JUNGKOOK

A few weeks later, I had to emerge from my hide out and join life with the boys, the group. An ultimatum from the office was the only thing that got me out of bed.

I might as well have been dead. I walked around without aim, without talking to anyone. Nothing made any sense without Taehyung -I didn't want it to make sense because I wanted him to come back.

"JungKook." I heard Namjoon call my name, quietly. I turned to him without wanting to hear what he had to say.

"We have a meeting about the music video. You need to be there. And..." He hesitated before saying it. "...Taehyung is going to be there". He looked at his shoes and then the ceiling. Anywhere to avoid looking directly into my eyes.

My heart lifted. Namjoon saw it on my face and hanging his head he continued, almost whispering:

"You can't be with him, JungKook. You can't talk to him or interact with him for now. The office has been unequivocal about this. Please respect this, otherwise I'll be in the shit." His voice was full of regret and unsaid things. He turned and walked away, unable to say anything more.

My eyes stung. What did he mean by "you can't be with him" and "can't talk to him or interact with him"? I was confused.

TAEHYUNG

Checking myself in the mirror before arriving, I didn't recognise the man staring back at me. Pale, hollowed out, drawn face with dead eyes. Would JungKook even recognise me? I wasn't sure if I'd survive seeing him. How could I see him and not touch him?

I hugged my long, puffy jacket and pulled it around me like an embrace without warmth. The hood felt like a safe haven, muffling out the sounds of the voices I did not want to hear. There was only one voice I had ears for and that, I couldn't hear.

The chair was hard and uncomfortable. I could feel them all looking at me. I hid behind my dark curtain of hair, without making eye contact with anyone and stayed silent. No one said a word, the room was suffocating in its silence.

JungKook burst through the door and scanned the room with his intense, black, eyes -the eyes I had missed more than anything. His gaze stopped, piercing right through me, his face was visibly shaken by my appearance.

He looked just as bad as I felt. Yet, tenderness filled his eyes and I had to fight the tears gathering and burning a hole behind my eyelids. Blinking furiously, my mouth a tight line, I forced myself to look away.

He sat where he could see me and throughout the meeting, he neither participated nor paid any attention to what was going on. He only stared at me, unblinking, his arms crossed tight across his chest. The flaring of his nostrils was the only indication that his insides were in upheaval.

The second the meeting ended, I flew out of the room via the back door.

I could hear steps running behind me and Namjoon saying:

"Just let him go...".

"Tae, Tae. TAEHYUNG!" I heard his desperate voice behind me before his hard grip on my arm stopped me on my tracks. Roughly he pushed me onto a quiet side corridor and against a wall, gripping my shoulders like his life depended on it.

When he was certain I would not run, he loosened his grip. Gently, ever so gently, he reached up with shaking fingers and pulled my hood down. With the lightest of touches, he nudged my chin to lift my gaze to his, but I knew if I looked into his eyes, I would cry and probably never stop.

"Look at me... Please." A desperate plea. His hand cupped my cheek, his breath a gentle fan on my face.

Powerless to stop it, my body responded to his touch without permission, relaxing, leaning into his warm caress.

My skin was a desert, his touch the rain. My body instantly cried for more.

My head stretched back, and a small sigh escaped my lips. As if we'd never been apart, JungKook lowered his face to my neck and nuzzled into it, breathing in deeply.

"I've missed you so much". I could feel his hot tears slide down my neck. His arms wrapped around me tightly and he pulled me to him, squeezing almost too hard to breathe.

Finally, I felt safe again.

He didn't ask me "Where have you been?" or "Why did you leave?" nor was he angry with me. He simply accepted that I had been away and that now, I was here and that was all that mattered.

"Please don't leave me again" he pleaded with his voice desperate.

"I... I.. " I choked, remembering everything.

"I can't... be with you... anymore" I said, with my throat so tight with unshed tears I didn't recognise my own voice.

JUNGKOOK

I had never seen him like that. He seemed hardly alive. All the sparkle and joy in his eyes had disappeared and it had been replaced by darkness and apathy. His pale, lifeless face looked almost alien; this Taehyung was a completely different person.

His eyes were an ocean of grief and I felt like drowning in it.

The need to hold him, protect him and to heal him was so intense it hit me in the stomach and winded me.

Only he mattered. Only us mattered. All else was trivial.

I only saw him. His slender fingers grasping the sides of his coat wrapped tightly around him. His beautiful lips horrifically twisted in grief. His long, dark eyelashes shadowing his hollowed-out cheeks.

All I heard were his long, sad, shaky sighs, all the way from where he was sitting.

We were the only people in the room.

When he ran out of the room, there was no way I was going to let him go without speaking to him.

I ran after him, but Jin grabbed my arm saying "don't".

I stared murder at him and immediately, his grip loosened.

"Just let him go" Namjoon said, resigned to the inevitable. His look was full of regret and unspoken apologies.

I caught Taehyung halfway down the long corridor.

Without much care I grabbed him and pushed him to the side.

"Taehyung." I could hardly recognise my own voice, it was so full of grief, longing, love, desperation. All the emotions I was never able to put into words, yet Tae always seemed to understand what I meant.

I could only hope he heard it all this time, because I had never meant it more than I did now. I loved him, he was my breath, my heartbeat.

My tears flowed freely along his delicate neck. "Please don't leave me again." I whispered, desperately.

Slowly putting two and two together I asked him:

"What have they said to you? Why is this happening?" Trying to understand, I held him close to me.

His voice shaky, he said: "Please let me go. I can't be with you." His eyes never once looked at me, but his tears were a continuous, soundless stream down his white cheeks.

Desperate for him to know how I felt, I forced him to look at me and uttered:

"No matter what they say, they cannot stop me from loving you. They cannot stop me looking at you. When my eyes are on you, know that I love you and want to hold you. I won't even stop looking so please don't give up on us..." the intensity of my grief twisted my throat into silence.

Without saying a word, he slipped away, walking slowly.

I wished to be the coat that comforted him.