|| S H A N Z E ||

“These marks look good on you," Zeeshan said, standing beside me in front of the mirror and combing his hair while I tried to hide the marks left by him with foundation and concealer.

I took a deep breath to stop myself from throwing the foundation bottle at him. I told him last night not to bite my neck or shoulder but why would this donkey listen when he loved to torment me.

I just complained to him how neglected I felt that my maiden family shooed me away before sleeping instead of letting me stay. And what he did.. He got on me and showed me how much attention I held.

“What? Cat got your tongue?" He asked me in a teasing voice.

Instead of wasting my favorite foundation bottle by throwing it at him, I chose his favorite cologne and threw it at him in anger.

“Hey! Are you out of your mind?" He asked me in a loud voice, catching his cologne perfectly.

Instead of answering him, I threw my hair brush at him this time then took my makeup and went to the washroom. I locked the door behind and did my makeup in silence, hiding all the marks left by him.

After my makeup, I came out of the washroom and put my products back on the table. When I reached our bedroom door that led to the corridor, my wrist was grabbed from behind and spun me around.

I came face to face with Zeeshan who had his eyes narrowed at me. With his other hand, he held my head.

“What is it?" He asked, moving his face dangerously closer to mine.

“You were too much last night,” I answered him, honestly.

His eyes softened and he pulled me in his embrace, wrapping his arms around me. He kissed my forehead and massaged my back.

“Sorry,” He apologized in my ear then whispered, "Next time I'll control myself a little.”

I puffed my cheeks in anger and pushed his arms away.

“Don't talk to me anymore," I told him sternly and left him quickly before he pulled any other move.

Instead of saying, he would never do this again, he was saying he'd control himself a little. A little. Seriously. On a scale of self control from 1 to 10, he would most probably control himself 0.009%.

I had breakfast with everyone then told Taiama that I wanted to go to my parents home and Zeeshan would drop me.

I remained in my father's arm while sitting beside him on the couch as he was talking to Zeeshan.

“I have to trouble you to book a hotel for their wedding. Both of them insisted on having a small and simple marriage. Just two functions. Nikah and walima,” Dad informed Zeeshan with a helpless smile.

“We wanted to give her the same type of wedding as yours but she rejected it. Why don't you check on her. She had been in her room after breakfast,” Mom suggested to me, putting a tray of cold drinks on the table.

I nodded my head and quickly went to her room to check on her. There, she was laying lifelessly and staring blankly at the wall. I laid behind her and put my arm around her.

“Feeling scared?" I asked her quietly, knowing perfectly that she was really scared.

“Hm.. How was your honeymoon?" She hummed then changed the topic quickly, turning to face me.

To help her divert her mind, I shared almost everything I saw and visited on my honeymoon. Finally, a smile stretched on her lips as she listened with great interest.

I spent hours with her until it was lunch time then pulled her out of her room for lunch.

“We will start shopping tomorrow,” Mom informed us as we finished eating.

»»»●«««

|| Z E E S H A N ||

I didn't know if I should be happy that my wife was a little dense or not. If no one ever told her anything, she would never learn about it. The same case with Hasan and his feelings for Shanze.

Thinking of it, I felt my heart piercing non stop. If he had confessed his feelings to her straightly, our marriage would never have happened.

“She is only yours, Zeeshan."

“Remember to give her the same pain."

"She isn't someone to be loved.”

Suddenly, my great grandfather’s words echoed in my ears again as I drove my car. The outside was blocked and only his words were echoing, my vision blurred with memories of past resurfacing. I pulled the car to the side of the road and took deep breaths.

I rubbed my face and looked out of the window blankly. There was a feeling of killing someone inside me again. Right at this moment, my phone vibrated.

Shanze: Today u'll sleep in washroom🔪 I hate you😑

Seeing a message from her, a chuckle escaped from my lips, feeling better from those overwhelmed thoughts and feelings. I knew why she sent me this message. It was because of last night when she told me she wanted to stay at her parents home for a week until Mahira's wedding and I asked her to give me some bribe.

Zeeshan: Don't forget who begged to keep going and… yk💋

I sent her a reply back and continued driving, putting the smile away. These few days were like an up and down for me. I wanted to control her mind and body so much but instead it had the opposite effect on me. It was like my whole soul was controlled by her.

Seeing her with any other man, smiling at them, looking at them, everything.. it all had many effects on me that sometimes I thought I became paranoid and paranormal for her. We had some fights on this too and ended up arguing then making up in bed two or three times.

I parked the car then got up and went inside the restaurant. Here he was sitting, staring blankly at the glass in front of him. He looked nothing like a groom who was about to welcome his wife in life.

Or perhaps I was like him too before my marriage with Shanze.

“Why are you doing this when you are looking like this?" I asked him after giving the order to the waiter.

He raised his eyes and stared at me calmly, “What did you answer when I asked you this question before your marriage?"

I became silent remembering that time and how he asked me this question then dragged me to meet Shanze after our haldi. At that time what answer I gave him…

“For myself and peace," I repeated the answer I gave him last time.

A bitter smile rose on his lips and he looked away, shaking his head.

“My answer is same as yours,” He responded and then we both fell into silence.

Soon the lunch was placed in front of us and we began eating without talking. I was busy remembering all the feelings I felt before my wedding.

‘What changed?’

‘Nothing. Everything is same as before. Me. Shanze. And my feelings…’

“Mazhar is somehow linked to our past," Hasan warned me, wiping his mouth after eating.

I froze hearing him and couldn't believe it. I raised my eyes and stared at him, clenching my hands in a tight fist. I knew at this moment I was seen as murderous in anyone's eyes but I didn't care about this. All I cared about was how Mazhar linked to the past.

“He hid himself so deeply. Everything. His crimes and some links to the past. Especially to that village," Hasan continued informing me.

“I checked all the crimes but due to not having clear evidence we can't touch him," My voice darkened with a desire to kill someone and shed some blood on the spot.

I thought I knew everything about Mazhar but the more I investigated him, the more I began to hate him. I also hated how he touched my wife in a restaurant and how he had the audacity to come to our house the next day and have breakfast.

• • •

I entered my bedroom and found it empty. No sign of her anywhere. With a sigh, I sat on the bed and laid on my back, looking up at the ceiling. She must have gone to her parents' home, leaving me alone for a week.

I took my phone out of my pocket and opened WhatsApp. Our last chat remained at where I replied to her then got blocked. I opened a simple inbox and typed a message.

Zeeshan: This room became so silent.

Zeeshan: Are you still angry?

Zeeshan: Acha na suno mujhe acha nahi lag raha yeh ak dam soch kamra tumhari cheekien nhi Jo hai is lye👉🏻👈🏻

(Ok listen I don't like this sudden silent room because there's no screams from you.)

I knew this message would irritate her and how she wished to kill me. Just imagining her face and expressions, I laughed and threw my phone aside. I got up and prayed then raised my hands for dua just like how I did when we finally consummated our marriage.

After praying, I changed my clothes and laid on the bed. But there was no sign of sleep. I got up and glanced at the other side of the bed that was now empty.

I wondered how I stayed in this room like this for many years, without her presence. I took my laptop and decided to work until I fell asleep, which I knew was impossible without her.

»»»●«««

|| S H A N Z E ||

Zeeshan: Come out

Zeeshan: Bring Mahira too

I looked at the messages by my forgotten husband then turned to Mahira.

“Let's go somewhere. Zeeshan is outside, waiting for us. Let's empty his wallet,” I pulled her with me.

We informed our mom then went out. There, Zeeshan was standing with Hasan. I looked at both of them then turned to Mahira who stared at him in a frozen state. Both were just staring at each other silently, making me raise an eyebrow at them. I approached Zeeshan and looked at him in question.

“Paying him back," He answered me with a shrug and held my hand.

I oh-ed, knowing which paying back he was talking about. It was none other than the one before our marriage when Hasan took me to meet away at night.

“If they are both done staring then let's go," Zeeshan said a little loud, making both of them look away from each other.

They both greeted, then got in the backseat of the car while Zeeshan opened the passenger door for me. He drove us to a food street and the whole ride was filled with silence. When we reached there, we separated from these two and roamed at a distance away from them.

“Will these two be ok?" I asked Zeeshan, holding his arm and shaking it.

“Stop worrying about them," He gave me the same response he had been giving me whenever I asked him this question.

“You know na Hasan has someone else in his heart?" I asked him quietly, glancing at the couple.

I turned my head back and looked at him in confusion as I felt him tensed under my touch. His eyes were zeroed at me and stood like a statue.

“He will not wrong her. Don't worry," He told me, looking away at the couple.

“Let's go. There's an ice cream there," He said, changing the topic and pulling me to the other side, away from them.

He bought kulfi for both of us and handed one to me. Once I half eaten mine, he exchanged the sticks and handed me his quarter half eaten. I raised my brow at him who behaved like nothing happened.

Whenever I tried to check on Mahira, he took my attention towards him. He took me to other stalls or small jewelry or decoration shops to take my mind away from them.

• • •

I cooked dinner for everyone and sat with all my cousins. For Mahira's wedding, many of them traveled to Lahore and we're staying at my parents house. With them, we decorated the house and threw a small dholki for Mahira.

“I sent a small portion for you through Talha. You didn't even praise me and my handwork. Just sent a picture of an empty box,” I complained to Zeeshan on the phone while standing on the roof.

“Isn't it enough that I ate till the last bite?” His gentle voice came from the other side of the phone with a hint of teasing.

“No," I told him, putting the phone on the other ear.

“There's nothing to praise anymore so why praise. I'll tell mom to make you cook once a day now. Ok," He said softly.

Hearing him, I felt my heart burnt with anger and breath heavily.

“I'm blocking you again," I told him in anger and cut the call.

As I was a click away from blocking him, his message came.

Zeeshan: I'm not kidding. You should know you taste good😋

Zeeshan: Sorry typo mistake *your food😋

I reread both of his messages for a long time in a dumbfounded state and blinked, questioning my life. A blush crept up on my cheeks as I quickly locked the screen.

I didn't know who taught him to talk like this and use emojis when chatting. A smile pulled my lips and wished to throw him from this roof.

The next day was Mahira's Nikah ceremony. It didn't include signing papers since it was already done by them, only the religious ceremony of Nikah would be done.

I went back down and made my way to the living room where everyone was. But I couldn't find my parents nor Mahira there. In curiosity, I looked for them and found them in Mahira's room. They were talking and looked so seriously engaged in the conversation but as I approached them in confusion, they stopped.

There was a feeling that they all were hiding some things from me, including Zeeshan.

“You all continue talking. I'll come later," I told them with a smile but deep down I felt left out.

“No. Come here too. Your father and I were just chatting with Mahira about how lonely this house will feel now. We never thought you would grow up so soon and leave us alone,” Mom explained, opening her arm for me.

“Who said we will leave you alone? We will visit you once a week and call once a day. And when we can't handle this distance, we will come to you for some days," I told them, stepping in mom's open arm and hugging her.

The whole night, we stayed together with our ladies’ hands filled with dried henna and talked until our eyes allowed us to awake.

The next day, I looked at my little sister in her bridal attire and tears welled up in my eyes. From numerous fights as sisters to get married to their respective man, we came so far. I wished now how we never grew up and had to worry about our future.

Future?

My own future?

I didn't know now what my future with Zeeshan was. Sometimes he scared me by his extra possessive and angry behavior. Even after completing the important step of our marriage, we still fought together. There was a little change between us but not something very big.

Because whenever we're together, I had feelings that he was hiding something. Not one thing but many. I had caught the traces of anger in his eyes too, many times, after the night activities. I wanted to ask him, confront him but I had been so scared of knowing the truth.

What if the truth broke my heart and my trust?

“Where are you lost?" Mahira asked me softly, pulling me out of the jungle of my tangled thoughts.

“Just thinking of the future,” I replied to her half truth.

“Shanze, stay here with mom and dad for two more days,” Mahira said in a quiet voice, holding my hand with tears in her eyes.

“I will," I put her head against my chest and wrapped my arms around her.

Soon, there was a knock and my male cousin came, telling us it's time to leave home. I helped Mahira standing up then took her out, escorting her to the car. On the way, she held my hand tightly and looked so close to crying.

I wished this day didn't come like this. But now it happened and I prayed for my sister and best friend's happiness. None of them deserved this wedding to happen like this..

“Everything will be ok," I whispered to Mahira, squeezing her hand softly.

She nodded and put her head on my shoulder.

This designated driver's job, Zeeshan wanted to take but due to other duties he couldn't come and get us. He had taken on management duties of Mahira's wedding and was super busy.

When we reached the venue, mom came out of the hall and looked at Mahira with tearful eyes. My other cousins also came with golden chadar. We all held each corner of that chadar while mom put a red veil with golden work on Mahira, covering her face.

Red dress and veil.

My sister looked so beautiful.

I wiped the tear quickly and secretly from my eye and escorted her, who stood in the middle of chadar, inside the hall. Flowers were thrown on the bride as we approached the side where Nikah was to be done.

I stood aside and looked at the couple who were sitting on each side of the flower partition and the Imam was reading their Nikah.

Mom and dad were trying their best to stop themselves from crying but couldn't control them.

“Do you, Mahira Khan, accept Hasan Khan as your husband?"

Mahira held the mic and answered in a quiet trembled voice.

“Qubool hai."

(I do!)

She was asked two more times and gave the same answer.

“Do you, Hasan Khan, accept Mahira Khan as your wife?"

"Qubool hai!”

(I do!)

His voice came out unwavered and calm as he answered two more times.

After their Nikah, Hasan lifted her veil and stretched his hand. Mahira put her hand and stood up with his help.

A smile pulled my lips when I found him whispering in her ear then kissing her temple quickly.

After everyone settled in the hall, I became busy with mom greeting all the guests and helping with anything they needed. I was walking around to find mom when someone came and stood in front of me.

I raised my eyes and found Zeeshan, looking at me without any expressions. I held my breath as he pulled me with him.

He hadn't uttered a word but I knew he was probably angry at something.

. . . . . . . . . .

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