CHAPTER 8

"Ichinose-san, wait!" In the midst of desparation, Haruka grabbed Tokiya's arm tightly. Yet, due to what she felt as their skins touched, she let him go right away.

For seconds, Haruka catching her breath was the sound between them. She did not expect him to say anything since Tokiya might want to spend some time alone before she decided to be a busybody but...

To wait for her to catch her breath might take a while since Haruka was not an athletic person to begin with. At the end, Tokiya might get bored and decide to leave again.

"You must be tired," the idol might share the same thought with her when despite his emotional wreck, he turned to check her condition. "I am sorry, Nanami-san. Are you okay?"

"That's... that's what I am about to ask you, Ichinose-san," finally could stand straight, her eyes met his. It was cool, calm, collected and any adjective that described the same feeling. It looked like he just came back from a convenience store instead of declaring that he wanted to leave his band. "Are you okay, Ichinose-san?"

"I will talk into Saotome-san about my withdrawal so I should be fine."

"No, no... that's not what I meant," she said. "Why would you quit STARISH out of the blue? You belong to the band, Ichinose-san."

"Do you really think so, Nanami-san?" One of his eyebrows was lifted but for her, he did it to conceal how broken he truly felt inside. "Even when HAYATO is over there and can fit in easily?"

"But... but it's just HAYATO-kun's personality, right?" Haruka reasoned out immediately. "He is HAYATO, the one who was supposed to fit in easily. You cannot just decide on that just because you think HAYATO-kun has a better chemistry with them."

"But, they don't want me to be with them anymore," Tokiya said. "I guess a person like me cannot perform a good teamwork given how stuck-up I am."

"But, you have tried so hard, right, Ichinose-san," she said. Her soft but frustrated voice was never Tokiya's cup of tea. To make such a nice girl to feel upset with him, he must had been so mean that even the sunshine Otoya also had reached his breaking point. "All I can see from you is you always work hard. Kotobuki-san even told me that you lack sleep way too much because you take your career seriously. Now that you just want to leave everything that you have given up for, I feel sad, Ichinose-san. It broke my heart because I don't want you to suffer anymore."

Man, he had hurt those people around him when they did not even reach a year yet since their debut. What was wrong with him?

He had been so absorbed into Haruka's sudden confession and what he had done to his friends that when Ringo and Hyuga showed up and being suspicious of them...

He was still clueless and could not explain himself.

Which was one of the reasons why he and Haruka ended up in Saotome's office.

"No, it's not about that!" For the first time, Saotome was yelled at by his composer. Even Haruka's voice did not sound harsh but it did not feel pleasant at all to be literally scolded by his own employee. "We didn't do anything."

"Really? Why did you touch him like you have an unspokable feeling to him, Nanami-san? Why would you flinch like you just got electric shock from holding his arm?" Saotome said which sent Hyuga and Ringo secretly looked at each other from his sides.

We just told him that Haru-chan and Tokiya-chan looked suspicious, right? Ringo thought.

Yeah, we didn't say anything about the electric shock part. Could it be... he had watched them from the start? Hyuga mentally replied.

"Actually, I was about to stop him from seeing you," Haruka said.

"Whyyy?"

"Ichi... Ichinose-san wants to quit from STARISH."

"What?"

My bad, Ichinose-san... I stopped you from seeing the president but at the end...

"What are you talking about, Nanami?" Hyuga said, looking both the teenagers who looked like they had gold in their mouths since they refused to speak more. "Ichinose, what's the meaning of this?"

"She has said everything, Hyuga-san. I would like to quit from STARISH," Tokiya replied weakly.

"Ichinose, you must be joking..."

"No, I am not," this time, it came out a bit strong and fast.

"Then, you must be crazy, Tokiya-chan!" Ringo exclaimed. His thick and long hair moved like a model in a shampoo CF with each of his sentence and breath. "Why would you think about quitting? It's not like you to quit out of nowhere. We all know how much you want this!"

"But I just found out that I can't share this life with the members."

"So, it's about others? Not because you yourself want to quit from STARISH in the first place?" Hyuga remarked, noticing the subtle sigh from his ex-student. "I thought that you have gotten along with others. Now you have debuted, you have decided that you can't continue your dream with them?"

"You will never fit in with anyone or anything at this rate, Mr. Ichinose," Saotome said eventually. They all knew that when he was no longer in his extravagant and active mode, it meant business. He thought that Tokiya was being ridiculous and tried to make him flip his table. "You joined these people to convince me that STARISH is meant to be together. Because of a bunch of you, there were students who did not have their graduation partner since all of you insisted to choose Miss Nanami. Your idea of choosing the same composer was crazy but what have I done? I have granted your wish since you guys really sounded the best with Maji Love 1000% song but now, you want to quit? Really?"

Saotome was right. He was a part of a bunch of selfish people who did not think of other students at that time whom did not have their graduation partners.

But, was it considered normal given showbiz was like a bloodbath? You have to stand out, fight until your last drop of sweat and tears or else, you did not have anything to offer?

Or they just convinced themselves that it was normal because they all were just desperate to work with Haruka?

Was it a desperation to work with Haruka or a desperation because they had grown affection for the girl?

"You really wasted my time, Mr. Ichinose. Really, you did."

"Saotome..." Despite showing frustration about how fast Tokiya was in making such a big decision, Ringo could not help but cast worry over how tense the mood in the room had become. Hyuga also threw a concerned look to his direction.

"All you know is to complain. You already know that the world doesn't revolve around you the moment you struggle to make your way in idol world. You passed the audition to be HAYATO because you're talented yet after that, you don't want that life anymore. You came to me and I accepted you since you are promising and hardworking. I know I can put my trust on you. But today, I have learned that besides talent, one's attitude should be the priority as well."

"President..." Now that Tokiya was directly lectured by the serious Saotome, he felt like he was just shot continuously with bullets instead of words.

"Don't concern yourself with useless things. I know what all of you in STARISH have been up to recently quite some time. What you need to know is you do have a talent but you don't have the attitude to stay in this showbiz. You're here to be an entertainer but if this what you show me, you won't survive anywhere, Ichinose Tokiya. All you know is to run from your problems when in fact, you have other options. You can choose to face your teammates, confront them and reach mutual understanding but no. You choose to leave them when I myself believe that you guys are compatible perfectly. You sure prioritize your selfish attitude over everything else. Let's say that I allow you to leave STARISH, what will be your next demand, Mr. Ichinose? Snatch Miss Nanami from them since you lovvveeee singing her songs?"

"What!? That's not what I am going to do!"

"Then go back to your room and ponder over your decision for three days. After that, if you still choose to leave, there is no another chance for you. I won't allow you to be in STARISH anymore. Understood?"

Tokiya bit his lips. This was not the first time for him to face the very strict Saotome but this time, it felt so intimidating down to his bone. He felt hopeless to talk back so he nodded.

"Saotome is right, Tokiya-chan. You might be overwhelmed by what happened recently so it will be best for you to cool down and think wisely. We are afraid that you will regret your choice." Ringo said with a more caring voice.

"One more thing, Mr. Ichinose," Saotome who did not want to cut some slack like Ringo added, "I want you to know that you have wasted my investment on you and this time, don't make me waste more if you're not going to stay. Disperse."

Ringo smiled awkwardly at the teenagers opposite him. He did not want Tokiya and Haruka feel intimidated but Saotome wanted them to feel vice versa.

That was very Saotome.

"If my prediction is right, the president might demand all of you to see him and confront about Tokiya. That guy has told the president that he wants to quit STARISH," HAYATO remarked at that night.

And he proved himself right. On the very next day, the rest of them including Cecil who had accepted his fate as part of STARISH after a series of malicious trainings from Camus found themselves in Saotome's room.

It was an ear torture. They were lectured harshly by Saotome who kept reminding them abut team-building, teamwork, their 'sins' for choosing Haruka as their graduation partners which made the rest of the students without partners suffer and many more.

After hours passed, they were dispersed and ended up in their training room. While they were in the midst of exploding over the mental breakdown that Saotome had caused, they had another problem to ponder over.

"Tokiya... does he really want to quit?" Syo said, eyes glued to the floor which showed that the question was not for anyone.

"He seemed serious yesterday and he had told the president already," Natsuki said. His hand rested on his broad chest as he leaned against the window. The mellow sunlight shone beautifully against his yellow hair but his face was contorted with despair.

They did not need to be a genius to learn that convincing Haruka to give the song to HAYATO instead of Tokiya was a downright insult. From the way Haruka reacted before going after Tokiya immediately after the blue head declared his withdrawal from STARISH had told them enough.

"I guess we did go overboard with that trick if Icchi reacted like that," Ren said, putting off his fake and cruel face expression. He looked around and was convinced that everyone shared the same thought with him including...

"It was indeed overboard if Ichinose and Nanami reacted like that," Masato said at last, much to everyone's fright. "What do you guys think you're doing?"

"Huh? I thought that you're the one who told Icchi to knock some sense into his head, Hijirikawa. Never thought that you're this sly," Ren said. It was a surprise that for the first time ever, he could not read Masato's mind perfectly.

"But I never said that I agreed with these kind of plans. I expected him to knock some sense into his own. If he's not presurrised, I am sure he can put two and two together someday," Masato said before turning to Otoya and HAYATO just to glare at them. "Explain."

"Wait, wait, Masa! What are you talking about? What do you expect me to explain?" The redhead exclaimed. Red eyes carefully turned to HAYATO for a possible assist but the boy was smiling innocently at the angry blue head.

Despite Tokiya was obviously upset, he was smiling.

But why?

"You know it's very out of character for you to act like a spoiled brat, Ittoki," Masato said. "You're way too mean that it's unbelieavable. I never believe it when you outright said to the president that you hated Ichinose's stuck-up attitude. I know there must be something that you hid from us."

"Wait, you... really? I thought I had pulled a good acting. Even HAYATO did say that..."

"Yeah, you're a bit over the top, Otoya. I am surprised that Tokiya did not say anything about how odd you had acted lately," Syo said, much to Otoya's disbelief. It was a rare case that Syo would condemn what he did since the soccer buddies had always been on the same wavelength.

"Yeah, Ochibi-chan is right, Ikki. If it's Ochibi-chan being mean from the start, it's not surprising because he's naturally mean."

"What was that!?"

"I am sorry, Otoya. I didn't mean to drag you along when it's me whom Tokiya resented so much," HAYATO said with the same smile which answered why he remained collected when Masato was about to start a vendetta.

"What?" Otoya and Syo exclaimed.

"HAYATO-kun..." Natsuki who managed to put two and two together suggested as he straigthened his posture after leaning against a piano, "could it be... you have planned something for Tokiya-kun on your own?"

With the question, every single soul in the room turned curiously at him.

Unbeknown to them, their instant and simultaneously reaction had interested him the most.

"What?" Syo exclaimed. "Are you saying that apart from our plan to trick Tokiya, you also have a solo plan or something?"

Well, I can't expect to keep this thought forever, right? HAYATO thought.

"Yup, I do. Did you guys always say that I am way better than him? Because of that, I have decided that I wanted to be part of you guys instead of Tokiya. That's why I always made the rest of you guys choose me instead of him including when you wanted to help Masa with his acting," HAYATO's voice was high. His eyes shone brightly and his gestures were like an innocent child but for some reason, they froze on their spots. Suddenly, eveything about the boy felt off. "You, Otoya... Didn't you say that I sing better than him? Didn't you say that I am an idiot like you? Didn't you say that Tokiya is boring and a pain while me... I understand you more than everyone else, more than Kotobuki senpai."

But those never change the fact that Tokiya is still my teammate and... my bestfriend, Otoya knew the answer even without the question but...

"HAYATO, you see..."

"Ichinose is a STARISH member, like us," Masato answered. His voice was husky as he emphasized the fact. "Yes, you're way kinder than him, HAYATO. You're more considerate than him..."

"But, we need him. He's the T of STARISH. He belongs to this band," Ren said, smirking at Masato who clicked his tongue. The scion was supposed to finish his own words but Ren still thought that made him annoyed with his mind-reading ability was a must.

"Well, if a stoic like Hijirikawa and a flamboyant loser like Ren admitted to something like that, I got nothing more to say," Syo said, much to the scions' displeasure. "As much as I was angry with what Tokiya had said about me, the reason why I agreed to make Tokiya feel like an outcast is because I wanted him to learn a great lesson. He can inspire others to work hard but he can't push his thought into us."

While all of them were busy sharing their honest but sweet thoughts about Tokiya, only Otoya managed to see that HAYATO was not really listening to them. Spending a lot of time with the boy might help the redhead in identifying HAYATO's mood.

"HAYATO..." A worried exclamation from Otoya drew everyone's attention towards the said guy.

Instead of looking at them and listening to them with understanding demeanor, he looked different.

Way too different for someone who Tokiya called 'a shallow and frivilous dullard'.

As he finally lifted his head, he intimidated everyone with his death glare. Everyone flinched as if the burning blue eyes would swallow them like a fire pit.

"HAYATO-kun, are you okay?" No matter how soothing Natsuki's voice usually sounded, this time it did not work at all. The pair of blue eyes constantly looked daggers at them while HAYATO's hands were balled into fists.

It was obvious to everyone that his fists were shaking so...

"HAYATO, look... we don't mean to make you feel angry. We really see you as our friend but..."

"But, at the end, you guys still choose Tokiya over me!" His usual high voice was replaced with a thunderous version which they never heard from Tokiya no matter how furious the blue head was with the guy. "If that's the case, I should... thank you guys with all my heart!"

They swore that they almost suffered from a heart attack, thanks to HAYATO's full set of 'mood swings'. From almost scaring them with his psychotic face, he returned as the sunshine guy.

"Huhhhh!!?" Syo's voice was especially loud here since he was the one who believed that he would die ridiculously in the hand of someone who did not even exist. "Are you freaking kidding me!?"

From being a confused mess, they turned silent as the HAYATO laughed out loud. Something that they never saw from Tokiya.

Come to think of it, how much Tokiya had to suffer in order to make people laugh as his job? How much Tokiya had to endure disappoinment from encountering people who kept reminding him that HAYATO was not just a job but his entire life?

"You guys are scared, right? This is what you called a great acting, Otoya," HAYATO exclaimed, laughing more as he saw Otoya still had his mouth open out of shock. "Just so you know, there is no way I will turn into a killing machine or something. I am HAYATO, remember? The idol who was also a comedian. I existed in this world to make people happy and that's how I functioned until Tokiya debuted again as himself."

"HAYATO..." the only redhead in the group could only exclaim a word which did not help in recovering his surprise at all.

"Otoya, you're a very great friend. The moment I asked you to put on an act, your eyes shone when I said I wanted to make Tokiya realize his mistakes. It shows that you care about him, right?" HAYATO turned to others. "Well, it's not just Otoya. Everyone is amazing. I am glad that Tokiya have met nice friends like you guys. Finally, I can be at ease since I know I will leave him with nice people like all of you."

Just like how he said about his function, the happy HAYATO hated to see sympathetic looks from others so he supplied, "On behalf of Tokiya, I would like to apologize for what he has done to you guys. He did mean when he said something about Natsuki's cooking or Syo's temper. I mean he's always honest and blunt but that's just because he was raised in such an environment."

"What do you mean?" Natsuki asked.

"He isn't very close to his parents. They wanted him to be the typically good son who exceled in studies, sports or all those academic craps. He did succeed everything but once he decided that he wanted to be an idol, he lost their support. He lost everything as a son so once he had assigned himself as the trainee to be HAYATO, he knew he was alone. He had to do everything on his own so he was harsh to himself. For a young kid who was forced to be mature and serious all the time, being the funny HAYATO was so difficult but he believed that might be his last chance to shine. It might be his last because he was backstabbed a lot. When I said a lot, it meant a lot."

"Which was why he has a trust issue with people around him," Masato said.

"Yes, exactly."

"Well, normally I don't buy this pain-from-the-pass thingy because I can't really relate to that. I mean, I suffered from a heart disease and the doctor even predicted that I wouldn't survive too long but I guess I got you, HAYATO," Syo said as recently, he wondered about how different and biased the way he viewed Tokiya and Natsuki. Sure, Tokiya was always cold and blunt but he could not understand why the lad always loved to nitpick and be a wet blanket. Even when his past was painful, it did not excuse him from hurting other innocent people's feelings like his friends in STARISH.

But, come to think of it, why on earth he cut some slack when it comes to Natsuki? He could just tell Natsuki to forget about the teacher who stole his songs and moved on instead of developing a dangerous and troublematic side of him? Why bothered to suffer from a mental illness when Natsuki gained nothing from his melancholy?

So, that was why now, he understood HAYATO.

"Tokiya-kun was blunt with us because he wants us to be the best," Natsuki said.

"Yeah but he found it hard to say the word nicely," Ren said. "Well, of course he should have flaws or else it will be annoying if he's a perfect perfectionist, right?"

"Ren?" HAYATO's exclamation was soft but now everyone could tell that all this time, he cared about Tokiya. He just concealed it behind his bubbly attitude.

"Well, I normally don't say this a lot because I love myself (anyone could hear how hard Masato clicked his tongue, just to let the scion knew how much he disapproved Ren's statements) but to be honest, I am intimidated by Icchi. He can do anything."

"He can sing," Otoya said.

"He's cute even without smiling a lot," Natsuki giggled.

"His acting feels so natural like it's part of his body," Syo said.

Silence echoed in the vast room as they lost in their deep thoughts before another innocent voice which had never spoken since the beginning of their conversation interposed.

"I am sorry but I was wondering if you guys actually have time for this useless melancholy and listing down all Tokiya's good traits? Are you guys supposed to look for him and comfort him now?"

"Huh?" The circle of friends turned to him.

It was Cecil's.

Silence passed, filling the air as he the high voice joined in the conversation with such a question.

Seconds still passed before...

"What are you doing here, Aijima?" Masato asked, voicing out everyone's thought with one simple and monotonic question.

"Wait, what's that supposed to mean, Masato? I am always here with you guys."

"Since when?" Ren who was usually alert to his surrounding could not help but ask.

"Since yesterday when Tokiya said that he wanted to leave... wait, Ren, you too!?"

"Ah..." the others exclaimed, too late to conceal that...

They were too absorbed in thinking about their problem with Tokiya. Too absorbed to remember about Cecil who they still needed time to get used to.

"Damn it, why aren't you saying anything? We thought you just showed up suddenly like you usually do," Syo suddenly lashed out, much to Cecil's puzzlement.

"Because there are so many things that I don't understand! I joined you guys because Camus ordered me to learn to be an idol from you but when this kind of mess happened, what I am I supposed to do then!?"

The fracas did not go too long because the impatient Otoya quickly urged everyone to look for Tokiya, just like what Cecil had suggested.

But, the strangest thing was Cecil who could ignore their drama for a while and find Haruka instead also followed them around.

Huh? What's wrong with me? Why I care so much about STARISH? Why I am afraid that they never patch up with Tokiya?