After leaving Gar to his work, Dick excused himself to take care of a few things and I went up to the roof as I'd begin to make a habit of since Jason left. I'd made myself my own little space up top where I could sit among some flowers, feeling more at home than I did with the others. When Dick first found me he offered to get a greenhouse installed but I immediately turned it down. He'd already altered one of the rooms to be a soundproof fortress when I needed to practice or let out one of my cries. I never asked him to and I didn't want anyone thinking that I was doing so consistently.

Dick rolled his eyes when I told him as much, but he left it alone knowing he wouldn't be able to convince me otherwise.

Besides that, I think he knew there was more to my reasoning and decided to let me keep it to myself. I was more grateful for that then he could know. I'd been reborn in dirt at least twice now and ever since I've felt more of a need for sunlight than before. If I stayed inside for too long without so much as standing briefly at a window, I started to feel claustrophobic. I could barely understand it myself, let alone explain it to Dick.

And as oddities went, it didn't necessarily seem like one we needed to be concerned with at the moment.

Right now, the sun felt blissfully warm on my skin as I laid with my legs hooked over the ledge and stared up at the sky. Beside me, Krypto laid his head against my stomach, snoring lightly as I scratched along the top of his head. We laid like that for an hour before I felt myself start drifting to sleep, feeling as though something were trying to drag me under. Then Krypto's head thudded against my fingers, startling me awake as he whined. I looked at him curiously, his body was still relaxed so whatever had woken him couldn't be bad. "What is it, boy?" Krypto let out a quick bark and before I could blink, a rush of wind breezed over us followed by a shadow.

"There you are-- oh, hey Maddie," Conner said, shooting a smile. "I didn't know he was up here with you. I was going to take him for a walk." Krypto growled at him, low in his throat, and the two of us looked at him in surprise. "Or not..."

"I don't think I've ever heard him growl at you before."

"Because he hasn't," Conner said, looking somewhat hurt. "I wonder what that was about." Krypto put his head down again, closing his eyes. Conner stared at the pup another moment before shrugging it off. "Whatever. Mind if I join you guys?"

"Sure, but don't hold it against me if I fall asleep," I yawned slightly. "This sun is just amazingly relaxing." I joined Krypto in closing my eyes, listening to Conner shuffle over and sit beside me. We stayed in silence for a couple of minutes, but the more time passed the more I could feel Conner's eyes on me. It was weird and beginning to border on uncomfortable when I finally spoke. "If you stare at me any harder, you might trigger your heat vision and put a hole through me that I don't think even the plants could bring me back from."

"Sorry," he apologized immediately, though I was pretty sure he was still looking at me.

"Something you want to talk about?"

"How do you know when you're in love with someone?"

My eyes flew open as I sat up so fast Krypto let out a yelp of protest before going back to sleep beside me. My gaze fell on Conner whose cheeks flushed an almost crimson color. I didn't know where he was going with his question, but I already felt awkward about it. "Uh, can you repeat that?" I said awkwardly, hoping to find that I'd heard wrong.

"How do you know when you're in love with someone?"

I cringed; definitely didn't hear wrong. "I'm just going to cut straight to the point here," I said. "This isn't your way of saying you think you're in love with me, is it?"

This time his skin paled, eyes widening. "What, no-- I don't-- I mean," he fumbled, shaking his head as if trying to clear it. He paused taking a breath before trying again. "Don't get me wrong, you're very attractive but I don't feel anything like that for anyone. I just want to try to understand it and maybe prepare for it."

I let out a sigh of relief, glad the award part was behind us. If I didn't believe his denial before, the lack of hurt for my reaction proved it now. "What do you mean you're trying to understand and prepare for it?" I asked. "I'm pretty sure that's not even possible to do."

Conner looked away from me almost embarrassed, his eyes focused on a building faraway as he spoke. "Did you know I could recite and explain every detail of Einstein's theory or relativity? That I could even point out a couple of flaws that would change his claim entirely? Arguably one of the most difficult scientific theories to exist and I knew it the second I woke up in CADMUS."

I knew the kid was a genius, but damn, I was impressed.

"You know what I didn't know? Saving an old man and then accidentally intimidating her into giving me her money was not socially acceptable. There are a lot of social cues or human basics that I don't know or get and it sucks."

"If it makes you feel any better, that's a very normal, human, sentiment," I told him. "I once witnessed Grayson inadvertently agree to take one of his GCPD coworkers to her sister's wedding, and then looked confused when she showed up to get him."

"Really?" Conner asked, looking skeptical. "How often did that happen?"

"No idea," I said smoothly. Technically it wasn't a lie; I never knew for sure the reason he'd gotten himself into that situation. When I asked, he'd grumbled something about being distracted otherwise. It wasn't until later that I realized what the distraction must've been; me. Donna and I had conned him into going shopping for a gala with us that day and I was trying on dresses. At the moment in question, I'd tried on a deep wine colored dress with a plunging v-cut.

It was definitely a bit much for a children's fundraiser, but I couldn't help myself. The nervous bob of his Adam's apple in his throat and the slight awkward shift on his feet as he looked at me in the mirror was more than worth it.

Conner brought me back to reality with his impatient sigh. "It's not the same for me, though. I'm not just having inattentive moments or something. I genuinely don't know this stuff. I've read through hundreds of human behavior books and sites and there's still stuff I just don't get."

"Like how to know when you're in love?"

"Yeah."

It was my turn to sigh. "Conner, I'm sorry, but there isn't really a definitive answer to that question. I could tell you one thing now and then you could ask Gar or somebody and they'd tell you something completely different. We're all different people, you know, I don't think you'd ever find two people with the same answer." Conner's expression became annoyed, reminding me of the one time I attempted a Rubik's cube. He was truly invested in one of the most basic human dilemma's and I don't even think he realized it. "IS this just another day in human studies for you or do you think you might actually be in love with someone?"

"Honestly, I'm trying to figure out if its even worth wanting," he answered, surprising me. That was not where I saw his questioning going at all. "I see you and Dick, or Hank and Dawn, and sometimes you're all super happy in love. But other times you're fighting so much, I think someone might kill the other."

I tried to choke back my laugh but his super hearing ratted me out as he glared at me slightly. I raised my hands in surrender as I failed to hide my smile too. His newborn innocence on these things was adorable. "I don't mean to laugh or anything, honest," I said. "I'm not even laughing at you, its just-- well, what you described is pretty much what love is. You care so much about someone that there are times when you can't help but hate them. And it's not even that you hate them as much as it is that you hate the hold they have over you. You hate how much you can't really hate them."

"So you hate Dick?" Conner said skeptically.

"Duh," I answered, catching him off guard.

"You sure don't act like it. Why would you say you hate him?"

"Because I do, Conner," I replied, my voice quieter than before. It was a painful truth that I almost never wanted to admit to myself, let alone anyone else. I"I hate him because no matter how much better his life would be without me, he makes it impossible for me to stay away. As long as he keeps doing that, I'll keep putting his life in danger by being with him. So yeah, I hate Dick Grayson. I hate him for making it impossible for me not to be in love with him no matter the consequences. Always have and always will."

"I see." And I think Conner really did see. He stared at me in silence, a calculating look on his face like he was working through his word problem in his head. Suddenly, an almost shy smile crossed his face.

"What are you smiling about you little weirdo?" I teased.

"I got the answer to my question."

"If I really hated Grayson or not?" I asked, confused.

"No. If it was worth bring in love," he answered.

"Oh, right. I take it the verdict is a positive one."

"Yeah," he beamed. "If I could have someone hate me the way you hate Dick, I'd be pretty happy."

I just stared at Conner in silence for a minute. Then I burst out laughing because that was not the answer I was expecting.

Somehow, it was a perfect one.

Hey guys!! Sorry for another long wait for a short and very clear filler chapter 😅 I've been busy with work and health stuff and yeah... ANYWAYS I swear this isn't just a random chapter with no purpose. It'll be relevant sometime in the future promise 😁