Andreas started to an upright position, his mind suddenly alert again. It was just a dream… just a dream, but it had felt so real. She had seemed so real. For the first time since being banished to the cover, Andreas managed to lift himself to his feet. He ignored the gnawing ache of hunger in his stomach, his dream having lit a new kind of fire inside him.

Why had she looked at him that way in his dream? Like he had betrayed her in some way? Did she blame him for not saving her, or was he still blaming himself for being too late? The pain in her eyes was too much for him to bear, but he knew there was no way for him to fix it. The dream was so sweet at first… he could almost still taste her lips.

He hadn’t wanted it to end.

And the flames ignited and he was shocked to the land of the waking.He had felt those flames as if they were burning him as well. Those must’ve been the flames that took Lana away from him. Not that fire burned inside him, a boiling rage threatening to burst out.

He needed to get out of the cove. The sooner, the better. Someone had to pay for what they had done to Lana.

Raphael was first on his hit list for putting him in this retched place. But also for being the reason he was seconds late to save Lana’s life in the first place.

The Argeno brothers were nothing but trouble, and the sooner Andreas ridded the world of them, the better for everyone – mostly his own sanity though. John was the reason Dylan was dead, and now Andreas blamed Raphael for Lana, even though there was a part of him that knew he should have been more vigilant.

“Andreas, vengeance will not solve anything.

Every nerve ending in his body fired in that moment. He froze, completely immobilized. That voice. He knew only one woman who had that voice and she was long dead by his own hand.

He turned slowly toward it, and sure enough, there she stood. Emilia Grigoli, his mother. Her figure was somewhat distorted, like an image reflected from water, but there was no mistaking it was her. She didn’t look a day older and had the same strained look in her kind blue eyes.

“Mom,” he said, his voice breaking into a million tiny pieces as he fell to his knees.

She strode over to him, bending down and putting her arms over his shoulders. He couldn’t feel her touch. She was just a vision. Andreas closed his eyes in denial. “You aren’t real. You are dead,” his voice was coming out in a choke, his throat thick with tears he wouldn’t dare shed.

“I am dead, but that does not make me any less real, son,” replied in a gentle voice. “You must have heard of the powers of the crystal cove.”

Andreas’ eyes widened. The cove had many secret, some of which people only speculated about. The first was one every sorcerer knew about; as the source of light magic, the crystals served as a block to all dark magic, leaving sorcerers such as himself completely powerless. The second was, that if you ever found yourself trapped inside, the cove would test you, and illuminate a path for you should it deem you worthy. Those tests usually brought up shadows of the past, quite literally. The dead spirits were brought to the cove where they present guidance to the sorcerer, or are the subject of the test.

His mother was the first of these shadows.

Apprehension swept over Andreas in waves. There would be more ghosts after her, all presenting their own kind of pain in his heart, all with their own vendettas. There was a very real chance he would never get out of there if it depended on all his shadows. Some wouldn’t want him unleashed onto the world once more.

“You are here to test me,” Andreas stated, his voice flat now.

Emilia inclined her head to the side, her eyebrows drawn in as she regarded her son. “Yes, I volunteered to come first.” Andreas rose to his feet again and backed away from her.

Her head dropped as she straightened out as well. “I do not blame you for what happened, Andreas. I could never. You are my son and I will always love you.”

“Don’t, just don’t,” Andreas cautioned. “I killed you! How can you not blame me for that? It was my fault! It is…”

“No, it wasn’t. It was an accident. The only one that still needs to forgive you, is you. Your father and I both understand what happened. We pushed you while perhaps we should’ve pulled back. But you cannot continue blaming yourself. You are carrying around this great weight and it’s keeping you from living.”

Andreas pulled his fingers through his hair. “I do blame myself, because I am to blame.  I should’ve had a better grip on myself. And now… now I’ve lost everyone. Everyone I love I gone, and it’s all my fault! I couldn’t do anything to save any of you!”

Emilia closed the distance between them again. “Andreas, my son. Listen to me.” Andreas met her gaze reluctantly, the hole in his chest threatening to swallow him. “I love you. Nothing you do will ever change that. I know the sweet boy I raised is still in there, hidden underneath all the layers of grief. Yes, you have made mistakes, but that’s what makes you human. Learn from them. Make the right choices next time.”

“What if I’m okay with making the so-called ‘wrong-choices’. What if I no longer want to repent for my sins? What if my sins are what I’ve become? Will you still love me then, if the Andreas you knew was too far gone to ever get back?” Andreas challenged, an edge to his tone.

“People are always changing. To expect someone to be exactly the same is unrealistic and unfair. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be a good man, someone that you are proud to be. Someone that make those who love you proud to be associated with you,” Emilia replied, a note of pleading in her voice.

“So who I am now does not make you proud? The man I’ve been since meeting Lana is not one to be proud of?” he asked, his eyes narrowed.

“You have not been different since meeting her. You have just deluded yourself into believing so. How quickly you forget the ways you hurt her, making her question herself, making her feel irrelevant when she meant so much to you. How do you expect me to feel about a son that treats women with such carelessness? Am I supposed to be proud that you disregard their feelings entirely?” Emilia challenged, her voice having grown more agitated.

“Don’t you dare! I did not disregard her feelings! I tried to make up for it when I realized my mistake!”

“Only after she started developing feelings for someone else. You can’t stand the thought of someone else with her, yet you are unwilling to be faithful yourself.”

For a moment, Andreas forgot it was his mother’s spirit standing before him. His anger grew darker and the cloud that always followed him materialized. He could stand her pointing out his flaws. He could even take her saying she wasn’t proud of him for all of the horrible things he had done. He could also take her disowning him as her son for killing her. But the one thing he could not take was the fact that she was discrediting his feelings for Lana. He was beating himself up enough for the way he had treated her, he did not need assistance.

His eyes were thin slits as he regarded the figure that was his mother. “You don’t know anything about me,” he remarked, his voice dangerously low.

“I know enough to know that life has hardened you, turned you into a man I don’t even recognize,” Emilia said, her voice sad. “Do you even remember what it was like to smile? To not be weighed down by your past?”

Andreas flinched like she had slapped him. “Do you think I don’t want to go back to when things were simpler? When the people I cared about were still alive? I would give anything to have you all back. But I know that is impossible. Even magic with all its power has its limitations.”

“Forgive yourself and move on with your life. Holding on to the hate is what is making you a bitter man. It is the reason you became the darkness, instead of just living there. You have to learn to let go… it’s the first step to getting back on the right track.”

Sudden realization dawned on him. This was his test. His mother presented him with the first choice he had to make before he could get out of here. He needed to let go of the things that haunted him. But he couldn’t – wouldn’t. The darkness was all that was left to fuel him, without it he could never get justice for Dylan or Lana. Thus he made the only choice he could.

He was going to lie to his mother, hopefully tricking the cove in the process.

“You are right, as much as I hate to admit it, you are right. I should let go of it all, move on my life… try and make something of myself,” he said after a long pause in an attempt to make it sound convincing. He delivered the line with conviction, as if the words meant something to him when that was all but true.

His mother’s features lightened. She was finally displaying pride in him. Andreas felt the twist of guilt inside him, knowing he had just lied to her convincingly. He’ll make it up to her later, he argued. After he had gotten his revenge.

When nothing passed for a couple of minutes, Andreas added, “I will let it go, if it will make you proud.”

She strode over and embraced her son, her face filled with joy. “That’s all I need to hear. You have passed the first test, Andreas.”

The guilt was eating at him, but by now he was so good at hiding it his mother had no hope to notice. He gave her a soft, kind smile. “I love you, mom,” he choked out, his eyes swimming. I will not cry, I will not cry.

She kissed him on the cheek. “I love you, too my son.” Too soon and she disappeared. Andreas was left standing in her wake. He was ashamed for lying to her so convincingly. It was good for him to know he still had that in him, despite how hard he had gotten. Not thirty seconds passed after she was gone before he began to sob.

The tears he had been holding in all these years were finally too much. He sunk to the floor letting them all out, feeling the void of his mother’s presence in his life now that she was gone for good. He could not let go, would never let go. The moment he let himself forget that he was the reason she was dead was the moment he became the monster everyone feared him to be.