❝ FIRST STEP ❞

3

"Mom!"

You were running along the hospital hallway, looking for your stepmother's hospital room, checking every number room while holding a phone to your ear and dialing a number.

"I-I don't know what to do... P-Please, I'm at a loss for what to do...!" Stuttering between breaths, you finally reached the room and opened the door to find your stepmother unconsciously laying in the hospital beds with many tubes stuck into her body and intubation in her mouth as she was fighting for her life.

"I'll go there, just send me the location of the hospital." The man said, you hung up as you put your phone in your pockets and sighed, walking closer to the hospital bed.

Your nose scrunched as your eyes showed melancholy, it was difficult to look at your stepmother there, laying on the hospital bed, her body bruised, her life on the line. You don't know what accidents caused these fatal injuries.

"You!" A woman in her mid-30s approached you and slapped you across the face with a hard slap.

Your eyes widened as your eyes laid on the floor, you touched your cheek as it stung.

"Ms. Nadia...?!" Your head raised as you looked at the woman in front of you.

Your stepmother's friend, who was just at your place a few days ago, is suddenly standing in front of you, her face filled with agony and rage.

"She was in an accident because of you..."

"It's all your fault!" The woman shouted on your face then walked by you, bumping your shoulders as you step backward, your brows furrowed, tears welling in your eyes, your cheeks flushed from the slap.

"You fucking bitch! Who do you think you are to put my mother's life in line?!" You shouted in rage as you turned around. Stress and overload in your work were enough for you. You can't handle this bullshit.

"You don't talk like that to adults, young woman. If Eri dies, it's also going to be the end of you." Nadia threatened as her eye twitched.

You held yourself back to grab her hair. No. You couldn't. You have no time for this. More important matters are needed to be taken care of.

Nadia clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes as she went out of the hospital room, closing the door with a loud thud.

You grabbed one of the chairs and sat beside your stepmother, you rested your head at the side of the bed, holding her hands as felt a heavy feeling in your chest.

What if she doesn't make it? Dark possibilities began to loom over your mind.

Who would support you through this monstrosity? 

"Even the rats in our apartment disgust me." You mumbled to yourself while wiping your tears due to rage, and some are still left in your chest that you couldn't let out. "Ugh! I hate this life!" 

What if one of your fears comes true, and you are left alone, reliant, and succumbing to your miserable life, with nothing but a single penny?

What if your stepmother will also leave you? Just like what your parents did?

All those possibilities were running through your mind, and as you sighed, you heard the door open behind you, and a tall man greeted you.

"Draken!" A glimpse in your eyes shone at least.

Draken walked to you, as his gaze landed on your stepmother, his expression showed pity, and his eyes widened.

"What happened?" He asked, he rubbed his temples as he dropped a heavy sigh.

"I don't... know." You muttered, feeling all your energy drain.

His eyes then landed on your figure, he saw the red mark on your cheeks, and he immediately approached you.

"Who did this?" Draken gently held your chin, tilting your head. He didn't miss the tear streak on your face, how your eyes were glossy.

"It's nothing." You choked as you removed your head from his grip, facing your stepmother. 

"I filed a report about it already," He said, you felt his voice behind you. "Don't worry. It'll get better."

"Draken," you raised your head. "Can we talk for a moment?"

The two of you are outside the room, sitting on the chairs in the empty hospital hallway.

"How are you?" The first thing that you asked, Draken was leaning against the wall, both hands in his pockets, he looked down at your sudden question.

"Hm? Why'd you ask out of the blue?"

"Out of the blue? It's been a month since we last meet." You mumbled, avoiding his gaze.

You've known Draken for a long time now, an acquaintance of your mother in some sort of brothel, so you frequently see each other when there's a drink or party going on between Eri and her friends from the club. Although, you didn't realize you've been developing feelings for him through the years. Despite his frequent disappearances, you tried to ignore them. Whenever he was hanging out with you, he'd abruptly leave, saying he'd just handle things, always the same thing.

"I'm fine."

Draken can read you, your eyes clearly reflecting everything. He's known what you're thinking since he can almost read you like a book at this rate, yet he kept his mouth shut, and never told you anything about the events going around him. He can be secretive at times.

Since he knew how you loathed crimes, but you don't know that he knew.

"You were always saying the same thing. C'mon. You're my only close friend now. My friends from college years ago... fucking ditched me or whatever. Well, I did, actually." You said bitterly.

And I hate it. You kept thinking in your thoughts, without saying it out loud, since you didn't want to confess that it was tiring how he always says the same thing, even when it's obvious he's lying.

Until one day, when his demeanor changed, he wasn't the same considerate Draken you knew, and his sudden disappearances became even more frequent, forcing you two to grow apart and rarely speak, despite the fact that your feelings for him are still stronger than anything else, and you truly despise yourself for letting yourself act stupid and blind just because you love him too much.

"I don't understand you sometimes, Y/n." He said as he fixed his posture, he then walked to you.

"Wait for me, okay?" He said as he levels his eyes on you. "I still have a lot to fix."

"Huh?" Your brows furrowed in confusion, not getting what he meant.

"Just wait for me." Draken leaned back at the wall again.

Hell, how you hated it whenever he does this, you just want to lose feelings for him.

"Remember Toman?" Draken chuckled, reminiscing memories.

"...No. What's that?" Your brows furrowed.

"I wonder what is Baji and Mikey doing right now." He said.

"But this one, even just the slightest chance. What if Mikey is still alive, you know? I don't lose hope, I know he's there somewhere." Draken added.

"If I ever die, the last thing I want to see is him," He said. "I want to have a chat with him, asking him like how have you been these past few years? Did you ever regret disbanding Toman? Did you miss us?"

Despite the confusion you're in right now, you just let him reminisce about his memories. Silent fell, only the ticking of the clock in the hallway was heard.

"Well... are you really going to wait for your death just to say that to him?" You cooed, your tone soft as Draken looked at you.

He looked down at his feet, a smile forming on his lips. "You think that's possible?"

"Anything is possible, they say." You mumbled. "My beliefs are strong, yet the events that have been happening to me lately are slowly fucking it up."

"Well, I trust you." Draken gave you a smile, it was the first time in months that you had seen him smile like that. The ones he usually gave you were empty and forced, and they pained you deeply. You want to be the source of his strength, but it was nearly the opposite. 

"Mikey's alive, okay?" You reassured. The name sounds so familiar, but you can't remember what he looks like. It's all a blur.

He looked out of the hospital's glass wall, the moon shone brightly above, and vehicle horns from below the thirty-story hospital could be heard, the night darkening and deepening, the clouds scarcely visible as the darkness loomed.

"I wonder, what is Emma doing right now if she's still here." He said, looking at the stars.

Your eyes widened, your heart cracked, and your throat lumped; you knew you shouldn't be, that it wasn't your place to voice any objections and that you had no right to be angry at him, but whenever Draken mentioned her name, you felt like a temporary replacement for her, merely to fill the hole in his heart; you were mad with yourself because you felt so selfish.

"Y-Yeah..." You forced a laugh, your gaze was still on the floor.

"She was always there, I remember she would get jealous of my bike." He laughed, a genuine smile on his face, and your eyes met with him.

You stayed silent, not uttering a single word.

"Y/n?"

"Hm?" You hummed in response, swallowing a lump in your throat before completely facing him.

Draken moved up to you and hugged you tightly Your body froze and your eyes widened as you couldn't believe what was happening. You stood up from your seat.

"What are you doing?" You mumbled.

It lasted for a long time, it felt like hours, but it was only seconds before you slowly returned the hug.

"Emma..." He whispered, you felt a sudden pang of pain on your chest, blinking your eyes, forcing you not to let even a single tear fall as he closed his eyes while you were still in his arms, he rested his head at your shoulders.

You knew it, you knew ever since that he only sees you as his deceased lover, reminiscing her as you. The way you bring him comfort is the way he reminds him of Emma. You didn't want to say anything since you were afraid of losing him, stuck between confronting and confessing.

He only sees you as Emma, not Y/n.

"Uhm, well. I better be going now. I'll check mom inside." You reasoned out, and you immediately pushed him, getting out of the hug.

Even if it's just for a short time, you enjoyed it. Even if the hug meant nothing but for Emma, you still savored it.

"I'm not Emma, Draken." You finally admitted.

"Why are you so selfish? Don't you really see my feelings for you ever since the start?" You lowly said. 

"You're so numb!" You hit him in the chest. He looked down at you, a sorrowful expression on his face.

"God, why did it even reach here." You laughed, letting out a shaky breath as you decided to finally move on.

"Nevertheless, thank you for making me realize the things that have blinded me." You said your farewell to him, turning around to face the opposite direction, and walking away as the hospital lights blurred his vision, your form fading as you walked away.

It's the least that I can do for myself, my own sanity.

Draken stared in your direction, but all he saw were the walls; you were no longer visible in his field of vision. He slumped in one of the chairs, grasping his head and running a rand through his hair.

He sighed as disappointment overtook him once more.

"Fuck, I did it again."