chapter seventeen

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DEAN CRACKS open a bottle of beer as he leans against the kitchen counter. He closes his eyes and takes a long drink, then sighs deeply. They have Michael contained in the dungeon, and he needed to escape for a second, just to breath. And drink.

They're going to get her back. They will. They have to.

He opens his eyes at the sound of footsteps. Sam's walked in. "You doing okay?" He asks, eyeing the bottle as he crosses the room.

"Peachy," He deadpans. Sam probably won't believe him, but he's not trying hard to be believable.

"Right. Uh, Rowena left, she said to keep her updated and call if we need her."

"Great." His finger taps against the bottle subconsciously. He can feel Sam trying to figure out what to say. He beats him to it. "Hey, um...this is gonna sound like a stupid thing to ask, but you remember the whole...Gadreel situation?"

He almost misses the way Sam's eyes flare slightly in alarm. "Uh, yeah. Why?"

He straightens and turns to his brother, putting down the bottle. "Look, Sam...I didn't understand back then. I couldn't have, but I think I do now. And it's not just because of Cath, it's because Michael being in me."

"Dean, we don't have to talk about this." He avoids eye contact, head tilted down.

"I think we do."

Sam sighs and lifts his head, quickly glancing at Dean. "Fine."

"Man, I know it's way too late, and it shouldn't have taken all this, it happening to me for me to realize it. But now, having gone through it, if I had that done to me without knowing, having...him inside me without knowing..." He suppresses a shudder at the thought. "It was wrong, and I'm sorry. And I'm sorry it's taken me this long to get it. I just wanted to save my brother. You know I'd do anything for you."

"I get it." He doesn't miss the sharpness in his tone. Sam crosses his arms and finally looks at Dean properly. "I get it, Dean, I do. And, I would too, y'know? You're my brother. But there has to be a line somewhere. I know it's a far off one, considering the lengths we've gone to for each other, ones we won't stop going to, but that...that was you erasing the line."

He nods once. "I know. I can't take it back, so...I just want you to know that I'm sorry for it, and I always will be."

Sam nods in return. "I, uh...I said some pretty messed up things back then, so...I'm sorry too."

Dean shakes his head, fighting a grin as he reaches for the bottle. "Don't turn it back on yourself, I'm apologizing here."

Sam grins as well. "Alright, whatever."

Dean takes a drink and leans back against the counter. "So...what now?"

"Well...I might have an idea."

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SHE'S SO tired. She's been running for so long.

Branches scratch her skin as she flies through the trees, hoping she won't crash into one in the darkness. All she has is her gun, and she's running out of bullets.

She can't keep doing this. She doesn't know how to stop.

She slows to a stop and leans against a tree, panting labored breaths. Pain shoots up her shins, and her feet feel like there's glass under them. She looks down at her left arm, examining a particularly deep gash she acquired when she fell over a bundle of roots.

She freezes at the sound of branches snapping, holding her breath. She holds her gun tighter.

Dean walks into her view, holding only a machete. "Hey, sweetheart. Looks like I found you."

"Don't call me that."

He tilts his head slightly, a grin creeping up on his face. "Why not?"

"You're not him."

"Aren't I?"

She shakes her head, fighting to keep her breath steady. Her hands tremble from the white-knuckled grip on her gun, finger inching closer to the trigger.

Dean flips the machete once, catching it effortlessly in the same hand. "So...now that I've found you, what should I do with you?"

"Why are you doing this?" She can't help the bit of desperation seeping into her voice. The question isn't aimed at Dean, no, it's for Michael. She knows he can hear her.

Dean steps closer without warning, and, on instinct, she aims and fires until the clip is empty. All three shots hit him in the chest, sending him to the ground.

She gasps out, her labored breaths even heavier now. "This isn't real," She breathes. She squeezes her eyes shut and shakes her head. "This isn't real."

When she reopens her eyes, the body is still there, unmoving. His eyes are open, glassy and shining under the moonlight.

Her legs give out from under her and she collapses against the tree, sliding to the ground, ignoring the rough bark against her skin. She pushes down the rising sobs, fights back the tears.

Not real. Not real. She repeats it in her head over and over. This is all Michael. He can't hurt her like this, not really. None of it is real.

Keep fighting. Get home. Get back to him.

She uses the tree to push herself back to her feet, not sparing a second glance as she jumps the body and keeps running.

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"IF IT works, we can use this to get inside her head, try and wake her up, force Michael out," Sam says, gesturing to the machine used by the British Men of Letters. "Like Crowley did for me, y'know? Gadreel wasn't even an archangel, so whatever fucked up world Michael has her locked in, who knows how much stronger the hold might be."

"She's strong," Dean says, though he might be reassuring himself more than anything.

He doesn't think it'll work, though he doesn't say anything as Sam begins trying to work out the machine. Not that they won't be able to get in Cath's head, but forcing Michael out. She took him on to protect him. Everyone, yes, but Dean most of all. He can't see her going back on that for anything. 

He just doesn't want to think about it. 

He realizes far too late that Jack's been left alone with Michael. He tells the kid to go see if Sam needs help, but stops him before he leaves. "Don't listen to anything he says."

Jack doesn't reply, only walks out. Dean sighs and sits at the table, tilting the bottle of whiskey sitting there to spill the liquid into the adjacent glass. He tries not to look at her. He can't stand the sight of it, with the bastard wearing her face.

After a long silence, he hears Michael start to chuckle to herself. Dean looks up and finds her watching him, a smug grin on her face.

"Something funny?"

She shrugs– or tries, at least, best she can with her wrists bound to the pillar behind her. "Just you. Sitting there, sick to your stomach at the sight of me, stewing in your alcoholism. Such a cliche, aren't you, Dean?"

Dean doesn't turn away, despite feeling the words punch him in the gut. Instead he looks her up and down, taking in everything he changed. Hair, makeup, clothes. "Why change so much?" He decides to ask. "I know you're kind of...prissy, when it comes to clothes, but...c'mon."

Her grin returns, this time plainly arrogant. Like she knows something he doesn't. She leans forward slightly, as much as the bonds allow. She mock whispers, "I thought it more fun if you can't recognize her."

The statement makes him question how much Michael paid attention while inside his head. He'd recognize her anywhere. He'd know her blind.

"My turn," she says, straightening back up. "Why do you love this world enough to go to all the trouble of saving it?"

"I'm not exactly interested in dying. I sorta need a world to live on."

She hums, almost in confusion. "That's a change."

"Don't say that like you know anything about me. You don't."

She sighs loudly in annoyance, tilting her head up to the ceiling. "I've been inside you, Dean, I know everything."

Her words send a chill up his spine, making his skin crawl. He drains the glass and pours another. "Why do you hate this world enough to destroy it?"

"Because I can. Because..." She looks away for a moment, and Dean wonders if he finally found a weak spot within the archangel. When her gaze returns, any semblance of weakness is gone. "I used to think it was to get back at him. God, because he left, and I fought my brother, and he still didn't come back. I destroyed my world, because I thought, maybe this will bring him back. Or maybe I'll keep going, catch up to the old bastard. But now..." Her smile spreads with a small laugh.

"Now that I'm here, after so many years of chasing, I can see it all. I can see how much she loves this world. How much she loves you. For that, I want it to burn. All of it. I've killed things and people she loved before, and I don't plan on stopping. I don't plan on stopping until I've carved out her soul and turned it to ash."

That anger from before starts to bubble again. Not his own anger, not really. More like anger on Cath's behalf. Because, why her? What did she ever do to invoke such wrath in this angel?

But then the answer hits him like a truck.

It's because she said no.

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"WHY ARE you doing this?"

He steps closer and she fires.

Not real. Not real.

She falls to her knees.

Keep fighting.

He's before her again. She fires. How many times has she killed him?

She falls to her knees.

Get home.

She fires. He dies.

How much more can she take?

He dies.

She falls to her knees.

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"IS THIS going to work?" Jack asks as Sam finishes up with the machine.

"I don't know," Sam answers honestly.

"Well, if it doesn't, maybe there's something I can do. The magic that's keeping me alive...what if I can do more?"

Both Sam and Dean turn to look at him.

"And burn off your soul?" Sam says, as Dean sits against the edge of the table and sets down his glass.

"Not all of it."

"What do you think she'd say about that?" Dean questions, nodding toward the room Michael's in. Jack lowers his gaze slightly. "The magic is there to keep you alive, and that's it. She wouldn't want to be saved at the expense of that."

"What about at the expense of you? You don't know what you're walking into."

Dean shrugs. "I'll be fine. I can deal with asshole archangels."

Jack turns to look at Cath. "What about her?"

"She'll be alright, kid. We'll get her back."

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THERE'S A light. A new light she hasn't yet seen. So she doesn't stop, and she runs toward the light.

Dean keeps showing up. Sometimes he's chasing her. Sometimes he runs with her. She's stopped trying to avoid him. He's not real.

The light grows brighter. Larger.

She can almost hear voices.

Then, suddenly, she can't keep going. She can't move much at all. She drops to her knees and the light disappears.

"No..." She breathes, panic beginning to creep in. She thought she was close. Maybe she imagined the light.

She looks around and realizes there's no version of Dean in the forest with her. She's alone.

She begins the mantra in her head again. Not real. Not real. Her breath picks up and she bows over her knees, curling tight into herself.

Not real. Keep fighting.

She doesn't know if she can.

Get home.

"Home..." She whispers, tears trailing down her face. She thinks of the bunker, the people inside it, and music and food and drinks. Home.

Keep fighting.

She straightens up, but before she can get to her feet, there's someone else in front of her. It takes her a long while to realize she's staring at her own face.

Michael.

And he's angry.

"How are you still so...defiant?" He all but shouts at her.

"This isn't real," she simply says. She slowly gets to her feet and moves in close, dropping her voice to a whisper. "You can't hurt me in here."

He raises his eyebrows. "Can't I?"

She takes a step back and shrugs. "Not in a way that matters. You cannot break me."

He opens his mouth to retort, but then closes it, a smile growing on his face- her face. "Oh, I see. I get it now. You'll like this one."

She doesn't get a chance to respond.

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"COOL SCIENCE project," Michael taunts as Cas snaps the wires to her head. "I give it a solid C."

Across the table, Sam does the same to Dean.

"So, in theory, you should be connected to Mack's mind," Sam says. "Cas, you should be able to hitch a ride with Dean.

Michael chuckles sarcastically. "Oh, Cas. I believe in you."

"What should I do?" Jack asks.

"There's not much we can do out here, except...make sure no one dies," Sam answers.

"I like this plan," Michael says. "See, out here, I'm all chained up, but in there, you're all mine."

Dean just glares.

"See you in there," she says with a wink.

"Ready?" Sam asks.

Dean nods. Cas grasps his shoulder, and Sam clicks on the machine. He presses a few buttons, and everything goes dark.

The next minute, Dean and Cas are standing on a street. Cas drops his hand and they both look around. It looks like a simple, suburban neighborhood, the kind where all the houses look the same.

"Uh, Cas, where are we?"

"In Mack's mind. I think we're wherever her consciousness ended up."

"How is this the inside of her head?"

"I think she's in one of these houses," Cas says. He holds out a hand, as if searching. Then he starts walking, and Dean follows.

They walk for a while. Dean's always felt...slightly unsettled in these types of neighborhoods. The darkest things always happen in the places that seem the safest.

After a while, Dean starts to realizes that the houses aren't just similar, they're all the same. Exactly. Down to 'welcome' signs in the yards.

"This ain't freaky at all," he mumbles.

Cas stops suddenly, turning towards the house to the right of them. "I think she's in there."

He can see the front door is open behind the glass screen door. He can tell there's someone moving around in there, and he swears he can hear music playing.

"Here goes nothing," he says, and they start up the driveway.

The door creaks loudly as they walk in. There's an array of shoes in the entryway, and Dean wonders for a second if he should take his off. He shakes off the thought as they move further inside.

He can now smell food cooking, hear music playing, and hear shouting and laughing from another room. He doesn't recognize the song that's on.

They finally find the kitchen, along with the adjacent dining room and living room. He sees Cath at the stove, apparently cooking. There's a group in the living room, and what looks to be a video game on the TV screen.

He spots Jack on the couch with a controller in his hand, and Sam across the room in an armchair with a book in his lap, though he's watching the screen. He realizes they must be fake versions, orchestrated by Michael.

He sees two more people on the couch, a girl he doesn't recognize with dark hair, holding a second controller, and...Charlie?

The sight of her takes his breath away. She's watching the screen as well, laughing along with whatever game they're playing.

"Finally, you're back! What the hell took you so long?" He hadn't realized Cath had seen them until she's walking up to them. She looks at him, specifically at his empty hands. "Where's the beer?"

He looks down at himself, not aware he was supposed to have brought beer. "Uh..."

A shout from the living room saves him from having to answer. "Cat, get your ass in here!" She playfully rolls her eyes, turning away from them and starting into the living room.

He shoots a look at Cas, who seems similarly confused. They follow her. She leans against the back of the couch, staring up at the screen.

"This kid is kicking my ass," The dark haired girl says. Cath laughs in response.

"I thought you were supposed to be good at these, Cris."

Cris. Cristina. Cath's sister.

"Who is that? We know everyone else," Cas asks.

"Her sister."

"Oh." He seems to understand. Maybe he's realizing, the same as Dean, that everyone in this room who isn't at the bunker, is dead.

"Goddamn it," Cristina says as the game on the screen ends. She looks over for a second, scanning over the two of them standing there awkwardly. She glances at Cath once before returning her gaze to the screen.

"Dude, your burgers are burning," Charlie says, leaning forward to snatch the controller from Cristina.

"Ah, fuck!" Cath sprints to the kitchen and attends to the food.

Charlie then looks at them, confusion crossing her face. "Why are you guys just standing there? You look ominous as hell."

"You know she's not real, Dean," Cas whispers to him. He nods.

"Dean! Come try this!" Cath shouts.

"You have to talk to her. She doesn't seem to remember anything," Cas says. Dean nods.

In the kitchen, she's nodding along to the music.

"Here, try this sauce," She says.

"Cath...you know this isn't real, right?"

She looks at him like he's grown another head. "What? What are you talking about?"

"None of this is real, this house, the music, even those people. It's not real."

"Are you okay?"

Cas comes over and stands next to Dean. "Mack, listen to him."

She startles at what he says. "Why did you call me that?"

"Because that's what you go by."

She shakes her head. "No, I..." She trails off, shaking her head again. She blinks a few times and turns back to her cooking.

"You have to remember," Dean pleads. "Michael is possessing you!"

"Michael? He's dead, Dean. Remember? We're safe."

"No, we're not. You're not. This isn't real!"

"Okay, you're starting to freak me out. Look, the food's almost done, maybe you just need to eat. You too, Cas."

"I don't eat."

She looks up at him, confusion on her face. Then she blinks and shakes her head again. "Right. Can you tell everyone the food is almost ready?"

"Cath, look at me," Dean says, moving closer. She turns to him, meeting his eyes, obvious concern shining in hers. "Your sister is dead."

Her brows furrow. "No, she's not. She's..." She glances into the living room, which is now empty. Even fake Jack and Sam are gone, and the TV is off. The music has gone silent. Her breath escapes in a gasp as she brushes past him. "Cris?"

She breaks into a run towards the stairs. "Cristina!" She bounds up the stairs, and Dean and Cas go after her.

She runs in and out of each room still shouting her sister's name, and occasionally Charlie's.

In a flash she's going past them and back down the stairs. They keep following.

"They were just here," She says breathlessly. She drags her hands through her hair and continues glancing around helplessly.

"They weren't real," Cas says.

"No, we..." She shakes her head. "We were safe. We were supposed to be safe here."

He can feel his heart cracking at her tone. He hates to be the one to take this away from her, even if it's not real. God knows what he'd give for just a few seconds with people he's lost, real or not real.

He moves closer to her. "You need to remember." His tone leaves no room to argue. "Michael is possessing you. We're in the bunker right now. Jack and Sam are waiting. Please, Cath. Come back."

She stares at him, still slightly panting. Then her eyes flare and she stumbles a step back, her hands coming up to clutch her head. She squeezes her eyes shut.

Then she inhales sharply and her eyes shoot open, immediately landing on Dean. She doesn't hesitate, running the few steps to him and throwing her arms around his shoulders. He easily catches her.

"I remember," She breathes.

He breathes in relief, holding her tighter.

"Well, isn't this sweet," says a voice from behind them. They pull away and Dean turns to see Michael standing there, in the maroon suit and dark hair. Cas moves closer to them, forming a makeshift shield in front of Catherine.

"Get out of her," Dean demands. He only smirks. Still behind him, Cath takes his hand.

"I wonder what sweet Catherine has to say about that."

She moves out from behind Dean, now standing next to him. "You can't hurt us in here."

Michael shrugs.

"Cath, eject him," Dean urges.

"Oh, Dean. You should ask her how many times she killed you." She points at her temple. He hears Catherine's breath catch. "In here. How many times she shot you dead and then kept running."

He squeezes her hand, trying to be reassuring. Michael turns his focus to Cath. "You know...you could have it all back. That sweet little suburban paradise I crafted for you. Didn't you like it?"

She shakes her head, and he can almost feel the anger radiating off of her.

"Your friends...your sister. Pretty little Cristina. Don't you want her back?"

"Don't you dare."

Michael laughs.

"Why aren't you doing anything?" Cas turns the question to Cath. "You have to eject him."

He ignores whatever Michael says next and turns to Cath. She looks between them, and this time squeezes his hand. "I'm sorry."

"Cath..." 

"Dean, I can't. What do you think he'll do if I throw him out?"

"I–"

She takes his other hand and draws him closer. "He will take it out on you. On all of you. I won't risk that."

He shakes his head. "What about you?"

She averts her gaze, and it lands on something behind him. Her eyes widen the slightest bit. Then she looks back at him. She leans in and presses a gentle kiss to his cheek. "Trust me," she quickly whispers. Then she drops his hands and backs away. "You know, Michael, in here, you're powerless. We're all mental projections, which means we're all the same. You know what else that means?"

Michael doesn't dignify her with a response, merely raised eyebrows.

She smirks, and it's so her that Dean fights a grin. "It means I can kick your ass."

She launches herself at the archangel, and neither Dean nor Cas are far behind her. Granted, Michael holds his own pretty well against the three of them, and Dean gets thrown into a wall more than once.

But it doesn't last long.

When Cath has Michael pinned against the kitchen island, she shouts, "Open that door!"

Dean, not having realized there was a door, yanks it open to reveal a set of stairs leading to a basement. Cath wrenches Michael from the island and shoves him towards the door. Michael fights his way, but Dean joins in and together they shove him through the threshold. He goes tumbling down the stairs and Cath slams the door shut.

Then she grabs a chair from the table and shoves it under the doorknob. "I won't shove him out, so we trap him in. It's not permanent, but it'll buy us time." She meets Dean's eyes. "To figure something else out."

"Will that work?" Dean's gaze jumps between Catherine and Cas. If anyone could guarantee it, it's the angel.

"My head, my rules," Cath says. "He won't get out." 

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author's note !!

psa that first scene with sam and dean talking is entirely self indulgent i wrote it for me and me only. if you don't like it get bent (respectfully)
(but if you don't think dean needed to apologize for that maybe do some self reflecting)

also i just wanted to say thank u thank u thank u for 7k reads <33 i never thought i would get that many people reading my silly little fanfics so thank you endlessly!!!

as always my loves leave votes and comments if ur enjoying ily <3

thanks for reading!!

-skye