Demi

I've been in here for a month, and nothing's changed. They cleared my drug relapse, but a severe depression was hanging over me from the way Wilmer was abandoning me. He hadn't come seen me. Not one phone call. He didn't answer any of my letters, every week or so I received a package holding all of them with the same 'RETURN TO SENDER' stamp. But, everyday, I mailed one. My mom told me he had gone back to California, and that he got updates from my doctors. Not even that helped the ache in my chest. He no longer cared what happened to me. My thoughts were starting to get darker, suicidal ramblings that drifted through my thoughts when I was alone. I didn't dare tell anyone, they'd make me stay longer. I had to get out, I had to see Wilmer.

~*~

"Hey babygirl."

I couldn't even force a smile as my mom pulled me into a hug. "Hey."

"How are you holding up?"

I looked down. "He still hasn't called, or answered. I write him letters but..." I shook my head. "He's probably just busy. He had a lot of projects coming up."

"Sweetheart. You have to focus on yourself. He'll come around. He loves you."

I shook my head. "I don't feel loved. I feel small. I've never felt so small before. Last time... I had him. He visited every weekend and it made things so much easier. I could talk to him, he was the only one who could make me laugh." I sighed. "I don't even remember how to laugh anymore. I mean, he's left me before to force me to get help, but it's never this drastic."

"Demi. Listen to me. Forget about Wilmer while you're in here. You need to get better. You need to focus on ways to get yourself out of this black hole again."

I focused on the ground. "Last time Wilmer was standing there to pull me out."

~*~

"Tomorrow is family weekend." My therapist murmured, making my heart ache. "Are you doing anything with your family?"

"No." I sighed, staring at the ground. "They have work and everything. Wilmer... He's uh... I'm sure he wants to but I haven't..." I cleared my throat. "I haven't really been able to get ahold of him to tell him about it."

"Oh." She sat back. "Well that's okay, you can have fun some other way. Maybe you'd like to sing?"

"No." I whispered. "I don't want to sing anymore."

"Demi you love music."

"Not anymore." I countered.

"Maybe you could try giving Wilmer a call."

I huffed a laugh. "Because that worked out so well last time."

"If you want, you can do it in here. I'll step outside." She handed me the phone and smiled encouragingly before walking out of her office.

I took a deep breath and stared at the phone for a moment before I picked it up, my fingers automatically dialing the familiar number and holding my breath as it rang.

"This is Wilmer."

I closed my eyes. "Please don't hang up."

"Demi." It was a warning. I knew he was angry.

"T-There's this uh- There's a family weekend tomorrow. I know you don't want to see me. B-But..." I clenched my fists to stop myself from stuttering. "But I miss you. I'm sorry and I miss you so fucking much. Everything hurts." My eyes filled with tears and I stared up at the ceiling. "I can't do this without you Wilmer. Please come-"

"Demi. Stop." His voice was cold and harsh, and I curled tighter into myself, trying to protect myself from the pain he was about to inflict. "I'll go to the stupid weekend thing. I promise. But I don't want anymore phone calls, or letters. Just fucking stop okay?"

My relief was drowned out by the hatred in his tone. "Okay." I whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Goodbye."

"I love you." The words came out rushed, tripping over each other, but I was desperate.

All I got was another dial tone.

My therapist walked in. "How'd it go?"

I swallowed hard. "He'll come. But uhm... He wants me to stop calling him, and writing to him."

"Are you going to?"

I bit my lip. "Writing to him helps. Even though I know he doesn't read them, and just sends them back, it helps me to think he's there. I can imagine him reading it. Now though..." I shook my head. "I don't think I can stop."

"Then don't stop."

"But he told me to."

"Demi he's just angry. Tomorrow once he sees you, I think things will get better."

"Hopefully you're right."

~*~

I woke up the next morning and I couldn't help but smile. I see Wilmer today. It glanced at the clock and saw it was still early. I pulled out my makeup for the first since since I had gotten here and put it on the way I used to. I wanted to look good for him even if he didn't care.

The morning went by quickly, so by the time visiting hours came around my hands were trembling with the anxiety of seeing him again. Soon, people's names came on over the loudspeaker and I went to sit in the lobby, sitting on one of the couches to wait for Wilmer. As families walked in they gave me an awestruck look but I ignored them, my eyes trained unblinkingly on the door.

Hours went by. Families came and left. Shifts changed. The staff members gave me sympathetic looks as they walked out the door while the fresh nurses smiled encouragingly. One brought lunch to me, but I barely touched it. Once five o'clock came around though, my therapist sat down next to me.

"Demi, you have to go to dinner."

"He's coming." I whispered. "He said he'd come. He promised."

"Visiting hours are over Demi."

I stared at the doors for another moment, my jaw clenched, then I looked down at my hands. "Okay. Sorry, I'll go to my room."

"You have to eat dinner, sweetie."

I swallowed, feeling the numbness take over my body. "Okay."

"Come on Demi, let's go. It's okay."

As she led me to the cafeteria, I couldn't help but glance back at the lobby. When I did though, my heart nearly stopped when I saw Wilmer walking out of another hallway.

"WILMER!" My voice was a maniacal shriek as I ripped my arm away from my therapist and sprinted towards him. My body slammed into his and I let out a loud sob into his neck. "You came." I whispered, gripping him tightly.

"No. I didn't." His voice was harsh, and his hands had an iron grip as they pushed me away from him. "I came to tell your therapists not to allow you to call me anymore. That's it. They told me you wouldn't do this. That you wouldn't see me."

Shattered. I was shattered on the floor. Broken didn't even cover it.

"But you promised." My voice was an emotionless whisper. "You promised."

"Yeah, and you promised a lot of things. Goodbye Demi."

"No." I grabbed his hand but he ripped it away. "Please Wilmer don't leave me here."

"Get off of me." His voice cracked like a whip. "Don't touch me."

"Please-"

"Goodbye."

My arms hung limply at my sides as he turned on his heel, and for the second time, I watched him leave me here, numb.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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