I sat there, staring at the knife in my hand. It was a chiefs knife. It was freshly cut and rubbed clean for any infection I might get from what I was about to do. I had so many friends I've kept secrets from for years.

I've always told myself that they didn't know me. They never truly would. They always saw a side of me that I wanted them to see; that was, the perfect me.

I was carefree with them, always giving them advice, taking care of them when they wanted to end it all. Never once did they know I was struggling with the same thing as them. They would always ask me how I know why to say the right words...

It's because I know how to get them to stop, but I don't know how to stop myself. I don't even think I can. I make empty promises to not do it again, but here I am- a knife in my sweaty palm, at the ready to do what I want it to do against my skin.

I would always tell them when I was in the lowest of low, "I take peace in the silence..." And they would never understand me.

Do you?

Maybe, if you were like me.

Are you like me?

Maybe.

I don't know.

Taking in a shaky breath, I hold out my left arm. Ah. No matter how many times I've cut myself, no scars were ever left on my wrists to prove I wanted to end my life.

Mumbling to myself to keep my mind sharp, I press the tip of the blade to my slightly bulging vein.

"Sideways. For. Attention..." I mumble each word as I tug the blade UP my inner wrist, the crimson, darken red blood thickening under the blade that easily slices open my skin, part the tightly compacted cells as the blood pours out quicker, the pain so fucking blinding that it actually felt... Nice.

A sickening sweet sensation that was an on and off dizzy pain, but I had to continue.

"Longways. For. Results." I finish mumbling, removing the blade from my wrist as I cry out in a painful agony.

My brain is flaring warnings at me, swears too.

What had I done?! I'm so fucking stupid. But at least this is helping take my mind off of my problems.

Oh it was. It really was helping.

"Oh thank you..." I mumble, going out of consciousness.