Things didn't change that much after Taehyung joined us, and the little ways that things did change, were mostly positive. His infectious energy was welcome and fitted nicely into our bit of chaos.

One thing was complicated, however: our sleeping arrangements.

Taehyung usually went to bed before me, and slept soundly while I stayed up, playing, trying to delay the inevitable.

After everyone had gone to bed, I snuck out for a shower. This was really the only time I felt comfortable doing that. Somewhere along the line, after leaving home so young, I had lost my confidence.

The hot water ran through my thick hair and I enjoyed the relaxing rivulets running down my body. I washed myself quickly and thoroughly and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel on my waist. I brushed my teeth and returned to the room.

The dim light of the bedside lamp lit a corner of the otherwise dark room. With my hair dripping wet and hanging over my face, I sat down on the edge of the bed, leaning over. I used another towel to dry my hair slowly and methodically. The process relaxed me.

"Why do you only ever have a shower after everyone else has already gone to bed?" the smoky voice didn't make me jump as much as the warm hand on my naked back.

"Jeeesus H!!" I uttered, nearly falling off the bed. My heart was pounding in my chest million beats a second. I couldn't breathe.

His smooth fingers slid up and down my spine, comforting. I could feel the warm glow of his body radiating near me even though only his hand was touching me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you jump." He mumbled, sleepy. His hand slid down my back and rested on the bed against my towel-clad bottom.

I dared a glance in the dimness when the silence extended. He was curled up in the middle of the bed, his arms stretching toward me. His hair was doing its usual thing, his lips pouting, moving as if he were speaking in his sleep. He looked so young and innocent, like a small child. Sometimes it was hard to believe he was a whole two years older than I was.

He looked incredibly fragile and I felt the same strange pulling around my heart I had felt the first time I met him.

Silently, trying not to wake him, I stood up and grabbed a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. Tossing the t-shirt on, I then, awkwardly under the towel, pulled the boxers on. I didn't remove the towel until I was doubly sure everything was safely covered.

Too shy to move or wake Taehyung, I squeezed onto the bed, filling all the remaining space. Lying on my back with my arms tightly against my sides, I fell into dreamless sleep.

*

In the early hours of the morning, somewhere between night and dawn, I stirred.

At first, I thought I was dreaming. I lay comfortably in a warm embrace, I was completely relaxed. I felt a gentle breath on my face. It was as if I were in a warm cloud of cotton wool.

Slowly, I became aware of different sensations that my brain took a moment to identify and categorise. I was completely under the covers, face and all. Something lay on me and that something was breathing right next to my face.

I moved my hand to feel in the dark. A warm, soft body was lying half on top of me, leg over my legs and arm across my chest, a head on my shoulder, lips nearly touching my throat.

It was impossible to breathe.

I realised that of course the person was Taehyung. What I couldn't understand was why I hadn't moved already. I lingered in the warmth. Secretly, my head turned, and my nose buried itself into his pixie hair and I inhaled his sweet scent.

Something bloomed inside me and it scared me.

I shuffled sideways from underneath him, fighting my way out of the duvet. Suddenly, I was gasping for air. What the hell!?

Quickly, I pulled my jogging bottoms on, grabbed my phone, headphones and half ran out of the room.

Digging through the mountain of shoes, I found my running shoes and tied them on quickly. Once outside, I picked up speed, faster and faster, until I could run no more.

Bending over holding my side, I tried to control my breathing when what I really wanted to do was to control my feelings.