"I have you in my carriage now, sweet Niall. Your doom is forthcoming!"

A precarious bead of sweat dripped longingly from Harry's forehead onto my scabbed chest. It was truly frightening. And arousing!

"Harry, please release me! You are a frothing, churning tempest, and I am but a desolate, weak, solitary, lonely denizen of the Skellig Islands. Please, all I desire is comfort. A warm hand on my slowly-beating, Irish chest."

Harry snorted and spat. His gorgeous face contorted into the snarl of a gorgeous rottweiler.

"So weak. So Irish. I will conquer your tiny sphincter just as my Tudor ancestors conquered all of Britain's mossy shores! Onward carriage! Onward for England!"

Harry whipped his fabulous equines. The equines frothed at the mouth and said, "Neeeiigh Harry. Neeeiiighhh." They carried us along on our voyage, into the deep of London's dark forests. I cried into a plate of chicken. All hope was lost.

Soon we arrived at a menacing mansion. Its windows were twisted,  as ghosts wandering on the moors. Its gnarled door called to me like a lonely Bronte sister, sitting on a rock, looking at the ocean, longingly, wishing she were still alive so she could sell her novel to Warner Bros. and leave her possessive father behind.

Harry whipped out his titanic cock. He used his engorged manhood to raze the carriage. Splinters stabbed skankily into his massive shaft, but he paid them no mind. Soon the carriage was nothing more than a pile of kindling. Then Harry, dear Harry, turned his mighty member to the horses. Like Raskolnikov, caught in a nightmare, I watched as Harry  bludgeoned his velvet-fleshed steeds into bloody oblivion, using only the weight of his manhood.

"Neeeiiighh," the steeds cried, as they uttered their final, crimson gasps.

Harry turned his deranged, blood-flecked face to me. "Now the deed is done! And you shall see the ultimate power of the Bokokonau!"

Harry, sultry and slightly psychic, turned his gaze to me.

"I can read your mind, but only slightly Niall!" he said. "It tells me that you want to see the insides of my manor. Come now!"

I came. Harry took me by the hand and led me into his manor.

Once inside, he took me down an endless maze of long, scary corridors. Stairs that went nowhere. Windows that gazed upon brick. Throw-pillows that said, "Daddy's girl." Fear engulfed me.

A look of extreme constipation wove itself into Harry's malevolent visage.

"I am lost... dear Niall."

"Y... y... yes, Harry," I replied.

"I dons't know where'st to travel?!"

A pain filled me. A sexy, mysterious pain!

"I have yet to knows't where I am going, Harry," I chortled. "Life is such a mystery. Dang!"

"Correct, Niall. A mystery it is," he contemplated, as though pooping.

A purple cloud engulfed us. "What sorcery is this?!" Harry cried.

"Perhaps it is--" but I was cut off!

A mysterious stranger entered the hallway, his cloak drifting, Bronte-like, behind him.

"Who is this stranger?!" Harry gasped.

The stranger coughed. A deep, scary cough.

"It is I!" said the stranger. "God!"

"God?" I sarcasticated, rolling mine eyes. "Suuuure."

"Yeah dude," God replied, "it's me."

"Where have you been man?" Harry asked.

"Lost in your manor dude." God removed his hood. He looked a bit like Adam Sandler, but older. I was surprised!

"Why haven't you answered my prayers?" Harry asked.

God coughed. "Well I've been lost in this fog and shit. I know people have been waiting on me but like, this fog is nasty."

Seeing Harry, his bottom half still bare, and his manhood engorged, made me feel a tingle in my dingle.

"I have a flashlight," Harry said, and pulled a flashlight out of his bum.

"Thanks!" God said.

"So, when you find your way out of my manor, can you like, fix the world?"

God looked confused. "Fix the world?"  he said.

"Yeah like, bring back Jesus and rid us of all the things that plague us."

"I can't do that!" God said.

"Why not? You made the world!" Harry protested.

"No I didn't!" God said.

"Well then who did?!" Harry cried.

"I dunno," God said. "Probably a turtle or something. Why are you asking me? I haven't been outside in a couple thousand years."

Harry broke down and cried. He wept salty tears into the spooky floorboards.

"Hey, wanna see something neat!" God said.

"What?" I asked.

-----fin-------------