-Chris POV-

It was nearing Christmas Eve yet it didn't feel anything like a holiday. Usually I would wake up to the smell of grandma's special cinnamon rolls in the air but not this year. Everything was too screwed up.

I was lying in bed staring blankly at the ceiling when Clark came in. He casually sat in the computer chair waiting for me to acknowledge him.

"Are you alright?"

I was aware I was acting strange lately. I hated death, I hated that nothing was going my way, I hated that Laura had a boyfriend and wouldn't give me another chance. Everything sucked in my life right now.

"I don't want to talk about it."

Clark wasn't the kind of person to just give up. We were family and that meant something to us.

"Fine. I'll wait here till you feel like sharing."

That wasn't going to be anytime soon. Minutes, heck maybe hours went by but my room remained silent. I didn't even feel like getting out of bed.

Clark stayed in the chair busying himself on his IPhone. Eventually it went off. It was the cheesy theme song to batman. "Hey what's up?"

I listened but only to get my mind off things.

"What, now?"

Clark turned to me with a horrorstruck look on his face. That was when I knew. I knew it was coming but yet I still felt unprepared. My stomach was in knots. The knots were squeezing together so tight that it was getting harder and harder to breathe.

"Okay. We're on our way."

Clark drove as fast as he could but there was no point. By the time we got there granddad was already claimed dead. A small measure of my family was crowded in his room. Everywhere I looked a member was shedding tears for him. I wanted to cry, I did. There was this hot boiling sensation building inside of me, getting ready to slip out but I couldn't. I couldn't find a way to let it out.

I wasn't a crier. It was strange but I always found other ways to get my emotions out. I couldn't think of a way this time. I just stood at the back staring at my grieving family like it was just a bad dream.

I wish I felt nothing. I wanted to be numb but I knew whatever I did wouldn't last. It never did. My vision got a little blurry and my head started to spin. I felt like I was being cut off from air.

Then I heard her voice and my eyes immediately flew up to see her.

Laura was comforting my crying sister but I needed her too. I couldn't exactly explain it. Having Laura in my arms was enough. I wasn't sure if it was the wonderful scent of her hair or the warmth of her body pressed against mine. Whatever it was I knew I needed it to stop my world from spinning.

Laura was like a beckon. She called out to me even if she didn't realize it. I depended on her in this crazy kind of way.

A few minutes later and her doctor boyfriend waltzed in wearing his professional white lab coat. Why was he even here? His patient was dead. There was nothing else he could do for us. Looking at his scum face made me sick. I wanted him to leave. This was a family matter.

Laura heard him talking to my aunt and pulled away from Edith to find him. They shared an intense look of love and remorse. I knew this because I had seen my grandparents share that kind of look. I grew jealous. Laura was really happy and could possibly be in love with him. I wanted that look from her. I wanted to feel her love through a stare.

I couldn't take watching them anymore. I was suffocating, drowning in self-pity and depression. My body was starting to feel sore like I had been in a really bad fight and punched repeatedly. I even debated on looking down and examining my flesh but I knew there would be nothing there. No bruises, no scars because I wasn't physically hurt. It was all in my head.

The stupid doctor's voice got louder and louder. I had to walk out. Thankfully no one was in the hallway. I had to catch my breath.

"Are you alright?"

What kind of ridiculous question was that? Why did the dumbass follow me out?

Dr. Stevens was standing across from me with a fake expression etched on his face. He didn't give a damn about me. Why the hell was he acting? No one was around to see his outstanding performance.

"I'm fine."

I dropped my head because I'd rather have a clear picture of the floor than his smug face.

"I know this is a difficult time for you but don't drag my girlfriend into your issues."

It pissed me off that he was right. It was extremely wrong for me to pull Laura into my world. I had no right to. I was surprised she told him anything though. I thought maybe she'd be ashamed of me and our past.

She was a big girl. She could handle herself. "I just needed a friend."

"Friends don't kiss other friends who have boyfriends."

So she told him about the kiss.

"If you can't keep your emotions in check then maybe you shouldn't be around her."

Now he was telling me what to do. He wasn't my doctor. Why the hell would I listen to him?

"I can do whatever the hell I want."

That seemed to bother him. "No you can't. You can't kiss her when she's with me."

This guy was adding to my headache. I knew I shouldn't get into it but some sort of vengeance was taking over me. I wanted to bash his head in just to relief some stress.

"What if she kisses me back?"

His jaw tightened and he shoved his fists in his pockets aggressively.

"She didn't. She wouldn't."

I was pressing the right buttons. He was getting mad.

"Is that what she told you?" I laughed knowing it would provoke him.

No, she didn't kiss me back this time. But I was determined to get Laura to open up to me. She was clouded by her boyfriend. If I could just remind her of the chemistry we had I knew I would have her back. I was starting to believe we belonged to each other.

Laura was driving me crazy. I was doing things I had never done for another girl. I needed her. I think I might even love her.

"Yes and I believe her."

"You're the rebound and once she realizes I'm here to stay Laura will be mine."

I was too confident but that did the trick. I saw the switch go off in his eyes.

"Force yourself upon her again and I'll make you regret it."

Good. I wanted him fired up. I knew he couldn't be as perfect as everyone made him out to be.

"She's going to leave you. Might as well prepare yourself now."

"Leave me?" His smirk was cocky. "For you? That won't happen. Her standards have gone up. She doesn't fool with worthless pieces of shit anymore."

That was the trigger I needed. Instinctively my fist flew up and rammed into his freshly shaved jaw. The impact was hard and swift, knocking him back a foot. Laura's boyfriend stretched his head to the side while placing his hand over, I'm sure, his very throbbing jaw.

He came at me; trying to throw a punch to my temple. This was what I was waiting for.

I blocked his blow but his other fist jabbed me in the ribs, hard. Damn that hurt. Like reflex my clinched fist went into an upper cut motion and hit him in the gut.

He staggered back but quickly recovered. Once he obtained his balance he charged towards me, knocking me off my feet. I was slammed to the ground, my head cracking on the tiled floor in the process. Down in my vulnerable position he began throwing repeated punches to my face. I started to feel moisture and knew he was drawing out blood.

My face was throbbing with pain but the adrenaline rush was keeping it at bay. It was tolerable. I was sure he was enjoying this but not for long. I wasn't going to let him have his proud moment for long.

I swiftly turned him over and hit him with my own full forced punches. There was no mercy. I punched till my knuckles were sore and covered in his blood.

That was when we began to wrestle and roll around on the floor, taking any shot we could get.

I had even forgotten we were in a hospital. I was so in tuned with hurting this asshole doctor that I didn't see or hear the terrified people surrounding us. The shocked womanly gasps coming from the mortified women in the crowd made me aware again.

I felt a pair of hands that didn't belong to the asshole yank me off the ground. I was too livid to let it go just yet. These hands tried wrapping around me to stop me from going at it again.

"Chris calm down," Tommy's voice filled my ears.

Michael was holding back the doctor.

All I saw was red. I wanted to hurt him some more. I wasn't finished with him.

"What the heck is going on?" Another doctor asked following the trail of blood we left on the floor.

Laura caught sight of both of us and put two and two together. She frowned in disappointment.

"Chris what the hell happened?" My uncle John, who always justified our actions, didn't seem so convinced of my innocence.

I took deep breaths before shoving Tommy's hands away. "I don't know."

Dr. Asshole looked really tore up and I had to smile with satisfaction. But then judging by the soreness on my face I think he did a good job too.

Laura's concern rushed her to his side. I couldn't take it. The sweet sympathetic emotions she had in her eyes for him was killing me, stabbing me with daggers much sharper than the excruciating physical pain I went and am going through.

I turned and stormed down the hall. People were making a path for me to go through. I needed to let off some steam but once I reached the exit I heard my name.

"Chris!"

If it was anyone else I wouldn't have stopped but it was her. Laura was calling out to me...in anger.

"I got nothing. I feel nothing Laura." I wanted to apologize, not to him but to her. I couldn't though.

Her voice softened a tad bit. "You're bleeding. Let me clean you up."

She was obviously mad but there was also pity in her beautiful eyes. I had already upset her once today; I wasn't going to do it again.

She led me into an empty patient room. I went and sat on the bed while she scooted over a tray of medical supplies. She was quiet, examining my face. Her gentle hands gliding over my wounds were anything but painful. The small pressure she was applying evidently made me wince though.

I had no idea she was so skilled. I mean I knew she was a nurse but she was really gentle, not rough at all. There were a lot of things I didn't know about her. I would do anything to get the chance to listen to her tell me. I wanted to know what made her smile and what made her tick.

Minutes went by as she patched up my face. No words came out of her mocking mouth till the very end. "Are you hurt anywhere else?"

My ribs felt like they were caving in. "Yeah, my stomach."

She didn't even ask for permission, she just lifted my shirt and gasped. I was betting my skin was covered with black and blue bruises. Her cool fingers on my exposed stomach felt like a heavenly release.

"None of your ribs are broken."

Well that was good news. The pain was still agonizing. She spent a little more time bandaging me up before heading for the cabinet. She pulled out some medicine and handed me some pills and water.

"Take these. It will numb everything."

That was all I ever wanted from the beginning.

She headed for the exit but froze at the door to ask, "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I don't know."

"Bullshit." Her eyes were chilled with seriousness. "You can't lie to me Chris. I see right through you. "

She wanted a confession but I wouldn't give it to her. "I have nothing to say."

"Ahhhh," she screamed. "You spoiled little brat. I don't care if your grandfather died. That doesn't give you a free pass to fight Will."

"Will?" I raised my brow, acting like I didn't know who she was referring to.

"My boyfriend." She corrected.

"Ah, you mean the dick who calls himself a respectable doctor."

Her jaw tightened. "He is a respectable doctor. You're the idiot picking fights. Grow up already."

"That's not even it," I shouted.

She stared at me like I was a piece of worthless shit. Her damn boyfriend was right. I fucked up. I never wanted her to look at me like that. I had lost all her trust and any respect I might have had before.

"It's not. Ok Chris, then tell me. Because I can't seem to comprehend what the hell you were thinking and I need an explanation."

I couldn't even understand it myself. Why did I have this necessary need to have Laura in my life? Why did I feel like she was the only one in the damn world that would get me? She was the only one I had revealed my true self to. She was the one who didn't run when she saw the real me.

I couldn't be making this up in my head. Laura must have felt the same way. We connected on a level no one else could reach. Not even her perfect little doctor boyfriend.

I struggled to get up since my entire body was throbbing. I stood in front of her; our eyes locked and I didn't want to say anything anymore. I didn't want to ruin the moment. I just wanted to stay lost in her big brown eyes.

There were so many things I could say but none of them were what she wanted to hear. "You deserve so much better than him."

"What?" She was insulted. "You're unbelievable. You don't get the right to tell me things like that."

"Even when they're true?"

She tore her eyes away from me, disgusted. "You don't even know him."

I knew I was hurting her. My resentment towards him was affecting her. "Laura-"

"Don't," she threatened.

We stood in silence. She wouldn't look at me and I didn't blame her. It felt like hours had past till she finally looked up. Her eyes were watering.

"Why didn't you call?" She yelled. "I waited and waited but you never did!" Laura was holding back heated tears. "You don't get a say in my life. You made sure of that."

I felt like I was being punched in the gut all over again. I hated seeing her cry. "You have no idea how many times I picked up the phone...I just couldn't. I couldn't."

"You couldn't? What the hell was holding you back? Was it..." She choked on her tears. "Was it me? Did you not want me anymore?"

God, she was killing me. I felt like such an asshole letting her think such thoughts. "No Laura. It wasn't you. It was me." That was such a lame excuse but it was true.

"Oh, that's rich." She didn't believe me. "If you didn't want me then you shouldn't have made those promises. You shouldn't have given me hope that maybe...maybe you and I could work."

"I wanted it to work."

Laura was entering a dark place. She shoved me harder and harder. It hurt like hell but I didn't make a sound. I deserved the pain from her.

"Stop lying to me. I'm sick and tired of your bullshit."

"Laura I'm not lying. I wanted it to work between us. God, you have no idea how bad either." I was breaking down. I had to tell her the truth.

"Stop!" She cried in rage. "Stop!"

I was hurting her but I couldn't listen. "We had this connection; this crazy undeniable connection. But every time I thought of us there was always something wrong. How Laura?" I broke down as tears streamed down her face. "How could you forgive me after everything I did to you? How could you want someone like me when I used you like I did?"

This was the hard part, admitting to myself what kind of a monster I was. "I was naive and selfish to think you really wanted me or that I deserved you."

Her lips parted and she was ransacked with all type of emotions.

"The reason I didn't call was because no amount of apologizes could take back what I did. I knew I wasn't good enough for you. I wanted you to have better. But even that couldn't keep me away for long. I need you."

She bit her lip and shook her head probably to drown out my voice.

"No you don't."

How do I prove it to her? "You were like this challenge in the beginning. The more you denied me the more I wanted you. I thought that was all it was. Laura you're more than that. I figured that out and knew I couldn't measure up to the kind of man you deserved in your life. I made that decision for you and now I regret it. We deserve a chance."

There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't regret not calling.

"It's too late," she murmured. "It's too late Chris."

"No it's not." I cupped her face and forced her to look at me. "Do you love me?"

Love was a strong word but I felt it when I thought of her.

Her mocking lips remained sealed so I asked again. "Do you care for me?"

I felt her hot tears spilling over my fingers. "I love Will."

She slipped through my hands. A knife was plunged through me and I couldn't register anything. I was cold and getting colder by the second. I couldn't see her or hear her anymore. She was out of the room and now I was alone.

This feeling of abandonment was not new to me. No, it was now like a home. This cold dark feeling was a blanket of shadows keeping me shielded from the outside world.

https://youtu.be/WDAd0S92Uko