yeah, i cast andrew garfield as young remus. whatchu gonna do bout it?... please don't hurt me.

Remus didn't feel great about lying to you. After a full moon night, he would be an obvious mess, his senses dialled to a hundred. The sound of footsteps irritated him, a small glow turned into a bright flash of spinning colours, and the smell of food nauseated him. If he tried eating, the food would taste overwhelming. His head spun from all the vomiting he did. Just a few more days. He kept telling himself. A few more... He went through it all for you.

You, on the other hand, could clearly see something was wrong. Remus was thinner, paler like he skipped meals. His eyes were rimmed with dark circles, his face seemed to rest in a frown that felt unnatural, and he seemed to faze off more often. He looked annoyed when you talked unless it was hushed down. You didn't know why he refused to talk about it, or even acknowledge his sudden change. It worried you.

"Remus?" You interrupted him in between his talking.

He held you close like an anchor, placing his chin on the crook of your shoulder. "Hm?"

You traced a line on his arm. "Are you okay?"

His eyes opened, staring at the Black Lake. The way the sun hit the surface of the water blinded him, the rustling of leaves when wind blew through them made him uncomfortable... but you were here.

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not." You cuddled closer to him. "Are you going to tell me?"

"I..." He sighed, then kissed your head, the scent of your hair sending chills down his spine. "You don't have to worry about it. It's... it's really not that important."

There was a silence. Not awkward, but it felt very thick. "I'm sorry, Y/N. This is a horrible date."

"No, no! I like this. Just... hold me, ok? We don't have to talk or anything."

"If you say so."

You were hoping for him to continue talking, maybe tell you about his problems, but he remained silent. A heavy weight of blame and doubt dropped onto his shoulders, and he felt his eyes water. He quickly blinked them back, hoping no tears fell onto you. The last thing he wanted was for you to see him as weak.

"Y/N..."

"Yeah?"

There was a silence, then he shook his head. "Nothing."

•••

"Are you ever going to tell?" Peter, whom sat in a damp corner of the Shrieking Shack, asked. "Y/N's been pestering me all week."

"Same here." James leaned against the wall behind him, hands deep in his pockets.

"She's going to keep asking us if you're not going to be clear with her." Sirius

Remus rolled his eyes. Somehow, the conversation kept coming back to the subject that he didn't feel comfortable talking about. He looked over to James and Sirius - their expressions told him more than he needed to ask. "I can't."

"Why not?" Sirius challenged, stubbing his cigarette on the floor and standing up from his spot. "I've seen her around you. She's genuinely worried about you. Besides, she's going to find out anyways! Best take the news out of your mouth, Moony."

"You don't know me-"

"But we do." James intervened. "You're ridiculous not to trust her."

"I do-"

"Then, tell her." James's voice was calm with the undertone of authority. "Wormtail and Padfoot is right. Would you rather Y/N see you turn, or you tell her?"

Remus scoffed and leaned against the broken window pane. The sun had just about disappeared from the sky and the first stars began twinkling in the inky black sky. He felt his soul torn between decisions. Should he reveal the monster inside of him, or keep it inside until he becomes a danger to you? He closed his eyes; he could feel your touch dancing on his skin, your lips brushing against his. What would you think of him? Too many doubts popped in his head.

He couldn't think about it now.

Sirius peered out the window. "Moon's coming."

James looked towards him. "Think about it, Remus, alright?"

One by one, his friends changed into animals; a stag, a dog, a rat. Remus felt the tingling sensation as moonlight illuminated the shack. He felt his hair grow, his face contorted into a long snout, his bones and muscles reforming into his werewolf form. It used to hurt - he accustomed himself to it eventually. He breathed heavily. Something bugged him like an unknown presence. He sniffed the air, his nose close to the ground. Someone's here.

He looked up from the floor and saw it, saw them. Two familiar eyes staring into his through an opening in the broken wood, glowing with fear.

•••

"But it was Y/N!"

"We told you, Moony. You should've come clean-"

Remus growled. "Come off it, Padfoot! You've never been in my shoes, never felt this overwhelming fear about hurting someone you love! So, stop trying to act all high and mighty, you edgy emotional reject!"

"Oh, you bastard-" Sirius tried to advance towards him, but was feebly held back by Peter.

"Stop it!" yelled James. "Both of you. This is pointless."

A silence fell in the room. Sirius heaved for air, Remus's face was flushed with embarrassment and rage, Peter still held his hands on Sirius's chest. This was pointless. Remus sat down at the foot of his bed and buried his head in his hands, his brain pounding against his skull. Sirius muttered an apology he couldn't quite hear, and he apologised in return. James sighed. It was uncommon for Remus to burst in a fit of rage during the full moon week.

A knock on the dormitory door startled them. "Is this a bad time?"

Remus rubbed his face and leaned his elbows on his knees. "No. No, it isn't. Come in."

You slowly pushed the door open and gave them a nervous smile. "We can talk another time, you know."

James shook his head. "No, it's fine, Y/N. We'll give you two some space."

They filed behind him, leaving you alone in the dorm with Remus. You took your time to examine him; he looked more tired than before, the circles underneath his eyes had gone darker, and he was taking in deep, long breaths. You calmingly ran a hand through his thick brown hair. He gently brought your hand to his lips, kissing your fingers. You sat down close beside him, then leaned your head on his shoulder.

He could hear your breathing in the calm silence, recognised the scent from the night before. He pressed your palm against his left cheek, shut his eyes and sighed.

"I understand if you want to end us."

"No, I don't think I will."

"Y/N, please. You don't have to pity me." Your hand fell from his face as he let go. "Don't put your life on the line for me. I don't- I can't do that to you."

"Remus."

He paused. "Yes?"

"Shut up for a second. You're talking too much nonsense." You turned your body to face him, eyes staring far into his. "I know you think you're going to hurt me, but I also know there's more to you than a overgrown pup. I care too much to just let you go because of something like that."

He didn't know what to say. He felt his eyes water, his lips tremble, and his heart beating faster. Time seemed to stop as he tried to look for an answer in your eyes, but all he found... he didn't know exactly what he found, but he was attracted to it. You leaned your forehead onto his and ghosted your touch over the scars decorating his face, the warmth of his skin enveloping your senses. They were very old, a mark of his strength.

"Can I kiss you?" He muttered.

You smiled. "Of course, Remus."

His lips were chapped, tasted a bit like chocolate, but they fit perfectly with yours. When he deepened the kiss, he felt desperate and longing. His hand cupped your face as if holding it still, and yours rested on his neck, his heartbeat soft against your palm. Remus knew it wasn't his best, but it meant the world to him to feel you kiss back. You didn't want to let go.

He pulled away for air. "That was nice."

"It did, didn't it?"

He smiled, a warmth feeling inside his body. For once in his life, everything felt right.