i'd tell them put me back in it
darling, i would do it again

francesca, hozier

chapter fourteen

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BREATHE.

In and out. Simple. Breathe.

Ever since Castiel dropped the bomb on them– that the angel Naomi informed him of Michael's location. He's barely hours away, and it's had Catherine on edge ever since. Like she can't settle in her skin until they do something.

Sam's voice springs her back to the present, and she opens her eyes. "It's not far. It's being held at a hub facility in Joplin, Missouri. Apparently, it would've made it to Lebanon were it not closed for the holiday," he says, in regard to the magic egg that was supposed to be powerful enough to be used against Michael. However they learned about such an object, she doesn't know. She's stopped trying to keep up.

"Well, if they're closed..." Castiel trails off.

"Means we can get it."

"How?" Jack questions.

"Break in. Easy-peasy," Catherine jumps in, adjusting in her chair.

Sam's phone buzzes on the table, and he quickly jumps up to answer it. Dean sits in the chair next to her. He nudges her foot under the table to get her attention. "You alright?" He asks quietly.

She nods. "I'm good." He doesn't seem convinced. He must've noticed her spaciness. "Dean, I'm okay." She adds a small grin. He glances at Jack, seated on her other side, then nods.

Sam finishes the call and sighs heavily before turning back to the group.

"What is it?" Catherine questions.

"Uh, Garth– he figured out what Michael's up to. For one, he thinks Michael figured out where dark Kaia is with her spear, he's sending people after her to get rid of it. And her."

Catherine straightens in her chair. "And what else?"

"They're gonna take out Kansas City."

"What do you mean, 'take out?'" Dean asks.

"All his monsters are there waiting."

The realization hits Catherine like a blow. "He wants to turn everyone." Sam nods. She leaves the chair and crosses her arms over her abdomen as she begins to pace the room. "Back in the other world, he leveled Kansas City. All at once, no survivors. He didn't care about an army because back then he still had angels following him."

"It's his do-over. This is where it starts," Dean says. She meets his gaze and nods. He runs a hand down his face and sighs. "And on a night when nobody's guard is up."

"Hell of a Christmas gift," Catherine mumbles.

"Garth said Michael is gonna give the signal at midnight," Sam says. "So if we can get to him before he does..."

"We can stop it," Jack finishes.

"And with the spear still in play, it can hurt him," says Dean.

Catherine returns to her seat. "I think it can do more than that. He's terrified of that thing. I think it can kill him."

"With all the trouble he's gone through to take it off the board, I think you're right."

"And if it can't, we still might be able to trap him. Bobby's been working on those angel cuffs, they might be able to hold him." Castiel adds.

"Yeah. We have Rowena's spell, we can put Michael in the Cage," says Sam.

Catherine stills in her seat. "You have a spell that can put him in the Cage?"

Sam grins softly. "Rowena does. It was meant for Lucifer, but, y'know."

"Right."

"Hey, you're finally having your 'Rowena is much more badass than I thought' moment," Dean says, a cheeky grin on his face.

"That's a thing?"

"Yeah, we've all been there," Castiel comments. "People tend to underestimate the witch."

"So, anyway," Sam goes on. "This is– it's literally a trip to the post office."

Dean leaves his chair, phone in hand. "Well, getting the spear is literally a trip to the Carter Lake Recycling facilities. I say we get both. Me and Cath, we'll get the spear, you two take him and get the egg." He gestures at Sam, Castiel, and Jack as he speaks. "Then we meet at Hitomi Plaza and hit him from both sides."

They all agree, then go their separate ways.

Though she doesn't say anything, Dean seems to notice Catherine's hesitation as they pack the car.

"It's safer for him on that end," he says.

She sighs as she shuts the back door. "I know. I just don't like leaving him."

"He's with Sam and Cas. They'll put him first, you know they will."

"I know, I know." She shakes her head. "I know."

✦ ✦

CATHERINE STRETCHES as they leave the car. "I can't believe we drove that whole way without music and you didn't complain once," she comments, referring to the broken tape deck inside the Impala. She fiddled with it as they drove, but it wasn't something she could fix on a whim.

Dean shrugs as he slings his bag over his shoulder. "What can I say? I liked the company." He simply leaves it at that, and walks on.

She blinks, slightly surprised, then follows.

They each draw their guns and slowly make their way inside the warehouse. They quickly search the place, but it's...quiet. Not too quiet, but properly quiet. Empty quiet.

She meets Dean near what's evidently a crash pad.

"I don't think she's here," he says. "But the food's still warm, so she was."

"Think she bolted?" She shines her flashlight over the area, the rustled blankets and used pots.

"That, or she's hiding."

"Hm. I was expecting more monsters."

He shrugs. "Maybe they already got her? They had a head start and a shorter drive." He doesn't look convinced as he says it, and goes on. "But there's no sign of a struggle. The Dark Kaia I know wouldn't go without a fight."

"So...what now?"

Dean sighs and pulls out his phone. "I'll call Sam."

He dials, and the call rings through.

"Should we be worried?" Catherine asks.

"Uh...I don't know." He tries again. And again.

Catherine pulls out her own phone. "I'll try Jack."

Her call goes straight to voicemail. She reminds herself to breathe, not to panic.

"You get anything?" Dean asks.

"No. Still nothing?"

He nods. He opens his mouth to speak, but his phone rings. She raises her eyebrows in question, but he shakes his head. "It's Garth." He answers, and the conversation is quick and short. He ends it by telling Garth to call if he hears anything.

"So it's not just us getting no answer?"

Dean nods. He starts to pace, before stopping a few feet away and facing her. "What do we do? Do we hit Hitomi Plaza? Do we go to Missouri?"

Catherine freezes when a dark figure starts to creep up behind him. "Dean."

He stills as Kaia presses the tip of the spear between his shoulder blades. "Why are you here?" She demands. "What do you want?"

Catherine tightens her grip around the handle of her gun, but doesn't draw it from behind her back.

"You know what we want," Dean replies steadily, keeping his hands visible. He slowly, slowly turns. Catherine moves towards him just as slowly, until she's just behind him.

"You think you can take this from me? You've tried before."

"Look, we didn't come to fight you for it." He slips his bag off his shoulder and drops it to the ground. "We came to ask."

"You should know by now I won't give it up." She keeps her sharp glare on Dean.

Dean moves forward just enough to press the tip of the spear to his chest. "Then you should just kill me."

"Dean..." Catherine warns.

He ignores her. "There are people we care about. Our family, they're in danger. Michael, the one who tortured you, tortured all of us, he's gonna hurt them, and kill them. And then he's gonna kill thousands. He slaughtered her world," He nods to Catherine. "And he wants to do the same to this one. The only thing in this world that can stop him is the spear in your hands. So, if you're not gonna give it to me, kill me."

Catherine assesses her carefully. She's not as defensive as she was the first time they met, or as fiercely protective over the weapon. She wants something, and she's willing to use the spear as a bargaining chip.

There's familiarity in her stance, in her body. Catherine recognizes her homesickness.

Kaia retracts the spear from Dean's chest, and he inhales sharply. Catherine seizes the moment to step forward, now shoulder-to-shoulder with Dean. "You want to go back," She says. "Why?"

"To the Bad Place?" Dean questions.

"I call it home," Kaia answers. She turns her gaze to Catherine. "You're right."

"But you came to this world for a reason," Dean continues.

"I came here to escape a life of running from monsters, but here it's no different. I'm sure you understand."

Catherine shakes her head. "I don't want to go back. There's nothing left in my world to go back to. Your world is full of monsters–"

Kaia cuts her off. "And yours is full of dust. You'd think it'd make us the same, but it doesn't. Neither of us have the blood of this world but you've managed to bleed the same as them anyway. I don't have that option. I'm hunted."

"Why do you want to go back? What do you think will change?"

"At least there, I understood things. The world and my place in it. The magic I used to get here, magic from my home, it doesn't work here. I need help to get back."

"We'll do what we can," Dean says.

"The boy. The special boy. The one who used Kaia to open up the door? He can do it again for me."

Catherine hesitates to answer, but Dean doesn't. "Yes, he can. And he will. If..." He gestures to the spear.

"How do I know you're telling the truth?"

"You don't," Catherine answers. "Just like we don't know you are. If you're really desperate enough to get back that you're willing to give up the only thing you have protecting you, then maybe we're just going to have to have a little trust in each other."

She hesitates. Then says, "If you don't bring this back to me, I will find you and kill you." Then she holds the spear out, and Dean takes it.

"How will we track you down?" He asks.

"You've done it before. Do it again."

Then Dean's phone rings. The second they both take their eyes off her, she's gone.

"Hey, it's Sam." He answers the call and puts it on speaker, still gripping the spear. "Sam?"

It's Michael, Sam answers immediately. He knew where we were. He got the drop on us, destroyed the egg, and, uh...Dean, he's got Jack.

Catherine's stomach drops through the floor. She reaches out, and her hand lands on Dean's arm. She stops hearing, stops breathing.

Because she's back on that battlefield all those years ago, watching Michael rip out Leo's throat just to spite her. And then she's watching him destroy her sister. Not just kill, but destroy. Not a trace of her left. And she's watching Charlie's soul burn out of her as Zachariah smites her, on his order.

And now, he's going to do the same to Jack.

She's not sure how much of it is in spite of her rejecting him anymore, and how much of it is just because he fucking enjoys it.

She's not even sure if they're still on the phone. "Oh, God," Slips out of her mouth involuntarily as panic ripples through her body, tightening in her chest and ringing in her ears.

She can't lose him again. She won't make it.

"Cath?" Only when Dean touches her shoulder does she realize how tightly she's gripping his arm. She quickly lets go, but Dean doesn't. "Hey, just breathe, okay?"

She presses a hand to her chest, attempting to slow her breathing, but it doesn't work. The panic crawls up her throat and escapes her mouth in the form of a sob.

"He's gonna kill him–"

Suddenly her legs give out and she's falling into Dean. "Hey, hey, hey–" He immediately catches her and wraps his arms around her, lowering them to the ground, the spear long forgotten behind him. "Cath, you need to breathe."

"I can't, I can't, he's–" Her heaving chest won't let her manage the rest of the words. Dean pushes her up gently and cups her face, tilting her face towards him.

"Look at me."

She can barely see straight, but manages to lock onto his eyes.

"Breathe. Breathe with me."

He begins to take slow, even breaths, and she attempts to match them. She fails more than once, hot tears slipping down her face, but Dean only brushes them away with his thumb and doesn't stop until she's breathing with him. She gets there eventually, mirroring his steady breaths. All the while, he hasn't broken eye contact.

The ringing stops, and the panic in her chest dissipates. She drops her gaze and leans in, pressing her forehead to his. He draws her impossibly closer.

Something colder than panic wraps around her body, straightening her spine and clearing her head. "We're not losing him," she whispers, somehow without a trace of doubt. That's when she realizes it's determination settling into her bones.

"We're not," Dean agrees. "We're gonna get him."

She sits up, meeting his eyes again. Those stunning green eyes that could bring her back from the brink of anything. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it. Let's go get our kid."

✦ ✦

BY THE time they arrive, Sam and Castiel had already found Jack and gotten him out. She's not sure why she thought otherwise. Dean lectures Sam about not waiting for them, but Catherine doesn't bother. She would've done the same, even alone.

"You're sure you're okay?" Catherine asks again, grimacing at the bleeding scratches across his cheek.

Jack nods. "Michael didn't touch me."

She exhales slowly. "What did he say to you? If he didn't touch you then I'm positive he went on some sort of monologue."

He just shrugs. "He talked about...how we're 'the only kin each other has left in this world.'" He uses air quotes to get the point across. "And how as my power grows I'll become more like him."

"You know he's wrong," She immediately counters. "You're nothing like him. You won't be."

He only nods.

Castiel returns from making sure they're clear, and he wordlessly presses two fingers to Jack's forehead. The blood disappears, along with the wound. "You're okay?"

Jack nods again.

"Castiel?" Catherine says, before he can walk off. "Thank you."

"I wasn't going to leave him up there," he simply says. "You would've done the same."

She nods, and he nods back once.

"How we looking over there?" Dean calls over.

"Good as new," Castiel responds. The three of them join Dean and Sam, standing in a circle. "You know, Michael's monsters are all over this city. If he feared us in the least, he would've sent some our way."

"He could've killed me," Sam says. "Back at the shipping facility, but he didn't. I think he wanted us to come here."

"And we have to remember, he will sense my approach."

"So, zero element of surprise," says Dean.

"Glad we're all aware that we're walking straight into a trap," Catherine meets Dean's eyes as she says it.

He grins at her. "Impossible odds. Feels like home. Let's do it."

✦ ✦

THEY SEND Castiel first. Catherine knows Michael will see right through their plan, but he takes the bait anyway.

As Michael drags Castiel into the room and slams the door shut, Catherine bursts from the closet, gun raised. Michael only grins as she begins shooting, hitting him square in the chest over and over. It hardly phases him.

"That was rude, Kitty. I liked that shirt."

He blinks and she's flying back against the wall, gasping for air. Sam and Jack are down across the room. Then Dean comes out swinging with the spear.

She can hardly see straight, not enough to see the fight. Only when Dean manages to strike Michael with the spear is she released from her hold, crashing to the ground coughing.

"Trust me, that's gonna leave a scar," Dean taunts, the spear raised at Michael.

Catherine pushes herself up and meets Jack and the others in the middle of the room, watching. Dean's still facing Michael...hesitating.

"Dean?" She calls.

"Kill him!" Jack shouts.

Instead of doing exactly that, Dean straightens from his defensive position. Michael falls limply to the ground– or, his vessel does.

The moment Catherine realizes what's happening, she feels like all the air has been ripped from the room, her lungs. She gasps out, "No!"

Instead of turning around, or saying anything, Dean lifts the spear in both hands and snaps it in half. He tosses the pieces to the ground, and turns to face them. His eyes flash that devastating color blue, and it takes everything inside Catherine not to collapse to the ground.

It's like she's walking into one of her nightmares.

He looks directly at Catherine and says, without a trace of Dean in his voice, "Yeah." He grins at her, and she knows he's gone. Dean. Her Dean, with his beautiful eyes and beautiful face and beautiful smile. Michael's taken him again.

And she won't stand for it. She won't watch this again, won't watch him take Dean's body for his own and use it to do horrible things, and break Dean in the process. She won't let Michael keep him prisoner inside his own body, the man she–

Oh. Oh.

Shit.

There's only one thing she can do.

As he begins to speak again in a voice that's so distinctly not Dean that it makes her sick, she takes Jack by the arm and gently pulls him towards her.

"Jack, look at me." He faces her, grabbing her arm on instinct. "Listen. You won't understand, not at first, but know that it's for the better."

His fist tightens around her sleeve. "What do you mean?"

She shakes her head. "It's gonna be okay. We'll figure it out. I'll find a way back, okay? I will. I promise I will come back to you."

His confusion only grows. "Mack, what are you talking about? What are you doing?"

She blinks away growing tears and presses her gun into his hands, closing both of his around it.

"I don't want this, what—?"

She takes his face in both hands and pulls him to her level, pressing a kiss to his forehead. Her voice drops to a whisper. "Whatever happens next, just know I'm so proud of you."

This time he's the one who shakes his head. "Whatever you're about to do, don't. Please don't."

She takes one final look, and tries not to fall apart as she turns away. She steps forward, towards Michael, leaving the rest of them feet behind her. "Take me," she announces clearly.

Raised eyebrows are his only show of surprise. "Sorry, what was that? Didn't quite catch it."

"Mack, don't!" Sam shouts from behind her. She ignores them all and moves forward again.

"Let him go and take me instead. I'm the one you really want, we all know it. Let him go and you'll get what you've been after for a decade."

His smirk widens only slightly. He places his empty glass on the coffee table and crosses the last few feet between them. His hand shoots out and grabs her throat, and the impact makes her flinch. He leans in close, enough that she can feels his breath on her face.

"Say it. Will you let me in?"

She closes her eyes, hating what's about to come out of her mouth. Everything she's ever fought for, lived through, how many times she's refused to say it, it seems pointless now.

She'd do it all over if it meant she could be here to stop this from happening again.

So she opens her eyes. "Yes."

He breaks the final gap, pressing his lips to hers. She doesn't pull away despite how much it disgusts her, the fact that the first time she feels his lips on hers it's this. She hates how he's robbed this moment from them.

She feels it, then, as he opens his mouth against hers and she does the same. She feels herself slipping away, and the last thing she feels is his hand in her hair as everything goes dark. 

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author's note !!

they love each other so much it makes me sick  (i say about a fictional relationship i came up with inside my head)

i lowk cried writing this lol

anyways this chapter is like, the chapter there's so many lines in here that go incredibly hard and for that im so proud of it

if u all come at me with pitchforks and torches i will understand. :)

as always pls leave votes and comments if ur enjoying <333

thanks for reading!!

-skye