned down, bringing his lips to my ear, and gently told me: “I have the ability to take your life whenever I please. If you ever refuse me in public again, I will kill you. Don’t think for a second that I won’t. You’re nothing; therefore nobody will notice that you’re gone. I’m going to ask you one more time. This time, I suggest you answer.”

He straightened up, checking to see if anyone noticed, but our onlookers were still waiting for a reply. I put on my happy face. So when he asked me again, I said: ‘Well, babe, I was just wondering where you were going to take me for our anniversary.’

I gave a flirty, false, suggestive giggle just for added measure. He loosened his arm a little bit, and I could breathe again.

He smiled down at me as any onlookers walked away to let us get all lovey-dovey like a normal couple. He brought his lips down to capture mine; and it was hell all over again.

I imagined him on top of me, sweaty, angry, and pleased with himself. Just the memory alone of last night was able to bring tears to my eyes. I kissed him though, because my life depended on it.

I told him that it hurts.

He said he liked the pain.

It was one of those times where, you’re still awake and living, but having flashbacks and are unaware of your surroundings.

‘Alex,, please, you’re hurting me. Why do you love me? Please just stop!’I broke into a fresh set of tears, unable to stay strong anymore. A part of my heart hardened then. He took everything from me, and he didn’t even have to try hard.

Somewhere in reality, I was sitting in first period. His hand was possessively placed high up on my inner thigh, his grip to hard. I couldn’t pay attention, though, because it was the first time that he hit me all over again.

My sun dress was bright white. Mother always told me that white was a terrible color to wear, it always got stained one way or another. But white was my favorite color, and this was my favorite dress.  Even the memory of mother could never stop me from wearing this dress. It meant too many things to me. It was hers, one of the only white dresses she owned- besides her wedding dress. I had taken it from her closet before father could burn all her personal items.

It was strange, but this dress meant the world to me. It meant that mother was still alive in my heart. It signified the beauty in her past life. It was happiness, it was bliss. I had always envied her in it when I was little. It hugged her tan skin perfectly, the soft cotton caressing her as if she were a delicate flower. My mother had once called it a baby doll dress, and I had laughed because it was certainly too big to fit on any baby doll I’d ever owned.

My laugh rang through the air in remembrance of how she had to explain what she meant, and how she kissed my forehead, saying that her little girl was ‘too cute’. I had loved every part of the dress, the oversized white buttons (two of them) that went down the bust line, the lace that had the weavings of roses in it- surrounding the heart shaped neckline in a delicate way, I liked how it flowed at the bottom, making a halo around my legs every time I spun around in it, just before it would gently fall to kiss my legs like a down feather. 

My laugh was weak; it was not a good day. I was breaking up with Alex today. Alex was way too good to me, but it just was not right. He wasn’t the one. Mother had told me that, when you were in love, butterflies filled your tummy, and when you kissed- it was only the two of you that existed. The boy would do anything for me, and I would do anything for him. She had told me that I would know if it were him, simply by imagining life without him, and not hurting.

A strong pair of arms wrapped around my waist loosely, and a kiss was placed upon my bare shoulder, for the dress had no sleeves or straps. “What’s funny, Karebear?” I knew it was Alex, because he always called me that.

“It’s nothing, Alex. I was just thinking. But I’m glad you’re here. We need to talk.” I was gentle with my words, but I still felt him stiffen in fear of ‘the talk’. He knew what was coming, and it killed me.

He turned me around in his arms, looking into my eyes. I looked down from the ocean that was his blue eyes, and I could almost hear his heart breaking. “What’s wrong?” It wasn’t a question. He knew. He just wanted me to confirm his fears.

I was in third period. Kim was sitting next to me, chatting, but I wasn’t listening, because I was breaking up with Alex for the first time, all over again.

I pulled out of his arms, and it tore his world apart. It wasn’t love, what we had, but he thought it was. Some day he would fall in love with another girl, I wouldn’t mean a thing. I would fall in love with another guy one day, so there was no use in taking our relationship too serious.

“I’m breaking up with you, Alex. I just don’t feel that we have chemistry anymore. There’s no spark. It’s over.” He lifted my chin to face him. He was gorgeous, kind, and I’d always wished that he could be the one. But he wasn’t, and that was that.

I tried to look away, but he begged me with his tear-stained eyes. “I love you, Karson. If I did something wrong, we can work through it. I love you and I know you feel the same for me. Please, just don’t leave me. You said you’d never leave me.”

My heart broke, seeing a grown boy sob. I now knew that I would have to break it to him the hard way; without mercy or care.

“No, Alex. I don’t love you. I’ll never love you. We aren’t meant to be. Please don’t make this harder than it has to be!” I begged him with my eyes; I didn’t want to hurt him.

He straightened up, and something in his demeanor changed. “You said you’d never leave me, Karson.  I love you, and I’m going to make you stay until you love me too. When you love me again, you’re not going to want to leave.” He was sure of himself, and a fear grew deep in the pit of my stomach.

“I DON’T LOVE YOU!! I’M NOT STAYING WITH YOU, YOU AREN’T KEEPING ME, AND I WILL NEVER LOVE YOU!” I had to make it harsh, it was the only way.

His eyes darkened in a weird way, and his jaw was set. He knew what he was going to do, and nothing was going to stop him.

“I’ll make love me if it’s the last thing that I do.” The back of his hand was brought across my left cheek, and I let out a broken sob.  Alex didn’t stop hitting me until my mother’s dress was stained red.

‘Never wear white. It’s too beautiful a color to be stained by the ugly of the world.’- Mother

Someone’s hand was holding mine.  It was a shock, wasn’t Alex just hitting me for the first time? Didn’t he just take my innocence? It was Alex’s hand. I knew, because it was gripping too hard.

“You haven’t said a word since before school. What’s wrong?” He asked as if he actually cared for an answer.

“I’m just thinking of the old days. Memories.” I told him vaguely.

“Oh, well I never told you, but last night was amazing. Is there any specific memory that you’re troubled by?” He asked, but I knew that meant I had to give him an acceptable answer.

“It should have been; you seemed like you enjoyed my pain.” I said it without crying, “I was just thinking of the first time you hit me. How you said you loved me, then took my childhood away.”

I was a dead girl walking for saying those words aloud, in front of a cafeteria of eavesdropping kids, but I honestly couldn’t control myself.

He couldn’t either. The sound of his fist hitting my face rang throughout the whole cafeteria, silencing everyone at the perfect time.

Five hundred sets of eyes flew towards us. I tasted blood in my mouth. Then I was out like a light bulb.