quick a/n: surprise! i decided to write this 5 minutes after watching tom, zendaya, and jacob doing their WIRED autocomplete interview and was like, hey, wouldn't it be cool if i wrote an au where it was our 3 favorite super-nerds doing this? so i did exactly that. if you haven't seen the interview, here it is! it's a gem and HILARIOUS

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

also, if you haven't read the social media au in-between acts 1 & 2, you might wanna do that or you may be confused! reminder: mira is hailee steinfeld and max is jacob artist.

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Spider-Man: Far From Home stars Tom Holland, Mira Clement, and Max Chafer answer the world's most searched questions about their characters and themselves. Can Spider-Man beat the Hulk? Can Max Chafer sing? Is Mira Clement from Arizona?

MIRA: One, two...

MAX: Welco— oh, [Bleep!] Was it on three or after three?

MIRA: After three, obviously!

MAX: [Laughing sheepishly] Sorry guys...

TOM: [Facepalms] Oh my God.

− cut −

MIRA: One, two, three—

ALL: Welcome to WIRED's autocomplete interview!

MAX: —Interview. [Pause] I couldn't say it fast enough.

TOM: We should just toss him out of the interview at this point. [Chuckles] I'm Tom Holland.

MIRA: I'm Mira Clement!

MAX: And I'm Max Chafer, unfortunately.

MIRA: [Takes board from assistant] Thank you! Oh, boy. 'Is Tom Holland... [Rips paper off] British?'

MAX: That was a nice rip!

TOM: [Pushes Max] Let me answer! Am I British? Yes.

MAX: What a wonderfully detailed response. It definitely required you yelling at me and shoving me.

TOM: [Glares at Max] Next question. 'Is Tom Holland... single?'

MIRA: [Snorts]

TOM: In case you've been living under a rock for the past year and a half... no.

MIRA: [Pats Tom's knee] This idiot is all mine.

TOM: [Smiles fondly at Mira]

MAX: [Gags]

− cut −

TOM: 'Is Tom Holland... married?' No! I'm twenty-three! I can barely make toast without supervision.

MIRA: It's true! I still have to help him with his laundry when he's in LA. It's terrible. He's definitely not ready for marriage.

TOM: Okay, okay! Next question. 'Is Tom Holland' [Cringes as Mira rips the paper] ugh, that noise — 'dead?' [Laughs] What?

MAX: [Looks into camera with blank expression] Only on the inside.

TOM: [Still laughing] No. Um, last time I checked, I was still very much alive.

MIRA: Wait, just in case. [Reaches over to check his pulse] [Absolute silence] Yep, there's a pulse. We're good! [Pats Tom's cheek]

TOM: Am I dead? Who Googles that?

− cut −

MAX: Okay, Mira! Your turn. 'Is Mira Clement... in Teen Wolf?'

MIRA: Yes! I appeared in seasons two and three, then came back in season six, along with Charlie Carver, Tyler Hoechlin, and Colton Haynes.

TOM: You played a siren, yeah?

MIRA: Look at him, acting like he didn't binge watch the whole series with me! [Smiles] Yes, my character, Clara Sweet, was a siren.

MAX: [Nods] Badass. 'Is Mira Clement... [Rips off paper] dating anyone 2019?'

MIRA: [Points at Tom]

TOM: [Grins widely]

MAX: If there are any more questions about your relationship statuses, I'm going to puke. [Rips paper] 'Is Mira Clement with Tom Ho—' ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

TOM AND MIRA: [Laughing]

MAX: I'm skipping it! We're skipping that. [Throws strip of paper behind him] 'Is Mira Clement from Arizona?' There, that's a normal question!

MIRA: Yeah! Phoenix, actually. My parents still live down there. [Waits for Max to rip the next paper] 'Is Mira Clement Filipina?' Yes! I'm pretty fair-skinned, so a lot of people don't realize it, but I am partially Filipina, just like my character.

TOM: Her mum makes excellent bibingka. The ones we had in Homecoming were made by her and I was told to stop eating them so I could stay in shape. [Laughs]

MIRA: [Pats his knee fondly] You will always be handsome to me, even if you eat your weight in my mother's homemade bibingka.

MAX: [Looks at WIRED employees behind the camera] Why did you guys even invite me? Why?

− cut −

TOM: [Picks up board] [Cringes] Oh, I hate this. [Places hand on paper] Oh, God, I hate this!

MIRA: You big baby. [Rips off paper] 'Does Max Chafer sing?'

ALL: YES.

MAX: I attended Juilliard! Which is really coincidental, because my character Graham is hoping to go there as well.

TOM: He's a triple threat. [Counts off on fingers] Singing, dancing, acting— [Drops board] Oh, [Bleep!]

MIRA: [Ignores Tom] You guys should be in a musical together. I'll sit and watch.

MAX: [Watches Tom scramble to retrieve the board] God dam— dangit, Tom. Oh, a musical? What would it be called? [Looks into camera] Comment down below what you think our musical should be called!

TOM: I quite like 'Two Bros at Ikea'. A musical all about two friends at Ikea Furniture.

MAX: Wh.. Why do I feel like you've considered this before?

− cut −

MAX: 'Does Max Chafer like boys?' Hell yeah. And girls. And whoever. I'm pansexual−  everyone is hot and I panic all the time.

MIRA: [Points at camera] And if you don't like it, then get outta here!

MAX: 'Is Max Chafer ...' [Rips off paper] [Paper rips question off] [Bleep!] Well, there goes that one. Next one! Okay, 'Does Max Chafer appear in Endgame?' ...Can I answer that?

TOM: I think you can.

MAX: Are you sure?

MIRA: The spoiler ban lifted a month ago— I think you're fine.

MAX: Okay... well, if you haven't seen it yet, skip ahead! But yes, I am in Endgame towards the end...game.

MIRA AND TOM: [Glare at Max]

MAX: [Chuckles] No, really. I was filming for another project at the time, so I couldn't be in that huge fight sequence, but I am in the movie.

− cut −

MIRA: [Singing poorly] Here come the character questions!

TOM: You've just landed yourself a role in our musical.

MIRA: What? No! [Blushes] First question: 'Can Spider-Man fly?'

TOM: No, he just kinda... swings around. Like a spider. You know, it's in his name.

MAX: [Mumbles] Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig, can he fly? No! He's a pig.

MIRA: But you had those webbed things on your suit that helped you catch the air and jump over that helicopter in D.C!

TOM: Well, yeah, but he can't just jump in the air and decide to fly for, like, an extended period of time. So my answer is still gonna be no.

MAX: [Still mumbling] Spider-Pig...

− cut −

TOM: 'Can Spider-Man die?' Yes, but let's hope he doesn't anytime soon or I'll be out of a job.

MIRA: [Snaps fingers]

MAX: [Sings] Another one bites the dust!

TOM: [Laughs] Well, I guess he did die already in Infinity War, but then he came back with everyone else in the snap, so there you go!

− cut −

TOM: 'Can Spider-Man beat the Hulk?' Erm... if he's not quite that angry. Hulk's strength is determined by his anger, yeah?

MAX: [Nods]

TOM: Spider-Man can beat a very calm Hulk.

MIRA: You're just underestimating him— I think he could outsmart Hulk without a doubt. [Rips paper off] 'Can Spider-Man lift Mjolnir?' Hmm...

TOM: I think he can in the comics? But as of right now in the MCU, I don't know. It would be pretty cool, though!

MIRA: I don't think Peter would think he's worthy, so he'd try really hard to pick it up, expecting it to be difficult, only to lift it right away and fall over from the force of it.

TOM: Could Lena lift Muh-neuh?

MAX: Definitely.

MIRA: You think so?

MAX: Oh, yeah.

TOM: [Nods in agreement]

MIRA: [Fist pumps]

MAX: Graham probably can't, though. He's too salty.

− cut −

TOM: 'Can Spider-Man get drunk?' [Laughs] Um, I think so? He's not like Captain America— a radioactive spider doesn't take away your ability to get drunk. [Stiffens] But he's underage, so he doesn't drink!

MAX: Nice save, man. Nice save.

− cut −

MAX: [Takes board] Is Havoc... oooh...

MIRA: 'Is Havoc a mutant?' No. But I'm sure she'd like to meet the X-Men!

TOM: [Puts index finger to temple in imitation of Charles Xavier]

MIRA: 'Is Havoc adopted?' Yes. Her real parents sucked. [Waits for Max to rip paper] 'Is Havoc Spider-Man Far From Home?' What?

TOM: I think it's asking if you're in Spider-Man: Far From Home.

MIRA: Oh. In that case, yes. [Points at camera] Go see it July 2nd!

MAX: [Rips off paper] 'Is Havoc the strongest?' The strongest what?

MIRA: Yes.

MAX: The strongest what, though?

MIRA: Yes.

− cut −

TOM: [Holding the board] I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this I—

MIRA: [Covers Tom's mouth with her palm] Anyways, back to the questions! Is Specter— [Yanks hand back in horror] Ew! He licked my hand!

TOM: [Smiles mischievously]

MAX: [Stares disdainfully at the camera]

MIRA: That's disgusting. [Rips off paper] 'Does Specter sleep?'

MAX: [Laughs] Technically, yes, but not much. Um, he does have a lot of trouble sleeping because of the fact that he manifests nightmares. The dude chugs NyQuil like it's water.

MIRA: [Frowns] That's... not healthy. Don't try that at home, kids! Get proper amounts of sleep and don't drink too much caffeine.

TOM: You sound like Chris Evans filming those Rappin' with Cap clips.

− cut −

MIRA: 'Does Specter teleport?'

MAX: Not really? He can only travel through shadows, so if he's stuck in, like, an open desert with no shade, he can't do anything there.

TOM: [Frowns] In what instance would he ever be—

MAX: If he faces a really clever villain, okay? That's actually a great plot point for a comic. Someone write that down! How to Defeat Specter 101: abandon him in a desert.

MIRA: What happens when it becomes night? Then he can just shadow travel away.

MAX: ...Maybe they only need to trap him there for the day to complete their evil heist!

− cut −

MAX: 'Does Specter have a family?' [Laughs] Yes? He has his parents and twin little brothers Max and Owen. Well, now they're not so little because they're the same age as him, but you know.

MIRA: 'Does Specter... [Rips off paper]

ALL: [In confusion] ... have a son?'

TOM: It's Peter.

MAX: [Chuckles] Yeah, Peter is his son. His son who's, like, a year younger, but whatever.

MIRA: Who asks these things? He's seventeen!

TOM: Is there an older version of Graham in the comics who has a son?

MAX: No! He has two daughters with Cindy Moon.

MIRA: [Raises eyebrows] [Looks into camera] Plot [Bleep!] twist!

− cut −

MAX: Okay, last one. 'Does Specter die in Infinity War?' Yes. RIP Graham. He will be missed.

MIRA: He's already back...?

MAX: He was missed.

TOM: Not really.

MAX: [Punches Tom in the shoulder without looking] You're grounded, son.

− cut −

MIRA: That's it for this autocomplete interview! Thanks to WIRED for having us, and thanks to you guys for watching.

MAX: Comment 'Max is cooler than Tom' if you made it this far.

MIRA: [Shakes head] Don't do that.

MAX: Do it!

TOM: [Rubs shoulder where Max punched it] [Pouts] That hurt, man.

MAX: [Hugs Tom] I'm sorry. I love you.

MIRA: [Looks into camera] My boyfriend has been stolen.

END OF TRANSCRIPT.

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the very first person to actually write out a WIRED autocomplete interview was Iydiamartin in her novel disaster class! please check it out— it's amazing! hers is in a different format and the chemistry between elliot and warren is Very Much Present (that's just my welliot feels talking bc i love their bromance).

i hope you could picture what was going on! a lot of it relies on facial expressions, but basically every time someone looks into the camera, i imagine it being like the office or parks and rec. also thinking about how mushy tom and mira would be has me gushing!!

shoutout to nocturnalamp aka my wife for convincing me to actually publish this! it's basically because of her that you had to read this garbage on fire that i enjoyed writing way too much.

additionally, the sequel is UP! i think something happened when i tried to send the announcement and it wasn't received by all of my followers, but be sure to check out the synopsis because i'll be publishing the divider for act 3 soon!

—kristyn