"This better be fucking worth it," I panted as I managed to prop myself at the highest point of the drainpipe, holding on for my dear life. 

"I hope so too, " Zeph laughed as he crouched down and grabbed my hand, pulling me against him and onto the roof of the strange building. I landed on my knees, glancing up to see nothing except a few empty barrels lying around. 

"What the fuck is this?"

"Not this, Goldie," Zeph clicked his tongue, pulling me to my feet. "It's quite far from here. Follow me."

We ran across the roof,  I waited as he kicked a ladder so that it made a bridge into the next building. 

"I...I don't like heights," I admitted as I glanced down at the dark street below. 

"I know," Zeph said, grabbing my hand. "Trust me."

And although every nerve and sinew in me told me it was a bad idea, I followed him. We ran for what felt like hours, climbing several ladders, crossing bridges as the city of Lightfall seemed farther and farther away. 

"Zeph...I'm fucking...dying..." I said as we ran across what looked like an abandoned playground. 

"Tragic," Zeph said and I almost jumped at the way he suddenly appeared behind me. 

"Can you not do that? It freaks me out."

"Just this?" he grinned as he took a few steps back, completely disappearing into the shadows. "What about this?"

"Stop," I warned, struggling to catch my breath as he still laughed, somehow not out of breath. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

He disappeared again, this time for an uncomfortable amount of time. 

"ZEPHYRUS!"

"Hey hey hey," he emerged out of the shadows, a cheesy grin on his face. "What are you full naming me for?"

"Are you kidnapping me?" I asked, rolling my eyes. "Where the fuck are we?"

"Finally you caught up," he said, sighing. "I am kidnapping you. I have an elaborate plan all chalked out. I'm gonna bind you and gag you and then ask daddy for five hundred thousand luxes." 

I kicked him on the shin. He let out a yelp of pain as I grinned in satisfaction. "Keep your kinks away from me, weirdo."

"You're telling me you're not into it?" he grinned, clearly enjoying this way more than he should. I felt my cheeks burning. What was I thinking? Trying to mess with him?

"That's not for you to know," I muttered, turning away so he wouldn't see me blushing. 

"Who is to know about it then? Kai?" he said, nudging my shoulder playfully.

My entire face burnt as I scowled, "Shut up. You seem oddly obsessed with him to tell you the truth. Maybe you've got a little crush on him?"

He gave a loud bark of laughter, all sense of sarcasm dropping from his voice. "Honestly? No. I actually really dislike him."

"Oh," I hadn't expected him to be so up front about his feelings. What had Kai even done to upset Zeph? "He...he can be a little annoying at times."

"It's not that," he shrugged. "It's just..." he held my gaze as my heart started to race. "I don't like...to share...what's mine."

I blinked, unsure of what he meant. "You-?"

"And besides," he shrugged, "I just don't like his vibes. I'd keep my guard around him. Also...you're seventeen galaxies out of his league so there's that."

I burst out laughing at his judgement as he groaned. "What?" 

It took me a while to get my bearings. I was out of Kai's league? I had nothing except my dad's money. And the fact that in reality- he wasn't even my dad. The ridiculousness of the entire situation made me laugh. It was dark, sure. But true. 

"Whatever, Goldie," he rolled his eyes, messing my hair up. We need to get a move on."

"W-wait," I said, finally getting a grip on myself and leaning against the wall to catch my breath. "Give me a few more minutes."

"You have the stamina of an earthworm," he observed. 

"Aw gee, stahp," I said, rolling my eyes. 

He grabbed my hand and practically dragged me towards what looked like a dark, dingy building. I could hear animals scurrying around in the darkness. The place giving off an eerie vibe, almost haunting. 

"This looks....terrifying,"  I said. "Where are we?"

"Bacon of Light Middle school," he said. 

"Beacon," I muttered. 

"Oh," he looked genuinely confused by the correction, his eyebrows furrowed. "I wouldn't know. Never got to middle school."

I scowled at his pathetic joke. How long had he waited to crack that one? "Are we there? I'm really tired."

"Just four flights of stairs and we're there. Come on, Goldie."

I mustered all the energy that I could and followed him inside the definitely haunted school. I didn't let myself look around too much, sneezing loudly the moment the dust and debris entered my nostrils. I took to sprinting, leaning against the dusty bannister to try to keep Zeph in sight as he positively flew along the many many many winding stairs. The walls- used to be white once, I could tell that much. But now it was covered with moss, damp and dirty. The school would've been abandoned for at least a decade. How had Zeph even found it? How far away from Lightfall were we?

After what felt like an eternity, we reached a large grilled door that led onto the rooftop. Zeph climbed on top of it lithely, staring at me from the other side. "Come in."

With whatever strength remained in me, I managed to prop myself up, falling with a thud onto my knees on the rough ground. I lay there for a few seconds, trying to catch my breath. 

"Come here, Goldie," Zeph called from somewhere ahead of me and I finally managed to get to my feet, dragging myself over to the edge of the roof where he stood. "Careful," he said, pointing to the rusty rails. Night had fallen, a shroud of stars blanketing the sky. I glanced to where he was gazing, a strange hopeful feeling blooming in my chest at the sight. 

The city. Millions of twinkling lights. It looked so far away, so full of life. So...happy. 

"It feels so far away. Like you could- stay here and-" 

I watched in alarm as Zeph climbed on top of the railing, balancing his feet precariously on it. He spread his arms out, glancing upwards at the open sky. "Doesn't it feel good....to be free?"

"Z-Zeph-?" There was no way it was safe for him to stand on the edge. The nightscape was indeed breath taking. The silence- beautiful. Like I was an entirely different sentient being- looking down on the city of light. 

"Sometimes I come here...just to breathe," he said. "I've never told anyone about this. I feel like it would reduce the beauty of this place."

"Zeph, can you please get down? You're freaking me out," I said, struggling to keep my voice even. 

He smirked. "Why's that?"

"You'll fall," I said.

"What if I do?" he asked softly.

"You'll hurt yourself," I answered. Should I just reach over an pull him down? He was taller than me, but I should still be able to do it.

"What then?" he asked. 

"D-don't," I said, panic rising in my chest in an icy tide. 

"Why don't you want me to hurt myself?" he asked. 

"B-because...you're my friend and I care about you," he said. 

"Like you care about Kai?" he asked softly. The odd question caught me off guard, and maybe he took my silence as an answer as he sighed and jumped down, his gaze fixed on me, a strange look in his eyes. "Sorry."

He didn't elaborate further, making his way towards the opposite end of the rooftop. He sat with his legs stretched out, resting his back against the wall. I joined him, sitting cross legged beside him and leaning against the hard wall. 

I gazed up at the sky taking deep breaths. The stars twinkled gaily above, so far away from everyone. We felt as far away from the city. The silence a comforting cocoon, lulling me into a sense of security. Zeph's presence beside me strong and steady. 

Everything was quiet for a few blissful moment. The peace and tranquility still not enough to calm my racing heart. 

"Do you...like Kai?" Zeph asked suddenly, throwing me off guard again. 

"He's nice. Sure, likeable. He's just very...spirited." I shrugged. 

"I don't mean like in that way," Zeph said. "I mean like as in...non platonically."

"Oh," I hadn't really ever thought about it. Never had any reason to. 

"I mean he's nice...like you said," Zeph said. "And...he's kinda cute. And he really really likes you."

I felt my cheeks burning. Why did he want to talk about this suddenly? 

"Er...I guess."

"You guess?" he asked, "The thought never crossed your mind?"

"What thought?" I asked, hoping I could divert the conversation.

"You know, to be with him. If it would be nice or...your mind really never went there?" he asked, his voice rising slightly with skepticism. 

"Not really. I mean...the idea? Sure. But...Kai? No." 

Hopefully he would drop the conversation. I couldn't bear to hear him talk all about Zia. How amazing it was to  have someone love you. How amazing it was to always have some warmth after a day of blizzard. Or a patch of sunlight during a storm. Or a warm cup of coffee during cold dreary nights. 

"I think things will be ending between us," he spoke softly after a while. "Zia and I."

My heart plummeted. "Oh."

"I  mean-" he sighed, raking a hand through his hair. "She doesn't say it. But...I...I can tell."

"How can you tell?" I asked, turning to face him. His face was covered in the shadows, and all I could tell of his agony was through his voice, manifesting like a physical pain in my chest. 

"It's...little things. I'm not gonna bore you with it," he said. "Or...maybe I'm overthinking. I...who am I kidding? I'm not overthinking. I've known her for a decade. I know what I'm seeing."

"And what is that?" I prompted.

"She doesn't approve, of anything I do lately. Like...literally anything," he said. "It's not like I fucking enjoy stealing and killing you know?" he paused, "-maybe sometimes."

"Killing?" I asked. Even though I had witnessed what he could do multiple times, it was hard to believe he would ever mortally wound someone. 

"The streets are filled with animals, Aster," he said. "If you don't join them, you become a prey. I...I have done things I'm not proud of. Things I haven't told any of you. Because I fucking had to. And maybe over time, I- but then again she's right. What are we even going to do? Just live like this till we die like sewer rats? There's no end to this, Aster. This suffocating life. And...she's losing faith in me. They all are.

Last weekend...she talked to me about turning ourselves in. Hoping we could reach some kind of peaceful conclusion with the Peacekeepers. But of course, we can't just do that and expect everything to be fine. No way it's ever gonna be that easy."

"I don't know what I'm doing either,"  I said. "And look...I know it's all very different than what you mean but..." But what? Was he also hoping that everything would magically fall in place? Everything would just turn out to be okay? 

"But what?" he prompted. I shrugged in response. 

"Well...I feel a bit lost," he said, "About...everything."

"Maybe you should just talk to her about it. Clarify," I said.

"I'm terrified of the answer. What if I'm right?" he scoffed. "Of course I'm right."

"And you still love her," I said, an ice pick piercing into my heart at the thought.

"I..." he sighed, and for the first time since knowing him, he looked unsure. His cocky demeanour seemed to be a thing of the past, he looked vulnerable. A scared little boy who had been condemned to a hellish life. His lower lip quivered as he bit it, sighing as he finally responded. "I don't know. I care for her. A lot. I do like her...hell, I do love her...But...I could possibly say the same for a lot of people. Lately...with things I've been feeling, I'm not sure if what I felt for her was ever...then what is it that I feel...otherwise-?"

He trailed off, seemingly unaware of the nonsensical things he was saying. I was amazed. In all my years of knowing him, I had never seen him struggle so much with words. He had always been frank, rude, even cruel for it. And now, it seemed like he had so much to say, and yet words failed him. 

My heart picked up pace, a kindling of hope that I always tried so hard to stifle. 

"What...things?" I asked. 

"She was all I'd ever really known, you know?" he said, shifting closer to me as I held his gaze. "I was young and- er-"

"Horny?" I offered.

His cheeks turned pink. "Well, yes," he sighed. "It's not like I used her though. I did genuinely think that I loved her. I still do...I do love her...but now" he clicked his tongue, raking a hand through his hair., "Then why do I feel...this? But...maybe it's only because of how she feels..."

"What changed?" I asked. Did I want him to answer?

"Everything," he sighed. "She fell out of love with me. We...we grew up," he shrugged. "That's what it is at the end of the day. We grew up. And our love never did. I hate the idea of letting her go. But I feel suffocated by the idea of not letting her go. It's just...it's just...all I've ever known. I don't really know how to live without her. Or without that relationship. I've been with her for almost as long as I've been alive."

I didn't really know what to say to him. The conflicting emotions, appearing on his face. A battle field of agony, despair, hopelessness. His shoulders slumped, his eyebrows knitted together as he remained deep in thought. "Not to mention it would be so complicated. If we break up- or...when she breaks up with me-" his voice broke on the last syllable. "What will happen to the hawks? Things will be so so awkward. I don't want to put everyone through this.  And I suspect she doesn't either. And that's why she hasn't said anything yet."

"You guys could come to an agreement," I offered. "Like....just talk to her in private. Put up a front as much as necessary. Hopefully they take the hint."

"I don't really want to put up a front," he said. 

"You always do though," I said, reaching over to gently remove the stray strands of hair off his forehead.

"When have I ever, with you?" he asked, his eyes wide. 

"You didn't tell me that you followed me home to make sure I don't get murdered," I shrugged. 

"Er...I didn't think that was worth saying, really," he said, sighing. "I'm just...really confused. About everything. I've been trying so hard to act like I have everything figured out and...maybe I don't?"

A strange feeling blossomed in my chest, a warmth, a sense of oneness. In an odd way, although we weren't touching- save for our arms brushing against each other occasionally, it felt intimate. Like he was letting me in. 

"That maybe things are changing and you're afraid of it?" I offered.

"Pretty much," he sighed. "Things are changing and...well it is scary but...it's also exciting." 

I didn't respond as he seemed to lean in just a little, as if he was waiting for me. My stomach knotted nervously. He was so close. If I leaned in just a little, I could feel his breath on mine. 

"I guess for now I'm just...going with my instincts," he said, his voice low and enticingly husky. He was closer now, I could feel his hot breath on mine. Just a little bit closer, and our lips would touch. My mind went haywire, wondering how it would feel to kiss him. 

"It...it might be good you know...going with the instincts," I said, finding myself out of breath. He leaned forward, his lips finding mine in a searing kiss. 

Surprised, I didn't really know how to react before letting myself get lost in the heavenly moment. He kissed me hungrily, the passionate heat between us rising till it was all I could feel. His lips were soft, moving with an urgency I couldn't quite place, and couldn't care less about. My rational decisions a slave to my desires as I gave in, kissing him back eagerly. This very moment, something I had fantasised since so long. It almost felt surreal. Cocooning us in an enchanting web of a fleeting dream. My racing heart the only sign of my own self- which I seemed to have lost in him. 

All the uncontrolled thoughts and questions in my head, burning into cinders of lust as his tongue entered my mouth. I knotted my fingers in his hair, pulling him closer. And even though I had imagined it so many times, it took me a few seconds to react to him, my lips parting to embrace his. 

And maybe I was imagining it, or perhaps it was just wishful thinking, but the way his lips moved, the raw hunger, the desire, the fervour; it felt like something he had been holding back for a long time as well. 

The kiss broke way too soon, and the instant that my mouth lost his, my heart swelled in a beautiful agony. I wanted to kiss him more. What if he never did again? Before I could lean in and kiss him again however, his lips travelled down my jaw, to my ear, nibbling my earlobe as my stomach turned weightless at the sensation. He pushed my shoulders down gently, his face buried in the crook of my neck as I found the sky above me. The stars suddenly brighter through the intoxicating haze. 

I bit my lip, drowning under the sea of overwhelming emotions as his tongue snaked out, trailing down my neck. His mouth leaving desperate, open mouthed kisses on my skin. I shut my eyes in the ecstasy of the moment, squirming under the onslaught of his passion. Every second an unreal dream. 

I didn't dare question anything, afraid that the fantasy would break at any moment. I let his mouth ravish my skin, his teeth grazing my collar bone as he lowered my tshirt. His lips, soft, wet, eager; parted- as he sucked with a feral, carnal craving. I held him close, surrendering. Burning with passion. Soft moans and gasps escaped my mouth, sounds I had never heard myself make before. My entire body electrified, yearning for more of him. Pleading for all of him. Tiny tingles of pain on my neck, acting like catalysts to my desire. 

His mouth found mine again, somehow hungrier than before. His tongue almost demanding, as if struggling to wrest unspoken words from mine. He straddled me, my stomach knotted when I felt the hardness between his legs. I was terrified to move, afraid of what it would do to my already crumbling resolve. Knowing that at that instant, he could ask anything of me, and I would give in. 

He kissed my cheek, my temple, the corner of my lips. In an oddly frenzied manner. As if he was as confused by his own actions as I was. Or maybe as afraid. 

He leaned back finally, his parted lips swollen and glistening as he panted. My heart somersaulted when my eyes met his. Dark voids of pitch blackness, which may have almost been frightening. His black hair wild around his face. But somehow, I couldn't get any rational thoughts to form in my dizzy brain. And maybe it was still the haze, still the odd euphoria or just a trick of light, but his eyes seemed to glisten for a split second. 

Before I could say anything, or move, he kissed me again, and again, soft, gentler this time. As if we had all the time in the world. Or maybe we didn't, and he was hesitant. He placed his arms under mine, hugging me in an almost suffocating stance. I remained frozen in place, unsure as he placed his head against my chest, holding me tightly. As if he was as afraid to let me go, as I was of losing him.  

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Thanks to a certain reader for pushing me to write about the coveted first kiss. Hopefully I did it just. May have made it a little more intense than I initially planned but honestly, I did get a bit carried away. 

What do you think of Zeph's situation? Way too complex? 

Lastly, thank you all for reading and supporting me always. Drink water and tell yourself that you love yourself. Or maybe I'll just do it for you all. Don't make me cheesier than I am or else the cringe will be too much.