How much of an absolute idiot was I?

I sighed and leaned forward, studying my golden hair. What was it? Some sort of recessive gene that I was unlucky enough to inherit? Was my hair one of the reasons my dad thought I wasn't his son?

I reached into my bedside drawer, shoving aside the two paper birds and reaching deeper till I heard the crinkle of plastic. I took the packet out and stared at it, feeling like more and more of an idiot by the second. Brown hair dye. Would that really change anything? Maybe not. But if I saw some resemblance with my dad, Arthur, Asher maybe even Amelia.

I read the instructions carefully a few times. It seemed simple enough, if a little messy. But if it showed results, I was willing to take the risk. I undressed and hopped into the shower, carefully mixing the sticky paste till it had a respectable consistency. After I was done applying the disgusting smelly paste into my hair, I stood in front of the mirror to inspect. There was no way the colour would show already, was there? Maybe? My hair was light after all.

My hair was wet, hanging lifelessly like rat tails. The overwhelming scent urging me to rinse it off as quickly as possible. I hadn't really let myself think about it. I had bought the dye on a whim and decided to try it on a whim as well. If I thought too much about it, I might realize how fucking stupid it was.

After about an hour, I towel-dried my hair. I stood leaning over the sink for a few second, gazing at the streaks of brown colour that now lined it. It felt like a stranger was looking back at me. Maybe it was because it was such a drastic change, but the moment I took a look at my new hair in the mirror, a sense of revulsion compelled me to look away. It didn't suit me. Or maybe it did and I was just not used to it. I wasn't sure. But as I forced myself to look at my face again, I realized my deepest fears had come true. Everything was different. Despite the hair, none of my facial features matched my dad's. Even if I ignored the stubble, my nose, my chin, my mouth, my bone structure, everything was different. My dad had sharp cheekbones, alert, big eyes. I had always had much less pronounced cheekbones, and smaller eyes.

A large rock dropped down to my stomach. It wasn't possible, was it? How could I look so utterly different from my family? How could I be sparkless? Were the rumours true? Who was I then really?

I gripped the sink to keep standing as waves of nausea crashed over me. I felt cold, like I was suddenly in a brand new, strange place. If I wasn't truly a lightwielder, did that make me just a stranger who Arden Lightwielder pitied enough to keep at his home?

I couldn't stop thinking about the albums. How everyone had been there. Everyone except me. 

I stormed out of the shower and quickly put on some clothes. My heart climbed to my throat, the tide of emotions too much to overcome. I couldn't stay in my room. Or anywhere near. And the moment I stepped out of my home, I broke into a run. My brain wasn't really planning it, but my feet led me outside the house and towards the Nest.

It was still daytime, which meant that the Hawks would be out. Hopefully, Zeph would be there. Even if he wasn't, I needed to get away from the Capital anyway. When I stepped into the streets of the underbelly however, I got jitters. I could almost feel the searing pain of the carved wolf on my skin. I clenched my fists, keeping my eyes away from any dark alleys and breaking into a run till I reached my destination. 

I stepped into the dark staircase and the cold, dinginess of the place was already making me feel more at ease. Maybe I could distract myself just enough. The rest of the warehouse seemed to be empty, at least that's what I could tell by the utter silence.

I decided to go to the rooftop, maybe the open skies would make me feel better. No one seemed to be around anyway, lending an almost creepy atmosphere to the place. I made my way to the rooftop, finding the metal doors slightly ajar. The doors were rusted, old, holding onto their hinges by a sliver. I opened it with a loud clang and my heart skipped a beat at the sight in front of me. Zeph, leaning against the railing.

He sighed softly and lifted his hand, parting his lips slightly so a cloud of smoke erupted. I walked over to him, surprised. "I thought you hated smoking."

"Yes. Hate it. Doesn't mean I don't do it," he shrugged.

I stared at him, baffled by his logic before I shook my head.

"Fuck that, why not look at the elephant in the room," he said, cocking his head to the side as he walked over to me. "How the fuck will I call you Goldie now?"

I stood still as he reached over, his fingers lightly running through a tuft of my hair. The touch made my heart race, my body weightless. He smirked. "I mean...it looks good I suppose. But...odd."

I shrugged. His fingers were still in my hair, making it hard to focus. "Just trying something."

"Well," he dropped his hand as I immediately yearned for his touch. "Sit with me then."

I followed him and both of us sat in a corner of the empty roof, leaning against large buckets of long dried paint.

"Gotta say," he said, putting the cigarette out, "Bit surprised to see you here. During this time."

"Just....needed to get out," I said, looking away from him.

"By the way, don't tell anyone about this-" he pointed at the cigarette butt on the ground. "Least of all, Zia."

"Yeah. You must be her perfect prince," I rolled my eyes, realizing how bitter I had sounded.

"I wish," he chuckled. "Will your dad get mad though? Because of-" my heart skipped violently as he reached for my hair again, pulling gently at the strands. "-this?"

I shrugged. "It's done already. Honestly-" I laughed, "-he might not even notice it."

"It's all I can notice," he said in a low voice. "I mean...not in a bad way. But anyway-" he sighed, "-so how come you're here?"

"I...no real reason I guess," I admitted. "You're really set up on visiting the academy huh?"

I asked the question partly out of curiosity and partly to change the topic. His eyes narrowed, of course he noticed me trying to change the subject but thankfully, didn't press it.

"Yes."

His curt answer was a clear indication that he was not going to invite any arguments on that matter. I knew he could take care of himself, I had that trust in him. But then again, how much did dad know about him? They knew what he looked like, they of course knew Zelos was his brother. The only thing they didn't know for sure was whether Zeph knew where his little brother was.

"If you don't mind me asking..." I began, "How are you going to pull this off? Infiltrate the academy? Especially since everyone there probably of course knows your face?"

He pulled his knees up to his chest and leaned back, sighing softly. "I've got...some...abilities."

"Such...as?" I asked, my stomach clenching. Was he finally about to tell me about his powers? Something I had only read vaguely about in the books?

"Well...I can sort of...control minds," he said, gazing intensely at me. I stared into his slate grey eyes, my heart beating somewhere near my throat. "So I can...make them do...whatever I want," he ended his statement in a whisper as I gaped at him. The silence so profound that I could hear blood pounding in my ears.

And then he burst out laughing.

"W-what?" I sputtered as he doubled over, laughing deliriously. "Oh..." I sighed as realization dawned on me. "Ha ha."

He chuckled, his eyes twinkling mischievously. "You should've seen your face. You were like-" he gaped at me and blinked slowly, mimicking what had apparently been my reaction. I punched his shoulder a little harder than I ever had, feeling suddenly foolish for believing him. But for the way he made me feel, I may as well have been under his spell anyway. 

"Fuck you, Zephyrus."

"Okay so-" he stopped laughing finally. "It's not that impressive. Imagine if it were true. All the tension between the shadowcaster and light bitches would just-" he clicked two fingers in the air, "-poof."

"Lightbitches? That's a new one," I scoffed, a sting in my heart when I remembered that I was one as well.

"Not you of course," he sighed. "Maybe not most of them. Just...the ones that...you know."

"I do know," I said, leaning back. "Imagine not being able to control minds though, fucking amateurs."

He chuckled. "Right? Couldn't be me."

We fell silent for a while before I finally asked again. "I know you're trying to avoid it...considering how you didn't give a straight answer but er...what are your powers exactly?"

"I can..." he opened his palm and flicked a finger. I saw something in the corner of my eye and turned to see the shadow that one of the paint buckets was casting, move slightly. Contorting in a strange, impossible way. "Manipulate shadows. Somewhat. I can almost...well...dissolve into them if that makes sense."

"You can...what?" I stuttered.

"It's quite uncommon even among shadowcasters," he said. "I mean...I can't do it that well. Plus the out of body thing hurts like hell. But...it will be enough to keep out of the Peacekeeper's sight, if I come across any at the academy."

"What about that thing...that you do.." I asked, my fingers turning cold at the multiple visions in my head where Zeph had caused a grown man to crumple. "What you did to that guy the day you saved me?"

"It's...I don't know how to explain it but...can sort of...reduce...body...functions?" he said, his eyebrows furrowed as he figured how to best explain what he did. "I have tried it a few times...just to check and well...I've been informed that it sort of feels like an ice pick inside your body. It's not fatal...always."

I gazed at him as things started to make sense to me. When my dad had used his powers on me, even for a fleeting moment, it had felt like a searing, burning pain. And what Zeph could do was the opposite of that. A burn nonethless, but ice cold rather than white hot.

"Are you...scared of me, Goldie?" he asked softly. I wasn't sure what was showing on my face. Was it pale? Was I scared though? Maybe a little. I had never thought my dad would use his powers on me, and yet he had. Did that mean some day, if the time came, Zeph would as well?

I shrugged, deciding to take refuge in silence. He didn't pester me further and I let out a sigh of relief.

"I saw the posters from the Capital again," he said in a serious tone.

"Yes. They started putting those up again. I assumed Nyxa and Lee were taking those out again," I said.

"Yes but that's not what I was saying," he said. "I was just saying that honestly I look pretty good in it. Probably would smash."

I glared at him, astounded by his audacity. I rolled my eyes. "Damn. Can you spell arrogant asshat?"

"Nope," he grinned, proud at his joke. "I dropped out in fifth grade."

I had to struggle to stop myself from smiling at his awful joke. If I smiled, he would take the poster situation even more lightly than he was before.

"Can I see your arm?" he asked after a while. He reached for my hand and rolled up the sleeve without waiting for an answer.

"May," I said half heartedly as I glanced at the mark of the wolf. The scar now looked clearly defined, complete with ghastly details. A lump rose in my throat and I quickly pushed it down as Zeph traced it softly with just the tip of his fingers, igniting a spark in my heart.

"Crude," he said after a while before dropping my hand and rolling up the sleeve on his right arm. I glanced at the tattoo of the hawk on his forearm, wings spread in all its glory. The geometric lines sharp and symmetric over his taut muscles, the nerves pulled. "You have to admit ours is way cooler. And...much less painful."

"Are you...flexing?" I said, struggling to hold back a smile as I gazed at him. His cheeks turned pink. 

"Just to show it better," he said promptly before quickly lowering his sleeve. 

"Yes. Good job on the bird tattoo," I said in a wry tone.

"Actually, it wasn't me," he said. "Nyxa did this when they were twelve. Always had kind of a knack for artsy stuff. The graffiti in the store room and multiple ones in the underbelly, they're the one behind it. Along with Nick, although-" he grinned, "he mostly tags along because he has a crush on them."

"I feel him," I said without thinking. And of course, Zeph immediately latched onto it.

"You do?" he raised his eyebrows. "You got a crush? On?"

"Er just this...girl...er...dad's...friend's daughter. She's...really n-nice-" I started blabbering, my face burning. "Met her at a few social functions. Really cool girl. Will get her to meet you guys sometime maybe. She's not a snitch either and-"

"Girl?" Zeph raised his eyebrows. "I thought you drove on the other side of the road. Or more like-" he grinned, "-same side of the road." 

My ears turned so hot that I was sure they would simply fall off. "Wh-what? I mean m-maybe? I don't know. I don't have much...any...experience so er....maybe."

How did he know about that? I had never told him. Or did he just...know? He was observant, but what could he have observed to make him think that? Unless he had somehow seen me drooling over him?

"I mean I guess it depends," he scrunched up his eyebrows. "How gay are we talking? Like fucking or just sucking off as a token of appreciation?"

I almost choked on my own spit at his words. "Token of appreciation?

"Hey, in this world if you want some favours sometimes you gotta get on your knees," he shrugged, folding his leg and placing his hand on his knee. 

"As in begging?" I asked.

The corner of his lips twitched as if he was fighting a smile before he shrugged. "Sure."

I didn't want to think about what alternative he meant. However, I wouldn't put it past him. 

"But this isn't about me. Tell me about you though. So this girl-" he grinned. Why was he enjoying this? "Is she completely fictional or based on someone you know?

"Shut up," I said lamely, resisting the urge to dig a hole and hide in it. I flailed about desperately for a change of topic.

"It's fine if you are by the way," he said.

"Thanks. I mean...maybe. I mean...shut the fuck up," I said finally, clenching my fists so hard that I could feel my nails digging into my palm.

He turned to face me, leaning against the railing. "If I die today at the academy-" the suddenness of his statement took me by surprise. "The only person who knows about this will have gone. So you're as good as straight."

"That's...a very awkward sentence," I admitted. "You're not gonna die. Unless I kill you for being a fucking idiot."

"Understandable," he nodded solemnly. Was he scared about tonight? Maybe. But now that I knew about his powers, I felt a little more at ease. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all. But I guess, there was only one way to find out.  

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Hey everyone! Sorry for the single upload today. I've been having a bit of a busy week but didn't want you guys to wait longer so here it is. Might upload extra special chapter soon to make up for it.

What do you guys think of Zeph's powers? Are they something you would be scared of? 

And as always, thank you for reading!