"Ayiee! The more you hate, the more you love kasi." My cousin slash bestfriend said while grinning widely.

")Tse! Tigil-tgilan mo nga ako sa mga banatang ganyan, Gail. Isa pa talaga, masusuka na ako. Gross!" Rolling my oh-so-pretty eyes, umakto akong nasusuka. Yuck! Gasgas na gasgas na ang linyahang ganyan, pero kapag talaga sinasabi ng ibang tao sakin yun, naapektuhan parin ako. Kumukulo parin talaga yung dugo ko.

Gail is one of my many girl cousins, pero siya yung pinakakasundo ko sa lahat. Maybe because we grow up together dahil magkapitbahay lang kami, plus were classmates from kindergarten upto now that we are already college, graduating college students.

Bumungisngis siya sabay sabing, "Ang cute mo kasing mainis. Plus, alam kong bagay talaga kayo. Ayiee!"

I rolled my eyes. Ang kulit talaga ng babaeng ito. Di ko alam kung kanino nagmana, e.

"Sige te, push mo lang yan. Baka umunlad ekonomiya ng Pilipinas dahil diyan sa mga pinagsasabi mo." I sped up walking and ranted without looking at her. "Isa pa ha, wala talaga akong pake sa kanya. Swear!"

"Ouch! Ang sakit mo naming magsalita, baby girl." I automatically stopped on my tracks upon hearing that voice. I calmed myself for a little while and faced them.

Both their grinning faces greeted me. Si Gail na nanunudyo at ang pesteng lalaking nang-iinis.

Gail started walking past me at tumawid na sa kalsada upang makauwi. Medyu malapit na rin kasikami sa kanya-kanya naming tahanan. Bago pumasok sa kanilang gate, sumigaw pa muna ito, "Ethan, take care of Zyllah. Wag mong sasaktan yan, malilintikan ka sa buong angkan namin. Zyllah, enjoy yourself. Mag-moment muna kayo diyan," humalakhak pa siya bago pumasok.

"Copy, Gail. I will."

"Moment mong mukha mo. Humanda ka sakin bukas."

We answered at the same time but with differen opinions. Sumagot siya habang nakangisi sa akin, while I was grimacing.

This guy is Mark Ethan Herrera. My childhood neighbor and at the same time, my nemesis for what feels like forever. Ay, erase. Since childhood pala, wala kasing forever! Tse!

Dali-dali akong tumalikod at mabilis na naglakad papunta sa bahay. As soon as I was to open our wooden gate, Ethan grabbed my hand.

"What's the rush? Tapatin mo nga ako, Zyllah." For no aparent reason, medyu kinabahan ako sa sinabi niya. What's there to confess that he looks so serious as shit?

"Are you that afraid that I might know your feelings towards me?" I mentally slapped my face upon hearing his answer. Expect pa, Zyllah. Si Ethan pa ba, may sasabihing seryoso? Never. All he knows to do is joke and break hearts.

Ipiniksi ko ang kamay kong hawak-hawak niya. "Bitiwan mo nga ako. Maya-maya, dumapo pa sakin yung mga bacteria sa kamay mo. Kung saan-saan pa naman dumadapo yan."
Being the ever conceited and dumb Ethan, nginisihan pa niya ako. "If I know better, selos ka lang."

"Well, I can say you think worst." I managed to say a comeback, though I was a bit affected by what he said.
"Just say that you want me, and I'll be yours, baby. All of me." Nakangisi niyang ani sabay kindat.

"No, thanks! Sa'yo na lang yung sarili mo." I was about to turn back when I remembered something. "And oh, please! Stop winking at me. Nakakasuka. Nakakadiri. Don't use your dirty tactics on me, Mark Ethan."

His mouth gaped open. Taken by surprise, he let go of my hand. Kinuha ko ang pagkakataong iyon upang makapasok na sa aming bahay.

"So much for a day. All thanks to that dumbass." Bubulong-bulong kong wika habang papasok sa bahay.

I can only guess that my face is so retorted right now. And I know I look weird mumbling something when I heard my mom laughing gently.

"Nag-away na naman kayo ni Ethan?"

"Wala naman ng bago, Mom. The usual." Patamad akong naupo sa sofa sa living room whike my mom is browsing some magazines.

"Why? May bago na naman siyang girlfriend?" Nanunudyong tanong ni mommy.

I rolled my eyes before answering. "I don't care, mom. Really." I paused for a while, and thought something. "Paano niya po nalamang may bago naman siyang girlfriend?"

Before my mom could even think about it, ako na ang sumagot sa sarili kong tanong. "Yeah. Pano niyo nga naman hindi malalaman e every week nagpapalit ng girlfriend yan? Mas regular pa yata yung pagpapalit niya ng babae kesa sa period ko."

My mom chuckled a bit but became serious the next. "That's not it, dear. Alam ko kapag may bago na naman siyang girlfriend dahil naglambingan na naman kayo. Remember, you always fight every week because of that? Sounds like a cycle to me."

Hindi ko maiwasang mag-react sa sinabi ni mommy. "Excuse me mom, but it's not like that. Eww. Kahit araw-araw pa siyang magpalit ng girlfriend, ayos lang sakin. I didn't care. I don't care. I won't care. Ever."

My mom and dad and I are so close na kung minsan, parang barkada ko na lang din sila kung mag-usap-usap kami.

"So what's the reason behind the LQ just right now?" My mom said whike covering half of her face mula sa ilong pababa gamit ang magazine. I bet my mom is hiding her smile.

Triggered, I ranted to my mom. "Alam mo ba my, that he invited his new girl over to our table. I mean, Gail and I's table. Hindi man lang nagpaalam kung okay lang, dumiretso lang ng upo. He's like parading his new girl, hindi naman kagandahan. Tse! Hindi lang yun, dun ba naman naglandian sa harap naming dalawa ni Gail. That's why we walked out. Imagine, table namin, tapos kami pa ang aalis? Kami pa talaga yung nahiya. Grrr!" I was panting when I finished voicing my feelings. Nakakainis talaga yung lalaking yun, leche siya!

Flabbergasted by my sudden outburst, my mom smiled a bit and raised her brows. "Both of you walked out? I mean, Gail and you?"

"Yes." Sandali akong napaisip at idinagdag ang, "Technically, yes. Though nauna akong umalis, pero dali-dali naman siyang sumunod. Magkasama na kaming lumabas ng cafeteria. That means were both affected by their presence mom, right?" I asked. But my question seems like I'm convincing myself more than Im convincing my mom.

Kumakatok ako sa gate nila Gail nang biglang may bumusina sa likuran ko. I was fetching Gail so we could go to class together. Lumingon ako at nakita si Ethan na prenteng nakaupo sa drivers seat ng kotse niya. Why wasnt I surprised? Hindi ko na lang siya pinansin.

HEY, babe. Sabay na kayo ni Gail sa akin. He said, a wide smirk plastered on his face. Alam niyang hinding-hindi ako sasabay sa kanya kaya araw-araw niya akong binubwisit sa pag-aaya saming sumabay sa kanya.

Sasabat na sana ako ng pabalang ng maunahan ako ni Gail. Sige ba. Thank you Ethan. Hulog ka talaga ng langit. Ano na lang yung gagawin ko kung hindi ko naging pinsan si Zyllah, right? nakakalokong wika ni Gail habang papasok na sa kotse.

Shes saying it as if I am the reason shes getting a free ride from time to time, which is not true, dahil tatlo kaming lumaking magkakasama. At wow! Ako tong naghintay sa kanya, pero ako pa yung iniwan porket nakakita lang ng kotse.

I tsked and started walking. Ethans car followed me, in a very slow pace. Hop in, sweetheart. Or gusto mong buhatin pa kita papasok? hes grinning, but I can sense hes serious with his threat.

Wala na akong nagawa kundi pumasok sa kotse niya. I know he is more than capable of doing what he said, ang buhatin ako papasok sa kotse kapag nagmatigas pa ako. Why wouldnt I know if he had already done that a couple of times?

The first time was when I sprained my ankle during P.E class. My foot swelled that day, and I cant barely manage para iapak yung paa ko. Every time I try walking on it, I wince in pain. He offered to help me, but being the stubborn me, I refused his help. Ayokong magkaroon ng utang-na-loob sa kanya.

Nagalit siya nun. Hindi na siya nakipag-argumento sa akin but I can see the seething anger in his eyes. Instead, he lifted me in a bridal style, papunta sa kotse niya. I was wriggling with all my might para bitiwan na niya ako, which he did, nung nakarating na kami sa kotse niya.

Nagpaalam siyang may pupuntahan lang sandali kasabay ng pagdating ng isang humahangos na Gail.

And oh, theres one more thing.  I sprained my ankle because Jean, our classmate and Ethans ex-fling, which is pretty desperate to get him back, tripped me. And her oh-so-sensible reason for doing that? Dahil sabi niya, nilalandi ko daw si Ethan. She said that me hating on Ethan is my own way of getting his attention. Like duh?!

One of the many reasons I hate him is that. Hindi ko maiwasang magalit sa kanya dahil nadadamay ako sa mga pinanggagawa niya. Almost every one of his exes was mad at me. Yung tipong iniirapan ako palagi at tinitingnan as if I did something wrong to them, which I didnt. Kung galit sila dahil magkakilala kami ni Ethan, they should be also hating on Gail, right? But they are not. In fact, most of them are friendly to her. Users! Misteryo parin para sa akin ang bagay na ito hanggang ngayon.

I was brought back to reality when Gail and Ethan laughed loudly. Nandito ako sa front seat at nasa likod naman si Gail. What are you thinking couz? The look on your face was epic. One second youre wincing as if youre in pain, the next youre angry and the next you looked murderous.

Napamulagat ako sa sinabi niya. Did my thoughts just reflected on my face? I hurriedly faced Ethan to see his reaction. He is smiling. Nakakahiya! Ay, erase. Erase. At bakit naman ako mahihiya sa kanya, aber?!

Are you thinking of me, sugar? With a teasing smile, he glanced at me.

Would you please stop smiling? Nothings funny! Naiinis kong asik sa kanya. And would you please stop calling me names? Wag mo akong ihanay sa mga babae mo. Im so fucking far from their levels.

His face turned serious. Nang tingnan ko si Gail sa rearview mirror, seryoso na din ang ekspresyon niya.

Never ever compare yourself to them. Youre long way past them. Fling lang sila. Mahal kita.

He uttered the last two words in a very low voice that it is almost inaudible pero dahil magkalapit lang kami, narinig ko parin yun. My body felt numb. I dont know how to react. Kaya hanggang school, tahimik lang kami. Agad-agad na akong bumaba ng kotse niya ng hindi nagpapaalam, kahit kay Gail.

Iniwasan ko siya sa mga sumunod na araw. Kapag magkasama kami ni Gail at nakaksalubong siya namin, nauuna na lang akong umalis. And when our paths cross at the neighborhood, I just ignore him like I didnt know him.

Yes, I heard him said mahal kita but it would take more than that for me to be able to believe him. How can I trust his words kung pagkatapos ng araw na sinabi niya yon, ibat-ibang babae na ang kasama niya araw-araw? Lalung-lalo na dahil sa mga narinig ko noon.

FLASHBACK:

Nakaupo ako sa mga benches sa labas ng classroom namin habang hinihintay si Gail na bumili ng tubig sa canteen. Hinihintay ko siya dahil sabay kaming pupunta sa gymnasium upang manuod ang practice game nila Ethan. Were freshman students in our school, high school department.

Umilaw ang aking cellphone dahil sa isang text.

Gail: Anong gusto mong inumin?

I typed in a reply saying I just want to drink Blue.

Gail: OK. Bibili lang ako. Una ka na sa loob. :)

Pagkabasa sa text niya, sinikop ko na ang mga gamit ko upang makapasok na. Im so excited to watch the game. Gail and I never miss out in any game of them. Nandun kasi naglalaro kanya-kanya naming crush. Gails crush is a junior student named Rozen, while mine is Ethan. Yes, my childhood neighbor and friend, Mark Ethan Herrera.

I just admitted that hes my crush during our third month being freshman students. Hes handsome, intelligent, and talented. Hindi nahuhuli sa klase kahit pa may basketball practice na inaatupag palagi. And yes, he is a member of our basketball team since freshman years.

Kahit nagco-commute lang kami, hatid-sundo niya kaming dalawa ni Gail, kahit hindi miminsang may practice pa sila. He just says na babalilang agad siya sa school for practice basta lang maihatid kami. Hes extra sweet to me. Never misses to remind me to eat always and get an ample amount of rest. And all the time, never misses to make my heart flutter and my butterflies in the stomach to go ecstatic.

Pangiti-ngiti pa ako habang papasok. Im sure than would be delighted to see us, especially me. He always tells me that he feels more energetic in the practice whenever Im around. That he wants to win whenever I watch their games, not to boast but to make me proud. How can a boy be so sweet?

Mas lalong lumapad ang ngiti ko ng marinig ko ang tawa ni Ethan. Oh, I would trade anything for his genuine laughter. I know he likes me, too. Halata naman sa mga ipinapakita niya. Call it a girls instinct or what, I can really feel it.

What?! The sound of his shrieking voice made me sile. Parang nakarinig siya ng isang bagay na hindi kapani-paniwala. You like her? No joke?

I heard someone chuckled a bit. Must be Russel, a sophomore teammate of his. Sa tagal ng panunuod naming ng practice nila, kilala na naming ang lahat ng members, at medyo close na din kami sa iba.

Why? Whats wrong with that? Whats wrong with liking a beautiful girl? Swerte naman ng babaeng tinutukoy ni Russel. Hindi lang siya gwapo at mayaman, kundi napapabalita sa buong school na pihikan siya sa babae. And for him to say he actually likes someone mustve shocked Ethan. I bet the girl is amazing.

Dude, shes not that pretty as you were saying. Patpatin pa yun. Walang kakurba-kurba yung katawan, mistulang stick. Nag-aadik ka na naman ba, Russ?! Sinabayan yun ni Ethan ng isang nakakalokong tawa. Medyo napasimangot ako. Whats wrong with being skinny? Naawa ako bigla sa girl, lalo pat medyo thin din ako. But Im not that skinny; Im just fit thats all.

Hindi ko na narinig ang tawa ng dalawang kalalakihan. But Russel spoke again, I like her. Thats all I know. Hindi naman basehan ang itsura para magkagusto sa isang tao di ba? And dude, you know how pretty and cute can she be at the same time. Alam mo pa na sobrang bait niya. Shes like an angel, especially when shes genuinely happy. You, in the first place, should know that very well. After all, you grew up with each other.

Natahimik si Ethan dahil sa sinabi ni Russel. I thought he already accepted Russels opinion. But I guess not, because the moment he spoke again, is the same moment my young heart got broken for the first time.

Whatever. Just know that my opinion of Zyllah doesnt change. I can sense intense anger from his voice. It just sounds like something is gonna be taken away from him.

Whenever I hear him say my name, it sounds like an enchanting music to my ears. But now, right at this very moment, naramdaman ko ang pait sa aking lalamunan dahil sa pagbanggit niya sa aking pangalan. But I can still say that it isnt me, right? Na hindi ako yung pinag-uusapan nilang dalawa. Hindi lang naman siguro ako ang nag-iisang Zyllah na kilala nila.

But the remaining hope that starts to grow immediately died when I heard someone said. I just want you also to know that I really like her. Im gonna court her. Im gonna make her happy. Im gonna make her mine. My Zyllah Faith Trinidad.

I immediately covered my mouth to hide my stifled sobs. Unti-unti akong umatras palayo sa lugar na iyon. Sa lugar kung saan naging pinakamasaya ang bata kong puso, pero sa lugar ding iyon pala mawawasak ng di ko inaasahan.

The last thing I heard was someone shouting inside the building. BAKURAN MO KASI NG TOTOHANAN. HINDI YUNG PALAGI KA NA LANG NATATAKOT! TORPE NITO! after that, I heard multiple laughters.

But Im too preoccupied with my broken heart to even understand. Im too busy picking up the shattered pieces of my broken heart. As I stare at the sky, I made a vow to myself. A vow to hate Mark Ethan Herrera forever. A vow to always protect your heart, from anyone, anytime, at all costs.

END OF FLASHBACK

I am staring at the same sky. I wondered. Bakit parang mas maaliwalas pa yung langit noon? Nung mga panahong halos di ko alam kung paano buuin ang mga piraso ng pagkatao kong hindi ko alam na kayang magkawatak-watak? Bakit mas makulimlim ang langit gayong buong-buong na ako ngayon? Kung kalian alam ko na kung kanino lang dapat ako nararapat?

Napaigtad ako mula sa isang sundot sa aking tagiliran. Uy, ang lalim ng iniisip natin friend, ah. Anong meron? nakangiting tanong ni Gail sabay baling ng tingin sa mga naglalakihang ulap sa langit.

Wala. May naaalala lang ako. I smiled at her to assure its really nothing. After walking out from the gymnasium that day, tinext ko na lang si Gail noon na sumama ang tiyan ko at nauna na akong umuwi. She didnt ask any further questions. Ipinagpapasalamat ko ang part na iyon. Kahit pa kinaumagahan, hindi ko na pinansin si Ethan nun. As for Russel iniwasan ko din siya, and luckily, he didnt pursued me either.

Even after all these years, hindi ko parin nasabi kay Gail yun totoong rason kung bakit ako nagalit kay Ethan dati. I didnt have the courage to tell her how foolish am I to assume na may feelings din si Ethan sakin dati. Tama nga sila. Masyadong talagang assumera ang mga babae, kaya kadalasan, nasasktan. She knew I had a crush on him then. She dont need to know how that bastard broke me.

To lighten the atmosphere, sinangga niya ako, balikat sa balikat. Uy, finals na pala ng basketball tournament sa Friday. Nood tayo ha? though I want to say no, I just nodded. Ang KJ ko naman kung hindi ko pa susuportahan ang bestfriend ko gayung okay lang naman kahit pumunta ako. Ang long-time crush niyang si Rozen Alicarte ay nanliligaw na sa kanya ngayon.

Friday came, at maaga pa lang, nasa bahay na si Gail. The game will start at 3:30 in the afternoon na gaganapin sa MOA Arena. Finals game at kalaban pa ng team namin ang team din ng rival naming school, kaya ini-expect nang puno ang arena mamaya. She wants to go to the mall early at doon na lang mananghalian para makaiwas sa traffic. Bumiyahe na kami mga bandang ala-una ng hapon pagkatapos mananghalian.

Habang naghihintay sa game, naglibot-libot muna kami sa loob ng mall. While strolling, marami kaming nakikitang kakilala. Schoolmates, blockmates at yung iba ay mga kapitbahay naming gustong sumuporta kay Ethan.

I was wearing maong shorts and simple green shirt na tinernuhan ng white converse shoes. Casual and comfy. Si Gail naman ay nakasuot ng maong shorts at green cropped top na tinernuhan naman ng itim na boots. We both wear green because it is our schools official color.

Bandang alas tres y medya, pumasok na kami sa loob ng arena. Siksikan nga ang mga tao. The arena was flocked by people wearing either green or blue shorts. May dala-dala pang banners at balloons ang iilan.

Sa VIP section kami dumiretso ng upo. Nasa bandang likod kami ng bleachers ng mga players ng school namin. Dalawa ang ibinigay sayong tickets ni Rozen? I inquired casually as soon as were settled on our seats.

Actually, no. Gail said na may kasama pang marahang pag-iling. Kay Ethan galing yung isa.

Imbes na mag-react, pinili ko na lang na manahimik. Anong pake ko kung sa kanya galing yung ticket? Mabuti na nga yun, makakatipid ako. Mahal pa naman ang tickets ngayon dahil finals.

Th arena became suddenly wild ng isa-isa nang ipinakikilala ang mga player ng bawat team. Nakisigaw si Gail sa mga manunuod ng ipinakilala na ang player ng aming university. Mas lumakas ang sigawan ng lumabas na aang team capatain, si Ethan. Yes, he is now the captain of our basketball team in the university. Kinikilig pa akong hinampas ng lumabas na din si Rozen na gwapong-gwapo sa suot na jersey uniform.

My eyes wandered. Napatitig ako kay Ethan. No wonder girls flock to him and almost beg just to be his girl. Who wouldnt when hes so handsome lalo na kapag suot ang uniform. Mas lalong nadedepina yung pagiging bad boy ng aura niya. Yeaah, alam kong hindi lang aura niya yung bad boy. Bad boy talaga siya. Bitter? No, Im not. Prangka lang talaga akong tao.

Nahuli niya akong nakatitig sa kanya and he shamelessly winked at me. Nakarinig na lang ako ng mga singhapan sa likod. Nag-aaway-away kung sino ba talaga yung kinindatan sa lalaking hinahangaan nila. Ethan and his usual, flirty self. Tsk! Kung alam niyo lang kung ano yung totoong ugali niya, youd be even disgusted that he winked at you!

The game started and the start was great. Kapwa magagaling yung players ng bawat team kaya walang masyadong may lumalamang. During the end of the first half (after two quarters), nakaupo ang ibang mga players na kagagaling na sa designated room nila, including Ethan.

Ethan conversed with Gail which earned jealous giggles from the girls at our back. Yes, kapag mga fans ni Ethan, naiinis kay Gail dahil close sila, which is a bit reasonable. We tend to get jealous at people close to the ones we adore. Pro kapag mga ex naman ni Ethan, hindi ko na maintindihan. Theyre mad at me. Dapat mas magalit sila kay Gail dahil siya ang palaging nilalapitan, kinakausap at sinserong nginingitian ni Ethan. While me? Iniinis lang niya ako palagi.

When he shifted his gaze towards me, I avoided his stare. Hindi ko pa kayang tumitig sa kanya ngayon. Im really confused about what he said, his actions, and what he told his teammate a long time ago. Oo, pwede ko na lang kalimutan at ibaon sa limot ang nakaraan, since its been ages since it happened. But I just cant. No matter how much I try, I just cant.

Siniko ako ni Gail kaya napatingin ako sa kany. I raised a brow at inginuso niya si Ethan. What? Pasuplada kong tugon sabay irap kay Ethan.

Dont you have anything to give or say to me to wish me luck? Expectant niyang tanong.

Wala. And why should I bother to?

He shrugged. I just thought Im someone important to you, too.
Well, now you know youre not. Wag kang assuming. Masasaktan ka lang, ngali-ngali kong idagdag.

He smiled a sad one before turning to his teammates kasabay ng whistle na magsisimula na ang second half ng laro.

Tsk! Ang harsh mo dun sa tao, ah? Nangingiting wika ni Gail but I can sense shes also a bit sad. But why?

He deserves that. Mahina kong tugon.

Apparently narinig ni Gail yung sinabi ko. Faith, what really happened that day?

I became nervous with her question. Bakit sa paglipas ng maraming pagkakataon, ngayon pa dapat magtanong si Gail tungkol dito? Why not after that day? I guess, I wont be ready to spill everything that happened that day. But why today, of all days, kung saan nasa isang public place kami at ang daming taong pwedeng makarinig?

She called me Faith. Pamilya ko lang tumatawag ng Faith sakin, lalo na kapag seryoso ang pinag-uusapan. Can we talk about this some other time, Gail? Please?

She nodded. Tell me everything as soon as this game is over, ayt?

I also nodded in agreement. We watched the whole game in silence. Pakiramdam ko, naubos na yung energy ko sa pinag-usapan namin kanina.

In the end, our school still dominated the tournament for four straight years already. We won. We are champions once again. Saglit na nagpaalam si Gail kay Ethan at kay Rozen bago kami umalis. I just smiled and nodded curtly at the both of them. I hate him yes, but that doesnt mean I should be rude.

Karay-karay ako ni Gail habang palabas ng arena, as if shes afraid Id run away. Napangiti ako sa inasta niya. Guess shes just holding herself all this time but is showing her real curiosity now.

Dumiretso kami sa bahay pagkatapos mamili ng snacks sa grocery store ng mall. Sa dami ng pinamili namin, parang mag-oovernight kami sa isang movie marathon. Jusko!

I took a quick shower at paglabas ko ng banyo, nakapagbihis na si Gail. Bakit ang tagal mo? Nakauwi na akot nakabihis, ikaw hindi padin tapos maligo. Napatawa ako. I guess my quick shower isnt quick at all.

Pagkatapos kong magbihis, agad na kaming pumwesto sa kama ko. The jolly atmosphere suddenly became serious. I cleared my throat. So, when and where should I start?

Gail just smiled curtly before answering, Whenever and whenever you feel like it.

Inalala ko ang mga pangyayari ng araw na iyon. I remembered how a bright sunny day could easily turn into a dark cold night. Naalala mo noong manunuod dapat tayo ng basketball practice nila?

Sandaling nag-isip si Gail, kapagkuway tumango-tango. Yeah, I remembered that day. Dun ba yon nagsimula?

I nodded. Appatently, yes. Gail became serious and gave me all her ears. Nagpatuloy ako sa pagkukwento.

I clearly heard him say that Im not that pretty. That I was like a walking stick, na walang kakurba-kurba yung katawan ko. I just realized now na sobrang babaw, but ang bata pa natin dati. Every compliment and insult shaped us to become what we are today. Mas masakit lang makatanggap ng insulto mula sa taong inasahan mong ipagtatanggol ka, hindi yung ipagtutulakan ka pa mismo pababa.

I paused for a while, deeply remembering the happenings back then. I think Russel was telling him that he likes me then. I must have been a lot happier if he said that he also likes me, and Russel should be probihited to see me. Mushy stuffs like that. Whatever. I faked a laugh.

How could he do that to me? Kahit hindi niya sana ako gusto di ba, at the very least, we were friends. We knew each other since we were toddlers. Diddnt he know that Ill be hurt if ever na malaman ko yung mga pinagsasabi niya di ba? I can help but to get teary-eyed.

Inangat ko ang tingin ko papunta kay Gail. I smiled a bit when I saw her crying. Ang sarap din pala sa pakiramdam ng may karamay ka sa mga pinagdadaanan mo. Why didnt I open up to her long ago? If I knew that Ill felt this lighthearted, I should have poured all of it back then.

After our drama session, we started watching a movie. We watched some chick flicks. Pareho kaming natawa, naiyak, at naghampasan sa kilig habang nanunuod ng movie. Around 10:00 in the evening, nagpaalam na si Gail na uuwi na. hindi daw siya pormal na nakapagpaalam sa mga magulang niya. But Tita and Tito are not very strict lalo pa at sa amin lang din naman si Gail. She even said she doesnt intend to stay but she had to, to help me mend my broken heart. Silly Gail!

Its already past 11:00 in the evening and Im preparing to go to bed when my phone rang. I peeked at it and my heart beats unsteadily when I saw who was calling. Its Ethan.

Nangunot ang noo ko. Why is he calling me? The last time I remember, tumatawag lang siya kapag may emergency. Oh my gosh! Idnt they went to a bar to celebrate their victory? Ano kayang nangyari?

I answered the call and uttered a nervous hello.

Hey. Was the only reply I got.

Whats wrong? What I said seemed so wrong in many aspects. Kalian pa ako nagging concern sa kanya?

Good to know you still care. God, I missed you. Isang mahabang buntong-hininga ang pinakawalan niya.

I missed you too. God knows how badly I wanted to say that, pero mukhang hindi na tama. Tama na yung minsang pinagmukha kong tanga yung sarili ko.

I kept silent.

Can you go out for a bit? I just wanna talk to you. Hindi ako sumagot, pero bahagya akong nagulat sa kaalamang nasa labas lang naman pala siya ng bahay namin. When I didnt answer, nagpatuloy siya sa pagsasalita. Please? I just wanna tell you something. If this night ends and galit ka parin sakin, lalayo na ako sayo. I promise.

His pleading voice made me tear up. More than that, the thought that hell stay away from me clenches my heart. Iniisip ko pa lang na lalayo na siya sakin, ang sakit-sakit nang isipin. Though I should be happy about it, right?

Ill wait for you.

I decided to go out. Wala naman sigurong mawawala di ba? Well, maybe except for the hatred I felt for him him. The hatred that I made as an invisible shield to cover up the real feelings, the real emotions rooted deep within my heart.

Nakasandal sa kotse, nakasuksok ang isang kamay sa bulsa ng pantalon samantalang nakahawak sa cellphone na nasa tenga ang kanang kamay. Hes wearing casual clothes. Plain V-neck black shirt, faded jeans and a pair of shoes, simple sa iba pero sa kanya he looks so dashing.

Im so glad you came out. He stared at me longingly.

Nanatili akong nakatayo dalawang metro ang layo mula sa kanya. Inihilamos niya ang kanyang kamay at sinabunutan ang sariling buhok.

What have I done? Bakit pinabayaan litang lumayo sakin sa loob ng napakahabang panahon? He looked so frustrated. I dont know what happened that day, but one thing is for sure, you started drifting away since that day, Faith. Oh, how I miss him calling me Faith. Maliban sa mga pamilya ko, siya lang ang namumukod-tanging tumatawag ng Faith sa akin. For everyone else, I was just Zyllah.

The day before that, nagkainitan kami ni Russel noon. He was insinuating that he likes you. Yeah, I heard that. I said some terrible things about you para lang hindi ka na niya lapitan, para ma turn off siya sayo. I know it sounds so childish, but what can I do? Natakot ako ng sobra na baka magkagusto ka rin sa kanya. You see, Russel is a nice guy. Mas gwapo lang ako sa kanya pero mas mabait parin siya. And here goes Mr. Conceited of the Year again.

But you know what? The day after that, sobrang natuwa ako sa sinabi ni Russel. He said that he already got himself a girlfriend. Hes just testing me. Kung ano daw ba yung magiging reaction ko kapag may pumorma sayong iba? As you can see, they got the answer they wanted. They made me realize how important you are to me. How much you mean to me.

My mouth gaped open. My tears started falling uncontrollably. Na-misunderstood ko lang ba yung sitwasyon noon?

Sinabihan nila akong kung gusto daw talaga kitang bakuran, I should man up and be courageous enough to tell you my feelings. Sinabihan nila akong tigilan ko na raw ang pagiging torpe.

At his statement, something came back to me. BAKURAN MO KASI NG TOTOHANAN. HINDI YUNG PALAGI KA NA LANG NATATAKOT! TORPE NITO! I remembered someone shouted those words that day.

I advanced a couple of steps towards him, the distance between us getting smaller and smaller.

I remembered how frustrated I am nung hindi mo na ako pinansin. I dont know what I did wrong. Pilit kong inisip kung saan ako nagkamali. There came a point na insip ko na baka hindi mo na ako pinansin because Im one heck of a nuisance.

Hindi parin tumitigil sa pagtulo ang mga luha ko. This time, he took a step and advanced towards me.

I regretted being a coward. Nagkaroon ako ng napakaraming what ifs mula noon. What if hindi ako natorpe, mawawala ka kaya sakin? What if naging mas maaga yung pagkakalam ko sa feelings ko - uh no, let me rephrase that – pano kung mas maaga kong in-admit na mahal na kita, would you have drifted away?

Hes now standing in front of me. Were standing in front of each other, both crying so much. Because of many bottled emotions that are kept hidden all these years.

Do you know how much restraint Im putting in myself para lang hindi kita mayakap o mahalikan tuwing nakikita kita? Do you know how badly I wanted to punch every assholes face that keeps on hovering around you?

Nung napilayan ka noon, I really regretted associating myself with Jean. Galit nag alit ako sa kanya nun. How dare her hurt the woman I ever cherished with all my heart along with my mom? Nung mismong araw ding iyon, tinapat ko siya. That the sole reason Im having flings from time to tiem is to forget you. But to no avail, Faith. Masyado nang malalim ang naukit mo sa puso ko na hindi na kita kaya pang alisin dito. Every girl I went with, alam nilang mahal kita. I may look like a loser using innocent girls para lang pagselosin ka, pero wala akong pakealam. All I want is for you to notice me again, to acknowledge my presence and to love me.

Napatingala ako sa langit. Napakaaliwalas ng mga ulap. Ang gabi ay tinatanglawan ng liwanag ng buwan at ang kislap ng mga daan-daang bituin ay tila mahika na humihilom sa sugatan kong puso, unti-unting bumubuo sa nawawalang parte ng aking sarili.

Nang muli kong tingnan si Ethan, I can clearly see myself in him. It was as if I was staring at a mirror. I can see my true emotions, my bare soul. Its so ironic how the one who broke you into pieces can also be the only one who can mend you. I guess love really works that way.

Inisip ko yung mga sinasabi niya. Maybe thats why all of his exes hated me. But it doesnt matter now. What matters right now is us.

I looked up at him and touched his face. Oh, how I longed to do this. Do you know why I hated you since that day? Dahil narinig ko yung mga sinabi mo kay Russel. I cannot accept the fact na ganun yung tingn mo sa akin. You, of all people. That very same day, I made a promise. I promised to myself that Ill never love you again, ever. But I guess promises are really meant to be broken. Because here I am, loving you all over again.

I took a deep breath and continued speaking. All these years, I didnt hate you. Ginawa ko na lang rason ang galit para mapagtakpan ang totoo kong nararamdaman. Dahil despite all I heard, mahal ka parin ng leche kong puso. Ikaw at ikaw lang, Ethan. Mula noon, hanggang ngayon.

I caught him smiling despite of the tears. He cupped my face and tilted his own so he can capture my lips. When his lips touched mine, I feel so happy. Seems like theres nothing more I can wish for.

When his lips left mine, he uttered, I love you.

A solitary tear fell. A tear because of too much happiness. I love you, too.

When he kissed me again, thats when I thought: I mustve hated him for a reason. For us to be able to be find our true selves for us to be pefect for each other.

A kiss under the magical moonlight. Two unselfish loving hearts.

The more you hate, the more you love? Totoo nga ba? Siguro. Ewan.

THE END

--- RareRiza97 🐷✌