say my name and everything just stops
i don't want you like a best friend

dress, taylor swift

chapter eighteen

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WHEN DEAN wakes up back in the bunker, Cath is already awake as well. Cas is snapping off the wires from her head, but she doesn't seem to notice. She's just staring down at her hands.

He quickly yanks the wires from his own head and jumps from his seat, grabbing the keys to the angel cuffs as he approaches her. He kneels next to her chair and cautiously unlocks the cuffs, slowly removing them from her wrists. He sets them on the table, then straightens to his feet and steps back.

She doesn't move. She turns her hands once.

He's not really sure what to do.

"Cath?"

His voice seems to startle her and she looks up, her gaze meeting his with slightly widened eyes. She jumps to her feet with enough force to shove the chair backwards, nearly knocking it over. She moves towards him, dropping her eyes from his face to his chest. Then she lifts a hand and presses it to his chest.

She doesn't really look at him, just keeps her hand and eyes to his chest, as if she's trying to see through her hand and look inside.

Then he recalls something Michael mentioned while inside her head, and he realizes what she's doing.

He covers her hand with his own, and moves it slightly down. Then he presses her hand against his chest a bit harder so she can feel the steady thrum of his heartbeat.

Somehow he sees the exact moment she feels it. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, as if it's the first time she's bothered to breathe since waking up.

"It's okay," He says as she takes a few more breaths. "You're home."

She opens her eyes and turns her head, her eyes skirting around the room. Over the familiar bookshelves and warding on the walls, he can almost feel the ease settling over her. She nods and meets his gaze once again.

"How long was I gone?"

"Three weeks."

She slips her hand from under his as her eyes fall behind him, then she's brushing past him and moving towards Jack standing near the edge of the table. She pulls him into her arms and he melts into the hug.

He grabs her chair and pushes it back to the table, just to busy himself as they have their moment. Sam and Cas stand there quietly, watching the scene. Cas has a gentle smile on his face, and Sam glances his way and shoots him a nod. He nods back, and exhales a slow breath. He can feel tension inside him receding as he lets it out.

Eventually, Cath and Jack emerge from their hug. She whispers something to him and he nods, then they both come over to meet the group.

"You alright?" Sam asks.

She nods. "I will be."

"So...what happened? We didn't exactly see Michael come crashing out."

"He's trapped," She answers, pointing to her temple.

Sam glances between her and Dean uneasily. "Is that– will that work?"

"It will for now."

"But it is not a permanent solution," Cas adds. "Just until we figure something else out."

Cath simply nods, then changes the subject. "So, what are we eating? I'm starving."

Dean grins at the words, and he decides to leave everything else for later. He'll address the faraway look in her eyes, and the way she keeps quickly glancing around the room, later. She's not okay, everyone in the room knows it. But they can have a meal and let her pretend. He knows she'll start rolling her eyes the second he asks about her wellbeing.

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LATER THAT night, after a long meal– that, despite how lively she was, laughing and joking with them, Cath barely touched– her and Dean slowly make their way through the bunker halls. He's not sure if they're actually going somewhere, or just walking.

She trails her fingertips along the wall as they walk, as if attempting to memorize the feel of them.

Eventually, they end up outside his door. He waits for her to make the first move. He won't take it personally if she decides to be alone, even if he doesn't want to let her be.

"I'll just be a minute," She says. "I need to get out of these clothes." She looks down at herself with a grimace. She doesn't wait for an answer before starting off towards her room. He watches her go until she turns the corner and disappears from sight.

He goes inside his room, suddenly feeling the need to tidy, though his room hardly looks any different from how it did a few weeks ago. Maybe a few more empty beer bottles around. He doubts Cath would care, let alone notice.

It's only a few minutes before he hears her gentle knock on the door.

"Yeah, come in," He calls, trying to keep the surprise of her even knocking out of his voice. The door opens and she slips in, wearing her own clothes.

She takes in the room as if greeting an old friend. She carefully considers the records, his weapons wall, the cluttered but somehow still organized desk. When she turns to him, there's a fond grin on her face, small but noticeable enough.

He doesn't know what to say. How to even approach being on the other side of this situation.

She simply looks at him for a moment, then closes the distance between them, slowly snaking her arms around his middle and burying her face in his chest. He pulls her in close, resting his chin atop her head.

He clears his throat and opens his mouth to speak, but she cuts him off before he can.

"Don't— not tonight, please," She pleads. She pulls away to look at him. "Just tonight. We can talk tomorrow, but for tonight, I just..."

"I get it. Don't worry."

She nods, taking a step back. He already mourns the warmth of her against him, but doesn't protest.

He notices her eyeing the chair, which still has his gray jacket draped over the back. She seems hesitant to take it.

He grabs it and wraps it around her shoulders. She suppresses a grin as she slips her arms into the sleeves. "Thanks."

"How 'bout some music?"

She nods, and he strolls over to the record player.

His eyes catch the cassette on the desk, and he quickly realizes now is as good a time as any. Especially if she wants a distraction. "Actually, speaking of music," he says, grabbing the cassette and going back to Cath. "I made you something." He holds it up between them.

This time she really smiles, and he can't help but match it with her own as she takes it. "It was supposed to be a birthday present, then a Christmas gift, but, well..." He shrugs. "Consider a 'welcome home' gift."

Her grin shifts into something more subtle as her thumb traces over the 'for Cath' label. "You made me a mixtape," she says, almost as if trying to make herself believe it. She looks up at him, holding the tape in between two fingers. "Alright, then. Put it in."

He takes it and returns to the sound system, putting in the tape. He turns up the volume as the opening chords of 'Hey Jude' ring through the room.

When he turns back, she's sitting on the edge of the bed. He flops down next to her, laying down on his back.

"You know," he says, after a while of listening in silence. "My mom used to sing this to me when I was a kid."

"Really?" She glances down at him and he nods.

"She used to tell me angels were watching over me."

"Well, that's ironic."

He scoffs a laugh in agreement.

She tilts her head away slightly, staring at a wall. "I used to sing this to Cristina, when we were still really young. I don't think she'd remember." The rest of the statement hangs in the air. If she was still here.

The silence looms over them as the song finishes.

Dean grins as the next one starts to play. He gets to his feet and faces Catherine, holding out a hand.

She glances from his hand to his face, a gentle smirk growing. "Are you asking me to dance, Winchester?"

"Humor me."

She says nothing else as she takes his hand. He pulls her to her feet and takes both her hands, and they start moving to the beat of the song.

They continue to dance through the next few songs, teasing and joking at the other's dance skills. Cath laughs as Dean twirls her around, and as the next song begins to play, a slower one than the previous ones, he pulls her in and she leans against his shoulder.

His face heats up slightly when he realizes what song it is. He hopes Cath doesn't notice his heartbeat quickening.

"Is this Taylor Swift?" She asks.

He hesitates for a second, then decides to own it. "Absolutely."

She hums in amusement. "Respect."

The room heats up as the lyrics echo around them. He realizes the song might not be the most appropriate, given the situation. He tries not to breathe.

Cath might be holding her breath, too.

There's a moment, just after the bridge, where the music pauses for a few seconds. In that moment of silence, Cath lifts her head to look at him. The song resumes as they stare at each other.

Her eyes drop to his mouth, just for a moment. He's definitely not breathing.

She leans closer. His hand moves up her back the slightest bit.

"I'm really fucking glad to be home," She says lowly. The song ends.

"Me too," He answers in a whisper.

Her eyes dip again, and he feels himself leaning even closer. Their noses nearly touching, he can feel her breath on his face.

Cath jumps as the next song starts abruptly, pulling back and glancing at the record player. Then she clears her throat and resumes her position leaning against his shoulder. He closes his eyes as embarrassment curls around him.

Despite it, he adjusts so she's flush to him, similar to a position they've been in many times before. Their arms wrapped around each other, swaying slowly and out of tune to the music.

"This ain't slow dancing music," He mumbles.

"Pretend it is."

"I can do that."

They stay like that until the songs run out, and the room falls silent. Neither of them move. Dean wonders if she's asleep standing against him, until she speaks.

"Thank you." Her voice breaks at the end.

For more than just this, he's sure of. There's nothing he can do to erase what's been done to her, and that'll never not weigh on him. All he can do is understand. And he does.

He holds her a bit tighter, and says, "Anytime." 

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author's note !!

idk why i feel the need to say this but just fyi cath is roughly the same height as charlie lol

anyways. no cath pov yet but soon, also i kinda just wanted their reunion to be it's own chapter so it's kinda short 

so yea that it's for now tehe 

as always leave votes and comments if ur enjoying <3

thanks for reading!!

-skye