|| S H A N Z E ||

"I am sorry. For everything. Since the beginning till now."

I froze hearing his apology and was unable to react. His voice was filled with serious and genuine guilt like he was really by heart. I swallowed nervously and moved my trembling gaze at the distant port.

I quickly turned around in his arms after coming back to reality and put the back of my hand on his forehead. No temperature then..

"Did anyone from our family say anything?" I asked him blankly, blinking slowly.

"...No. I am apologizing. A real one. From the beginning to the recent one. So, please forgive me for being irrational," He said again, looking into my eyes unwaveringly.

I nodded my head slowly then asked him quietly, "Can we move away from the deck?"

I didn't want any of us to fall into the water from this corner. He stepped back with me then I came out of his arm and went inside to have something cold to suppress these strange feelings inside.

"You just recovered from the fever. Don't eat," He told me softly, taking the ice cream glass bowl from my hand and putting it back on the table.

I looked at the ice cream reluctantly then moved my eyes to him sadly.

"It's ok. I'll not catch this time," I whispered and tried to get the ice cream back but he held my hand.

Here I wanted to eat due to him and he was stopping me from eating and adding more fuel in tingles in my body. The strange butterflies that housed themselves in my stomach, the goosebumps on my body, the flipping of my heart, everything, I was feeling was all because of him.

"No."

He shook his head firmly.

"Come on. 1 bowl only," I bargained with him with pleading eyes.

He shook his head, making me pout. I stepped closer to him, standing on my toes, and looked up into his eyes pleadingly. The firmness in his eyes wavered and soon he signed, handing me the glass bowl back.

He stood on my head literally and quickly took the remaining half ice cream back once I ate half. Reluctantly I let him but inside my emotions were bubbling to erupt all due to him. His behavior had successfully messed up my heart.

Wherever I was moving, he followed behind me like a little kid following his mother.

Soon I began to socialize a little to forget him momentarily and it helped too but the constant gazes I was having on my body was telling me another story. I turned my back to him completely and talked to few ladies while he was stuck with these ladies' husbands.

Whoever said whenever two females meet, there will be hours of conversation of endless topics was correct. Our topic changed every minute from random topics to married life then each person's own culture.

The ladies with whom I was socializing were all Asian.

"There's a ball tomorrow night. You all are coming, right?" One of them asked everyone.

I stilled and thought of how Zeeshan never told me about this. I didn't even have a dress suitable for the ball now. I listened to them silently as they were all sharing about their tomorrow's dress.

When we were in our room on the ship, I stood near the door of our balcony and stared outside. It was so beautiful that I couldn't believe I was really spending a night, no 2 nights here on a cruise ship.

"You take the window side, I'll take the door side."

I looked at his reflection on the glass door upon hearing his arrangements about the sleeping sides on the bed. I hummed and went to the bathroom to change my clothes and washed my face.

"Zeeshan, don't snore. Ok," I told him, getting in the bed and turning my back to him.

With a goodnight wish, I closed my eyes but found that I couldn't sleep. His apology echoed in my ears and the memories of our closeness flashbacked in my mind non stop. I opened my eyes and outside from the balcony's door in darkness.

Suddenly, there was a little war inside me telling me that I shouldn't pretend like nothing happened and on the other side that I was doing the right thing. I turned my head and looked back at Zeeshan. He seemed to sleep so quickly and peacefully that, unconsciously, I turned around to face and kept staring at him until my eyes drooped.

In my dream someone wrapped their arms around me and placed a kiss on my forehead making me smile.

When I woke up, the room was empty and I was in the middle of the bed. I rubbed my eyes then stretched myself while standing. All the curtains were closed, only a small dim light was on in the room. I pulled the curtains back and quickly went to the washroom to freshen up then stepped on the balcony.

"Here, breakfast."

A trolley's rolling sound sounded then a tray appeared in front of me on the table between two chairs on the balcony. It was of two people making me glance at him. I wanted to ask him why he didn't have breakfast early since it was a little late but the words couldn't get out.

Silently we both finished our breakfast then we went to explore on the ship and gradually stopped by deck 16 main pool and had waterslides after changing into full body swimming dresses. Mischievously I threw water at him when he wasn't paying attention which ended up as a water fight.

"Let's go on deck 17. I heard there's a slide too," He suggested to me, taking up on deck 17.

After playing for more than an hour, we dried ourselves and changed back into our dry clothes, we went to explore more. There were many activities on deck 18 but those were very dangerous and risky for me. Seeing that I wasn't interested in anything on this deck, he took me to a nightclub where I found couples from last night.

We all greeted each other and played together. Men were playing snooker and we ladies were bowling. Later we all decided to have lunch together.

"Your husband can't keep his eyes to himself," One of the ladies teased me in a hush voice.

I felt my cheeks blushed knowing everyone had noticed his little moment.

"By the way... he has a nice bracelet," Another lady commented in a teasing voice with amusement dancing in her eyes.

All the ladies looked at the particular bracelet that was supposed to be hidden perfectly under his watch then giggled, teasing me further.

I bit my inner blushed cheeks and wanted to hide or bury myself somewhere in shame. I wished I could kill either him or myself for this again.

I didn't know why but I was getting a feeling that he was deliberately letting people see him. Soon I noticed why...

The man we encountered at the botanical garden who volunteered to take pictures was here and had been glancing here.

"I will let my husband wear mine too," Another lady spoke in a whisper with a wink.

"It's a good idea. You know, to keep other females away from our men," Someone added.

So everyone decided to follow my husband's way of wearing my bra strap and decided they would let their man tonight at the ball. As the topic reached the ball, I became silent again and glanced towards Zeeshan.

"Do you ladies wanna ready together?"

While they were discussing, my and Zeeshan's eyes collided.

"Shanze, you haven't told us about your evening gown."

"I-"

I opened my mouth to tell them that we weren't joining them but Zeeshan was a step ahead of me.

"She doesn't know. It's a surprise for her."

This time I was completely speechless and belatedly realized what he said. I looked at him again and found him already looking at me with a very small smile.

"That's so sweet. Then send her dress to my room. We will get ready there. Don't worry my room's large enough for us and has a big mirror," The first half was spoken to Zeeshan and the next half was to us.

"What about me?" That lady's husband asked with a wounded sound.

"Why don't you men make plans of your own!"

So it was decided that ladies would get ready in one room and men in another. Zeeshan handed three boxes and my makeup bag to me then went with the lady's husband who's room we ladies had occupied.

I went inside the room and under the anticipated eyes of everyone, slowly opened the box. Inside was a black color dress but as I took it out, the dress was revealed fully in front of my eyes.

"It's beautiful."

They all commented then we all began to get ready. First we did our makeup and hairdo with each other's help. I pulled my long hair into an elegant bun and suddenly had an impulse of cutting my hair from front into bangs and I ended up doing it.

Fortunately the result was successful and beautiful, otherwise I would have ended up crying hiding somewhere. I patted myself and scolded mentally to never let these impulses win next time.

"It's really daring of you, Shanze!" All the ladies exclaimed in shock.

"I know. Please don't follow my terrible example," I was close to tears of relief as I told them, causing them to laugh and helping me set the bangs on my forehead.

Quickly we changed into our ball gowns one by one, and did a little modeling coming out of the washroom. When it was my turn, I took help from one of them for zip.

"I think we killed a romantic moment of yours," She said like she regretted it for me.

"It's not like we won't have anymore moments. He already has enough for now," I found myself whispering out.

She chuckled at my answer then went out of the washroom to wait with other ladies. When I emerged from the washroom, they cheered for me as I posed like a model. It was fun reminding me of my student life days and my family.

After changing into evening gowns, we all put on our jewelry. Mine was a silver color set, matching my dark grayish eyes perfectly. I put the choker necklace and small earrings on then put on a high heel.

(Not off shoulders but half sleeves with a deep U shape neckline)

"Ok girls! Let's make some videos before our men arrive," The one who was an Instagram and TikTok influencer among us announced, clapping her hand.

We made some trending videos together. She asked us if she could put this on her account, no one declined but I just told her to blur my face with which she said ok with a smile.

Soon there was a knock outside and we knew it was our husbands. After final touching each other, we opened the door and walked out one by one. The reaction we got from our husbands was priceless but worth it.

Zeeshan's eyes were lingering on my body like he was taking in every single detail and saving it in his memory. He was in black tuxedo, looking handsome.. as always. He took a step near me and extended his hand. I put my hand in his silently and turned to look at other couples who were... well all were in their own world.

"You look really beautiful in this dress," He whispered near my ear.

"After all the choice was mine. Always beautiful. No matter what," He added with deeper meaning in his voice which I chose to ignore.

The one who was the internet influencer couple asked us all to make a video on the latest trend where all the couples walked one by one in front of the camera then posed before stepping aside. Zeeshan looked a little reluctant but when his eyes met mine, he agreed.

"If you don't-"

"It's ok. They already said they'll blur our faces," He told me, squeezing my hand.

So after making countless videos and taking pictures, we all moved to the ballroom on Deck 15.

"Do you know dancing?" I asked him, tilting my head a little and looking at him.

"No. Except our attan and khattak dance," He replied.

The same case was with me but I only knew attan dance, our cultural dance. So when the ballroom dance began, we were a little out of sync but slowly we got better. Under the slightly dim and soft lights of the ballroom, his dark brown eyes looked so fascinating like they were just staring at me in the whole room. My reflection was so clear in them that I just wanted to stare into them.

"Shanze..."

I hummed in response.

"Don't look at me like this."

I blinked in confusion but didn't look away from his eyes.

"Like this," He nodded at myself helplessly.

I looked away from him with heated cheeks. As the music slowed, everyone began to slow dance. I put my one hand on his shoulder and leaned my head on his chest. There were so many thoughts swirling in my mind that I just wanted a moment of peace. Luckily his heartbeat provided it as it sounded in my ear.

• • •

We were all sitting in a nightclub, listening to the local songs and exchanging contact numbers. Today was the last day on ship so after packing, we decided to meet here in the nightclub.

While talking to each other, everyone decided to sing one by one. So we all moved to the opened side of the deck, borrowed a guitar from a nightclub and sat in a circle.

Everyone sang their country's song one by one. Soon it was Zeeshan's turn who took the guitar and began to play it. He was good at playing rabab so it wasn't a surprise that he could play guitar too.

As the soft melody of guitar echoed in the air, his voice also followed.

"Da stargi jadugari de, da meena lewanye da
Janan Janan
Janan che pake ose, somra khkuli dunyagai da
Janan Janan Janan Janan
Khwaga khwaga ra gori, pa nazar ki me ingharhi
Umeed da zindagai da, ghwarhawali me jolai da
Janan Janan"

(These eyes are magical, this love is crazy
Sweetheart, Sweetheart
What a beautiful world, my sweetheart lives in
Sweetheart, Sweetheart, Sweetheart, Sweetheart
Looking at me so sweetly, folding into her eyes
Yearning for life, I have spread my lap
Sweetheart, Sweetheart)

He raised his eyes and looked into mine and continued singing.

"Janan che pake lse, somra khkuli dunyagai da
Janan Janan Janan Janan
Da jwand me sta da para, da meena sta da para
Da sta mohabatoona me qisa da zindagai da
Janan Janan
Janan che pake ose, somra khkuli dunyagai da
Janan Janan Janan Janan"

(What a beautiful world my sweetheart lives in
Sweetheart, Sweetheart, Sweetheart, Sweetheart
This life is for you, this love is for you
Loving you is the story of my life
Sweetheart, Sweetheart
What a beautiful world my sweetheart lives in
Sweetheart, Sweetheart, Sweetheart, Sweetheart)

My breath hitched as the realization settled in my heart that it was for me. He was singing this song for myself but a part of me was still questioning 'has he really changed'. Since he asked forgiveness, I had been trying to buy time and ignoring the butterflies and sparks between us.

As he ended the song, we all clapped for him then began to jam on common songs we all knew. Later we retreated back to our rooms to get our luggage.

Everyone farewelled each other as we stepped out of the cruise on the land.

The ride back to our hotel was filled with silence. The first thing I did was go to the washroom and take a hot shower to relax my muscles. I dried my hair with a dryer and removed the plug but it slipped from my hand as I walked and got under my feet.

Two hands wrapped around me to stabilize my unbalanced body, making me look up. His face was so close to mine like just four fingers spaced away. My breath hitched as my eyes flickered to his eyes.

Those eyes were co captivating like they only had me in them and no one else could get in them. Our breath was getting tangled and our nose almost touched.

"You are forgiven for the first and last time," I whispered just before the distance vanished between us.

His lips moved so softly like they were in the state of mesmerizing the shape of my lips. My legs softened and the dryer fell from my hands as he picked me in his arms. My legs were around his waist as he held me by my hips.

I gripped his collar tightly, titling my head a little to let him slip his tongue as he settled me on the washroom counter. After taking all my oxygen, he pulled back a little. Breathing heavily, face flushed and eyes sparkled but held a thin thread of self restraint.

"I.. I can't be a gentleman anymore, Shanze..," His heavily breathed words sent shivers in my body, making me tighten my grip on his collar.

"Then don't."

. . . . . . . . . .

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