I wasn't sure where my feet were leading me, but I didn't stop. 

I leaned against the wall of the palace as I reached the garden, taking shuddering breaths. The garden was serene- a stark contrast to the devastating storm in my chest. Icy waves of terror numbing my senses. Like everything I had ever known had suddenly been ripped apart into a million pieces. Like the sky I had looked at since I was a baby, was nothing but an illusion. 

I slid down to the ground, pulling my knees close to my chest in some semblance of comfort. Was that all I was ever meant to be? A charitable act? Because the Lord's wife took a liking to me? 

My chest felt empty. Maybe I should've felt angry. Or sad. Or terrified, and all I felt was analgesia. I was so lost in my reverie, that it took me a few moments to notice the slight rustle. And I glanced at the grass from where the sound had appeared, surprised to find a small white figure. An animal? I squinted harder and saw the very familiar origami figure. Before I could reach for it however, I heard something.  

"Bit of a wild venue for a dance,"

A voice seemed to pull me back into reality. But how could Zeph be here? How did he know where to find me?

I glanced at the source of the voice and sure enough, there he stood, in a dark hoodie pulled low over his head. The moonlight reflected off his features, lighting his charcoal grey eyes and the curve of his lips. And for a moment, my heart clung on to the vision, wondering if my brain was conjuring some fucked up form of comfort. 

"Goldie?" he spoke softly, and crouched in front of me. "Goldie...?" 

He reached for my face, gently caressing my clammy cheek as I leaned into his touch. I was proud of myself for not breaking into tears yet, although maybe it was due to the lack of any feeling at all. 

"How did you get here?" In the back of my mind, I knew it was very dangerous for him to be in the city. But then again, he felt like a breath of blissful air as I lay suffocating. 

"Just wanted to make sure you're okay," he shrugged, sitting down beside me. "You look nice."

I didn't say anything. The world as I had known seemed to have changed forever. But then, why wasn't I feeling anything?

"How come you're outside?" he asked. I didn't answer, focusing all my attention in taking deep breaths. "Atleast the place looks nice. You know I just saw-"

"Shut up," I said breathlessly, before really planning it. "Zeph...shut up, please."

"Oh," he seemed surprised. Although I expected him to be annoyed. 

"Just...just...stay quiet and..stay...with me," I said, hardly rationalizing what I was thinking. And maybe that was why I was able to utter what was in my heart. Raw. I leaned into him, shutting my eyes. His comforting scent, his warmth, some semblance of sanity perforating my haze. How could I go on normally now after everything? And in spite of myself, I wished I had never overheard Arthur. Then I would still be cocooned in comforting lies. 

I could hear the soft, mystical music still playing from within the halls. Zeph was quiet, except for his gentle breathing. Subconsciously, my breaths synchronized with his, my chest falling and rising gentler. The cold air felt good on my face, the earth firm. I was slipping away from reality, in a blissful, dream-like trance. 

"That's...some beautiful music," I said. 

"Mhm," Zeph agreed. "It really is. I guess I gotta give them credit for their taste in music. And gardenscaping to be honest."

We fell silent again and I kept my eyes shut, listening to the melody penetrating the dreadful night. Zeph didn't move, his presence anchoring me to reality. 

"Would you like to dance?" he said softly. 

The shock made me lean away from him. "Wh-what?"

"Dance," he lifted his hands and swayed slightly, a half a smile on his face. "With me. Show me what you learnt?"

"Oh," I felt my face grow hotter. "I...not much."

"Show me," he repeated and rose to his feet, stretching a hand out for me to take. "May I?"

I gulped, my heart, which seemed to  have gone numb over the last few hours suddenly electrified. I took his hand, rising to my feet. "You gotta guide me. I've never really done this," he said. "But...I can guess-"

I held my breath as he placed one hand on my waist, the other entwining with mine. He pulled me closer as I managed do meet his eyes, my world disappearing into insignificant pricks of light. His hand was warm, comforting, holding mine securely. His touch on my waist a little hesitant. 

Maybe the reason I wasn't crying yet was because on some level, I always expected something like this. Something like this always remained in the back of my head. Something I was too scared to acknowledge. 

"Is this fine?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. It took me a while to find my senses, but I managed to nod. I didn't trust my voice enough to speak. He lowered his head, speaking softly near my ear, the tremors of his voice sending pleasant shivers down my  back. "Now if we are really quiet...we can hear the music." 

I held my breath as if on command, listening to the music flowing into the ethereal night. He led me so we were swaying slowly to the music. I placed my arms around his shoulders, not really knowing where else to keep them. It was so hard to look at him, and yet when I did, I couldn't look away. 

He gazed down at me, no hint of any smile on his face. His eyes boring deep into my soul. As if somehow, impossibly- he knew exactly how broken I was. As if he could feel the shattered pieces of my heart. As if he could feel how frozen and empty my chest felt. He moved closer to me, so our bodies were almost touching. And maybe I should've felt guilty, and maybe I should've felt sad-but all it felt in that moment, was right. 

I placed my head on his chest, shutting my eyes against the beat of his heart. His heart which so thoroughly now owned mine. I couldn't deny my feelings any longer. The way he made me feel, it wasn't normal. I was devastatingly in love with him. Maybe I always had been, and the realization felt like I was escaping a deluge. 

Every move that he made, every hitch of his breath, ever single instance of his existence was beautiful to me. Each word that he spoke seemed to be carved with nectar onto the canvas of my heart. The way the moonlight touched his features. I was envious of the way the silver shimmers were so close to his lips, to his skin. I was jealous of the way my hand could hold his, jealous that my lips remained devoid of his touch. 

The unknown song that played was the most beautiful symphony ever known to mankind. The night itself seemed lighter, the world around me nothing but cinders- burning in the undying flames of unrequited love. 

It was all too much. I couldn't go on. Who were my parents? My entire world had changed. Everything I had known had disappeared into a bottomless void. Nothing remained the same. No comfort of the mundane. And in that moment, it felt like all I had was the man in my arms. 

Who even, was I?

"Zeph," I spoke, my own voice like a stranger's. "Zeph...can you...call me once?"

"Goldie...? Are you-?"

"Not that," I whispered. "My...name."

Before I could get a grip of myself, before I could rationalize anything, the music, the enigmatic night, his touch, his warmth, his scent- unhinged me. My heart which had fallen into a stupor was awaken with a loud cry, feeling everything at once. The fear. The betrayal. The despair. But one feeling out of it all, reigned supreme in the battlefield of emotions. The love that I felt for Zeph. The love that I had always denied. 

I became aware of my tears only when Zeph leaned away, framing my face in his hands and gazing at me. I could feel the wetness on my face, but somehow, in this very moment of vulnerability, I didn't want to stop my tears. 

He caressed my face gently, his touch making me sob harder as I broken down. He leaned forward, his lips grazing my forehead. He didn't ask me what was wrong. He didn't seem surprised that I was crying. He simply held me. In silence. 

And somehow, that was more than enough. 

His lips touched my the top of my head in a gentle caress. When he spoke, his words sounded like a symphony woven by the melancholic night. It was tender, and yet hesitant. Like the shy dew drops on leaves in a clear dawn. 

"Aster."

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Have you ever been in love? How would you say it felt?

Thank you for reading! Hope my update makes up for my absence.