fight or flight, i'd rather die
than have to cry in front of you

fight or flight, conan gray

chapter four

✦  ✦  ✦  ✦
━━━━━

I CAN feel you now, Kitty.

When Mack drags herself to the kitchen, she pours herself a large cup of coffee and sits at the table sipping it gently. Her shoulder aches and her whole body's sore. Dean enters a few minutes later.

"Morning. You look like hell."

She scoffs lightly. "Good morning to you, too."

He sits across from her, popping a beer open. "How's the shoulder?"

She shrugs. "It's fine. I've had worse."

"Right."

She laughs gently to herself, remembering how Sam greeted her the same way just a few days ago. Though, he was nicer about it.

"What's so funny?"

"Is it customary for you Winchesters to greet your house guests with 'you look like hell' in the morning?"

He gives an incredulous look, knitting his brows together in confusion. "What?"

She just shakes her head and sips her coffee. "Nevermind."

Suddenly, they hear a frantic voice in the hallway. "Dean!"

Sam rushes in, stopping in the doorway.

Dean turns as he enters. "What's wrong?"

✦ ✦

MACK FEELS sick as she stares down at the body of one of her own. She's seen worse. A hundred times worse, easily. But seeing this young girl with her head bashed in, scarlet blood standing out against the green of the mossy rock– she could vomit.

The contrast makes her sick to her stomach. She's been starting to relax the past couple weeks– let herself rest a bit. She'd been trying to remove herself from fight mode, from Chief Mack. But all at once, she's back again. It's back down to survival or death.

"I– I– I said I'd protect her..." Jack stammers.

Mack sees his face, how scared and guilty he looks, and pushes down her own nausea. She steps closer. "This is not your fault."

"What happened to her?" Dean asks.

"I don't know," Mary replies. "Doesn't look supernatural."

"Looks like some son of a bitch beat on her until..." Bobby trails off.

"Who would do something like this?"

Mack finally tears her eyes away from the body. Then, suddenly, her stomach drops. A horrible feeling spreads over her, making her dizzy. Her nausea hits her full blast, and she sways on her feet. She nearly stumbles, then–

"Hey," Someone touches her shoulder. She turns and it's Dean, and somehow his voice snaps her out of it. "You alright?" He asks.

She nods, not daring to speak. She spares one last look at the body before leaving with Jack and Mary, while the rest of them take care of the body.

✦ ✦

"WE WERE supposed to be safe here."

The words stick in Mack's mind as they drive to question the boy Maggie snuck out to see. She feels like she's already let her people down. If she can't protect them here, was she ever protecting them at all?

They arrive at the rundown looking store, rushing inside to see Jack holding up the poor employee by his throat. Castiel tries to pull him off, and Jack throws him across the store. Sam shouts, Mack shouts, then Dean draws his gun and shoots him twice in the back. It's already done before Mack can protest, and her mouth hangs open.

Jack drops the employee and turns. "You...you shot me?"

"You shot him?" Mack repeats.

Dean ignores her. "To get your attention. You're acting like a psycho!" Then he turns to Mack, who's glaring like she might punch him. "He's acting like a psycho!"

"You don't shoot people to get their attention!"

"He's fine!"

"Oh, my god."

"He killed Maggie!" Jack shouts.

"Maggie? Maggie's dead?" The employee says in shock.

"Look at him, kid," Mack says. Jack slowly turns. "He didn't kill her."

Jack steps back, crestfallen. "I'm sorry," he mumbles, then he rushes out of the store. Both Castiel and Mack try to follow, but Dean stops them both.

"Just let him go."

The employee starts to question what just happened, but Mack can't focus. That feeling again– it spreads over her, worse this time. Her head pounds and she sways on her feet, nearly collapsing.

"Mack–" Before Dean can yet again ask if she's okay, the lights start to flicker and the ground starts to shake. Mack's ears start ringing, loud enough to be painful. She's nearly overwhelmed by it all– the ringing and the shaking. She can barely hold herself up.

All three of the men start to cover their ears, as if they can now hear the ringing too.

Then Mack hears a loud, booming voice.

I'm here now.

She hears him before she sees him– booming footsteps that she feels she's the only one who hears. Then he walks in, staring into her soul.

He sighs contentedly. "There you are."

She freezes.

Then someone grabs her wrist and drags her from the store. Dean doesn't let her go until they're outside and all the windows shatter, sending them flying. Glass rains over them as Mack roughly falls against the car and Dean goes flying into the street.

"It's not possible," she hears Castiel say.

"Yeah, you tell him that," Sam replies.

She pushes herself to her feet. Michael struts from the store. She feels a pull, then Michael has her by the throat. He squeezes just enough to cut off air flow.

"Now that I've got you, I want it just like old times. Remember that, Kitty?"

Then he yells out and drops her. She stumbles back, falling against the car yet again, watching as Michael fights the flames trying to engulf him. Castiel pulls open the back door and urges her in, climbing in after her. They speed away, and she doesn't look back.

✦ ✦

THEY SPEAK at her all at once.

"Are you okay?"

"What the hell was that?"

"Are you alright?"

All the voices in the car overlap, the questions mostly aimed at her. It's just as overwhelming at the ringing in the store.

"Can everybody shut up for five fucking seconds?" She shouts, and the car falls into dead silence. Only the sound of the engine and the tires under them can be heard. She drops her head into her hands, trying to process.

Her throat hurts, for one. Michaels's somehow gotten to this world, which is bad. Like, Apocalypse 2.0 bad. Of course, he wants to try her out again. She doesn't even know why she's surprised. The scariest part is, she's not even sure how likely she is to say no this time around. She doesn't know if she's as strong as she used to be. That scares her more than anything.

"Mack?" Dean questions.

"Hm?"

"Michael went straight for you. Wanna tell us what the hell that's about?"

She looks up. Both Sam and Dean stare ahead at the road, but she can feel Castiel's eyes on her.

"I'm leading the biggest army out there that's against him. Take a wild guess."

Dean eyes her in the rearview. She has no idea how, but she can tell he knows she's not telling them something.

It shocks her how easily his gaze sways her. She sighs and runs her hands through her hair. "I'm...his vessel. His...sword. Now that he's here I'm sure he wants a do-over."

"How is that possible?" Castiel asks. She looks at him, confused.

"Uh, I mean, angels all have their own perfect vessel. Lucifer had one. I just happen to be Michael's."

"You're the Michael Sword."

"Am I missing something here?"

"Maybe there's more than one," Sam says. "Multiple worlds, right? Multiple Michaels. Maybe there's one for every Michael."

"Have you guys met someone like me before?"

Dean scoffs. He doesn't meet her eyes again. Again, somehow, it clicks.

"It's you."

Dean sighs. "He better not come for my ass when you say no."

Silence fills the car, but it breaks a few seconds later when her phone rings. She grabs it, sees Bobby's name, and answers. "Yeah, Bobby, what's up?"

Mack, we've got a problem.

"Oh, God, what now?"

It's– It's Lucifer. He's here with the kid.

Her entire body lights up at these words. She straightens at the sudden adrenaline rush. "Is he okay? Did Lucifer hurt him?"

"Lucifer?" Castiel questions. She ignores him, despite feeling all eyes on her.

No, no, Jack brought him here.

"What?"

Just get here. I don't know what either of them might have planned. He hangs up.

"Dean, drive faster."

"What is it?"

She sighs, trying to keep herself composed. "Lucifer's at the bunker with Jack."

✦ ✦

WHEN THEY all rush inside the bunker, they're greeted with Bobby, Mary, and Maggie.

"He's gone," Mary says.

The four of them rush down the stairs, trying to keep their heads on.

"How did Michael and Lucifer both get here?" Sam questions. "How did they open a rift?"

"It doesn't matter. We have to find Jack," Mack says. "Michael will kill him if Lucifer doesn't do it first."

"Okay, I'm gonna call Jody, and everybody else," says Dean.

"You're gonna put an APB out on the devil?" Bobby asks.

"Yeah, I am." He leaves the room, and Mack sits at the table across from Mary. She drops her face into her hands.

"Are you okay?" Mary asks her.

"No. Not really." She looks up at the older woman. "Even if we find Lucifer, how are we gonna stop him?"

Mary sighs. "I don't know."

Mack shakes her head, getting to her feet. "I need a drink."

She goes straight to the kitchen, grabbing beer from the fridge. She pops it open and takes a long drink. Then she hoists herself up on the counter, swinging her legs in front of her. She turns her head slightly as she hears footsteps entering behind her. Dean's just getting off the phone. He grabs his own drink from the fridge.

"Jody's keeping an eye out, but nobody has anything."

She nods. "Did Castiel hear anything?"

He shakes his head, leaning against the counter across from her. "Haven't checked yet. Needed a drink first."

She nods again, and they go quiet, drinking in silence.

Dean breaks it first. "So...Michael Sword, huh?"

"Yep."

"And, we don't have to talk about this, but...your sister?"

She nods once more. "Lucifer's."

"That how she died?"

She closes her eyes and takes another drink. Then she opens them and says, "Lucifer hurt so many people while inside her, and I had to watch. Then Michael killed them both, and I couldn't do anything."

She glances at him, and he's already watching her.

"I'm sorry."

"Michael's gonna destroy this world. I know he will. It's all he ever wants."

"We'll stop him. We'll figure something out, okay?"

She looks away, fidgeting with the bottle in her lap. She opens her mouth to say something more, but she's cut off by a loud boom sounding from outside the bunker, making her jump. The lights start flickering.

Mack jumps from the counter and they both abandon their drinks, taking off towards the map room.

"What's happening?" Somebody asks.

She looks up to see the door rattling on its hinges.

"Mom, Bobby, take Maggie, get her out of here. Go through the garage," Sam says.

"We'll buy you some time," Dean says.

"No!"

Bobby grabs her arm, trying to pull Mary into the library. She fights him, refusing to leave her boys.

"Come on," Mack ushers her forward, not leaving her room to protest. She leads them through the bunker, all the way to the garage. Instead of following them through, she pulls the door shut and locks it from the outside. She hears Mary from the other side, banging on the door.

"Mack, no!"

"Get out of here!"

She runs back through the halls, stopping by her room to grab her gun. She hears gunshots echoing from the map room, sending a wave of adrenaline– or maybe panic– coursing through her.

She stops just outside the room, checking her gun to make sure it's loaded. She can hear them fighting– grunting and punches landed and groans of pain. Then she's hears Michael's voice–

"And you–"

Dean cries out.

"–Dean Winchester, will be the first life I take in this world."

This time it's really panic, and she rushes into the room already shooting.

Michael's body jolts as the bullets hit him. He has Dean by the throat. He chokes as Michael holds him even tighter, turning towards her slowly.

"Let him go," she demands. Her voice is loud, but not enough to sway Michael. He simply laughs.

Mack tosses her gun aside after switching the safety on. "You want me? Have me. Just let them go."

He laughs again and tosses Dean aside. "That easy, huh?" He saunters toward her slowly, and she braces herself. "Well, since we're here, why don't we give 'em a show?"

He throws a heavy punch, sending her to the ground. She pushes herself up and Michael kicks her in the face before she gets to her feet.  Blood pours out of her nose as she hits the ground again. Her head pounds and she tries to push herself up again.

Michael grabs her by the hair, pulling her to her knees. Then he starts punching her, over and over and over.

She can barely see by the time he releases her. He throws her across the room with a wave of his hand. She hits the wall and slides to the ground.

"Oh, how I enjoy throwing you around like this. I've missed it, truly."

Dean's suddenly at her side. "Cath, hey–" He's trying to get her up, pulling at her shoulder. She leans against the wall and grabs his arm.

"Dean, you have to go."

"What? No, I'm not–"

She pulls him closer and stares him deep in the eyes. It seems to startle him.

"He won't kill me, but he'll kill you. You have to go."

His eyes scan over her face, over the blood and the bruises, before meeting her eyes again. She tightens her grip on his arm, pleading with him.

"Dean, please."

Sam comes from behind, trying to pull him away, "Dean, let's go!"

Suddenly he's yanked away from her, flying into the wall. Michael holds him and Sam there. "No, Dean, don't go. I want you to watch, and then I'll kill you."

He throws another punch, and this time she doesn't bother trying to pick herself up. He kicks her hard in the abdomen, and she cries out in pain.

She can hear Dean struggling to break free.

Michael gets to his knees in front of her, leaning in close. "I can feel you breaking, Kitty. You've gotten so easy to play with."

He pulls her up and pins her to the wall by her throat. She claws at his hands, and he laughs in her face.

"I can't wait to see your face as I kill them slowly."

Panic rushes through her as spots start to dance around her vision. She fights unconsciousness, but she's losing.

All at once, air floods her lungs and she slides to the floor when Michael's pulled away from her. She gasps for air and coughs, trying to see straight.

Dean's at her side again. "Hey, hey–" He grabs her shoulder, trying to catch her gaze.

Her vision finally clears, and she focuses on him.

"You good?"

She nods, looking over his shoulder to see Jack. Then she hears a gust of wind, and Lucifer appears behind him. He says something she can't make out.

"Hey, you with me?" Dean says, waving a hand in front of her face.

"Yeah, yeah, 'm fine." She pushes his hand off her shoulder and shakily pushes herself to her feet.

Jack steps forward. He makes a fist, and Michael starts groaning in pain. It quickly escalates to screaming, until he cries out, "Lucifer, we– we had a deal!"

Jack stops, and turns slowly to Lucifer. "What does he mean?"

"They had a deal," Dean says. Jack's gaze turns to him. "Lucifer gets you, Michael gets everything else. He's gonna nuke our world, Jack." He glances at Mack. "Just like he did to hers."

Jack turns back to Lucifer. "Is that true?"

"No, it's not."

"Is that why you wanted us to leave?"

"Leave?" Mack repeats.

His voice saddens. "He said– he said we'd go to the stars."

"Okay, hold– hold on a second," says Lucifer. "Let's slow down, cause I'm not currently the bad guy here."

"Yeah, tell that to Maggie," Sam says.

"What about Maggie?"

"She said she saw the eyes of the person who killed her– the glowing, red eyes."

Of course. Mack's not even surprised.

Lucifer tries to deflect, and Jack's not having it. He waves his hand and Lucifer's eyes glow yellow. He goes on a monotone rant about Maggie's death.

Jack has tears in his eyes by the time he's done. Mack wants to pull him away and run, but she holds herself back.

"You're not my father," he says. "You're a monster."

"Come on, man! You know, I tried with you. I really tried," Lucifer says, pointing an accusing finger at Jack.

"Everything you told me was a lie."

"Because I told you what you wanted to hear! So what, I killed the girl, big deal! She's a human, she doesn't matter!"

"So am I!"

"Yeah. That's your problem, you're too much like your mother. And, you know what? I don't need that. I don't need you. I really just need your power."

A blade slips from his sleeve and he cuts Jack's neck.

"Jack!" Mack jumps forward before Dean can stop her. Everything happens in a flash, light surrounds her and suddenly she's falling.

She lands hard on her back. It winds her in her already weak state, but she pushes herself up regardless.

"Oh, come on. Seriously?" Lucifer rolls his eyes. He tosses Jack to the ground. "Do you ever quit?"

She's seeing red. Seeing Jack unconscious on the ground has her angry enough to rip his throat out. Devil or not, she'll kill him.

"I'll kill you. I swear to God–"

This time, he laughs. He waves his hand and she goes flying.

"I've had a blast watching you play mother to my son, but I'm over it now. It's old."

He strides over and punches her once, then drags her up and takes her by the throat. She gasps for air as he chokes her.

She hears Jack shout from behind them, and Lucifer drops her. She pushes herself up on her elbows, trying to catch her breath. She watches Lucifer punch Jack repeatedly.

She scans the room around her. There's a broken bench behind her. She crawls over, grabbing a broken leg. Then she drags herself to her feet and runs at Lucifer, hitting him over the back. The leg snaps in half, barely phasing him. He spins around and punches her.

He laughs. "Good try. Chief Mack, to the rescue. You know, you were a shit leader, and you're a shit mom."

"Fuck you," she spits. She pushes herself to her feet. Jack does the same. Blood litters his face, sending a wave of concern through her.

"You know, your little Jack, here, he's killed people. He's got lots of blood on his hands."

"Fuck you," she repeats.

He laughs again. "You're hysterical, really. Here's how this is gonna go:" His blade slips from his sleeve and he drops it on the ground between them. "Now, I could just kill you both, but I'm feeling generous today. So, one of you is gonna walk out that door, and the other will be dead on the floor. Your choice."

"No."

"Or you could do that, and I'll murder you both and end all life in the universe."

"Mack..." Jack says. He bends down slowly and picks up the blade.

"Jack, no."

He points the tip at his own chest.

"Jack, no."

She closes the gap between them and grabs his wrists. She tries to take the blade from him, but he won't budge.

"He took my power. I'm useless."

"No, you're not. Don't say that."

"Let me go."

"Kill me. If it means he'll let you live, then kill me."

"No! I can't–"

"Yes, you can." She stops trying to take the blade from him and simply covers his hands with her own. "You have your family to go back to. You can beat him– you can beat them both if you just figure it out. Kill me so you have a chance."

"Wow, how touching," Lucifer mocks.

She ignores him. Jack shakes his head, tears filling his eyes.

She smiles at him, dropping her voice to a whisper. "It's okay."

Suddenly she's blinded by a bright light. When it dims enough for her to see, she looks and sees Dean, standing with an archangel blade, and Michaels' wings.

Oh, no.

"Oh, shit, Dean," she mumbles.

Lucifer steps out. "You let my brother in."

Fuck.

"Well, turns out he and I have something in common. We both wanna gut your ass."

"Damn it." She grabs Jack by the arm and pulls him to the end of the room. They crouch behind the pulpit, and she immediately starts examining his injuries. He has a split lip and his face is covered in blood.

"I wouldn't kill you. I couldn't," he says.

"I know. I know, it's okay." She squeezes his shoulder comfortingly.

She hears a crash, and she peeks over the edge of the pulpit. Lucifer was thrown into the already broken bench. She ducks back down. She knows this won't end well. If they stick around, they probably won't live to see the victor.

Despite that, she can't bring herself to leave. Dean is out there fighting, and she doesn't want to leave him.

She jumps when she feels a hand on her back. She turns and it's Sam.

"Are you guys okay?"

"We– we're fine. Sam, what the hell?"

"I– I know. I tried, but I couldn't stop him. Not with both of you here."

She looks at the fight again. It's escalating quickly. Too quick. They need to get out, now. Her gaze meets Sam, and she's knows he's having the same fight she is. They share their look, communicating the same message.

They need to go, but neither wants to leave Dean.

She looks at Jack, and he seems to be on the verge of passing out. She looks up again, and things are starting to catch on fire. It's now or never. She pushes down whatever it is that she's feeling, because they need to get Jack out.

"Okay. We have to go, now. Let's go."

"Mack..."

"Sam." She tries to communicate with her eyes. Somehow, he understands.

"Okay. All right, let's go."

They each sling Jack's arms over their shoulders and they run, dodging burnt debris falling out of the air. They make it outside and quickly climb into the Impala. Mack helps Jack into the backseat, climbing in after him. Soon enough they're speeding away.

They hear a loud boom, and she spins around. The church exploded.

Her heart drops. Sam slams on the breaks and the car lurches to a stop. She looks at Jack, who's slumped against the door, watching her. She looks back to the church. She can't stop herself from shoving the door open and jumping out of the car.

"Mack–!"

She takes off towards the church. The fire's already dying down. Ash flies around, invading her lungs as she gets closer. She slows and stops outside the church.

"Dean?"

She debates going inside. It's probably not smart.

"Catherine," she hears behind her. She turns, and Dean stands there virtually unscathed. She sighs in relief, moving closer. She nearly hugs him, but stops herself.

"Are you okay?"

"Lucifer's dead."

The longer she looks at him, the less it looks like Dean. The line between him and Michael is quickly blurring, and it worries her. But it's Dean's voice. She knows that.

He closes the gap between them, lifting a hand. He presses two fingers to her forehead, and her wounds disappear all at once. He doesn't back away, holding her gaze. She stares up at him. He's starting to look like he's in pain, which worries her even more.

"What was that?"

"I– I needed to see you." His voice is strained. "Don't look for him."

Then he's gone.

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author's note !!

it's like midnight but i'm publishing this anyway cause i've been working on it for a while and i just wanted to get it out lol

anyways, i hope you enjoyed this chapter!!

please leave votes and comments if you're enjoying <3

thanks for reading!!

-skye