i don't wanna ruin the moment
lovely to sit between comfort and chaos

ceilings, lizzy mcalpine

chapter eight

✦  ✦  ✦  ✦
━━━━━

MACK HAS learned more about Dean Winchester in the past two weeks than she has in the months she's known him. He likes old music and cowboy movies and cheesy shows about doctors. He likes driving and everything about cars, especially his own car. He's nothing like how she thought he was, he's so much better.

They hang out often. Usually in his room, or they go on drives. They've worked a case or two together, one including Dean fighting his own personal horror movie icon. (Ghost possession, but Dean pretends it wasn't.)

Most of the time he'll talk and she'll listen. She's learned so much about his past and how he became who he is. She's almost surprised about some of the things he's told her, not because they're bad, but because she wasn't expecting him to open up so soon.

Especially to her. She never imagined she'd be the type of person people open up to, considering her own traumas. It makes her feel good. It means he trusts her, but there's a small part of her that's scared. A small part that wants to run before he falls victim to her curse.

And the worst part is, she's given him nothing back. It's not that she doesn't trust him. She trusts him more than she trusts herself, but opening up is just one step closer. One step closer to a real connection, and she's terrified it's going to get him hurt.

He doesn't push, but she can almost feel the longing. He wants to know her, and god knows she wishes she could let him.

She doesn't realize she's fallen asleep until she wakes to her phone going off. She reaches over to check it before shutting it off. Dean's sitting upright on the bed with his laptop in his lap.

"Morning, sunshine," he says without really looking at her.

"When did I fall asleep?" she asks, checking the time and sitting up.

"Couple hours ago."

"Y'know, you're allowed to kick me out, right?"

He shrugs. "I don't mind you hanging out here. Plus, it seems like you needed the rest."

Her phone goes off again.

"What is that? It keeps going off."

"Uh, hunter check-ins. There's like twenty people out on cases right now."

"Hunter check-ins?"

She shrugs. "It was Sam's idea."

He nods, like that explains everything. She yawns and rubs her eyes, and suddenly realizes she hasn't had a nightmare since that night. Then she realizes it's because she keeps accidentally falling asleep in Dean's room.

Her phone goes off once again. "Oh, shit," she mumbles once she checks it.

Dean immediately perks up. "What?"

"A hunter missed check-in."

He closes his laptop. "Who?"

She sighs. "Maggie."

He follows her as she leaves the room, looking for Sam. Someone tells her he's in the library. They find him at a table with his laptop out.

"Hey."

He barely glances at her. "You saw?"

"Yeah. I'll try calling her." Mack dials Maggie, but to no surprise, it goes straight to voicemail.

"You got them wearing body cams?" Dean asks, once he sees what Sam's checking.

"Yeah. Mack's idea."

"She's not answering," Macks says after trying again. She leans over Sam's chair to see the footage. "Anything on there?"

"Not sure yet."

"That's a good idea," Dean says, mostly to himself.

"Well, I figured better safe than sorry, right? In case something like this happens, we have a place to start." Mack says.

Sam fast forwards a bit, right until they catch something jumping Maggie, and the video stops after she screams. He plays it back and pauses on the right frame. Mack pushes down her fear in order to focus on finding her.

"The ghoul?" Dean questions.

"Dean, if she's hurt, or dead–" Sam starts.

"We don't know that, okay? We don't know anything yet." She knows it's meant for Sam, but Dean's words make her feel at least a little bit better.

Mack closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to remember what she knows. "Okay, look. Ghouls are nasty, but they don't feed on the living. There's a chance she's still alive."

"But why attack her?"

"Good question. Why don't we go find out?"

Sam sighs and shuts his laptop.

"Have you gotten any rest lately? Like, at all?" Dean asks. Mack hasn't missed Sam's visible exhaustion.

"Dean, Maggie could be dead. I think we have bigger problems. I'm fine."

He leaves the table, shoving the chair out with a little extra force than necessary. Dean and Mack share a look before following after him.

✦ ✦

MAGGIE'S LEAD takes them to a private cemetery in Claremore, Oklahoma.

"Some kids said they were studying when, and I quote, 'a Walker tried to end them.'" Sam says as they venture further inside.

"A Walker?" Mack questions.

"It's their name for zombies in 'The Walking Dead,'" Sam answers, only making Mack more confused.

"It's a TV show," Dean adds, noticing her confusion.

"Oh."

"Studying, huh?" Dean says, kicking a crushed beer can out of the way.

Mack goes up to the door of the crypt, shining her flashlight through the gaps. It doesn't take much pressure for it to open, and the three of them go down the stairs.

"Hey, check it out," Dean says, shining his light on the ground.

"Drag marks..." Sam says.

"No blood. Good sign," says Mack.

"Ghouls don't take prisoners."

"Okay, say that she surprised it, it attacked, and then took her somewhere to feed for later, right?" Dean says. "I mean, it couldn't have gone far. Maybe it didn't finish the job."

"Hello? Who's down there?" A new voice shouts from the top of the stairs. The three of them go back up.

"Can I help you?" The man demands.

"Yeah, I'm Mr. Harrison, this is Mr. Byrne–" Sam hesitates for just a second when his eyes land on Mack, but he recovers just as quickly. "–and Mrs. Byrne. We're with the Historic Preservation Society."

Mack clears her throat as Dean gives her a questioning look. She shrugs in response and he gently shakes his head.

"This is private property."

"Sure. Uh, the city sent us. They're gonna make the whole place a historic site."

Mack nods with a smile as the man looks between the three of them, unsure.

"We just need to take a look around, survey the ground, and then the home," Dean says. "If we could just speak with the owner?"

The man still looks unsure, but says, "Follow me."

The three of them follow after him.

"Mrs. Byrne?" Mack questions as soon as the man is out of earshot.

"Sorry, I panicked. It was the first thing that popped into my head," Sam replies.

A laugh escapes her mouth as she shakes her head. "Ridiculous."

"Hey, does the thought of being married to me offend you that much?" Dean protests sarcastically.

"Oh, well, when you put it that way..."

"Hey, guys, it's not a big deal. It's just one case," Sam says.

Mack rolls her eyes. "Fine, but I'll have both of you know I'm not Mrs. anybody, I'm my own damn woman."

Dean chuckles. "Yes, ma'am."

✦ ✦

"I KNEW it. I always said this place has historical significance," says the man who greets them.

"So much significance," replies Sam.

"Thought so." He steps aside to let them in. "The thing is...how many of you does this take?" He asks as they follow him down the hall. "I mean, two of you seems like enough."

"Two?" Mack repeats.

"Your colleagues? They got here right before you did, said they were from the H.P.S. too."

They don't get a chance to question again as they enter another room to be faced with Mary and Bobby sitting in armchairs.

"You gotta be kidding me," Dean mutters.

They both stand as Bobby asks, "What are you doing here?"

"Oh no, was there a mix up?" The man– Neil– asks.

"No, no, we're all good. We just wish you'd checked in with the main office before you came all the way out here," Sam says, attempting to be subtle.

"Well, we don't need permission to look at houses. Especially when the main office is run by a bunch of idjits."

Mack can tell something is bothering Bobby, obviously deeper than being annoyed with them hijacking their case.

"I really hope this won't affect our chances of being preserved," Neil says.

Mary puts on a smile and says, "Could you just give us a minute?"

Neil nods, and she pulls Sam out of the room with her.

"So, uh, Neil. How long has the house been in your family?" Dean asks.

"Oh, no. I can see why you'd think that, and I'm flattered, but I'm not the owner. That'd be Mr. Rawling. I'm his nurse."

"Right. Can we speak to Mr. Rawling?" Mack asks.

"Uh, well, I can surely take you to him. Follow me?" She nods, and he beckons her forward. "Ladies first." His hand brushes her shoulder as she passes.

He leads them into another room, where there's a hospital bed with a man in it, hooked up to various machines. It doesn't take Mack long to recognize him. She moves closer to Dean, until their shoulders brush.

"Are you seeing what I'm seeing?"

"Yup." He raises his voice to call Sam in. "Mr. Harrison, a word?"

Sam comes in a few seconds later. He quickly comes to the same realization. "That's the guy from the video." He keeps his voice low in order to not alert the nurse.

"So if he's here, where's Maggie?" says Dean.

"Groundskeeper found him like this," Neil says. "He had a stroke. I'm doing my best to keep him comfortable, but–"

"Neil, give me a hand!" A voice shouts from the other side of the house.

"In here!" He answers. "Sasha– Mr. Rawling's daughter."

She walks in carrying a large bag of groceries.

"Sasha, they're from the National Historic Preservation society. Isn't that exciting?"

"What?"

Dean and Mack take her back into the other room to explain everything to her, while Sam, Bobby and Mary stay with Neil.

"This house? You're sure?"

"Yeah, she's got good bones," Dean replies.

"It is quite a beautiful house," says Mack.

Sasha scoffs. "If you say so."

"How long has your father lived here?" Dean asks.

"Full time? I don't really know."

"You don't know?"

"Look, I just came down here to get everything in order before he– well, before he dies. It's just– it's been a really long week."

"Of course. We'll just take a minute, and then we'll head out," Mack says.

"You know what? I can't. I'm sorry, not today. You're gonna have to leave," Sasha says as she stands.

"We understand. If you change your mind, give me a call, alright?" Mack hands her a card and nods for Dean to follow her.

✦ ✦

"WELL, IT ain't a ghoul," Bobby says as they gather around the Impala. "I checked the guy out pretty good, no bite marks."

"Maybe we're looking at a shifter," says Mary.

"I don't know, shifters don't usually hang out in graveyards," Dean counters.

"Maybe he was possessed, demon took his body for a joyride?" Sam tries.

"Yeah, and then what? Demon tucks him back in like it's returning a library book? Even then, I spritzed him with holy water when the nurse's back was turned. This case obviously ain't a milk run."

"Hey, Bobby, if you have something to say, say it. We're all grown-ups here," says Mack. Bobby eyes her, having not heard that tone from her in a while. It's been a while since she's needed to use it.

"Fine. Sam let Maggie come out here when she had no idea what she was walking into. She wasn't ready."

"When is anybody ever ready?"

"You are or you ain't. A real leader would've seen that a mile away."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Mack circles around the car and moves towards Bobby.

"And where have you been, huh? Seems like any loyalty towards us disappeared at first glance of the pretty boys over here."

She tries to pretend that doesn't sting. "In case you didn't notice, I was kidnapped and tortured for actual weeks."

"Yeah, and you've been back just as long. What have you done since then besides hide out with your boyfriend? The people never stopped needing you."

"Yeah, you know what? You're right. But Sam stepped up. He's been there when I haven't, and he at least deserves your respect for that, don't you think?"

"Yeah, right. Maybe when he does something respectable."

She's never fought with Bobby like this before. He's never done so much as made her mad, so this is all new territory.

"Why don't you back off? We're not at war anymore, you can take it down a few notches."

"You keep telling yourself that, Chief. We are as long as Michael's still out there."

"Okay, enough," Mary says. "Look, we all want the same thing. We have a job to do, so let's do it."

"Fine." She turns away from Bobby. "You two with me," She gestures to Sam and Mary. "You go with him." She gestures for Dean to go with Bobby. He nods as she takes off into the woods without checking to see if they followed.

❪ ☆ ❫

SAM AND Mary still trail behind Mack. She can hear them talking, but she can't quite make out what they say. Frankly, she doesn't care.

She's trying not to let what Bobby said get to her. He's right, she knows he's right. She's neglected her responsibilities as a leader, even if she didn't mean to. If anyone called her, she'd answer. Of course she would.

But she hasn't failed to notice everyone going to Sam instead of her. Maybe they think she needs a break. Or, maybe they just don't think she's leader material anymore.

Whatever it is, she's damn grateful for Sam.

"Hey, Mack?" She hears Sam's heavy footsteps speeding up to catch her. She doesn't slow when he comes up next to her. "Listen, uh, about what Bobby said–"

She waves a hand. "You don't have to say anything. He's sort of right. Just not about you."

He chuckles half-heartedly. "I'm not so sure about that."

"Sam, you've been so great these last couple weeks. I mean, the people trust you. You're a good teacher and an even better leader. Even if you can't see it."

"Well, apparently, you are not the only one who thinks so." He looks back for a second at Mary still trailing behind them.

She grins softly as a thought pops into her head. "You know, you remind me a lot of my sister."

He seems shocked at her statement. "You have a sister?"

"Yeah, my baby sister, Cristina. About four years younger. She was...the kindest person you'll ever meet. You're a lot like her. Compassionate, selfless, putting everyone before you. Bad at taking care of yourself."

He laughs at the last part. "Well, if it's any consolation, you're a lot like Dean."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Stubborn, badass, pissed off easily. Likes cars."

She laughs as well. "But seriously, Sam, you have to stop pushing yourself to exhaustion. You have to rest sometimes."

"God, now you really sound like Dean."

She lightly shoves his arm. "Shut up."

"Hey, guys?" Mary calls. They both stop and turn, and she's crouching near the ground. They both go over to see what she's looking at.

It looks like a small fire that was put out not too long ago. Mary spots something and reaches for it. There's a few of them, slightly melted plastic cards.

"FBI, DEA, Forest Service..." she lists.

Mary hands Mack the cards and she looks closer at them.

"Looks like a hunter's wallet," says Sam.

"Another hunter."

"I don't recognize him. He's definitely not one of ours," Mack says.

"We should get back and tell the others," says Mary.

✦ ✦

WHEN THEY return to the house, Sasha is sitting looking extremely shaken with Neil comforting her. Sam immediately starts to ask what happened.

"A thing chased me down the hall," she says.

"What kind of thing?" Mary questions.

"It– it looked like a vampire." She shakes her head almost in disbelief. "Oh, I'm crazy. That sounded crazy."

Sam and Mack exchange a look.

"You're not crazy," he says.

She looks at them as if she's actually seeing them for the first time that night. "I'm sorry, what are you doing in my house?"

And then they sit her down to give her "the talk." She seems to take it...well, Mack's seen worse. Although it's been a while for her, considering most people tend to just shut up and listen when they're being massacred by angels.

"You hunt monsters?" She says.

"What about the historic society?" Neil asks.

"You're not gonna believe what I found in the shed," they hear Dean say as he walks in the room.

Sasha repeats herself, this time more as an exclamation rather than a question.

"Oh, good, you gave her the talk."

"What did you find?" Mack asks.

"Dead guy," he says casually.

"Oh. Well, not that outlandish."

"What?"

"You said we won't believe it."

He rolls his eyes. "It was a figure of speech."

"Mm-hmm, okay." She reaches into her pocket and pulls out one of the melted IDs. "Any chance it was him?"

He moves closer to see the card. "Yeah, actually, that's him."

"Great. Whatever this thing is, it's after hunters."

Dean doesn't move away after she pockets the card.

"Where's Bobby?" Mary suddenly asks.

"Said he had to get something out of the truck," Dean replies.

She quickly starts to leave. "I'll go check."

Mack sees something out of the corner of her eye. She must've imagined it, because it's not there when she looks. But she could've sworn she saw Dean's eyes flash blue. Just for a second.

"What?" She shakes off her wide-eyed stare when he notices.

"Uh, nothing."

Sasha stands, seemingly finally processed. "Time-out. There's a dead body on our property?"

"Yeah, that's not all," Dean says. "A wormy clone of her dad tried to kill me. It was the same thing that attacked Maggie in the video."

"Wh– who's Maggie?"

"But my dad is right there."

"This makes no sense," Sam says.

"What about the thing I saw?" Sasha asks.

"Right. A vampire chased her down the hall," Sam explains to Dean.

"Okay, you're right, no sense."

"What kind of vampire lets its prey just walk away? This is just...all kinds of weird," Mack says.

"Oh, and, the thing I killed, it died weird," says Dean.

Sam sighs. "Okay, you know what? This is a stretch, but go with me here. What if what we're dealing with, what if they aren't monsters at all?"

"Oh, thank god," Neil comments.

"What do you mean?" Mack questions.

"Maybe they're some kind of manifestation."

"Like from a witch?"

"Or a psychic," Dean adds.

"Remember, uh, the guy in the old folks home, he could make things go 'Looney Tunes?'"

"No."

They all ignore her comment. "Yeah, Fred Jones, right? Dad's buddy."

"He was psychokinetic. He could reshape reality."

"Reshape reality? That's not possible," says Neil. Mack would be lying if she said she wasn't getting annoyed by his commentary.

"Pal, you have no idea what's possible." It's like Dean took the words straight from her mouth. He turns back to Sam. "Fred Jones was damn near catatonic, he had no idea what he was doing."

"Maybe he doesn't either."

"You think my dad's doing this?"

"Has your dad ever shown any signs of–"

"What, psychic powers? There's no– no. Unless we're talking a textbook workaholic with toxic narcissistic tendencies then yeah, sure, maybe, but a psychic? No way."

"Why would he manifest a vampire to scare his own daughter?"

Mack shakes her head. "It's not adding up."

"Sasha, what exactly were you doing when you went upstairs?" Sam asks.

She sighs. "I thought I heard rats or something in the attic so I went up to look, but I–"

"But you got scared, so you didn't go."

She nods.

"Alright, I'll go," Sam says. "You two stay with them."

✦ ✦

DEAN AND Mack each take up an arm of one of the large chairs. Her thoughts won't stop racing. It just doesn't make sense. Nothing about this case does.

Dean starts sharpening his machete. To occupy his hands if nothing else. Sasha's at her drink cart. The sound of scraping metal is oddly soothing to Mack, but Sasha obviously doesn't feel the same.

"Could you not–" She cuts herself off. "You know what? Never mind."

Dean and Mack share a look.

"You alright?" He asks.

"Well, my father's dying, and there's a strange man sharpening a machete to presumably kill monsters with in my living room. Thank god for benzos." She moves to sit on the couch. "I never should've come back here. Thanks, dad."

"No love lost between you two, huh?" She shrugs and takes a drink. "Look, I get it."

"No offense, but I'm not really up for a heart-to-heart."

Mack suppresses a grin at her bluntness. Dean nods and the room falls back into silence. Mack pulls her legs up and hugs her knees.

"My dad wasn't the best person," Sasha says after a few awkward minutes in silence. "He was gone all the time, working. For us, he said, but..." She shakes her head. "My mom...he knew depression runs in her family. He wasn't there so I was the one who found her. I was twelve."

A memory flashes through her mind, one she'd long forgotten. She doesn't really think about her parents much. She barely remembers them, let alone most of her childhood. But she remembers how they died, and she remembers finding them.

The two of them continue talking as she continues thinking. It quickly becomes a lot.

She slips off the armchair. "You mind?" She asks Sasha, pointing at the drink cart.

She shrugs. "Help yourself. It's all his."

She goes over and pours herself a glass of whiskey. She closes her eyes as she raises the glass to her mouth.

She doesn't hear what Sasha says next, only Dean's reply.

"Can I give you a little advice?" Silence gives him confirmation. "Let it go. The past is...there's nothing you can do about it now, so...it's just baggage. Let it go, you'll feel a lot lighter."

She opens her eyes. She knows it wasn't meant for her, but she takes it anyway. She takes a deep breath, straightens her shoulders, and downs the rest of her glass.

✦ ✦

DEAN DOESN'T miss the way Mack checks out when Sasha starts talking about her father. It's almost like looking in a mirror, just years ago. If circumstances were different, he'd ask her about it, but they don't exactly have time right now.

When they go back to check on Sasha's father, he immediately notices something's off. Neil is stiff and there's blood bags that weren't there before. Then suddenly it clicks.

"You're giving him a transfusion?" he asks.

Neil hesitates. "Oh, uh...keeps his iron up."

Dean glances at Mack. She's seemed to realize as well. He nods for her to get Sasha out of there.

She clears her throat. "Sasha, can I speak to you outside?"

"Uh...sure." She glances between them, confused, but follows Mack anyway.

He backs up and draws his gun.

"What are you doing?" Neil says, backing away from the bed slightly.

"It didn't hit me at first, but then I remembered. I've seen that rig before, a long time ago. When I was hooked up to it. You're not giving him blood, you're taking it."

Neil grins as his eyes glow blue, and the telltale Djinn markings grow onto his face. "But you knew that already, didn't you?"

"Why are you going after hunters?"

"Because you told me to."

"What?"

"Is this still part of the game?"

"What game?"

"The test. I was confused as to why you brought her here, although it makes sense. You know, the ploy, to get her to give in. It's smart."

His chest tightens when he realizes.

"You think I'm Michael."

Neil furrows his brows in confusion. "You're not?"

"No. Not anymore."

He sighs and slowly moves forward. "I guess that makes sense, too. I thought you– he, was testing me. Making sure I'm keeping up my end of the bargain.

Dean moves back as he gets closer. "Stop! What bargain?"

"Find somewhere quiet, set up shop, kill as many hunters as I can."

"In return, what, he'd juice you up? Give you an upgrade?"

He grins a sickly grin that makes Dean nauseous. "Djinn powers are all so...limiting. Keeping people trapped in their minds. But now, one touch, I see nightmares and I make them real. I can bring them into the world and make them do whatever I want, because of him. Because of you."

He turns to Mr. Rawling. "For example, Mr. Rawling here. His worst fear is dying in this house, unmourned, unloved. Rotting away in the family crypt alone with his own regret. Your little hunter friend? Hers were much more interesting. It's a shame what those vampires did to her family."

Dean wants to bash his face in. "Shut up."

"Oh, and, your girlfriend? I think you'll be very interested in knowing what she sees." He starts to move closer again, and Dean backs away.

"I said shut up."

His grin grows wider. "She sees you, Dean. Standing over her while she's strapped to that chair, cutting into her over and over again."

Every muscle in his body tenses. With anger, as well as guilt. "Don't make me say it again."

Neil tilts his head. "We both know that won't hurt me, and I doubt you have a knife dipped in lamb's blood."

"Maybe not, but it'll slow you down."

He fires at Neil's leg and he cries out in pain. Then he recovers just as quickly, lunging at Dean. He doesn't have time to get out of the way before Neil shoves him against the desk, knocking his gun from his hands.

"Don't worry, I won't let anything happen to Michael's Plan B. But I am curious...what are your nightmares?"

He presses a hand to Dean's forehead and he sees a flash of light, then nothing. And it's over just as quickly, with Neil backing away in shock. Dean doesn't hesitate sock him in the face, then slam his head into the desk. And he punches him over and over until his face is bleeding and he's on the ground.

"Maybe I don't have a blade dipped in lamb's blood–"

"Dean!" Mack comes barreling in, her forehead bleeding with a bloodied knife in her hand.

"Or maybe I do." He grabs Neil by the front of his shirt and drags him to his feet, shoving him in Mack's direction. She moves perfectly in sync, shoving the knife into his back.

Neil gasps out, breath croaking. His eyes fall to Dean. "You–" He struggles to get the words out. "You think I'm the only one? H–he made dozens of us."

Mack pushes the knife impossibly harder, twisting it for good measure. Neil goes limp against her. Dean lets him go and she pushes him off.

"Are you okay?" He asks immediately, referring to her bleeding head.

"Fine. You?"

"You're bleeding."

"So are you."

He looks down at his hand, not realizing his knuckles had split open. It shakes slightly and he clenches his fist to stop it. He meets her gaze again, finally noticing how shaken she is. Neil must've made her see something...he just prays he wasn't telling the truth about what.

He doesn't press despite how much he wants to. "Come on, let's go find Sam."

✦ ✦

"YOU'RE GONNA break your hand one of these days," Mack says as she wraps Dean's hand with gauze. He only agreed as long as she let him patch up her head first.

"Says the one with the concussion."

"Yeah, shut up."

"How'd that even happen, anyway?"

She gives a side shrug as she tapes off the bandage. "Y'know. Same old shit. I just can't help getting thrown into walls every other day." She avoids his gaze as she stands to discard their garbage in the trash can in the corner of Dean's room.

Neither of them cared to explain themselves as they both immediately strayed to his room without question. Neither of them really cared what anyone else had to think, at least for now.

She takes the beers Dean had grabbed on the way in, and hands him one and she sits back down.

"Should you even be drinking?"

She shrugs as she takes a long sip. "Probably not, but oh well."

A small laugh escapes his lips as he shakes his head. He holds his bottle up as if to toast. "At least we all made it home in one piece. Even Maggie. Sam says she can't wait to get back to the job."

She grins and clinks her bottle to his. "Sounds like her." They both take a drink. falling into a comfortable silence. Mack sets her bottle on the floor and lays flat on her back. Dean stays sitting up.

"Can I ask you something?" He says, turning to face her.

She worries, just for a second, that he'll ask about what she might've seen. "Go for it."

"It's just, I noticed you kinda checked out when Sasha was talking about her dad. And, you don't have to talk about it, but, y'know. You can. I'm no stranger to parental baggage."

She grins and stares at the ceiling for a few seconds, before sighing. "Honestly, I don't remember that much about my parents, or my childhood. Big surprise there."

She sits back up and takes a long drink. She doesn't quite meet his eyes as she continues. "Um, I just remember they'd fight all the time. I'd take Cristina on walks so she didn't have to hear it. The rest is kind of...I don't know. Hazy? It's hard to explain."

She lays back again, keeping the beer in her hands. She stares at the ceiling as she continues. Dean doesn't take his eyes off her as he listens intently.

"I know my mom loved my dad a lot, and he was never really around. I was fourteen when they died. Vampire, of course. What else, right? Cristina was ten. It's kind of weird. It's like...everything just snapped into focus when I–" She catches herself, clearing her throat. "When they died."

"I'm sorry."

She sighs, pushing herself up onto her elbows. "Can I ask you a question now?"

His grin regrows as he lifts the bottle to his mouth once again. "Go for it."

"Why did you stop calling me Catherine?"

He freezes for a second as his grin faces.

"I mean, it's not a big deal or anything. I'm just wondering."

He fidgets with the bottle in his lap. Now it's his turn to avoid her gaze. "You want the truth?"

"That's ideal."

He sighs. "I thought you wouldn't want to hear it. Because of the way Michael used it. It's like he was using it against you. I don't..." He shakes his head. "I don't know. I don't want to make you feel like that."

"It's different when it comes from you." It slips out quicker than she intended.

Then he looks at her. "Really?"

No going back now. "Yeah. I get what you mean, but...I don't know. It's different when you say it. Plus, you're the only one who calls me it."

"Does anyone even know your real name?"

"I'm sure people know. I'm not exactly trying to hide it. It's just a thing, y'know, the nickname and all."

"Right."

Her drink drains quicker than she wanted as she takes the last drink. She stands from the bed and faces Dean.

"And, as I will never stop saying, you are nothing like him, and you never will be. Got that?"

He tries to hide his smile by looking down. "Yes ma'am."

"I've decided I'm going to give you a night of peace in your own room, so I'll be taking my leave now." She gives an exaggerated bow and moves towards the door. "Good night, Winchester."

"Good night, Catherine." 

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author's note !!

this chapter ran me over with a car and spit on my grave

just kidding el oh el but this chapter took so long for me to write and i have no idea why lmaooo but its here yay

also i wasn't  originally gonna skip mint condition this  chapter was supposed to be that episode  but for some reason the chapter wasn't chaptering lol idk man it just wasn't working out so i had to move on 

( me vs struggling with wondering if my characterization is in character or not every chapter even for my own oc which i created )

ok anyways moving on. i hope u guys enjoyed and thank u for being patient with me with  these sporadic updates <3 no promises that i'll update more often but i will try 

as always leave votes and comments if you're enjoying <3

thanks for reading!

-skye