Demi

When we got home, I walked straight up to the bedroom. I stripped down, threw on one of Wilmer's shirts, and burrowed under the covers, intending on never resurfacing again.

Unfortunately, after a few minutes, I felt the bed dip and Wilmer leaned down to my ear. "Do you want me here?"

I bit my lip and hesitated, I wanted to be alone, but at the same I didn't want Wilmer to think I was mad at him.

When I didn't answer right away, Wilmer kissed my head and pulled back. "Let me know if you want to talk."

His footsteps faded away, and the moment the door shut I broke, the tears coming hard and fast. I didn't just cry for my mom. I let out all of the emotions I was feeling from the past week. I cried for my relationship with Wilmer. I cried for the child in me who was already hated by it's grandmother. I cried for the decision I would eventually have to make. To love him, or to hate him. Hating him would be easier, hating him would solve so many problems.

But I couldn't do it.

I couldn't let go of him now that we'd found each other again. I couldn't cut my ties and raise his child by myself. I could look into my child's eyes and see Wilmer and not be able to fall asleep to him every night. I loved him more than I could ever express. I loved him even though it wasn't sensible, or right. Even though no one approved of us I loved him with every part of my soul. Our lifelines had become so ensnared together it would be impossible to be free from him. His hooks were in me too deep, and my hooks in him.

Loving him was my only option.

It was the only option I could stand to picture. It would hurt, no doubt. It would takes years and years before I would be able to trust him again. But he was Wilmer, my best friend, and the person I had vowed to love and cherish for the rest of our lives.

I stood up and slowly walked to the door, in nothing but his t-shirt. I walked out to the hallway and down the stairs, finding him on the couch, with his head in his hands. I stopped in the doorway, biting my lip as I watched him.

"Wilmer?"

He turned, his gaze softening when he saw my swollen eyes and red nose. "Hey! I uh, I'm gonna make dinner soon. Anything you want, just name it. I'm gonna start laundry soon too, but uh..."

I wiped my face and sniffled, fingering the hem of the t-shirt. "Can you... Can you come lay down with me."

He nodded, quickly standing up. "Yeah! Sure, definitely."

I forced a smile and walked back upstairs, leaving him to follow behind me. I laid back down on the bed and waited for Wilmer to get under the covers before I snuggled into him, pushing my face into the crook of his neck.

"Demi I-"

"I didn't say I wanted to talk." I interrupted, and he fell silent. I sighed and lifted my head to look at him. He stared back nervously for a moment, and I ran my fingertips over his face, trailing over his eyebrows and jawline until they skimmed his lips. I leaned down and gently pressed my mouth against his; our first kiss in months. When I pulled away Wilmer's eyes were huge. "I made my decision." I breathed, keeping our faces close. "And I'm choosing you."

He swallowed hard, looking so relieved I wanted to cry all over again. "I love you." He choked out, his eyes getting misty too.

"I love you too."

I leaned down to kiss him again, this time with more force. Wilmer's hands slid up to my sides and he rubbed my back, letting me take the lead as I kissed him with more and more confidence. It felt good to kiss him, to touch him and feel him touching me. A part of me, deep down where I had hidden all of my emotions jolted. We had barely touched in months, so my body was slowly beginning to heat up, holes in my willpower were forming so sparks of desire floated through.

I pulled back before I got carried away, and softly touched his mouth, staring into his chocolate brown eyes. I had missed the warmth in them. "I'm not ready for... that. Not yet."

Wilmer smiled softly and kissed the fingers that still touched his mouth. "Okay." Then his eyes grew concerned. "About your mom-"

To shut him up, I kissed him again. "I don't want to think about it." I murmured against him, then pressed my lips down his jawline. "I just want to be in our little bubble for a bit longer. I don't want to be sad right now. I'll be sad tonight, but right now I just want to think about you, and me."

Wilmer smiled and nodded, letting me snuggle back into his arms. "Okay. I can do that."

I just hummed, closing my eyes as I let myself truly relax for the first time in his arms. I no longer had the tension in me from the decision I had to make. I had taken the step off the ledge and was now free-falling, hoping that Wilmer would catch me.

We laid there for a long time, eventually the steady beating of Wilmer's heart lulled me into a light sleep, the warmth of his body helping me relax and numb my brain against the thoughts of my mother swirling around it.

"Do you want to talk yet?" Wilmer's voice made me open my eyes and I sighed heavily.

"It depends on the topic."

He gently kissed my forehead. "Us?"

"What about us?" I raised my head and lifted one eyebrow.

"We have another counseling appointment tomorrow."

I smiled softly, propping my head up on my elbow. "We do."

"What do you want to talk about?" I was more focused on the way his mouth moved when he spoke, and the moment he finished, leaned up to kiss him.

"I don't know... How we can work up trust again?"

"I trust you."

This made me lean back. "You do?"

"I know you'll never jeopardize our relationship intentionally, and I know if you do get bad again, you'll speak up. I trust you enough to believe that."

"So you have no doubts, no issues whatsoever?"

His head rolled to the side, staring at the wall as he thought about my question. "Doubts? Not really. I'm going to do whatever it takes for this relationship to work. Issues... I've forgiven you for the past and what happened, but I haven't forgiven myself for what I did to you. The only issues I have are within myself, at myself."

I looked down, feeling guilty that I couldn't relate to him. I had worked out my inner issues in therapy and with Mike. Now all that remained were my external issues with Wilmer.

"Hey." Wilmer lifted my chin with the tip of his finger. "I understand that you have doubts, and issues and that totally okay with me. I'm fully willing and ready to help you however I can."

Tears filled my eyes again and I buried my face in his shirt.

"Why are you crying again?" He murmured, slight amusement in his tone.

"Because you're being you again." I breathed. "I'm happy. I'm so unbelievably happy and I thought I'd never feel this way again."

"Don't cry." He kissed my temple and hugged me tight against him. "Don't cry, Dems. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I did that you to you, that I put you through all of that bullshit."

"I know you are." I shook my head and wiped my face. "It's just... I can't stop remembering you like that. This house... there's so many horrible memories. Every time I pull in the driveway I'm afraid I'm going to walk into the house and you're going to be back to hating me, or you're not going to be there at all."

He shook his head, cupping my cheek and bringing his lips to mine for a moment. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be here, I promise."

"Please don't ever do that to me again." I breathed out, inhaling his scent as I pushed my face into his chest.

"I won't. I promise. I'm sorry."

"You're going to have to work up to promising things again." I whispered. "We're both going to have to work through a lot."

"I know." He cupped my cheek. "I'll do whatever it takes. I'm so sorry Demi."

I leaned into his touch. "I love you."

"I love you too."

I pressed our foreheads together. "Say it again."

Wilmer didn't hesitate. "I love you."

"Again." I breathed out.

"I love you."

The words barely made it out of his mouth before I was kissing him, pouring every ounce of my being into this kiss, deepening it so I could kiss him with more passion than I had showed in months. I kissed him with everything I had. After a few moments though, my resolve broke and I found myself in the crook of his neck again sobbing. "She's my mom, Wilmer. How could she just send me out of her life?"

Wilmer sighed deeply, relieved that I wasn't crying about him. "I don't know. She'll come around, Demi. She'll see that she was wrong."

"But how could she do this? She knows how hard it was for us to have a baby. She knows how much I cried and cried over it. Now I'm pregnant and she's not happy in the slightest?"

"Listen to me, Demi. You do not owe her anything. This is not your fault, okay? She made the decision. She told you to leave. You are not at fault."

"But I made her choose. I made her choose between a life with me and a life without me."

"You made her choose because you chose me." Wilmer's tone was bitter, and I realized her was trying to put the blame on himself.

"No." I growled, pushing myself up and slapping his chest. "You don't get to do that. You don't get to put this on you and act like this is your fault. This is not your fucking fault."

"Okay." He nodded. "I'm sorry."

"Stop saying sorry, it's not your fault!"

He bit his lip, watching me cautiously. I was an emotional wreck, and it was not the time to reason with me.

"Okay. It's not my fault. But it's not your fault either."

"It's hers."

"Yes."

I collapsed back on the bed, rolling onto my back and covering my face. "She's my mom."

Wilmer turned on his stomach and lifted my shirt, leaning down to kiss the slight bump on my stomach. "And soon you're going to be a mom. In seven months, you're going to be a mom. You're making decisions for the both of you, whether you realize it or not. You gave your mom a choice, and she made it. I know you didn't like it, but you can't hold yourself responsible for your mother's decision, the both of you just have to live with it. This won't last forever."

I peeked my eyes open. "Promise?"

He gently kissed my pouted lips. "Promise."

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