"Life is full of challenges. In the end, it's getting up that pulls us through the dark days. So we can admire the sunset." Azelene Williams, Broken Breaking the Silence

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Chapter Seven

By the time that Kit and Edward and returned their horses to the stable, and had watered and wiped them down, the household had long retired.

Kit thought about waking his father up. Perhaps Cassian might be more responsive to the idea if he was not entirely conscious. He knew that was cowardly and decided to wait until morning.

Edward retired to the guest bedroom and Kit did the same.

Kit surprisingly slept well despite the weight on his conscience. He was awoken the next morning by the feeling of someone poking his temple. Seconds later, there was something pressing on his chest, about the weight of a six year old girl.

Kit's eyes opened to see his two younger sisters watching him, with wide, uncertain eyes. They were still wearing their night gowns, and their dark hair was fixed in rags to control their curls.

Emma had climbed atop Kit's chest, while Lucy had climbed on the bed beside him. In seeing the wariness on their face, Kit sat up, shuffling Emma gently off of him and beside Lucy.

Perhaps it was the age difference between himself and the girls, but Kit felt such a sense of duty towards them. It was his job to protect them. They depended on him, as much as they did Cassian. Lucy in particular. Her need would only grow as she ventured out into society. Kit feared the day she would fully comprehend just how cruel people could be.

"What is it, girls?" asked Kit worriedly.

"The doctor just arrived," answered Lucy.

"Mama says Papa is going to have an operation," added Emma.

Doctor Ward was early. Would this mean the scheduled operation would be earlier? Kit was not a doctor, and he had no idea of such things, but he was to understand that the procedure itself was quite simple. The risks thereafter were more worrying. Infection was deadly.

"Why does Papa need an operation?" pressed Emma, a sweet frown line forming between her brows.

Kit knew that the girls knew little of their mother's past, and even less about the circumstances surrounding their move to Derbyshire, and Cassian and Faith's marriage. They would find out eventually, but it was not Kit's story to tell.

"Because ... because he has a sore right here," Kit explained, tapping the right side of Emma's chest. "And Doctor Ward has kindly agreed to fix it for him."

A selfish thought popped into Kit's head. If Doctor Ward had arrived earlier than scheduled, and the operation would be brought forward, it meant that it would be highly the wrong time to bring up the subject of Kit abandoning the family business. Cassian would need Kit now more than ever to look after his mother and sisters whilst he was indisposed.

"It must be worse than a sore, Kit," decided Lucy. "Mama would not be so worried otherwise," she deduced.

Lucy might have only been ten, but she was very astute. This perceptiveness would only hurt her in years to come.

"Well, if Mother is so worried then you ought not to be bothering me about it. Should you not be trying to make her morning a little easier? What might she like? A tidy nursery perhaps? Off with you," he dismissed playfully.

Lucy and Emma ran from his bedroom in the direction of the nursery. Tidying would keep them occupied for an hour or two. It was never clean. Kit heard Cat's bark in the hallway as the little dog followed them.

Kit climbed out of bed and quickly dressed. He collected his father's golden pocket watch from the dressing table and ran his hand through his hair by way of combing it.

Compared to the level of excitement and inspiration he was feeling yesterday, Kit suddenly felt much deflated. It was as though he had been dreaming and he had just woken up to his reality.

Not only that, an unsettling feeling of guilt had begun to surface. How selfish was he to be thinking about himself when his father was about to undergo a serious surgical procedure.

He was selfish enough to want to leave this house to go and visit Olivia once more. The feeling he had while being around her was infectious. When with Olivia, Kit felt like he could do anything, achieve everything.

But here, Kit felt stunted, and once again, he hated the selfishness. He was unused to being selfish. He supposed he would have to get used to it.

Kit went downstairs. The foyer was abandoned, but the drawing room door was closed. The house was always open in the morning, so it meant that room was occupied. As he approached the door, he could hear the voices of his parents inside, and the voice of a man he did not recognise. It had to be Doctor Ward.

"What are we doing?"

Edward's hushed voice made Kit jump. He had not heard his friend descend the stairs, nor had he realised that his ear was practically at the keyhole. Kit stood up straight.

"My father's surgeon is in there," replied Kit in a hushed tone.

"Surgeon?" Edward frowned. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, yes, it was scheduled." Kit then noticed Edward was unusually dressed for the morning. He was wearing a travelling cloak and a hat. He looked as though he had somewhere to be. Kit subsequently saw the letter in Edward's hand.

"Alice," Edward explained. "She writes telling me my father has found out I have no intention of returning to Cambridge. He is none too pleased." Edward pressed his lips firmly together, indicating the language in the letter was a little more colourful. "I must return home to be compared to the good son." Edward scoffed, referring to his father's favourite son, Charles. "You will thank your family for their hospitality, won't you? I was hoping to thank them in person but it seems it is not a good time. I have much enjoyed my escape from royal life."

"I will tell them," promised Kit. "Stand up to your father, though," he encouraged, and he could not help the smile the crept across his face. "I know I can talk."

Edward laughed. "Your father loves you. My father barely tolerates me. The outcomes would be severely different, I assure you." Edward placed a hand on Kit's shoulder. "I will keep my ear to the ground of contestable seats. Give Olivia my best. And good luck, my friend. I cannot wait to hear all about it."

With that, Edward departed Norwood Cottage.

A little while later, the door to the drawing room opened and Cassian, Faith, and Doctor Ward emerged.

"Tomorrow morning, then," said Doctor Ward in a confirmation tone.

"Yes, tomorrow. I am looking forward to getting this thing out of me," replied Cassian.

Faith nearly looked green.

"I will take good care of your husband, Mrs Kensington," promised Doctor Ward. "There is no need to worry."

"I will stop worrying when this is over," said Faith firmly.

"Ah, Kit," said Cassian, noticing that they were not alone in the foyer. "Doctor, allow me to introduce my son, Kit Kensington."

The doctor smiled as Kit extended his hand in greeting. "A pleasure to meet you, Mr Kensington."

"You as well, Doctor Ward," replied Kit.

"Faith, would you see to it that Doctor Ward has something for breakfast? I am sure he is hungry after his journey," suggested Cassian.

Faith nodded, and ushered Doctor Ward in the direction of the dining room.

"If I were not so concerned about Faith's nerves, I would be terrified," confessed Cassian to Kit, now that they were alone.

Kit could see the anxiety on his father's face, though, even as he tried to hide it.

"You look troubled, son. Is something on your mind?"

Kit had not realised he was wearing his turmoil so obviously on his face. "Worried about you," he lied. Awful! Of course he was worried about his father, but that was not what his turmoil was regarding.

Cassian smiled. "Doctor Ward just explained the procedure to us. It is simple, according to him. Are you sure there isn't anything else that is troubling you? You seem awfully peculiar this morning."

Yes, Father. I want to tell you that I have decided to throw away the four years of schooling you have just paid for. I do not want to go into business with you. I have no desire to manage your textile factories. I want to help people, and I plan on doing that by becoming an elected MP. I have never, not once, made a decision that would suit me, and this is what I want to do, no matter how disappointed in me you must be.

Oh, and Olivia Pendleton is going to help me do it.

Kit looked directly into his father's eyes and lied. "No." Was that not some mortal sin?

Cassian was asking him if something was on his mind and Kit could not bring himself to confess. He was a coward.

Cassian seemed to accept Kit's answer. "Alright then. I wanted to ask you for your help anyway. It seems I am going to be bedridden for a time afterward. I need you to look after my correspondence for me in this time. Answer my letters, approve wages, deal with enquiries and the like. It will be good practice for you."

Perhaps Finn would be a better choice, Father. I had really hoped to get a start on researching contestable seats. I thought I might call on Olivia today and we might do it together.

"Of course," Kit agreed. Coward.

Cassian grinned. "I knew I could count on you," he said proudly. "Come on. We will start on today's together so that you will be confident going forth on your own."

His father's proud tone was almost as addicting as Olivia's infectious passion. Almost. Kit loved that his father was proud of his choice, but Kit knew he was only biding time.

Cassian led Kit up the stairs, and with every step Kit's feet felt heavier, as though someone was pulling him back. Would he ever have the courage to disappoint his father?

Cassian spent the rest of the day giving Kit instructions for the correspondence. Cassian had specific ways of wanting things answered. Kit took notes, and with every scrape of the quill against the parchment, he felt what little confidence he had leaving him. This was to be his reality if he did not do something about it.

"This is what I always wanted for us, you know," Cassian remarked happily. "After all these years, we have gone from reading lessons in my study to actually working together. You cannot fathom how proud I am of you, Kit."

It was like a knife to the heart.

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I'm sure a few of you are thinking, "WTF bro, just grow some balls." But I can assure you, this fear is paralysing. When you don't want someone to be disappointed in you, you do everything you can to avoid it. It took me a year and a half to tell my dad I didn't want to be a psychologist anymore. EIGHTEEN MONTHS! And I still remember that phone call word for word. It sucked. We kids put so much pressure on ourselves to live up to the expectations of our parents and it's okay to be selfish sometimes. 

Being selfish, and choosing what I wanted to do, has brought me to nearing the end of my Master's Degree. I am going to be a teacher *touch wood* this time next year and the feeling of pride I have in myself is so much better than the fear of disappointment that crippled me for so long. 

So when you're ready, speak up and do something for you!

Moving on, or backwards as it were :P Yesterday, while I was at work, my childhood bully walked into my store. How many of you were bullied as a kid? This girl made my life a living hell when I was in Grade 3. I was nine and yet I still remember that year as one of the worst of my life. I was miserable. I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning to have to face her. Bullying awareness wasn't what it is today. The teachers did nothing. This girl was a teacher's pet. Lovely *Jane* wouldn't hurt a fly. She would go out of her way to humiliate me in front of people, would make fun of me, and even accused me of stealing which got me in soooo much trouble. (I wasn't punished, don't worry, I didn't do anything). I was the shy kid who was an easy target. 

Anyways, I greeted her because I have to and she smiled at me and didn't recognise me. I was literally standing at the counter watching her like a weirdo thinking "You don't remember me and yet I remember you nearly giving a nine year old depression". 

I guess you don't get over these things very easily. But I think I'm a more compassionate person for it. 

Rant over, sorry everyone :P 

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Vote and comment!!