I didn't wanted to go back home with nothing in my hands than building some trouble. The door was near. I was close..., pretty close. And still the security guard was a second behind me. With pulling down the knob, I tried to stop myself from running. The second I was able to examine the room, the security guard took me by my wrist and pulled me outside the room.

'He wasn't there... Why didn't I just called him? Gosh all this trouble for nothing!' hundreds of imaginary face palm's were taking all the strength I had a few seconds ago. I don't feel ashamed. Never. It's just-,  that voice an hour ago, for just calling him popped up again and was giving me the feeling, that I had just acted like a lost child. But I shouldn't feel like this. I should stop it immediately! Why should I feel this dumb?! I did all of this for a reason. I'm proud for turning my thoughts into actions! Looking over to the reception, I saw the two of them smiling and laughing together.

"What's going on here?!"

Silence. Both of the receptionist's lost their smile and looked immediately down. Even the security guard stopped at mid place. Since his body frame covered me, it was clear that he was not seeing me. None of us four still didn't moved an inch. The silence was slowly eating the all of us into pieces. Since I couldn't held that silence anymore, I wanted to speak up, but one of the receptionists was faster in doing that than me.

"J-Just s-some girl who caused trouble" Just some girl... I'm not just someone!

Silence.

"Let her go and step to the side" the familiar cold voice demanded the security to do so. Without further do the security did as he was told and stepped to the side. Now there was me standing with my back to him, not turning around. My heartbeat was beating heavily and my hands started to sweat like crazy. This wasn't actually the way I wanted this day to end. It should've been me who should've confronted him in any way possible.

Fast footsteps approached me and held me by my wrist, pulling me with him to the room, I just had barged inside. The receptionist's and the security guard watched us confused walking into his office. Before I was able to say anything, Dwayne closed the door behind me and faced me expressionless.

"For what all this trouble for? You could've called me too" I could've.

Silence.

Slowly, but surely guilt built inside of me and I still didn't said anything. Dwayne walked past me and sat on his chair. I just stood there. Where had all my strength just gone? I have to gather it up quickly again before I end up regretting for not asking anything.

"I-" I took a deep breath in and out. "need answers"

Silence.

Turning around, I saw Dwayne reading is papers, not giving any interests in anything, I just had said a couple of seconds ago. Unwillingly my eyes examined his office. A huge desk, large windows and enough folders to feed a whole nation with. And nothing properly enough to throw it at him.

'Since when have you been this active on trying in being intimidating?' Shut up! I have to concentrate. I have to make him clear, that I'm being totally serious with the things, I have to tell and ask him!

"I just said something" I repeated.

Silence.

"I'm not interested in dating."  His words came back into my mind. As if I was interested in being together with you! Walking over to his desk, I shored myself with my hands onto the desk firmly and bent down slightly to get Dwayne's attention.

"You're still not interested into why I'm here and causing trouble?"

Silence.

"How did you found out about my personal matters?" and with saying that, he finally stopped this time, reading those papers and immediately looked up to me. At first he was examining my face expression and my posture to be clear if I meant it seriously. Then, his right hand slid under the desk and took out a little machine, which kinda looked like a... recorder?

"You're recording conversations?!"

"All of them. In this case I don't need to."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I'll use them to use it against anyone who promised or said something intentionally and didn't held their word rightly" He said casually.

"You know, this is against the law!" I trailed off and pointed at the recorder. "If someone finds that out, you're-" screwed. A matter like this could make huge headlines in Newspapers. This is something no one other than him should know. Especially not me who's  nothing related to him. I could use this against him, any days, at anytime. He knows this too, but he still showed it to me. Why in the flipping world would someone who has achieved so much, risk revealing his secrets?!
I just-, I just don't get it!

'He trust's you, that's why'

Silence.

He just sat there and watched me stepping a few steps back. He then, leaned back to his chair and looked outside the window, down to the street's.

'He trust's us'

"I'll have to find them" I finally spoke out. Dwayne didn't turned around back to me and fully turned to the window. The only thing I was seeing right now, was his huge desk, the back of his chair and a beautiful view down to the streets of London. The silence in between us brought up a huge tension, which led especially me feel really intimidated. The sky outside was getting more and more darker. The lights from different apartments startet to shine more clearly. Suddenly Dwayne stood up from his chair and looked down again before he fully turned back around to me. His cold eyes pierced through mine and I had the strong urge to look away, to find some rest from his icy cold gaze.

But I didn't. Everything I had said just now was meant seriously. I really want to know who my real parents are and which person exactly gave Dwayne the information that I was adopted. The both of us stood there for a long time. Not saying anything, just a desk separating the both of us.

"I have to find out who I really am" I continued to speak after a long time of silence. Dwayne again, just stood there and still looked straight into my eyes. He was thinking about something. That was clear. But what exactly led him thinking was unknown, especially for me.

"To be honest" I trailed off, finally looking somewhere else. "I don't know where to start searching. I thought about it the whole morning and evening. I can't face James and Kate again. I just-, I can't. I'm fine with just knowing that they're not my real parents. The only thing, I needed from them are the adoption papers, which you're keeping since." Looking back at Dwayne, I saw him walking over to a cabinet next to the folders. He picked out a little key out of his pocked and unlocked the cabinet with it. After he opened the cabinet, three mid-long lockers were standing next to each other. My inner curiosity was trying to figure out which numbers he was pressing, but since my inner good side was fighting against it, I let my eyes drift somewhere else.

"Do the others know that there's three lockers in that cabinet?" I asked to get over that awkward feeling inside of me.

"No." He answered shortly.

'Trust'  Shut up Holly! Gosh, you make me feel really bad, do you know that?!

Dwayne picked up the papers and walked back to the desk. Again, there was me standing in front of the desk, while he was standing on the other side, looking down to the papers.                    "There's not much written on it about your parents" he said expressionless and handed me the papers. I took the papers slowly and held them firmly afterwards, not looking down on it. Because... because there is something else that was not leaving my mind the whole time. One question, which could change again my life drastically without even doing anything for it.

I had to know. What I'm about to ask was even more harder to accept than accepting the fact, that I'm really about to search for my real parents.

"While searching for them" I trailed off. "Will you stay by my side and help me finding them?"

Silence.

Walking over to his side, I left the papers on the desk and faced him properly. I examined him instinctively and didn't looked for a millisecond away. Now there was just half a meter space left between us. The clear dark blue sky was giving the brightest stars, the opportunity to shine, before the other millions of stars, start to peek through the night sky too. Since Dwayne didn't turned on the lights in his office, the moon done a good job giving his office enough light for us to see each other clearly. I know exactly, that he don't has to accept my offer or even has to help me in any ways. He don't have to. But again, that voice deep deep inside of me, knew what it meant, if I was searching alone. I don't want to force Dereck and Hans to help me, since they have nothing to do with this topic. So there was only one person left:

"It's either just me or us. Decide."

Because if I start searching on my own, I will be somewhere else. I have to find new connections and would've have less time to chat not only with you, but with Hans, Dereck and Michael too.  But if we start searching together... Maybe-, maybe there is a better chance for us to find at least peace or a way to figure out what we want.

________________________________________________________________________________

Hey Lovelies,

how have you been? Haven't shared anything since a year ago... (Wow, I'm really one of the least funniest people in this world...) Never mind. I just hope you got that it was said ironically.

Sooo, how should I start? A year passes by pretty fast. So if you really have new year's resolutions, I dearly hope they somehow get done this year!

And for me: I hope I can give my best to pass the exams and still be good at work! Hope the all of you had a lovely first 2019 Week!

Have a lovely day

Hati.